It’s a simple question this week.
We want to know which gameshow you watch regularly, in the certain knowledge that you could conquer the entire thing, round after ridiculously easy round.
Do you sit and score yourself whilst watching University Challenge, smug in the knowledge that you’d beat the hapless dons hands down?
Do you watch Mastermind and clench your fists when the participants miss a sitter?
Can you get EVERY Catchphrase, sitting half-drunk in your bedsit, watching Challenge TV on the cable connection you nicked from next door?
Which quiz show could you easily conquer?
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Tags: Brains, Catchphrase, Culture, Entertainment, Mastermind, Media, Television, TV, Uncategorized, University Challenge
February 13, 2009 at 12:56 am
Miwionaire, Chris. Final answer. (Most contestants seem happy with 8 grand these days so it never gets too hard). The other one is that lottery quiz show that Dale does, where you can put money in and not win it, and equally others can swan in and pinch the lot.
February 13, 2009 at 1:52 am
Though i watch it, i’d face nothing but Paxman’s terrifying incredulity on University Challange, which is frankly nothing like the challanges i faced at university (Your starter for ten, nail that pint of mixed booze…)
Am i the only one who spent years thinking said quiz featured a double tier desk system?
February 13, 2009 at 6:54 am
This side of the pacific, I watch Jeopardy whenever I want to offer a mild-medium cognitive challenge to my 18 month old daughter. Even the concept of “dumbed down” is beyond the witless grasp of the imbeciles who go on this show. “What’s the point” is the most appropriate answer to most of the non-questions. On the plus side, whenever there’s a question I can’t answer, I can put it down to the show being too America-centric for my discerning British noggin.
February 13, 2009 at 8:57 am
Starter for 10..should Geert Wilders have been allowed into the country or not?
February 13, 2009 at 9:23 am
sale of the century, for sure.
http://members.iinet.net.au/~powney/gameshow/sotc.htm
oh yes.
(morning)
February 13, 2009 at 9:23 am
I am far far too thick to go on University Challenge, but always watch it, as the one question in 20 I do get right gives me more satisfaction than I got from walking up to receive my actual degree at graduation.
My walk through quiz? Catchphrase fo sho.
February 13, 2009 at 9:24 am
Loving your photoshop skillz SH, just noticed the picture!
February 13, 2009 at 9:42 am
Ah this is easy, as long as I am allowed to have a quiz show that dooesn’t run any more.
15-to-1
I was winning at that when i was 15.
February 13, 2009 at 9:44 am
Napoleon did the picture – not me. Credit where it’s due.
February 13, 2009 at 9:51 am
Loving your photoshop skillz NC, just noticed the picture!
February 13, 2009 at 9:52 am
Did anyone watch that programme last night about the storm chaser from Leicestershire? It was brilliant.
February 13, 2009 at 9:58 am
Those quiz questions that you ring up, I always know the answer too. I must be very clever.
February 13, 2009 at 9:58 am
When i was at school i always thought that our school should go on We Are the Champions, , but not because i thought we would win. I would not ahve wished to take part either, but i wanted simple confirmation of the fact that my school was crap.
I think i would have cleaned up at Blockbusters as well.
February 13, 2009 at 9:59 am
The one with the ginger bird dressed in leather who whips the contestants whenever they get an answer wrong. I assume this is why so many people who go on the show fail to answer the blindingly obvious questions.
Oh, and yes, Geert Wilders should have been allowed into the country.
I’m spending the day contemplating Beyonces ass. It’s only right.
February 13, 2009 at 10:02 am
Mr H, was that a game show you made up in your head?
Re Geert Wilders, the Dutch are all up in arms about this. They cannot stand him as a whole, but they are incensed that we Brits have dared to disrupt his freedom of Speech.
I have no opinion on the matter
February 13, 2009 at 10:03 am
I think at 32 years old I’d be perfectly equipped to take on Knightmare, as I’d kick the cuunt clean off of Tregard, the child contestants or any other fucker who stood between me and victory.
February 13, 2009 at 10:04 am
i saw goldenballs the other day, whilst visiting a friend in hospital. wtf?
also i know someone who auditioned for eggheads.
February 13, 2009 at 10:07 am
I am still researching this satellite collision and have found….
Most TV and weather satellites sit about 20,000 miles above the Earth in geo-stationary orbit. But the flight-paths of satellites and other spacecraft in low Earth orbits between 200 and 500 miles up are vastly more crowded.
Sky users should be OK!
February 13, 2009 at 10:14 am
Excelsior! – Yes i’m ashamed to say that I did too, a thought cruelly dashed by my mother after THAT episode of the Young Ones. It would be better that way, wouldn’t it?
It is Friday 13th today and so far I have nearly died twice:
a) Hairdryer exploded into shower of sparks (whilst drying my hair) and the cable melted off.
b) Skidded wildy on black ice and had a v near miss.
On a more positive note, I got my digest at long last SH. Huzzah!
February 13, 2009 at 10:31 am
Actually, the two-tiered system wouldn’t be so good if the team pictured above were on the bottom row – they’d be too busy looking up ladies’ skirts to answer the questions.
DINLT – Phew!
February 13, 2009 at 10:37 am
What this question needs is for Roszs to get a little tipsy, and start yelling advice on how to succeed on the game show of our choice – like she did at that dinner party that time.
Roszs, would you like a vodka?
February 13, 2009 at 10:39 am
For my part, the quiz show I am convinced the participants cheat in is The Book Quiz on BBC4. Nobody knows that much about books. They are all cheats and Kirsty Wark is an indulgent teacher, letting the cheats do their cheating.
February 13, 2009 at 10:41 am
Ooooooooo … I’ve a sore ‘ead this morning. I went out drinking by accident yesterday, and I’ve woken up too early.
I’d win at Every Second Counts, Busman’s Holiday and Winner Takes All.
February 13, 2009 at 10:44 am
I’m good at Eggheads, The Weaker Slink and Countdown – but i’m easily distracted and forget to listen to the questions, and then don’t hear the next question as i’m too busy asking Mr Clarry what the question was.
What about my terrifying encounters?
Oh and the ingredients test on Masterchefs is pimpsy.
February 13, 2009 at 10:47 am
University Challenge makes me feel stupid.
February 13, 2009 at 10:50 am
It’s not always easy, that ingredients test.
It was last night, mind you.
I’ve got some of these Onion Bhaji crisps. I’m about to try them.
February 13, 2009 at 10:51 am
Onion bhaji crisps? Who makes them?
February 13, 2009 at 10:55 am
My friend Gary once won Weakest Link, but he won it with the least amount of money anyone has ever won on it cos the team were so shit.
February 13, 2009 at 10:56 am
I miss those late night ITV quizzes, the ones where the dregs of society rang up, clearly baked of their tits, to leer down the phone at that Debbie King bird.
I supped the best part of a bottle of vodka last night and now its lurking in my stomach like some malevolent entity.
February 13, 2009 at 10:57 am
A lad from my old school’s brother once won Weakest Link. I was rooting for the other fella.
February 13, 2009 at 10:58 am
I can never go on the weakest link, because i harbour a festering grudge for Anne Robinson, on account of her having shouted at me a lot when i was younger – i think about 16, the bullying old bitch.
February 13, 2009 at 11:00 am
Why did she shout at you Mel? You are not Welsh.
February 13, 2009 at 11:01 am
What was that late night ITV quiz called that was presented by a long haired fella with glasses? It was about rock music, if memory serves.
February 13, 2009 at 11:04 am
Eggheads is very easy, Mastermind general knowlede too.
I generally get at least 5 right on Universaly Challenged (I can do that too Clarry) which insenses the Memsaab (she has 2 degrees and I have 1 o level!) as she can normally get about 1.
“How the hell do you know that?” she blasts
“I have no idea” is my reply
February 13, 2009 at 11:04 am
I would walk the weakest link…but my fellow contestants would vote me off…bastards. If i did make it to the final 2 and the other contestant kept banking on the minimum amount..you know ..one question right …BANK…I would have a go at them and say ” Stop fffing banking you tosser”.
