One Minute Review: Watchdog


Julia Bradbury Watchdog

Watchdog‘s great these days.

For starters, it’s got Julia Bradbury up front. Anyone who saw the sight of  her off her face on Celebrity Come Dine With Me on Sunday will agree that Bradbury is good value. She’s like a drunk Fiona Bruce. As she presents Watchdog with a serious tone in her voice, pointing out faulty power-steering on the new Mini or criticising allergy-testing kits that don’t work, you can see behind her smirk that she’s a little raver. The minute they’ve wrapped she’ll be down her local, playing darts and forcing ale into her face. She’s probably soused as she presents it, but the years of hard-boozing have enabled her to cover it like a proper pro. She should be saluted.

Watchdog’s other selling-point is everyone’s favourite Scotch curmudgeon, Nicky Campbell. Gone are the days of the mullets and kids TV – these days Campbell deals in issues. And by golly, he’s got attitude.

Watch as Campbell cruises smugly around the studio. When he addresses the audience he’s fair and even-handed. He’s on your side. But when berating the PR Officer of a property company or giving grief to the MD of a double glazing factory, by jingo, he’s an animal.

I can’t see how ladies would fail to swoon when he’s on the box. He’s simultaneously sympathetic to his audience’s needs and prepared, at the drop of a badly-moulded gearstick, to savage the so-called bigwigs and fat cats he and we so despise. He and Bradbury are a match made in heaven, and Watchdog is a hotbed of real, outraged, disgusted and miffed sex action.


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123 Responses to “One Minute Review: Watchdog”

  1. Napoleon Says:

    I love Watchdog. Campbell gives those buggers what for, and Bradbury looks like she could teach you a few new tricks in the bedroom department. I’d happily watch a porno version.


  2. Swineshead Says:

    Bradbury on Celeb Come Dine With Me is worth a watch on Catch Up, Nappers. She’s a right raver.

  3. fourstar Says:

    “I Like To Watchdog”

  4. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    I fancied (and still do) Jenny Powell.

  5. Napoleon Says:

    I’m not sure I can bring m’self to watch Celebrity Come Dine With Me, Swineshead. I was planning on watching that sort of thing when I’m forced to because we’re making a podcast.

  6. office pest Says:

    Watch-dogging? With Bradbury? Pwwwwoooaaarrrrrrrrr!!!

  7. Napoleon Says:

    Did Jenny Powell do Watchdog? I remember Anne Robinson and the towering Alice Beer doing it and, of course, the slightly sinister Lynne Folds-Wood and her husband at the helm, but not Powell.

  8. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Unfortunately Nap no she did not do Watchdog. But what she did do, and very well if I may so was Wheel of Fortune with Nicky Campbell. Nicky Campbell being serious is not serious.

  9. Swineshead Says:

    I’ve met Powell. At Lincoln Cathedral.

    I chatted to her.

  10. office pest Says:

    Charlotte Hudson as well. Phwooarrr.

  11. fourstar Says:

    Powell … No Limits … nuff said.

  12. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    I saw her doing some filming once, but did not speak to her.

  13. Napoleon Says:

    I’ve had sex in Lincoln Cathedral.

    I’d forgotten about Powell and Campbell’s stint on Wheel Of Fortune. I always remember the rapist* John Leslie at the wheel.

    *Not a rapist, apparently.

  14. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Where is the dog on Watchdog?

  15. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    or the watch come to think of it…

  16. Swineshead Says:

    Everyone’s still talking rubbish over on the Comic Relief thread.

  17. breeks Says:

    i came here from the CR thread to find rubbish being spoken equally well.

    watchdog – more shit tv.


  18. Mel Says:

    I prefer discussing kangaroos and the Big Pineapple than watchdogs, due to the oft mentioned bullying i suffered. And i don’t fancy Julia Bradbury.

  19. ugeine Says:

    This thing is still on?

  20. Napoleon Says:

    Lee Hirst’s been on the radio moaning about people filming his shows on their mobiles and posting the videos on YouTube. Apparently he’s miffed that he can spend six months honing twenty minutes of material and then it’s given away for nothing without his permission.

