One Minute Review: Great Ormond Street


It’s a good cause, it uses fitting imagery and the theme is well executed. Just please, please, PLEASE take the song away from the mix because it’s driving me insane.

I watch The Wright Stuff every morning, for my sins, and the Great Ormond Street advert always manages to catch me off guard, despite the fact it’s on during every ad break, twice. And, for reasons only they could explain, the tune they employ is Athlete’s ‘Wires’ – which is one of those songs with one of those melodies that sounds pleasant enough the first time, but then, like any similar slice of poison by Coldplay or Snow Patrol, it burrows its way into your consciousness and installs itself, virus-like within your lobes and before you know it, it’s playing in your mind as you wash the dishes. It’s blaring behind your eyes as you try to take a dump. It’s following you to the chip shop. It’s round your Nan’s house. It’s IN YOUR BED.

And the worst of it is, it’s there for life. Even if you only hear that first minor chord bashed accidentally on a detuned piano, your memory crank will turn and fire a synapse playing the whole, turgid symphony back, strings and all in the back of your brain as you claw at your own face, bleeding from nostrils and tear ducts as you whimper along to the tune, helpless and dribbling.

The last thing I need is a respectable charity triggering this kind of psychological damage, so please, Great Ormond Street, for the love of God, STOP!

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77 Responses to “One Minute Review: Great Ormond Street”

  1. Napoleon Says:

    I’m not interested in this! That’s because I’m trying to understand the complex set of rules and regulations that govern my new medical trivia game. Do YOU want to win HUNDREDS OF CASH PRIZES? Or an unwanted job in an ABATTOIR? No? Then come and play Triveration! NOW! It’s incomprehensible!

  2. Swineshead Says:

    I see it in your eyes. You’ll be alright.

  3. Mel Says:

    Yeah, but it is about someone in a hospital, so maybe appropriate.

    However, i have no place to comment, because over here 90% of ads are for foodstuffs/ supermarkets, and they just proclaim everything lekker. I don’t have to suffer the constant assault to the eardrums

  4. Swineshead Says:

    That’s not the point Mel – it may be about infant hospitalisation and thus be contextually apt, but it does my head in!

  5. Swineshead Says:


  6. Mel Says:


    MOR inoffensive stuff with a message will appeal to the masses, as i said yesterday, you feed them bland until they think it is great, and then they lap it up.
    At least you don’t get the Dolmio puppets in Dutch! *That* is something that will really do your head in. They still have crap fake Italian accents.

    Today i also have the noisiest main the World conducting a skype conference behind my desk. One of the participants keeps dropping out. He has been on the call for 20 minutes thus far, and all i have heard him do is repeat people’s names. Now that is worse than Athlete.

  7. Swineshead Says:

    I’d say they’re on a level, Mel.

    I don’t miss my old office, I have to say.

    I fear figures will dip today what with Perry’s pointless board game. Thank god it’s too stressful for him to do one every day.

    I hope I haven’t tempted fate on that one.

  8. Mel Says:

    Oh, somehow that last comment seems inappropriate after that news SH. Sorry

  9. Swineshead Says:

    I might delete my comment Mel – not your fault at all!

  10. Nick T Says:

    Don’t governments give money to make hospitals run?

  11. Swineshead Says:

    I’ve no idea how Gt Ormond Street is funded, Nick. All I know is that the song they use (the one by Athlete called ‘Wires’) does my head in!

  12. badgermadge Says:

    Oh gaaahhhhd! I ate too many chcolate and marshmallow pancakes last night. No, no, not just chocolate and marshamallow – chocolate and marshamallow and strawberries and bananas and nuts and cream and jam…


    Um. And I hate it when that happens too, SH. Songs. In your head. Stuff.

  13. Swineshead Says:

    I had none pancakes yesterday. None.

  14. Swineshead Says:

    I fear it’ll officially be dead in here today…

  15. Napoleon Says:

    That’s not my fault.

  16. Nick T Says:

    The song sounds like it is going to stop at any moment. Unfortunatly it goes on for 13 days….
    I did not have any pancakes as Mrs Nick was attached to her laptop working. She is the pancake administrator and administer.
    Does the Napster have a game then?

  17. Mel Says:

    You would have been able to pop over to mine to have pancakes today SH. I am having them today on account of having more flaming dental work yesterday.

    I would invite you, but a plane has just crashed at schiphol, so i guess there will be no planes today.

  18. Mel Says:

    Nappers, having a bit of a passing interest in all things medical, I thought i might play, but i cannot get past the comments arguing about who will go first, so i think i’ll give it a miss – yeah?

  19. Napoleon Says:

    Mel – I may have just cracked who goes first. Unless I haven’t …

  20. Mel Says:

    Pfft, tell me when you have the order of play, and how many comments in you are, and i might have another look

    I have a four hour staff meeting later today, so I cannot be wasting time on the order of play

  21. breeks Says:

    i just visited Nap’s site. it’s too crowded and the rules are too british.

    i’m here, instead.


    i actually own athlete’s album. feel free to judge.