February 13, 2009 at 11:05 am
I believe he was the editor of Keraaaaang Naps and it was shit.
February 13, 2009 at 11:06 am
Onion Bhaji crisps – Walkers.
They’re rubbish. You’re better off buying a couple of onion bhajis.
February 13, 2009 at 11:08 am
And sticking crisps in them SW?
February 13, 2009 at 11:09 am
Oh yeah…also Mastermind is a piece of piss these days with specialist subjects like vicar of dibley. I ask you, how can this be a proper category?
That bloke who won some years ago on the history of the champions league final, I got most of them correct with no preparation at all.
Standards have fallen.
Oh btw, Dumb Britain in Private Eye always makes me laugh.
February 13, 2009 at 11:10 am
Roszs, this was back in the day when i worked at Comet, and she came in to buy a vacuum cleaner and shouted at me for almost 20 minutes when i asked for her address, because we needed it for the manufacturer’s guarantee, and she thought i was trying to sell her an extended warranty.
This was back when she did Watchdog. She actually said to me “How do i know you will not abuse this address?” I really wanted to yell “look love, you are not that bloody famous, I don’t give a shit who you are or where you live” but i needed the beer tokens more than i needed the satisfaction, so i just mumbled something about it being policy, and i would gladly give her the head office phone number.
I still hate her for her arrogance, and would have to take my now very sarcastic revenge in front of a studio audience.
February 13, 2009 at 11:13 am
I saw a packet of Farmhouse Cheddar and Red Onion crisps the other day.
If anyones seen a more pretentious way of writing cheese and onion i’ll send them a fiver*
*I will not send you a fiver
February 13, 2009 at 11:14 am
Was it Mel who dealt with Baldrick in Homebase as well?
February 13, 2009 at 11:15 am
I can normally answer about 10 questions per episode on UC (sometimes a couple more), but i’m fucked with the physics and classical music ones (a bit like they are at popular culture).
Did you see the sad faces of the Lincoln College, Oxford team that got dicked last week by Manchester 30 to 330? I bet they went home and flagellated themselves.
February 13, 2009 at 11:17 am
I’ve had my fair share of celebrity encounters too, Mel. I once told Vic Reeves to get out of my way, for instance.
I also told Richard O’Brien to get out of my way.
February 13, 2009 at 11:17 am
Napoleons question about man’s crisps sometime ago….I would suggest Phileas Foggs would be acceptable. Can’t remember if somebody mentioned those before. Just realised I spend far too much time on this website. Good grief no wonder we are in the biggest economic downturn in history.
February 13, 2009 at 11:20 am
Question of Sport’s gone downhill as well.
February 13, 2009 at 11:20 am
DINLT – I’ve turned my back on Phileas Fogg and his crisps. He’s stopped making his original tortilla chips, the around the world in 80 days lousy bastard.
February 13, 2009 at 11:23 am
DINLT, yes it was also me that dealt with Tony Robinson, but that was also in Comet. I worked there every Saturday for years. Until I left uni and got a proper job.
February 13, 2009 at 11:24 am
I also knocked Willie Rushton off the pavement in Edinburgh. They call me the name dropper.
February 13, 2009 at 11:24 am
NC, i bet neither of them bullied you publicly, and made people stare for a long time though did they?
That is why Anne Robinson is a bullying bitch.
Being asked to get out of the way lasts mere seconds.
February 13, 2009 at 11:24 am
i am actually trying to devise a quiz show format*. Have been thinking about it for about 3 years now. Not as easy as it sounds. Has anybody got some bright ideas?
* New and original that will go global.
February 13, 2009 at 11:25 am
I’m not very good at working with the general public and I would’ve definitely shouted at Anne Robinson Mel. In my first job as a checkout assistant a lady asked me to stop scanning more things through as she hadn’t finished packing and her shopping (all cakes and butter and lard) was getting muddled up with the next person’s. For some reason I was overcome with rage and said ‘For god’s sake, can’t you tell your fat, lardy shopping from anyone else’s.’ Needless to say I didn’t win employee of the month.
February 13, 2009 at 11:28 am
Mel was a sort of a celebrity shop assistant in her own right.
February 13, 2009 at 11:28 am
Mel – No they didn’t bully me. Vic Reeves tried pushing in front of me at a bar, and Richard O’Brien and one of those autograph people were blocking an exit I wanted to use. Rushton was an accident – I was too busy admiring Scotch architecture to notice him coming towards me.
I also shouted at that bozz-eyed fucker what plays the rancor monster keeper in Return of the Jedi once. I know ’em all me.
February 13, 2009 at 11:28 am
Brilliant Clarry. I was quite shy when i was younger though. These days i have far more balls. I wouldn’t let her bully anyone else if i were to witness it in a shop again ever. She wouldn’t get a second chance on it, let me tell you.
I had a lot more attitude as a barmaid, but then i had 3 things most of the punters wanted.
February 13, 2009 at 11:29 am
DINLT – How’s about a gameshow where you throw koala bears into a tree shredder for money?
February 13, 2009 at 11:32 am
DINLT – i was indeed shop assistant to the stars. I was like the cab driver of comet workers
“ere, you’ll never guess who i had in to buy a telly the other day”
February 13, 2009 at 11:32 am
DINLT – why dont you just remove the questions from the quiz format and have people just open boxes instead, thereby rendering it the most pointless and boring exercise known to man.
You could have it fronted by a short, bearded and rather creepy ex dj…
February 13, 2009 at 11:33 am
Talking of celebrities in shops, I once saw John Shrapnel browsing for books in a book shop in Farnborough.
What do you mean ‘Who’s John Shrapnel’?
February 13, 2009 at 11:35 am
DINLT – You’ve been working on it 3 years and you’re still on the ‘ideas’ stage?
February 13, 2009 at 11:35 am
When I was a student I worked in a bar. Though not much of a raconteur or mein host with the punters, I was popular because if you brought your almot finished pint glass and said “just a half in there” , you usually got a good measure back. Mind you if you had annoyed me, I would give you a half in a half pint glass.
February 13, 2009 at 11:36 am
“…a short, bearded and rather creepy ex dj…”
Do you mean this fella?
http://thesecretdiaryofnoeledmonds.moonfruit.com/#
February 13, 2009 at 11:37 am
As a barmaid I was quite awful too. When the bar was heaving one night, a bloke ordered a load of drinks and then went off without paying. I got someone to call him back and said ‘You’ve forgotten these two bottles of beer’. He came back to claim the bottles clearly thinking he’d got one over on me, but little did he know i’d placed my thumbs over the tops of the bottles and shaken them vigorously. He didn’t look quite so amused when he got a beer shower on receipt of them.
I’m dealing with my rages far better these days Mel.
I’ve gone the opposite. I was a right bolshy miss when I were little, and have become increasingly shy and suspicious of people.
I’ll be living with Noel in the en-suite soon.
February 13, 2009 at 11:37 am
Mel – it’s a real show. You know, the ginger woman, dresses in leather on a podium, the victims are in a semi-circle facing her. She dominatrix, they victims, they have Z list celebrity versions from time to time.
February 13, 2009 at 11:37 am
Anyone see who killed Scarlet last night?
February 13, 2009 at 11:37 am
Well my intial idea, actually, even after several refinements is a bit complicated. It would take a long time to explain how it works.
February 13, 2009 at 11:38 am
I’m having to see this Little Boots character tonight.
Just sampling her on Spotify and she sounds like something horrible from the 80s and I can’t work out what.
In fact – it sounds like something rubbish by DJ Sammy or someone like that.
February 13, 2009 at 11:40 am
Hoops – Nope. What was it?
February 13, 2009 at 11:40 am
When I worked behind a bar two women came in and asked for a bottle of wine. I pushed the corkscrew too far into the bottle and there was all little bits of cork floating in their glasses. I turned my back on them and fished out the bits with my fingers. Fingers, I might add, that I’d recently used to clear great big bogies out of my nose.
