The Curious Case of Benjamin’s Button

by

The youthful elixir. It’s a subject that’s rarely dealt with in film these days – the envy of youth and the desire to travel back to less saggy times. The last example I can think of is Death Becomes Her, the over-the-top act-off between Streep and Hawn that vaguely entertained in the 80s. Maybe we’re less obsessed with the idea than we used to be.

More importantly, two hours and thirty four minutes, this bloody film goes on for. It’s a disgrace. And, even worse, buttons only play a very minor role in the story – so why they even mention them in the title is beyond me. There is no single button in the whole movie that Benjamin (Pitt) gets involved with, beyond fastening his lapels!

Forgetting the fact that the title is entirely misleading (with echoes of that other misnamed picture, Who Has Eaten Gilbert’s Grape?), this isn’t a bad movie at all, if you can handle over two and a half hours of Brad Pitt being nice to everyone and falling in love a couple of times. There’re some Forrest-Gump-for-grown-ups moments – the episodic nature lending itself to what amount to skits on loss, war, fatherhood and abandonment. He goes to sea, fights in the war, has a family, and all the while he is going backwards – born an old man and heading towards infancy. So, even if you couldn’t care less about any of the characters and if the relationship with Cate Blanchett seems as phoney to you as it did to me, you can sit back and enjoy the freaky sight of a doddering and withered Pitt in his infant old age.

Personally, I’m hoping for a sequel (‘The Curiouser Case of Benjamin’s Other Button) in which Pitt is the only one whose lifetime runs the right way and the rest of the world is in reverse. So he watches his mum, dad, teachers etc… get younger and younger as he turns into a wrinkly. Though I suspect this would be more expensive to film.

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69 Responses to “The Curious Case of Benjamin’s Button”

  1. Nick of the T Says:

    Didn’t Merlin get younger?
    Nice review, 2 and a half hours of my life though is a bit much for an American “blockbuster”

    No school again today!!!

  2. roszs Says:

    GOD ITS COLD.

  3. Swineshead Says:

    I’ve only left the house for a brief snowball fight in the last 72 hours. During that time I encountered the incredibly lazy Piqued, who I learn is soon to invade our town permanently, Rozsers.

  4. extremelisteningmode Says:

    It’s flucking freezing in Scotland, which it usually is, but I have to commute halfway across the country, which is a pain in the arse, so I’m leaving early. Fuggit, if the economy is going down anyway, might as well get home and watch Family Guy.

  5. Mel Says:

    Tsk, you lot are just rubbing it in. It has returned to drizzling here, and there will be no snowballs for me
    *sulks*

    No wonder you have time to watch films that go on for all eternity.

  6. Mr Chipz Says:

    Second day off school due to snow, I’m sure we could’ve opened but I’m not complaining.

    Swineshead, you’re welcome to him. I predict that soon he will go all skin-tight trousers and stupid hats like people wear up there.

  7. Napoleon Says:

    I’m not watching this rubbish.

  8. roszs Says:

    I ain’t had no snowball fights, but I did help make a massif snowman, which were good.

    Piqued moving to Hackers? Grand!

  9. Swineshead Says:

    Was it the one on Hackney Downs? That was huge. The one on Clapton Square was about 8 feet tall. But too skinny.

    What’s the last good film you saw then, Nappers?

  10. roszs Says:

    Yes, that’s the one. HUUUUUGE.

  11. roszs Says:

    Has anyone seen Frost/Nixon yet?

  12. Mel Says:

    I saw that in the theatre Roszs, it was bloody brilliant. Apologies for swears, but i really did love it.

  13. Napoleon Says:

    The last good film I saw? Probably ‘In Bruges’. Everything I’ve watched since has been wank.

  14. Napoleon Says:

    Oh, forgot ‘Frost/Nixon’ – that was very good as well.

  15. Swineshead Says:

    In Bruges was marvellous. Much better than expected.

  16. Swineshead Says:

    Mel – if you swear again I may have to ban you.

  17. Mel Says:

    *hangs sweary head in shame*

  18. Mel Says:

    I saw that Slumdog Millionaire. I thought it was Ok, but the only “feelgood” thing about it is the slushy ending.