    Obviously I don’t want to take anything away from Lee and his copyright protection complaint, but isn’t there some sort of crisis going on in Africa at the moment?

  21. Mel Says:

    He got fined for smashing a mobile phone of a punter at a gig, Nappers, which is why he is suddenly getting air time again.

    You are right though, there is a crisis in Africa. Perhaps we should hold some kind of mass movement thing where people can come and bathe in dairy products to rase cash for the…. oh.

  22. Nick of the T Says:

    What a dick! (Lee Hurst) Him and Fergal Sharkey should get married.
    Boo hoo hoo, I’m not squeezing every tiny penny out of my shows/music.
    Does he think that just because someone “gave away” a pixelated distorted vid of his stand up that they’re not going to go to any of his shows or buy any of his dvds?
    I call it FREE PUBLICITY so roll with it slap head…

  23. ugeine Says:

    What a ballbag.

  24. Napoleon Says:

    I also find it staggering that it takes the bugger six months to come up with twenty bloody minutes of material. Six months? Isn’t he supposed to be funny? Funny all the time, like?


  25. Mel Says:

    Nick – it could also be a bit of well engineered publicity too.

  26. breeks Says:

    i met a comedian when i was in NYC last month. he wasn’t funny at all. he shared his beer with me so i was ok with it.

  27. Napoleon Says:

    I love the fact its the entertainment industry that’s the most vehement voice against the direction the world’s taking. On the one hand the bastards embrace the internet as a cheap advertising tool, and on the other loathe the fact it’s being used to show off the fruits of their labours at a price they’re not able to control. Tough fucking luck, I say. I always find it amusing when a band start gnashing their teeth that a concert’s turned up on YouTube after they’ve just made millions overpricing their loyal fans for live concert tickets. They all moan, but I haven’t noticed any of ’em looking any poorer recently.

  28. Nick of the T Says:

    “Home taping is killing music”

    Taping TAPING that was 30 years ago and the bastards not dead yet!

  29. Napoleon Says:

    Now I’m an old fart who a) can’t hear the words anymore, and b) thinks it’s all noise, I don’t care if the music industry dies a slow and painful death. Fuck it.

  30. Mel Says:

    Nappers, maybe they are being hit by the credit crunch – although i doubt it.

  31. piqued Says:

    I heard that the reason Hirst smashed that blokes phone up was because he was using it to chat to a mate because he was bored

  32. Mel Says:

    Piqued, did you hear this from the same mate that told you about Peter Duncan smashing up the BPG?

  33. roszs Says:

    Julia Bradbury was great on Celebrity Come Dine With Me, second only to Biggins. They looked like they were having a brilliant time, off their tits on booze, bad dance anthems and the camaraderie of slagging off Edwina Currie behind her back.

  34. Napoleon Says:

    Who knows, Mel?

    I’ve still got my Christmas tree up, by the way.

  35. piqued Says:

    ‘Piqued, did you hear this from the same mate that told you about Peter Duncan smashing up the BPG?’

    No Mel, why?

    *looks blankly*

  36. Napoleon Says:

    Lee Hirst sounds like a right miserable arse. Why are so many comedians such miserable bastards? They effectively do fuck all for a living, are almost universally adored, and get to go on telly panel shows to crack jokes for money. Believe me, if that was my life, I’d have a grin on me you could see from fucking space.

    And I wouldn’t give a shit if someone was filming my act. I’d be too busy rolling around my shag-pile carpet nude in piles concert tour money and laughing and laughing and laughing.

  37. Napoleon Says:

    That Peter Duncan story’s a load of arses. He never smashed up that garden. Piqued’s only saying he knows he did because it makes him look like he’s privy to legendary media secrets we mere mortals aren’t.

    In reality, he’s just an ageing buffoon with a bad back and glasses.

  38. Mel Says:

    Nappers – comedians often go on record as saying being funny was an anti bullying strategy they developed as a child. They don’t do much laughing in private apparently. It is a bit like living with a mechanic – you have to drive around in the crappest old heap that needs so much work done because he is off fixing other people’s cars. Comedians don’t like to be funny all the time because they cannot switch it on and off or something…

  39. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    yes, and if I remember correctly piqued’s (the guardianista, foodie, racist) argument for his vile lies is that you never see Peter Duncan on TV these days.
    He’s never off the bloomin’ screen!