February 13, 2009 at 11:42 am
Thanks Naps thats cheered the hangover gloom right up
February 13, 2009 at 11:44 am
Mr H, i don’t get a lot of British TV. This one sounds like it is one of the sordid imaginings that appear on here from time to time
Of course, it could also be on Channel 5 i guess.
February 13, 2009 at 11:44 am
Was about the 15 year old who was murdered in Goa
February 13, 2009 at 11:45 am
SH – I quite like her. Where you going to see her?
February 13, 2009 at 11:47 am
Perry – was Shrapnel the bloke in Midsomer Murders?
February 13, 2009 at 11:49 am
I hate live music. It’s too bloody noisy and you’re surrounded by twats.
February 13, 2009 at 11:49 am
Aha! Google finally found it – http://www.bbc.co.uk/weakestlink/welcome.shtml
February 13, 2009 at 11:49 am
Sounds a bit morbid, Hoops.
I’m all for watching docs about happy-go-lucky madmen like Jeff the Dahmer, but your Scarlett-murder show sounds a little bit gloomy.
Roszs – Sheps Bush, NME show, free tickets from the lady’s workplace.
I’ve turned her stupid music off now and put on some Kraftwerk. Good German pop. It’s fun, fun, fun on the Autobahn.
February 13, 2009 at 11:50 am
Mr H – He’s this fella:
Likes his books, apparently.
February 13, 2009 at 11:51 am
Nappers – my take on it exactly. At least I won’t have to queue for the bar in these days of Swineshead Teetotalism. I’ll just smuggle a can of pop in and have a sneaky jazz fag before I go in.
February 13, 2009 at 11:53 am
Can we have a crisps update SH
Being a woman I was of course instantly snared by the Chilli & Chocolate flavour. They didn’t taste of chocolate at all so I went out done some murders.
February 13, 2009 at 11:55 am
SH, better to stay home and listen to your hifi…
February 13, 2009 at 11:55 am
‘Swineshead Teetotalism’ sounds like a challenge to me. I must get on to the National Express and get down to that there London …
February 13, 2009 at 11:56 am
Any other readers had a Friday 13th near miss?
I’m not sure if I conveyed quite how near my miss was.
February 13, 2009 at 11:57 am
I’ve not seen any of these fancy new flavoured crisps you lot are on about. Are they a London thing?
Seabrooks haved stopped making Bacon & Brown Sauce flavour, the bastards.
February 13, 2009 at 11:57 am
I nearly missed having some lunch that was nice today. INstead i got fucking hippy muck.
February 13, 2009 at 11:58 am
You’d have loved the night I organised last night Naps. No mics, amps or PA in a proper pub with proper beer.
February 13, 2009 at 11:58 am
Perry – yup, same one. That Billy Zane’s a bit rubbish, though. At acting. I’m assuming he’s good at something what with the array of totty he’s always schtuping.
February 13, 2009 at 12:00 pm
It’s my missus’s mother’s birthday today. I asked her if she’s going to give her a ring and she replied,
“She never rings me, so why should I make the fucking effort?”
I love that special bond between mother and daughter.
February 13, 2009 at 12:03 pm
Nick – I wouldn’t have loved it if there was some wally up on a stage playing fucking acoustic geetar while I’m trying to have a pint in peace. If I want to listen to music (which I don’t, not never), I’ll shove a pound in the jukebox, thanks very much.
I walk out if someone picks up a geetar. Can’t stand it.
February 13, 2009 at 12:04 pm
NC – That’s quite a girl thing, that. I regularly set ‘tests’ for people – they don’t know that they are being tested and if they fail they shall be punished. Even i’d draw the line at my mother though.
February 13, 2009 at 12:05 pm
was someone gonna do a review of the new skins? or is that something ive made up in my head
Only i liked the original, but only managed to sit through 2 mins of the new one before the nauseating twunts drove me away.
Anyhoo if anyones watched it, was wondering if its got less shit.
February 13, 2009 at 12:07 pm
Clarry – It’s your dads you women like, isn’t it? As long as they’re not the sort of dads that come into your room with a series of special requests, obviously.
My dad was a fucking arsehole.
February 13, 2009 at 12:08 pm
Excelsior – that is normally my job, but I’m afraid I’ve had the same reaction. Managed 10 minutes of the first episode.
February 13, 2009 at 12:09 pm
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2233878.ece
Is this legal?
February 13, 2009 at 12:09 pm
NC – my dad once shut the front door on my sister with the words “she’s not in”. When he was questioned on this behaviour he answered “they all look the same, her and her friends”. A special relationship indeed.
February 13, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Maybe we’re no longer the yoof demographic that its aimed at
February 13, 2009 at 12:12 pm
piqued – christ on a bike… dunno if its illegal if they’re both under the age of consent though?
February 13, 2009 at 12:13 pm
Piqued – Unbelievable. That little pissflap needs his hide tanning, I reckon.
February 13, 2009 at 12:14 pm
What the fuck were the parents fucking thinking!?
That’s the sort of thing one expects from the French
February 13, 2009 at 12:15 pm
I thought I already said the bhaji ones are bollocks? Dirty.
I shan’t be drinking this time round, Nappers – I’ve managed to rid myself of the boozing jealousy that you saw last time.
February 13, 2009 at 12:17 pm
Roszs – you should write a book of Dad anecdotes, you’ve got some classics.
February 13, 2009 at 12:18 pm
Swineshead – Yes you will because I’m a bad influence.
I also haven’t forgotten Piqued’s foolish offer of accomodation, by the way.
February 13, 2009 at 12:20 pm
*whistles tune*
Pardon?
February 13, 2009 at 12:21 pm
It’ll take him a week to shift the smell of my farts.
February 13, 2009 at 12:25 pm
piqued – Kerrist but she’s a porker! Or is it cos the dad is a midget? I hate midgets.
“Chantelle and Maisie were released from hospital yesterday. They are living with Penny, Chantelle’s jobless dad Steve, 43, and her five brothers in a rented council house in Eastbourne. The family live on benefits.”
Eugenics. Nuff said.
February 13, 2009 at 12:26 pm
Piqued – When I stay at yours, can I put some posters up in my room?
February 13, 2009 at 12:29 pm
There asome nice things happening in the world http://improveverywhere.com/
February 13, 2009 at 12:29 pm
Will you use blu tack or drawing pins NC?
MOst people say you cannot use them to hang posters. That was how it worked in my days at Uni anyway.
February 13, 2009 at 12:31 pm
Roszs book could rival this mad old bag.
http://www.sendamy.com/
NC – my dad’s a fucking arsehole too, so it’s mums for me i’m afraid.
February 13, 2009 at 12:32 pm
Nick, that is beautiful. Perhaps we can start a WWM one? Obviously, i would have to join in vicariously, but i want to see pictures of NC giving people farts and wedgies and the like. That would Improve things for me for sure.
February 13, 2009 at 12:35 pm
Mel – I was planning on using nails. I’d also like to know if he takes pets, and what my monthly rent’s going to be.
Clarry – Did your father drop a cat on you when you were in the bath? Mine did. Bastard.
February 13, 2009 at 12:37 pm
I think the no “pants” day would work best Clarry..
February 13, 2009 at 12:41 pm
Naps – my dad bashed my ferrets head in with a hammer IN FRONT OF ME when I was a child. And that is actually true.
(It was up his trousers with its teeth in his scrotum at the time, but even so).
*weeps silently while rocking against radiator*
February 13, 2009 at 12:44 pm
Roszs – He sounds like a lovely man. No relation to a Mr. David Morris, formerly of Kieghley, West Yorkshire by any chance?
February 13, 2009 at 12:45 pm
113 comments? I’ve just woken up!
February 13, 2009 at 12:47 pm
Ugeine – You’ve just woken up? You lazy little bastard. I’ve been awake for ages, me. Ages. And I’ve got a stinking hangover and I’ve run out of sausages.
Lucky I’m going to the butcher’s today to get some more sausages.
February 13, 2009 at 12:48 pm
ugeine – are you unemployed again? TUT TUT.
February 13, 2009 at 12:48 pm
And it’s gone quite massively off topic.