  19. Napoleon Says:

    I’m fed up of hearing about that Slumdog Millionaire. It looks rubbish.

  20. Swineshead Says:

    In a good mood today, ain’t you Nappers.

  21. Mel Says:

    well, as i said, only OK. It is the only film i have seen in the past age.

  22. Napoleon Says:

    There’s a woman on the radio who’s helping parents out by looking after their children today so they can got to work. Two of the children she’s looking after are sixteen years old.

    For fuck’s sake.

  23. Napoleon Says:

    I’m in a so-so mood, Swineshead. A picture wot I’m drawing ain’t going so well.

  24. Swineshead Says:

    Mel – make the next film you watch Tokyo Gore Police. It’s a lot of fun.

    Nappers – I’m listening to 5Live. There’s some bloke who’s suing his ex wife because he’s found out one of their kids isn’t his. Everyone is saying he’s out of his mind. I think he’s just being prudent.

  25. Mel Says:

    SH – sounds like a wonderful family film. Does it have anything about Darwin in it?

    And re the man on the radio, i guess it depends if he has paid maintenance for the child surely (and any orders of the courts). I don’t agree with this position, but can see the reasoning.

  26. Napoleon Says:

    I heard about that bloke last week. I agree with him. Why shouldn’t he try to claw some of his money back when it turns out he’s forked out for a kid that isn’t even his? I reckon he should get his cash back, and then he should be allowed to drown his wife and her kid in a village pond.

  27. Mel Says:

    It does seem a little bitter though, a bit like that surgeon that wanted his kidney back after his wife had an affair (and he had previously donated her a kidney, obviously).

  28. Napoleon Says:

    I’d be bitter if I’d been bringing up some other bugger’s kid for eighteen years and then found out it wasn’t mine. The woman needs stringin’ up.

  29. Mel Says:

    But would you love the kid any less, seeing as you had watched it take its first steps, go to school, and pick up the pieces when something went wrong?

    I just hope that the man does not have a relationship with the kid, as i think this would bring it to a swift end.

    And I’ll stop being all bleeding heart liberal now, in case that gets me banned too.

  30. Napoleon Says:

    Love? For kids? In my family? Highly unlikely, Mel. I’d drown the girl in a sack, like wot you do with kittens.

  31. Mel Says:

    are you referring to the ex wife or the offspring there Nappers?

  32. ugeine Says:

    SH: Check that email address, I’ve done a review for you.

  33. ugeine Says:

    18 years, 18 years, she had him for 18 years at it turned out it weren’t his…

    SHE TAKE MAH MONAEH

    WHEN AAAHM IN NEEEEEHEHEHED

    Kanye West is responsible for this whole mess, if you ask me.

  34. Napoleon Says:

    Both of the buggers, Mel. Best to be on the safe side, I reckon.

  35. Mel Says:

    yes Ugeine, we need a PRENUP!

  36. piqued Says:

    Hello

    Yes, I’m moving to Hackers as soon as someone buys chez-Piqued

    I saw The Wrestler, Frost/Nixon and Milk over the weekend, all marvellous but the latter is a bit of a mess, worth watching mind, if only to remind you of how things are still quite shit if you happen to bowl from the Pavilion end.

    Swineshead was wearing splendid boots yesterday.

    (your turn about the jacket)

  37. Napoleon Says:

    “Swineshead was wearing splendid boots yesterday.”

    A man wrote that?

  38. piqued Says:

    shhhh, just relax NC

    JUST CHILL OUT FOR FUCKS SAKE

  39. Nick of the T Says:

    I have “Catch 22” waiting for me to watch it. Fantastic filum.

    The bastard snow is melting meaning that I will have to head north tomorrow.

    Bastard it.

  40. Napoleon Says:

    Yeah, but … a man wrote that?

  41. Nick of the T Says:

    I broke my little finger on sunday. It is a marvelous colour and painless.
    I’ll soldier on…..

  42. Mel Says:

    Good, then there will be less talk of snowmen and snowballs and free days off and piqued lounging around on sofas.