  40. piqued Says:

    Sticks and stones Nappers sticks and st

    *completely breaks down*

    (it’s a badly kept secret anyway, here’s proof

  41. Mel Says:

    He’ll be saying he used to appear in porn next…

  42. Napoleon Says:

    That was Mr. H, Mel. The ‘Bull-Dick Sledgehammer Ass To Mouth Smackdown’ series. Apparently, he also appears in a subserviant role in ‘Bull-Dick Meats The Neighbours’. Disgusting, I call it.

  43. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Indeed I think he (piqued) protesteth too much. Where were you piqued that fateful night, eh eh?

  44. piqued Says:

    ‘Bull-Dick Sledgehammer Ass To Mouth Smackdown’

    I didn’t know you liked that sort of thing NC

  45. Mel Says:

    No Nappers, there was an unfounded rumour that PD got sacked from BP because he had appeared in a porn film before he got his big break. It was also rubbish i think.

  46. Napoleon Says:

    It’s not my sort of thing, Piqued. Having worked in a sex shop, however, I am familiar with all genres of legal pornography. Indeed, Ive watched hours worth of man on man action whilst merrily wolfing my way through endless KFCs. Seen it all, me.

  47. Napoleon Says:

    Mel – I remember him in that rubbish Flash Gordon film. If memory serves, he keeps his clothes on in that.

  48. Mel Says:

    NC, i have no idea, but isn’t Flesh Gordon the porn version? Maybe he (PD) got lynched by the tabs in one of their ritual media purges (like Brand)?

  49. piqued Says:

    ‘Ive watched hours worth of man on man action’

    Oh right, so you do like it. Bit surprised actually but each to their own. I’m not judging, vive la differance I say.

    Good on you for being so up front about it!

    Well done Happers!!!



  50. piqued Says:

    (I mean ‘Nappers’ of course, anyway, well done again)

  51. Napoleon Says:

    Well done, Piqued. Cleverly ignoring my first sentence so you can accuse me of enjoying gay pornography. Nice one. Wish I had that sort of gumption about me.

    *sits in rapt admiration*

  52. Clarry Says:

    SO what was the outcome of the Mr H/Mrs H/Mr-H’s-stalker cake love triangle?

    I spent some of my weekend thinking about this…

  53. piqued Says:

    Come on NC, don’t be like that.

  54. Nick of the T Says:

    Question; If I organise a gig and record the artists playing, do I own the copyright to those recordings?

    Anyone know? (care?)

  55. Napoleon Says:

    Like what? Pointing out your convenient ignoring of what’s written up there in black and fucking white? Well whatever, you crookbacked old shithouse. Carry on doing your thing …

  56. Mel Says:

    yes, and where are the photos he promised?

    I need something to take my mind off the ridiculously incompetent insurance administrator that works for us. It is her job to sort out our health insurance(a legal requirement to have here), and I have just found that she has
    A) C*cked up so badly that I have been fined by the government for not getting insurance for the whole of last year, even though i have filled in every form that she has given me within a day. They are saying that nothing was returned on time.
    B) C*cked up this year’s insurance so that i am not covered for dental care at all now.

    Sorry, i needed to get that off me chest. I think i need that cup of tea that I was offering Breeks earlier. And cake photos, obviously.

  57. Napoleon Says:

    Nick – I would guess you’d still have to pay them royalties because its their copyrighted material you’ve filmed.

  58. Napoleon Says:

    Mel – Don’t worry about it. They’re all on a pot frenzy in Holland. They’ll say they’re going to fine you but they won’t. They’ll forget because they’re high on that pot I’ve just mentioned.

  59. piqued Says:

    ‘Well whatever, you crookbacked old shithouse. Carry on doing your thing …’

    Oooh, steady on.

  60. Mel Says:

    I bloody hope so nappers, as it is about 3k€ that they are threatening to fine me. I think I am going to have to go home and get high on all pot just to stop myself from thumping her, and complaining to her boss.