February 13, 2009 at 12:50 pm
The Topic, a wonderful chocy bar.
February 13, 2009 at 12:53 pm
I haven’t had a Topic in donkey’s years.
February 13, 2009 at 12:53 pm
Naps – maybe they were long lost cousins… that would make us husband and wife or summat.
February 13, 2009 at 12:55 pm
On the subject of chocolate, a delivery man has just arrived at my office with a guitar shaped cake, especially for me.
Normally, I would devour this immediately, but what with it being Friday 13th, I am a trifle concerned. It’s also the day before Valentines Day, and it’s not from Mrs H, but another woman of my acquaintance.
Am I am about to be;
a) poisoned
b) stalked, or
c) murdered by Mrs H if she finds out.
February 13, 2009 at 12:58 pm
Mr H: b, definitely. That probably cost the best part of £30, so it will be followed up by silent phonecalls without a doubt.
February 13, 2009 at 12:59 pm
Roszs – You’re my wife? Does that mean I get to sex you up? And can I sex you up whilst listening to Color Me BADD’s ‘I Wanna Sex You Up’?
February 13, 2009 at 1:01 pm
NC, that is an immediate mood killer, even for relatives.
February 13, 2009 at 1:03 pm
Mel – Is it? Well what about Charles ‘n’ Eddie’s ‘Would I Lie To You’? Or Jimmy Nail’s ‘Ain’t No Doubt’?
Sexy music?
February 13, 2009 at 1:03 pm
Grrr wordpress is being fucky again.
It will start the lecturing soon. ‘stop doing that’ ‘your comment is illogical’ blah blah
February 13, 2009 at 1:04 pm
I think you could be in there with Jimmy Nail’s ‘Crocodile Shoooooooooes’.
Good luck
February 13, 2009 at 1:08 pm
NC – I think once you are married you never have sex again.
February 13, 2009 at 1:08 pm
‘Crocodile Shoes’ is one of my favourite songs. Not that I ever listen to it, mind. I only ever listen to music on the radio, or if I’m pissed up on booze. And if it’s the latter case, I tend to listen to tripe like Phil Collins’s ‘No Jacket Required’ or some garbage by the monumentally appalling ELO.
February 13, 2009 at 1:12 pm
Mr H – That’s really weird. I definitely wouldn’t eat it. Does this acquaintance have any good reason to be sending you a guitar shaped cake?
February 13, 2009 at 1:14 pm
Roszs – That’s a sterling advertisement for marriage, I must say. No wonder I’ve successfully managed to avoid falling into the trap for nine years now. “When are we getting married,” she keeps saying. “Soon,” says I. But really I’m thinking, “Not any time soon, by God!”.
February 13, 2009 at 1:14 pm
NC – No he didn’t drop a cat on me whilst in the bath, he just hasn’t bothered with me for 30 years and he told my half sisters that I was their cousin. That’s all.
February 13, 2009 at 1:19 pm
Clarry – Sounds like a man after my own heart.
February 13, 2009 at 1:22 pm
There’s nothing like wholesale rejection to make a girl completely neurotic, clingy and paranoid. Good job, Dad!
February 13, 2009 at 1:24 pm
Mr H, i think it will be stalking from your colleague, followed by murdering by your wife. Tread carefully.
February 13, 2009 at 1:25 pm
Clarry and NC, i am sorry to hear your tales.
February 13, 2009 at 1:26 pm
The best way forward Mr H is to take the cake home and pretend you baked it for Mrs H. I’m absolutely sure that’s the solution.
February 13, 2009 at 1:27 pm
But, be sure to give us the updates Mr H.
February 13, 2009 at 1:28 pm
Mel – Thanks, but in actual fact you don’t miss what you don’t have. I just grates when you think about it. Every waking minute.
*joking*
I think Roszs’ pops wins.
February 13, 2009 at 1:29 pm
I second that Mel – can we have a picture of the cake too. Has she made it herself?
February 13, 2009 at 1:31 pm
*Had
February 13, 2009 at 1:32 pm
The problem with these self-catering holidays is you have to cook your own food. Or do you? You see, if you’re prepared to be cunning you can tell the holiday company you want self-catering so they’ll rent you the appartment, and then sneak out to a restaurant when they’re not looking. If they ask you what you’re doing, you can tell them you’re off to see the cathedral or what-have-you.
February 13, 2009 at 1:33 pm
Are you absolutely sure its not from Mrs. H? Cos Clarrys suggestion could be disastrous.
February 13, 2009 at 1:35 pm
Or, you could let your cake baking stalker know where you are going beforehand, and get them to cater for you.
Then you also turn your holiday into an extreme holiday for the bargain price of a self catering package…
February 13, 2009 at 1:36 pm
you can tell them you’re off to see the cathedral* or what-have-you.
*or synagogue, mosque, ashram, shrine, temple, Kingdon Hall etc.,
(come in NC, it’s the 21st century)
February 13, 2009 at 1:40 pm
If I went on one of them extreme holidays, all I’d do was get drunk. Fuck snowboarding, I’d be boozing. I’ve seen a fair bit of Europe pissed, I have. I was so drunk on one holiday, I no longer remember if I was in Yugoslavia or Bulgaria. Apparently I’ve been to Slovakia, according to my passport.
February 13, 2009 at 1:42 pm
NC – Slovakia is one of the countries that came out of the former Yugoslavia. Maybe you were just so pissed you neglected to notice the war in the Balkans in some years prior to your visit.
February 13, 2009 at 1:43 pm
Piqued – I try and avoid funny foreign religious buildings. I’m always worried I’ll do something wrong (like not taking my shoes off or standing on a holy monkey), and end up with an international fatwah dangling over my head.
February 13, 2009 at 1:45 pm
Mel – Excellent knowledge of geography and history, there. For all the kids reading this, what Mel meant to say was Slovakia came into being after the break up of of Czechoslovakia.
You ignoramous.
February 13, 2009 at 1:50 pm
‘Piqued – I try and avoid funny foreign religious buildings’
What a disgraceful attitude
(me too, and let’s face it, none of the above have much of an open door policy do they, especially the mosques, the ones round ‘ere are like Stalag Luft 3)
February 13, 2009 at 1:52 pm
‘Kin ‘ell! There’s a 68 year old woman on the radio at the moment who was asked for ID when she was buying booze from a One Stop.
In the words of Littlejohn:
“You couldn’t make it up!”
(Unless this is made up)
February 13, 2009 at 1:53 pm
When we had our first family abroad in the 80s we went self-catering in Yugoslavia. I remember my mother trying to cook Scotch staples such as mince & tatties using ingredients from the local supermarkets. It takes creativity to be as unadventurous as we were.
February 13, 2009 at 1:53 pm
Well, that is as maybe, but I did not mix either one up with Bulgaria, so i still win on Geography.
I am not drunk, i am high on crack whores and nose cocaine (copyright Roszs)
February 13, 2009 at 1:55 pm
I got asked for ID buying a pair of scissors in Woolworths. I don’t look bad for my age, but 15?
February 13, 2009 at 1:56 pm
Piqued – They are a bit weary of non-believers, aren’t they? Unlike the good old C of E who’ll let any old Tom, Dick or ‘Arry in.
February 13, 2009 at 1:57 pm
P.S Mr H and Excelsior! – I was being sarCARstic. I was trying to think of a situation-comedy-style, sticky situation you could yourself in with your cake.
You and your cake.
February 13, 2009 at 1:58 pm
As I bleeted on a couple of weeks ago on Piqued, IC (31) was asked for ID on the doorstep of some club wotsit. She didn’t have any so I told the bouncer that by asking for her ID he was implying I was a pedo. He let us in very quickly. Pedo opens doors I can tell you.
February 13, 2009 at 1:59 pm
Mel – If you’d bothered to read what I
February 13, 2009 at 2:00 pm
what you didn’t finish NC?
That would make me a mind reader
February 13, 2009 at 2:01 pm
Eh?
I’ll start again.