  22. Steve Says:

    My pet hate is the line ‘you can see she’s a beautiful girl (she’s a beautiful girl) from Suddenly I see by KT Tunstall played over EVERY SINGLE montage when a slightly attractive girl gets voted out of something. It really grinds my gears.

    In fact any time a song has been lazily plastered over some video because a lyric may fit the situation drives me mad.

  23. indy Says:

    sorry, i cannot listen to the song from my office right now: what i need to know is if athlete’s “wires” is…
    a) keane – everybody’s changing,
    b) snow patrol – chasing cars or…
    c) the fray – how to save a life

  24. breeks Says:

    or daniel wotsit’s ‘bad day’.

    fucking bad day.

  25. Mel Says:

    I don’t know that one breeks – how does it go?

  26. breeks Says:

    or with sound, god help you –

  27. Mel Says:

    Oh jesus, i lasted about a nanosecond on that one. I think that would be really inappropriate to have as the music to an advert about sick kids.

    In fact, that would be inappropriate to have as the music anywhere.

    It definitely reinforces my point about feeding bland pap to the masses, and them going mad over terrible shit like this. Sheesh

  28. Mel Says:

    In fact, now I’m having a bad day. I’d rather listen to the skype conference. Not that i have any choice in that. I have the Archers on really loud in my headphones, and i can still flaming hear him.

  29. indy Says:

    (desperately trying to avoid creating a camerongate)

  30. indy Says:

    bad day… frak. i’d forgotten that one.

  31. Mel Says:

    I’d say the bad day one is worse. I got to at least 30 seconds of the athlete one

  32. breeks Says:

    remember the time when ANY ad for ANY thing had some kind of coldplay piano tinkling? and before that it was moby moby moby.


    oh for a little bit of variety, eh.

  33. Mel Says:

    yes, what we need is more ads with Half Man Half Biscuit lyrics.

  34. Swineshead Says:

    Yeah – we’ve already decided David Cameron is out of bounds today…

    And having typed that, with that ‘Bad day’ song in mind, I had to self-censor.

    ARGH – It’s a minefield!

  35. breeks Says:

    i’d quite like the metric song about ‘i drive this car to get to work, i go to work to pay for the car’ to be used advertising some kind of recruitment company or, rather, the job centre.


  36. Swineshead Says:

    Any song featured on an ad is immediately devalued isn’t it?

    Unless it’s so old the band either can’t be blamed for needing retirement cash or are dead and can’t be blamed, full stop…

  37. Mel Says:

    Actually, i think we should have more Icelandic people singing on EVERYTHING. I love the way they pronounce things, and we need cheering up in these economically uncertain times.

  38. godshatmyipod Says:

    How can anything be too British? That’s utterly mad.

    As is Begorrah Potato O’Perry and his all new exciting Carry On based hospital game over at

  39. Swineshead Says:

    He’s already plugged that.

    I’m ducking out of Perry’s game, there are only so many times I can press F5

  40. Excelsior! Says:

    What about the BNP GSMIpod? Theyre abit too British.

  41. Steve Says:

    I was gutted when The Spinto Band’s “Oh Mandy” appeared on a Kenco (I think) advert.

    I love that song. No lyrics mind, they don’t exactly fit with coffee.

    You got a gnome in the backyard
    You put him right on the X mark
    You’re eating brains out the back of my head
    Oh yeah, that’s where the money is

    bit freaky.

  42. godshatmyipod Says:

    Excelsior! – nothing, repeat nothing, is too British. I think you’ll find the problem with the BNP, apart from moisturising issues, is they’re too Nazionalist.

  43. Excelsior! Says:

    What if a British couple were marooned on a desert island (lets say in the western isles) and spawned a legion of British sprogs, who, lacking any other other option continued to breed with each other, concentrating their British genes down the generations until the resultant freakshows, finally mercifully infertile, collapsed in a horrific tangle of deformity and gasped their last hideous, rasping breaths.

    Would these poor lost souls not be too British?

  44. Mel Says:

    Steve – it is a bit like a lot of other stuff musically, though, especially the intro

  45. Mel Says:

    Excelsior – i reckon they’d either have fashioned boats from whatever they could lat their hands on and got the flip out of dodge, or that would possibly take far fewer generations than you’d think.

  46. Nick T Says:

    I’m just watching, with my eyes. F5ing . Nothing to say but I’m here, oh yes

  47. Mel Says:

    Isn’t that commonly known as lurking Nick?

  48. Napoleon Says:

    It would be useful if you informed me you were ducking out of my game in my bloody game, Swineshead.

  49. Mel Says:

    Have you sorted out who goes first yet Nappers?