    I will still complain to her boss, but not when I am steaming like this, as i will have more effect if i can be calm about it. If i let this first wave of bile pass, i can be steely cold, and much more effective

  61. Napoleon Says:

    Mel – There appears to be a weird symbol in your comment. It’s right next to the number 3. Looks suspiciously foreign to me …

  62. Mel Says:

    It means i am being fined £2,999.99 in today’s money.

    It will be coming out of this incompetant idiot’s wages if i have my way.

  63. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Mel. do you have an e111? If so, you could say that was your insurance. Anyway in the brief facts that you have presented, the onus is on your company and so if a fine is levied, they should pay.

  64. daveselectricblanket Says:

    Anyone watch This Morning today? There was this annoying freelance ex-Guardian writer and her perfectly normal son talking about the pitfalls of smoking skunk. Infact, it got so bad that she had to pay for him to have his own apartment from which to commute back and to from private school. Tough times.

  65. Mel Says:

    DINLT – unfortunately, i am a resident of the Netherlands, and have the stamp in my passport and everything. E111 does not work any more.

    I am sure you are correct about the company, but i think it will be cheaper in the long run to sack her and pay someone that can actually do the flipping job.

    Sorry, I will cease to talk about it now, but i really needed to get rid of that one…

  66. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Nick, you need to get the artists to sign a form agreeing for you to record the gig. Within that form you can ascertain who owns the copyright of the film.

  67. Napoleon Says:

    A three grand fine? From a bunch of bloody hippies who couldn’t find their arses with both hands? Jesus wept, man! Can’t you point out you’re British? British and you’re damned if you’re paying some trumped-up penalty to a bunch of dope-smoking liberals in charge of Europe’s one and only banana republic? I’d be roaring my way down to that bloody tax office armed with a horsewhip right now, frankly.

  68. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Crumbs, i never had a stamp in my passport, though i was a resident.

  69. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    As you well know Napoleon, the House of Orange ruled this country. You are probably Dutch.

  70. Swineshead Says:

    Dave – that twat was on Breakfast yesterday. Ot was blatantly obvious she was using his cannabis psychosis to raise her own profile. It made me so sick I recorded it for the missus to watch when she got home.

    He seemed fine, his mum was an utter arsehole.

  71. Nick of the T Says:

    Thanks, I did ask them if I could record and they were up for it. I’ll look into it some more. I’m not going to sell them (yet) but that will be the general idea.

  72. Napoleon Says:

    DINLT – One fucking king – one. And then back to a bloated German with boggly eyes and bad breath. Hardly the total takeover of Britain by Holland, was it?

  73. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    If you are going to sell, then you have to agree a one off recording fee or a percentage of the sales.

  74. Mel Says:

    But, i still want a guitar-shaped cake update.

    Mr H was posting earlier, so I assume that he did not get murdered by his wife, but what about being stalked by the baker?

  75. Napoleon Says:

    Sorry, not German, Scotch. I’ve got Germans on the bloody brain, me.

  76. daveselectricblanket Says:

    Swineshead – I sensed that too. The daft bitch spoke over an addiction expert too.

  77. Napoleon Says:

    Wife? Mr. H? I doubt that fat rat stain’s married, Mel. If he is the poor woman’s clearly mad, blind and has no sense of smell.

  78. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Nap..we never ruled the low countries, indeed our history of ruling others in Europe is pretty low. French, Dutch, Germans and a Spanish queen all have ruled us. We are so full on European that we the Euro Parliament should be here!

  79. Mel Says:

    And the vikings DINLT – don’t forget them.

  80. Mel Says:

    Oh, and the Italians

  81. daveselectricblanket Says:

    And the Daleks in 2053AD!

  82. Napoleon Says:

    DINLT – You can bloody well have that European parliament as far as I’m concerned. Bunch of interfering busybodies, poking their noses into Great Britain’s knickers without even bothering to seek the old girl’s permission. How come it’s only us wot has to have straight cucumbers and sawdust-free sausages, eh? I’ll tell you – because you bastards have never forgiven us for beating Hitler, that’s why!

  83. Nick of the T Says:

    I was thinking of a percentage DINTT.
    I’m starting a label so this will crop up!
    I may have to seek the advice of a ……music lawyer!!!