Mel – If you’d bothered to read what I’d written, you’d have discovered I confused Bulgaria with Yugolslavia, not with Slovakia. You know Bulgaria? That country that’s right fucking next to the former Yugoslavia?
Winning on geography, my arse.
February 13, 2009 at 2:02 pm
My uncles from there
February 13, 2009 at 2:04 pm
New Ikea opened in Southampton. You’d have thought it was a cure for cancer the way idiots are flocking to it
February 13, 2009 at 2:05 pm
Yes, I am aware of Bulgaria. I have been there and confused it with neither any of the former Yugoslavian states, nor any of the Czechoslovakian ones.
I wouldn’t recommend Sofia, but Plovdiv was lovely.
February 13, 2009 at 2:06 pm
And, how much geography can you fit on your arse NC?
February 13, 2009 at 2:06 pm
From Bulgaria? I imagine he’s dead from liver disease by now, yes? Eastern Europeans live on fuck all but booze. And they’re all miserable bastards.
Mind you, that’s mainly Hitler’s fault.
February 13, 2009 at 2:11 pm
Jeremy Kyle time “My boyfriend bit me….”
*settles down*
February 13, 2009 at 2:12 pm
I thought that was on in the mornings Nick?
Is this line because the boyfriend is some kind of parasite? Or an actual vampire?
February 13, 2009 at 2:13 pm
Mel – I can fit loads of geography on my arse, thanks very much. And I also know you’d have to be some sort of cud-munching, West Country pumpkin-bumpkin to think Slovakia used to be in Yugoslavia.
“Where we’m going on our’m ‘olllllliday’s this year, Faaaaaather?”
“We’m be all goin’ down to Slow-vakeeya, Melanie, my luvverly.”
“Were be thaaaaaaaaaaaat?”
“Woi, it be in You-go-slaaaaaaaaavia, moi pretty.”
February 13, 2009 at 2:14 pm
…yes, NC, I am Tobermorey
February 13, 2009 at 2:14 pm
I, er, totally knew you were yeah?
February 13, 2009 at 2:14 pm
“He said he was going away for a few days and came back 18 months later…..”
February 13, 2009 at 2:17 pm
Oh, it was a Wombles thing. I never liked the Wombles. Do-gooding set of bastards, the lot of ’em. I bet they all read the Guardian and recommend rehabilitation for paedos instead of stringing ’em up by their balls.
I bet Garry Bushell and Richard Littlejohn hate the Wombles.
February 13, 2009 at 2:18 pm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/7887994.stm
I think it was granny who should’ve been put down, the lazy cow
February 13, 2009 at 2:22 pm
I didn’t like the fucking Wombles either
February 13, 2009 at 2:24 pm
I never got ‘olidays as a child NC. My parents used to make us go and stay in the god forsaken hole Yeadon in a caravan for a week. It was not so much a holiday as a punishment. We never went abroad, which is why i cannot get enough of it now, and have decided to live there (abroad, not Yeadon)
February 13, 2009 at 2:27 pm
I didn’t go abroad until I was in my twenties, Mel. My mum once went abroad when I was a kid and left me with an ‘orrible woman called Shirley. My grandad later found out she’d had her fingers in the pub till, the thieving bitch. She’s got the cancer now. Serves her right. I hope it’s up her arsehole.
Right! I’m off to the butcher’s.
February 13, 2009 at 2:29 pm
I never went abroad with the folks either. Scarborough, every year, to see Gram Grams and Granpapapapapapapz -thiough one year we went to Wales, dad threw a wobbly in the tiny cottage and we went home the next day
February 13, 2009 at 2:31 pm
Mel – you went on holiday in Yeadon, West Yorkshire, blighted village just outside Bradford? Wow! Your parents must proper hate you.
Does that beat the time I got home from the pub to find my father sitting in the dark in the living room with a rifle across his knees staring through the patio doors, though?
“What are you doing, dad?”
“Waiting…”
February 13, 2009 at 2:31 pm
At least your mum didn’t leave you on your own Nappers. That sort of thing will get you straight in the tabloids you know.
February 13, 2009 at 2:32 pm
I’m dying for a shit
February 13, 2009 at 2:33 pm
Me, my mother, my uncle and my father rented a holiday cottage in some backwards part of the country once. Four hours we were there, and then my father got up, threw the Ludo board onto the floor and shouted, “Fuck this!”, and drove us all home.
And that was that year’s family holiday.
I’m definitely off to the butcher’s now.
February 13, 2009 at 2:34 pm
Christ Roszs, that doesn’t sound like a good thing.
Apart from making me go to shitty places that aren’t pronounced as they are written, my folks were quite normal.
I hope he was hunting squirrels or something.
February 13, 2009 at 2:35 pm
I wants more o’ these tales Roszs. You really could write a book.
February 13, 2009 at 2:37 pm
“…and then my father got up, threw the Ludo board onto the floor and shouted, “Fuck this!”, and drove us all home”
Yes, that was pretty much what my dad did too, but it took him a bit longer, and it was Coppit
February 13, 2009 at 2:38 pm
“You really could write a book”
She could Clarry, can’t be fucked though
February 13, 2009 at 2:40 pm
We lost a foster child on holiday one year. That was about the worst that happened. We found her again after getting the coastguards a bit worried for a little while. Again, i am terribly sorry for all of your tales of woe. And i feel a little bit guilty now, because i was just trying to irk NC by telling him that a rubbish place in Yorkshire is well rubbish. I didn’t mean to bring up all these memories for you all.
*hangs head*
February 13, 2009 at 2:47 pm
As far as I’m concerned Mel I had a happy family holidays, I look back on them with a lot of fondness.
February 13, 2009 at 2:49 pm
DAMN YOU PIQUED AND YOUR HAPPY CHILDHOOD.
(I had a happy childhood too really, my father is just classically eccentric rather than anything more menacing. He has a massive shed kitted out like a pub with a swivel mounted machine gun pointing at the door).
February 13, 2009 at 2:52 pm
I’ve no idea why I’m so bitter, arrogant, rude and aggressive. As mum says every time I purge bile when I’m over there ‘you were such a nice boy’
February 13, 2009 at 2:54 pm
Mebbe its cos you were so happy as a child that adulthood is a sour aftertaste.
February 13, 2009 at 2:55 pm
any luck on the hackney house hunting btw?
February 13, 2009 at 2:56 pm
OK, that sounds a bit better. I prefer eccentrics to out and out crazies!
Maybe piqued is like that now because he likes it?
February 13, 2009 at 2:58 pm
He fucking LOVES it.
Have you a pleasant weekend planned Mel?
February 13, 2009 at 2:59 pm
‘you were such a nice boy’
That’s a standard mumism.
February 13, 2009 at 2:59 pm
Rosz, I’m not going to start hunting til I’ve rid myself of my gaff, it’ll take weeks to complete so I’ll have have time. Re. Childhood, yes, that’s it exactly.
February 13, 2009 at 3:02 pm
“‘you were such a nice boy’
That’s a standard mumism.”
Yes, but I’m a heavily breasted girl DINLT
February 13, 2009 at 3:02 pm
there’s been lots of words put on here whilst i’ve been cooking (sausage rolls with sage and chives and red onion and parsnip and sweet potato soup with fenugreek, cumin and tumeric, yeah).
i only work four days a week, see. i spend fridays faffing.
anyway:-
family holidays – australian families don’t go overseas, overseas is too far. and we have holiday weather all year. we just go to a different beach for a week.
topic bars – good but better frozen.
guitar cake – call the delivery company and pose as the orderer and ask them to confirm they have the right billing details. bingo.
child-parents – even children have genitals and are able to brainlessly use them. image how fast and enthusiastic 13 year old sperm must be. lucky they didn’t have octuplets. actually, don’t you guys spend the first few years of frotting yourselves with a non-productive result? when does the sticky kick in?
…end
February 13, 2009 at 3:05 pm
we have holiday weather all year
Which part of Australia are you from?
February 13, 2009 at 3:05 pm
Roszs – yes thanks, my best friend is visiting from the UK, with his girlfriend. I have a weekend of drinking and doing stuff planned.