  43. Mel Says:

    Oh, i meant that about the snow, not your finger

  44. Nick of the T Says:

    It’s ok Mel, I have 7 others…

  45. piqued Says:

    I wasn’t just lounging on sofas Mel, I lounge generally, my default position is ‘lounge’.

    NC, yes, I think you’ve established I’m a man; we pissed together in a pub once before I protected you from a swimmer and a mental giant chef.

    No woman would’ve done that.

  46. Napoleon Says:

    I’m not sure a proper man would openly compliment another man on his ‘splendid boots’, Piqued. Is there something you’re not telling us?

    And anyway, I doubt Swineshead was waering ‘splendid boots’. The bugger’s already admitted he finds most of his clothes in rubbish bins.

  47. piqued Says:

    They really are magnifique, I covert them. And whilst I’ll admit that since I’ve known him he’s always wearing the same racist t-shirt, he is currently sporting quite splendid footwear

  48. Mel Says:

    You covert them? are they invisibility boots or something?

  49. piqued Says:

    My dear Mel, of course not! Such fancy doesn’t exist, no, no…

    They’re simply quite wonderful

  50. Napoleon Says:

    Jesus wept! Has Noel fucking Coward wandered in ‘ere?

  51. piqued Says:

    My dear Nappers! Ah, the redoubtable Mr. Coward. Ah yes…

    To be compared to such lofty imaginings would be capital, Sir. But alas, I’m not worthy to apply spittle to his spats and buff them with my, er, bollocks

  52. Swineshead Says:

    The missus got me them boots for Christmas. All my decent clothes are her doing.

    Thanks Piqued, but simultaneously, back off.

  53. roszs Says:

    Piqued and Swineshead sittin in a treee….

    (Swineshead with his back firmly against the trunk while Piqued dribbles* over his boots)

    *out of his cock

  54. piqued Says:

    Can’t say anything nice these days without it being taken the wrong way

    *flings jacket into bin*

  55. Napoleon Says:

    I reckon you should have said Swineshead looked like a penguin with a brillo pad stuck to the top of its head, in boots. There’s no underlying sexual tone to that statement.*

    *Unless an ornithologist can tell me otherwise.

  56. Mel Says:

    Unless you are a kinky Ornithophile Nappers

  57. piqued Says:

    I’ve just been pushed to the ground by Bill Oddie

  58. Mel Says:

    I knew you would be mixing with ’em piqued

  59. The Spaghetti Says:

    I turn my back for 5 mins, and you all start discussing fashion.

    Where are the vitriolic diatribes today? That’s what I come on here for.

  60. Swineshead Says:

    Here’s one for you spaghetti. I presume you’ve all heard this – it’s bloody great – Christian Bale going mental on the set of the new Terminator film.

    [audio src="http://www.aolcdn.com/tmz_audio/020209_christianbale.mp3" /]

  61. Mel Says:

    Yes, and I’ve just heard that Carol Thatcher is to be banned for saying something the Beeb deem inappropriate (although she would definitely qualify for SH’s list fir the comment, the nasty racist), which should continue the debate about familial care that Nappers and I were having earlier.

    I hope Mr Bale feels embarrassed by his (now worldwide) outburst, the big fat diva

  62. Swineshead Says:

    I liked his transatlantic accent.

  63. Napoleon Says:

    Bale’s one of these method actor jobbies who stays in character all the time. When he was being interviewed for that rubbish dragon film he did with Matthew Maconnoghohaguyohay, he was speaking like Chas off of Chas ‘n’ Dave.

  64. Nick of the T Says:

    “I’m gorna kick your ayyess”

    What kind of accent IS that?

  65. Mel Says:

    and the cock-swinging contest about who is more professional…

    Good stuff.

  66. Napoleon Says:

    That Christian Bale thing’s amusing. Who’d have thought you could get so annoyed dressing up and playing pretend?

  67. Nick of the T Says:

    Wasn’t he a batman?

  68. ugeine Says:

    Wish I had sound.

  69. Napoleon Says:

    Anyone seen that ‘Hotel For Dogs’? It looks hilarious!

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