  84. Mel Says:

    Hmm, i have another question for Mr H.

    Was the cake rabbit flavoured? I think this will give us a good indication as to whether or not the baker will become a stalker type.

  85. Napoleon Says:

    Dave – We’re not discussing children’s film and television today.

  86. Mr H Says:

    Sorry, I’ve been off filming the follow up to my multi-selling hit ‘Bull-Dick Meats The Neighbours’, the cleverly titled ‘Bull-Dick Meats The Neighbours Neighbours’.

    Those of you who were paying attention over the weekend will have spotted a cake update over at

    I cleverly shared the cake with my pornalike colleagues, as at least that way, I could take some of the bastards down with me if said cake had been poisoned.

    Oh, and I’d do Bradbury. I spent many hours stalking her over hill and dale when she did the all new, much improved Wainwrights Walks.

  87. Mel Says:

    I’ll think you’ll find the Dutch are VERY happy about that one NC. Liberation day is one of the few bank holidays we get over here

  88. Mel Says:

    Mr H, this gives us absolutely NO indication of whether the baker is now your stalker, or if your wife killed you. Tsk

  89. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    They’ll just charge you tons of dosh Nick. Wriiten contract with a percentage agreed by the signatories will stand up in court as a legal agreement. (well at worst a document that can be cited as a source of agreement should the need arise.)

  90. Mr H Says:


    Were you to head over to;

    and scroll down the right hand side, you will see a pictogram of the Metal Editor being adored* by said Mrs H.

    * and by adored, I mean throttled.

  91. Napoleon Says:

    Mel – Doesn’t stop ’em coming over her with their bloody tape-measures, does it? Frankly, you may as well dig Churchill up and fart in the old boy’s face.

  92. piqued Says:

    ‘I’ll think you’ll find the Dutch are VERY happy about that one NC. Liberation day is one of the few bank holidays we get over here’

    Everyday is a bank holiday in Amsterdam

  93. Mel Says:

    I hope it soon will be for our insurance admin Piqued…

  94. Mr H Says:


    a) Mrs H has not killed me. Yet. She is a woman, and could be up to any kind of nonsense concealed in cunning code. All she has to do is substitute the words “kill”, “death” and “murdurr” with “shoes”, “shopping” and “washing”, and I’d be none the wiser.

    2) The baker may well be after me. However, today, saw the unsolicited arrival of a hat in the post, so she may be in some sort of cahoots.

    Should any candlesticks arrive anytime soon, I shall be most concerned.

  95. Napoleon Says:

    Mr. H – You look like a freakish medical experiment that’s gone horribly wrong in that picture. And everyone knows people wot wear glasses diddle kids. Basically, you’re a kiddy-diddling ogre with the face of a chimpanzee crossed with a space hopper.

  96. Mel Says:

    Mr H – is that because she found out about the guitar cake?

  97. Mel Says:

    I meant Mrs H strangling you in the photo…

  98. Napoleon Says:

    And furthermore, how do I know you haven’t just captured the woman whose head you appear to be crushing in your gorilla-like arms?

  99. Mr H Says:

    Perry – delete the kiddy-diddling bit, and I can’t disagree.
    Mel – that is the least of my crimes against Mrs H over the years.
    Perry – it took a fair amount of hunting, stalking and trapping, but she’s not getting away now.

  100. Napoleon Says:

    I don’t suppose any ladies reading this fancy getting me a cup of tea, do they? Fair bit o’ milk, no sugar, like. Thanks.

  101. Napoleon Says:

    Mr. H – If you’re not a kiddy-fiddler, how come you’re wearing glasses? Was this photo of you and your captive taken on your way to a fancy dress party? A fancy dress party where you’ve gone as a paedophile?

  102. Mr H Says:

    Perry – I’m wearing glasses because I’m blind in one eye, after an accident with a parrot, a cutlass and a bottle of rum, when I was three. Their may have been some kiddy-fiddling going on, but I was probably the recipient.

    So, should you ever decide to hunt me down and kill me, make sure you approach from the left hand side, and I’ll never see it coming.

    Oh, and when I go to fancy dress parties, I always go as a sad eighties rocker throwback. Saves me getting changed.