I am very popular, now that I live in Amsterdam, and have visitors almost every weekend. How’d have thunk it?
Do you have good plans for the weekend yourself?
February 13, 2009 at 3:06 pm
erm, that should have been who’d have thunk it
February 13, 2009 at 3:07 pm
DINLT – are you planning some kind of world tour of people that you have conversed with on websites? You seem to be very keen in asking where we all live/ come from an that.
February 13, 2009 at 3:08 pm
DINLT – perth, mostly. 300 days of sunshine a year. cancerous, of course, but full of happy dying people.
February 13, 2009 at 3:09 pm
‘sausage rolls with sage and chives and red onion and parsnip and sweet potato soup with fenugreek, cumin and tumeric, yeah’
I had a Greggs Sausage and Bean bake.
As for a quiz I reckon I could win, it would have to be Junior Mastermind and my special subject would be “questions with the answer ‘yes'”.
February 13, 2009 at 3:10 pm
Sorry Mel, just naturally curious. I have lived in Holland for 3 years and Australia for 2 years so I get curious. I have no interest in where people come from in the UK however.
February 13, 2009 at 3:10 pm
dave – it’s criminal that someone’s brain even came up with beans in a ‘bake’. really. and i say that as a poncy wanker who made sausage rolls with sage in ’em.
February 13, 2009 at 3:10 pm
Maybe DINLT is sending guitar cakes to us all, one at a time…
February 13, 2009 at 3:11 pm
Don’t be sorry. Curiosity is always a good thing. Unless you are a cat, or a particular 80s pop band with a very pretentiously named (but lovely) lead singer
February 13, 2009 at 3:11 pm
Well Perth is not really Australia is it. It’s South East Asia.
February 13, 2009 at 3:11 pm
I don’t know how the human race survived without poncified gastronomy, I really don’t.
February 13, 2009 at 3:12 pm
Actually I went to school with one of them, same class and everything.
February 13, 2009 at 3:13 pm
DINLT – *sigh*
no.
i also lived in queensland and NSW and about 20 other places. don’t make me defend perth. have you BEEN there?*
hmmm.
* go
February 13, 2009 at 3:13 pm
Breeks, it is exactly *because* we are pretentious food wankers that we think that bean bakes are wrong.
My mate wanted me to cook spag bol the other day. I did, of course, but all the while i cooked it i was thinking ‘but i have actual skills in the kitchen, could you not have asked for something which would mean that i could show off said skills’ . It was then that i realised that i am a hopeless food snob.
February 13, 2009 at 3:14 pm
Comment of 3.11 – geographically speaking.
Comment of 3.12 – refering to the band Mel mentioned.
February 13, 2009 at 3:16 pm
You can be skilled in the kitchen and, indeed, a ‘foodie’ without combining seemingly randomised ingredients. Sounds like a bad episode of Ready Steady Cook to me but, hey, I’m planning on eating a KFC Zinger Tower Meal swigged down with a litre of cooking oil later on.
February 13, 2009 at 3:16 pm
“(but lovely) lead singer!”
What that Ben fuckwit with the fucking hat?!
I fucking hated him so much Mel I can’t begin to describe it. His smarmy ‘ooh ladies’ face (especially when he looked like Phil Cool) and his ‘dance’ routine…’ oh Christ, my chest
February 13, 2009 at 3:16 pm
really DINLT – the pretentiously named lead singer?
*gets excited*
Everyone i went to school with are complete and utter dullards who never did anything exciting in their lives
February 13, 2009 at 3:17 pm
mel – but nay, nay. spag bol is the thing everything thinks they can cook but actually no one can. *
*except me.
*and a couple of italians
*and maybe my gran
February 13, 2009 at 3:18 pm
everyone. everyone thinks.
everyone thinks they can cook spag bol.
February 13, 2009 at 3:18 pm
Oh but piqued, i was a teenager, and the hormones had just started to surge when he came on the scene.
February 13, 2009 at 3:21 pm
I agree breeks, but i can also cook spag bol, the proper ragu stylee, i just consider it to be beneath my skills precisely *because* it is the dish that everyone thinks they can cook.
Plus, because people are so wedded to the fry mince and add tinned tomatoes style of cooking it, my excellent version is not recognised as the real deal, and therefore it is decried for inauthenticity. This boils my piss.
February 13, 2009 at 3:23 pm
you must feed their ignorance with runny sauce and over cooked noodles.
February 13, 2009 at 3:23 pm
Dave, Breeks was a Masterchef finalist, can you go back to fucking off again please. Thanks.
Mel, but why him? He was disgusting, he gave me the fucking willies -so I suppose we have something in common
February 13, 2009 at 3:24 pm
No not Ben.
I can cook an excellent Spaghetti Bolognese and will do when I come to stay with you all.
I have been to Yugoslavia, (Split), not been to Perth though have a cousin there, NSW and Queensland yes, but beach all year round. Maybe in Cairns or Port Douglas, but the stingers will get you, and sorry to say Mel, Amsterdam is one of my least favorite Dutch cities, Rotterdam on the other hand is great nightlife, though having said that I did go occasionally go to the Melkeg in Amsterdam.
February 13, 2009 at 3:24 pm
That last sentence almost sounded like one of your cooking instructions, Mel. Get some ‘My Dolmio’, which is made for kids and is AMAZING.
February 13, 2009 at 3:25 pm
dave – ‘You can be skilled in the kitchen and, indeed, a ‘foodie’ without combining seemingly randomised ingredients’.
true.
i do not stand accused of this.
do i?
*sobs*
February 13, 2009 at 3:27 pm
As i said piqued, i was young and dumb.
It was not that much later that i discovered that i actually really fancied Johnny Depp a lot more, and went off silly art school students with silly berets and shirts that would have made Marcel Marceau proud.
It was a brief period in my life.
Bree – Never!
February 13, 2009 at 3:29 pm
‘combining seemingly randomised ingredients’ is probably closer to beans and sausage in a bake than your meal, breeks, when I think about it. And no, Piqued, the fact that he was a finalist, very impressively, of a telly show does not mean I can’t defend my love for Greggs. Snob.
February 13, 2009 at 3:29 pm
Dave – don’t make my piss boil, you would not like me when my piss boils.
It means that i am very angry indeed, so angry that my internal temperature has risen to a level that will boil my piss.
Dolmio is exactly one thing that sets the internal thermometer rising.
February 13, 2009 at 3:31 pm
breeks is a she, most days.
don’t be impressed by finalising on a reality show. had i figured out it’d actually be shown on the teev i’d not have done it at all…fame, yeah, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
want my autograph?
February 13, 2009 at 3:33 pm
that breeks was such a nice boy.
(credit to piqued)
February 13, 2009 at 3:33 pm
“And no, Piqued, the fact that he was a finalist, very impressively, of a telly show does …” Bla blah blah
On the boil aren’t you (I wish you were) Dave.
Can’t say we’ve missed you
February 13, 2009 at 3:34 pm
When were you on Breeks…you’re not Tomi are you?
February 13, 2009 at 3:36 pm
DINLK – of course not, she was completely humourless.
February 13, 2009 at 3:37 pm
Very clever food-based pun there, Piqued. Fried gold like that keeps me coming back for more, so you’ve nobody to blame but yourself.
February 13, 2009 at 3:40 pm
Cake update;
Thanks for the advice, but I am a man, and therefore have no idea how to bake a cake. That’s one of the reasons there is a Mrs H.
I have taken a picture of said cake and as soon as I can work out how to get the pictures from my phone to my computer I shall be sure to upload.
I reckon that I’m going to get someone from my work to eat the first slice and then monitor them for signs of death before I risk it. After all, I don’t like any of them enough to care.
February 13, 2009 at 3:41 pm
Just been filling my lighter at my desk. Someone said ‘ooh, what’s that smell of petrol?’
I ignored them of course until some shit said what I was doing
The moaner then (politely) asked if wouldn’t mind going outside and I (very impolitely) said ‘fuck off’
I feel a bit bad about that. It fucking stinks in here.
February 13, 2009 at 3:44 pm
light a match. the resulting explosion’ll shut ’em up.
February 13, 2009 at 3:46 pm
Breeks did you get to the final and when were you on? I have only watched Masterchef spasmodically and have a general aversion to cookery programs.
February 13, 2009 at 3:47 pm
piqued – making an office smell of petrol is mean, offices are depressing enough as it is.
February 13, 2009 at 3:47 pm
I just went outside for a fag and the most boring man in the world came out too, totally ruined it
February 13, 2009 at 3:48 pm
What kind of lighter do you own, my friend? I own an antique Ronson as well as various skull-based Zippos. Of course, I always use my trusty collection of bright pink throwaways.
February 13, 2009 at 3:51 pm
Zippo, always had one
February 13, 2009 at 3:53 pm
piqued’s lighter smells Good.
fact.
February 13, 2009 at 3:54 pm
And what case have you discerningly selected for this all-American monolith of the Marlbrough age? At a guess, I’d suggest you have a vintage 70s style rock case – possibly in black. Although you may favour the understated taste of cold brushed steel…
February 13, 2009 at 3:57 pm
Marlborough is a northern town in which they mine cancer. I meant Marlboro…Sorry.
February 13, 2009 at 3:59 pm
my old english teacher left perth to go teach in marlborough.
mr w. first name kim.
beardy, but nice. back in 1990. anyone know him?
February 13, 2009 at 4:04 pm
Chrome, Dave
The Black ones chip
February 13, 2009 at 4:04 pm
Wow. It’s a lovely Wiltshire town, says Google. I bet you could find a few lovely pubs in good old Marlborough…a moronic spelling mistake may have just decided my next holiday trip. Lovely.
February 13, 2009 at 4:07 pm
I think you’ll find Marlborough is in the Westcountry Dave.
February 13, 2009 at 4:08 pm
Oh, you just said that. It is quite near Swindon though, which is not a great holiday destination by any stretch of the imagination.
February 13, 2009 at 4:08 pm
I think it depends which Marlborough you want to go to.
February 13, 2009 at 4:09 pm
(Mel, Wiltshire is on the boarders of The West country)
February 13, 2009 at 4:09 pm
With my bank balance it is, Mel. Trust me. Anywhere with a pub built in the 1800s is a holiday destination for me.
February 13, 2009 at 4:11 pm
This is where I’ll be drinking tonight
http://www.beerintheevening.com/pubs/s/48/481/
A rock/metal bar on Manchester’s Oxford Road, so you see I’m easily pleased.
February 13, 2009 at 4:12 pm
I have found a Marlborough in Australia, Canada, USA and New Zealand.
February 13, 2009 at 4:13 pm
I just pressed submit on my timesheet. The most satisfying second of a temp’s working week.
February 13, 2009 at 4:13 pm
*whispers*
Piqued, i know that well, but it is classed as the westcuntry, and they all speak like Nanny from Duckula, which means that they officially have the silliest of all of the Westcuntry accents (the second silliest being Bristolian)
Isn’t that right Roszs?
February 13, 2009 at 4:15 pm
Dave – that used to be my local, it is right next to another pub called the Thirsty Scholar that has a free jukebox. Well it did ten years ago anyway.
February 13, 2009 at 4:16 pm
Wiltshire’s not in the westcountry, its in the north!
The only true west country is cornwall (well apart from they want to be their own country), devon, somerset and dorset.
February 13, 2009 at 4:17 pm
Yeah, the Thirsty Scholar and the Salisbury. TS is great for live music as they support the local scene (and it’s free). Also, GC is opposite Jilly’s Rockworld.
February 13, 2009 at 4:20 pm
No, Gloucestershire is also in the westcountry. It is why we like rugby, and talk funny and all that.
At the very least southern Gloucestershire definitely counts.
February 13, 2009 at 4:22 pm
And only up the road from The Venue on Whitworth St West where I spend many a happy evening doing literal dances to the lyrics of mid-nineties brit-pop.
Manchestawwww such a lot to answer fawwwwwww
February 13, 2009 at 4:23 pm
Wotevs Mel, you northerner.
February 13, 2009 at 4:24 pm
PS – your definition makes you welsh.
February 13, 2009 at 4:24 pm
Not Welsh, i missed out mining and singing and sheep.
February 13, 2009 at 4:25 pm
Jabez Clegg was one for you too, I bet. And The Footage.
Manchester has a big wheel these days (exactly as good as The London Eye). We’re a hub for world brilliance and stuff these days.
February 13, 2009 at 4:26 pm
Ha, ha…re: the 13 year old dad. This daily mush reader’s comment below takes the biscuit. We can blame GB for some things but this really is not his fault.
“This story sums up BROWN’S BRITAIN today!
There should be no state financial help given to them. As they said, they kept the girl’s pregnancy secret. Well they can now finance the child as well!
Why should the British tax payer fund them!
BROWN OUT NOW!
BROWN RESIGN NOW!
BROWN, ELECTION NOW!”
February 13, 2009 at 4:30 pm
ha, that is madness.
I think those children were more worried about what their mums would say than actually thinking about what was going on, but what does that have to do with Gordy?
I don’t normally read the comments section on newspapers because they are so full of idiots, but that is comedy gold. Has anyone else told this commenter to STFU?
February 13, 2009 at 4:35 pm
I have also lived in Perth. One of my best memories is hitching down to Scarboro (ha!) beach.
I have also played at the Marlborogh Jazz Festival, twice. It’s near Swindon.
I’m off for half term next week. I will be doing work for myself and starting the day with either a glass of red wine or a shot of Mr Daniels finest. Why? Because I can….
Valentines anyone?
*puckers up*
February 13, 2009 at 4:36 pm
Just got back from the butcher’s and saw this:
’sausage rolls with sage and chives’
What a way to ruin a sausage roll.
And Piqued’s ten-a-penny lighter’s got nothing on mine.
February 13, 2009 at 4:41 pm
I’ve got some serious making up to do this Valentine’s day. Last year I got stuck at work and could only find some love hearts from the garage on the way home and I lost the envelope for my card. My shitness was accentuated by Mr Clarry being extra good.
February 13, 2009 at 4:42 pm
One can find vegetarian scotch egge now http://www.ocado.com/webshop/product/Quorn-Picnic-Eggs/39377011?parentContainer=FEATURE
February 13, 2009 at 4:50 pm
Don’t buy Quorn, it’s bad stuff
You’ve always been able to get bloody nice veggie Scotch Eggs from Holland and Barrett
Nap, you’ve the same lighter as me, though mine isn’t as, well, filthy
February 13, 2009 at 4:51 pm
My missus is getting fuck all for Valentine’s Day.
February 13, 2009 at 4:52 pm
What am I getting though?
Surprise me Treacle
*runs finger over NC’s wet lips*
February 13, 2009 at 4:53 pm
NC – i think you’ll find the sage and chives were britishly grown and therefore more english than other stuff i cooked today.
February 13, 2009 at 4:54 pm
It’s the same make, yes, but mine’s brass (the ‘filth’ is patina, you cheeky shithouse) and has James Bond in that ‘seen from down a gun barrel’ pose and ‘007’ engraved on it. Yours is a bland silver lighter. Bland.
February 13, 2009 at 4:55 pm
Valentines day…hmmm…any suggestions for somthing for the missus for under a tenner easily available in West London?
February 13, 2009 at 4:55 pm
Nice one NC – I bet she’s gonna love you tomorrow.
Why don’t you borrow Mr H’s guitar cake?
February 13, 2009 at 4:56 pm
They’re all brass you berk, mine, however, is chrome plated, in chromes
(I will admit your lighter is alright though)
February 13, 2009 at 4:57 pm
‘Valentines day…hmmm…any suggestions for somthing for the missus for under a tenner easily available in West London?’
Boots have a special on blobs at the mo
February 13, 2009 at 4:57 pm
vones .. a travel card.
February 13, 2009 at 4:58 pm
I don’t get what all the fuss is about personally. I think it is made up by card manufacturers, and is thus a celebration of consumerism, rather than love.