  103. Mr H Says:

    Hmm, I may have been falsely accused of kiddy-diddling but how come the very next email I received offered me the chance to ‘widget’ Vanessa Hudgens? I think the prawn harvesters are following this blog very carefully.

    “Vanessa Hudgens – The star of High School Musical 3 returns with her second album, ‘Identified’, featuring the infectiously catchy US smash ‘Sneakernight’. This UK version includes 3 bonus tracks that weren’t available on the US release.

    Check out the Vanessa Hudgens widget!”

    The dirty bandits.

  104. Napoleon Says:

    You one-eyed Scotch idiot. You do realise there’s a special place in Hell reserved for the physically deformed, don’t you? I’m pleased that through no fault of your own you’ll spend the rest of eternity ROASTING in a fiery pit, being poked up your enormous arse by minions holding sharpened sticks. You and all those other buggers what is misshapen and unsightly in Gawd’s eyes. And the homeless.

    Don’t knock ’80s rocker throwbacks. They’re the dinosaurs wot pay my bills.

  105. Clarry Says:

    I imagined a much more sinister cake…

  106. Mel Says:

    Clarry, I imagined a much more sinister stalker…

  107. Napoleon Says:

    Is five too young an age to get my cousin a cake shaped like a pair of tits for his birthday?

  108. Mel Says:

    We made my dad’s last birthday cake in the shape of a reclining naked lady with ENORMOUS tits.

    He liked it a lot, and he is a big kid.

  109. daveselectricblanket Says:

    My dad got me a novelty mouse with a pair of tits on it when I was fifteen and to this day it’s the closest I’ve ever got to the real thing, bar my own funbags and the dog.

  110. Mel Says:

    Dave – have you just been fined for that?

  111. Mr H Says:

    Perry – “I’m pleased that through no fault of your own you’ll spend the rest of eternity ROASTING in a fiery pit, being poked up your enormous arse by minions holding sharpened sticks.”

    So you’ve already bought ‘Bull-Dick Meats The Neighbours Neighbours’ then. Well done, that’ll pay for more deep fried lard and Buckfast for the kids. The ones I’m not diddling. Not that there’s anything wrong with..oh, hang on…

  112. Napoleon Says:

    I wasn’t saying you’re going to hell because you’ve starred in gay pornography, Mr. H (though the religious consensus seems to be that you most certainly will). I was saying you’re hell-bound because of your freakish deformities. It’ll be you, Professor Stephen Hawkins and that bugger wot drew stuff with his feet suffering eternal torments in a vat of molten lava. You are shameful in God’s eyes … with your one eye, you fat cyclops.

  113. Mr H Says:

    Well I’d rather spend all eternity burning in Hell, than spend three minutes as an unemployable Irish cartoonist living in his Mums shed, slowly masturbating himself to death.

  114. Mr H Says:


    I’m a Catholic, so have got the secret handshake and lotion to guarantee entry to the Kingdom of Heaven.

    Night all.

  115. Napoleon Says:

    You’re not a bloody Catholic, you fat liar! You have to be religious for that. The only thing you worship is booze, you baboon-brained piss-artist.

  116. daveselectricblanket Says:

    Just taught my Saudi Arabian housemate how to make beans on toast. Brilliant.

  117. ugeine Says:

    You don’t ‘make’ beans on toast anymore then you ‘make’ piss on toilet seat.

  118. daveselectricblanket Says:

    There’s a Zen monk out there somewhere laughing his tits off at that, Ugeine.

  119. ugeine Says:

    I’ve got a loyal fan-base, Dave.

  120. fourstar Says:

    That Goldacre character agrees with you:

    “…Julia Bradbury is weirdly hot, in a sanctimonious kind of way…”

  121. Jo Says:

    Having worked with them both, I can confirm that Julia Bradbury is indeed a very nice lady.

    As for Nicky? No comment.

  122. Martin Says:

    Whatever happened to that lovely girl on Watchdog with the huge errr chest? She was gorgeous – well worth watching for.. Was she Charlotte Hudson? Where is she now?

  123. Moose Jaw Insurance Says:

    Moose Jaw Insurance…

    […]One Minute Review: Watchdog « Watch With Mothers[…]…

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