I never celebrate it either, much to my boyfriend’s relief.
February 13, 2009 at 4:59 pm
You don’t put chives in a sausage roll, Breeks. Sage I understand (if you’re making Lincolnshire), but chives? In a sausage roll? Disgusting.
I’m not getting you nothing neither, Piqued (my old English teacher turns in his grave). I don’t do Valentine’s Day because it’s a pile of arseholes.
February 13, 2009 at 4:59 pm
…nice one DINLT, how about 5 veggie Scotch Eggs from Holland n’ Barrett to get her in the mood/toilet
February 13, 2009 at 5:00 pm
take her on a ride on the 607 express from shepherds bush to uxbridge…only £2 on an oyster.
February 13, 2009 at 5:01 pm
‘boyfriend’s relief.’
*looks blank*
February 13, 2009 at 5:01 pm
Or get her some Oysters to go with her Scotch Eggs/Rennie
February 13, 2009 at 5:03 pm
Piqued, you filthy cur.
I bet you would also be happy if your good lady had moral objections to the celebration of St Valentine’s day with mawkish sentiment and tacky cards
February 13, 2009 at 5:04 pm
Get her fuck all, DINLT.
February 13, 2009 at 5:06 pm
Oh my god- i think i might be the female NC….
February 13, 2009 at 5:06 pm
i’m spending the first valentine’s day with new boyfriend out with a bunch of mates. he’s allowed to come along – if he promises to be good and buy me drinks. alcoholic ones.
February 13, 2009 at 5:07 pm
That’s more like it Breeks.
February 13, 2009 at 5:07 pm
nc – putting chives in them ensures a comedy laugh at someone later tonight when they have them stuck in their teef. also they’re oniony. i like oniony.
February 13, 2009 at 5:10 pm
Mel – Have you got an incredibly short temper, bad teeth, receding hair, a huge nose and a loathing for foreign food, foreign countries and foreigners?
February 13, 2009 at 5:10 pm
My local butcher did the most amazing sausages with chilli. Unfortunately he closed down in December.
February 13, 2009 at 5:14 pm
Can’t stand onions, me. I reckon they ruin 99% of all meals they grace. The only onions I’ll tolerate are the ones that go to make a curry sauce base. This leads to bewilderment in Indian restaurants when I ask for a curry with no onions in it (the big chunks).
February 13, 2009 at 5:14 pm
DINLT – yes, yes, no, no, no (except Dutch food), no and no.
Phew, i think i might be ok then.
You should have bought more sausages from that butcher, then he might not have closed down
February 13, 2009 at 5:15 pm
There’s a butcher in Lincoln that does a cracking chilli sausage. I don’t think this helps you much though, DINLT.
February 13, 2009 at 5:16 pm
I’m trying to arrange some flowers over here – anyone got any idea how its done?
I’ve carried out these steps so far:
Walk to supermarket.
Buy flowers.
Take flowers home.
Fill vase.
Take flowers out of paper.
Place flowers in vase.
They look SHIT.
I can’t fathom why this shit makes women happy. I hope I’ll be getting a good three hours undisturbed on Pro Evolution for Valentines day.
February 13, 2009 at 5:18 pm
aren’t you supposed to put ribbons and bits of greenery in them?
*NB, my opinion might not get you very far with normal girlfriends
February 13, 2009 at 5:18 pm
sh – you need to have enough flowers and stuff to really fill the vase, nothing worse than a few stems languishing in a bucket.
go buy more. shove them in. shove lots in.
hang on. supermarket?
god’s sake.
February 13, 2009 at 5:18 pm
Why’s a woman impersonating Swineshead?
February 13, 2009 at 5:21 pm
There’re too bloody many, that’s the problem. It just looks like a load of flowers in a vase.
An upmarket supermarket, they’re not Tescos dog ends.
That’s my lot for V day, thank Christ that’s over.
February 13, 2009 at 5:23 pm
You should have got her nothing because you’re not bloody teenagers. There’s something distinctly childish about Valentine’s Day.
February 13, 2009 at 5:23 pm
make two vases. then looks like you bought more and are generous.
February 13, 2009 at 5:23 pm
Napoleon your comment about getting fuck all should be directed to Vones, and Mel, your comment yes/no etc should be directed to be Napoleon.
Napoleons comment about the butcher in Lincs is correctly directed, but alas no good, I am also in West London.
February 13, 2009 at 5:25 pm
DINLT – are you going to give them detention? you sound a bit like you will.
February 13, 2009 at 5:26 pm
Yes, the more flowers the better SH. Half-arsed flowers are worse than no flowers in my book. Maybe you can put something in the vase like oasis or scrunched up clear plastic (like what your flowers come in) as this will help the flowers stay where you put them.
Hey but what would I know I only have my Girl Guide flower arranging badge.
February 13, 2009 at 5:26 pm
You should still heed my advice, DINLT. If you’ve got a missus, get her fuck all. ALL OF YOU.
And if you’re a bird, grow up and stop giving your other halves grief over Money In The Card Shop’s Pockets Day.
February 13, 2009 at 5:26 pm
Ooh great, i haven’t had detention for years!
February 13, 2009 at 5:28 pm
I hate flowers
February 13, 2009 at 5:30 pm
By the way, I’ve got a friend who’s missus has recently had a baby. I can’t say this to his face, obviously, so I’m venting my spleen here instead:
I DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR DAMNED BABY! STOP TALKING TO ME ABOUT YOUR BASTARD BABY!
Thank you.
February 13, 2009 at 5:31 pm
I don’t see the point of flowers. I prefer tits.
February 13, 2009 at 5:31 pm
I get Ms Mikey flowers every week.
February 13, 2009 at 5:33 pm
NC – I read that as your ‘…friend’s missus has just had MY baby. I can’t tell it to his face, but…’
February 13, 2009 at 5:34 pm
Flowers are good for attracting insects into your garden to pollinate your fruits (tomatoes, aubergine, courgettes etc) and not a lot else, IMHO.
February 13, 2009 at 5:46 pm
I wouldn’t want to get that bugger up the duff, Clarry. She looks like Rose West.
February 13, 2009 at 5:54 pm
DINLT – I always think it’ll make them suspicious, buying them flowers. So I opt for buying them nothing.
February 13, 2009 at 5:57 pm
That’s what I think, Swineshead. If I came home brandishing flowers, my missus would kick me out for having an affair.
February 13, 2009 at 5:57 pm
i’d prefer flowers to some soppy great card.
February 13, 2009 at 5:58 pm
Bye, speak to you all next week. Except NC, who shall be stabbed dead by his woman.
February 13, 2009 at 6:03 pm
No I won’t. She knows me of old when it comes to Valentine’s Day.
February 13, 2009 at 8:30 pm
“Say it with tits”
No, that doesn’t work.
February 13, 2009 at 9:37 pm
325 comments? Sod reading all that.
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April 18, 2013 at 1:13 pm
Write more, thats all I have to say. Literally, it seems
as though you relied on the video to make your point.
You definitely know what youre talking about, why waste
your intelligence on just posting videos
to your blog when you could be giving us something enlightening to read?
May 18, 2013 at 10:23 pm
I know this if off topic but I’m looking into starting my own weblog and was wondering what all is required to get setup? I’m assuming having a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny?
I’m not very internet smart so I’m not 100% sure. Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated.
Appreciate it
June 8, 2013 at 11:36 am
My developer is trying to convince me to move to .
net from PHP. I have always disliked the idea because of the expenses.
But he’s tryiong none the less. I’ve been using WordPress on numerous websites for about a year and am worried
about switching to another platform. I have heard fantastic things
about blogengine.net. Is there a way I can transfer all my wordpress content
into it? Any help would be really appreciated!
June 27, 2013 at 1:44 am
Have you ever considered writing an ebook or guest authoring on other blogs?
I have a blog centered on the same topics you discuss and would really like to
have you share some stories/information. I know my viewers would appreciate your work.
If you’re even remotely interested, feel free to shoot me an email.