  50. breeks Says:

    i just revisited the trivia wotsit on nap’s site.

    it’s still too…well. too everything.

    sort it out, nc.

  51. Napoleon Says:

    Mel – We sorted that out after a meagre hour’s worth of arguments. That’s not a bad record for one of my appalling games.

    Breeks – I’m having a bit of bother figuring out the right answers to the trivia questions. I’m sure it’ll all work out fine in the end.

  52. Nick T Says:

    That’s it Mel, lurkin’

  53. Mel Says:

    Nappers – you are on the internet. JFGI!

  54. breeks Says:

    nc – just say the first thing that comes into your fass-brain. it’ll be as good as anything else.

  55. Nick T Says:

    No one has told me who Louche was on EC. I did ask…

  56. Napoleon Says:

    Nick – He’s the I’m Not Gay fella:

  57. Mel Says:

    Which is probably just as well NC, if he were to live in a religious country, he will not be damned to all eternity

  58. Nick T Says:

    Thanks Naps but I’m still non the wiser.

  59. Napoleon Says:

    Swineshead or Piqued are the men to ask, Nick, as far as I’m aware.

  60. breeks Says:

    nick – naps had it right. initials sp.

  61. ugeine Says:

    *montage of pretty girl dicking about with umbrella*

    ‘A Romani bint in a field with her paints, Suggesting we faint at her beauty, But she’s got “Dickie Davis Eyes!”

    *twat with glasses drives expensive car down motorway’

    ‘We’ve both seen your personalised reg plate, and it’s not the worse crime I agree, but we both know full well, it really should spell T W A T O N E’

    *laughing family goes to Dinseyworld*

    Is your child hyperactive, or perhaps he’s just a twat.

    Great idea Mel! Half man half biscuit lyrics would be great for adverts.

  62. ugeine Says:

    I’m pretty sure it’s King O, the teacher, Nick.

  63. indy Says:

    dear wwm:ers,

    my colleague is whistling pink’s “so what” half-out-of-tune. how does one solve this kind of problem?

  64. Mel Says:

    well Ugeine, i could see them selling stuff. It would be better than those crappy badly done puppets that are selling cars art the moment

  65. ugeine Says:

    A hammer, ‘Bastards’ my Motorhead, some newspaper strewn over the floor, a hacksaw, a rug and a bathtub.

  66. Mel Says:

    give him a lollipop (if you like him) making him shut up

    Or you could try drowning it out with the Archers (Although it didn’t really work with me and skype conference man)

    If you don’t like him, i recommend pavlovian therapy indy. Every time you hear him whistle, or even hear that song, punch him very hard. Then he will quickly learn that song always illicits that response from you, and will not whistle it in your presence. Or play it or anything. It may get you sacked, but it is guaranteed to get him to stop.

  67. breeks Says:

    eat him. or her.

  68. ugeine Says:

    The lead singer was the voice of BP a few years ago, Mel.

  69. indy Says:

    pavlovian (or is it skinner?) therapy it is. *gets car battery*

    being non-british i’ve never “get” the archers. what is it? emmerdale on the radio?

  70. breeks Says:

    indy – the archers is self-indulgent shit, basically, and lives on cause the brits are too scared to let go of stuff and embrace the future, yeah.

    same goes for other stuff, like bruce forsyth (fiddler if i ever saw one) and baked beans.


  71. Mel Says:

    But the Archers is unintentionally hilarious. This week there is a plot line where a man has befriended and helped this bloke, who turns out to have lied, and may have nicked his telly. the man’s Brother in law gets all Sherlock Holmes, and then he unearths all his lies and goes and confronts him with them. They end up having a fight, which sounds a bit pathetic, but to hear a fight staged on radio had me rolling about laughing with tears streaming down my cheeks. Absolutely classic, but it was supposed to be a serious plotline…

    *that* is why the Archers is great, and they never randomly kill off their cast with a plane crash, like Emmerdale, and nor do they randomly replace the actors with no explanation, like Aussie soaps.

    Plus, the Archers is the shark of soapland, having predated Emmerdale, and i bet it will last long beyond it.

  72. Mel Says:

    Plus, my Swedish boyfriend *loves* it, so it is not entirely British.

  73. Nick T Says:

    Ahh Mel, the great Ryan vs Kenton (or Huggy Bear as I dubbed him) fight. I blame Shula, but then I blame Shula for everything.

  74. Mel Says:

    But it was really hilarious though, wasn’t it?

    I think i did a bit of wee, i was laughing so hard

    “uh…ow…oh…errr ruffle ruffle..what are ou doing…ow..oof”

    Utter genius

  75. Mel Says:

    And my favourite line of the aftermath

    Police car: ‘nee nah nee nah’
    Kenton: ‘Ooh look at this our very own episode of the Bill’


  76. Nick T Says:

    I’m eagerly awaiting developments on the Matt Crawford/Tom Archers pigs front…..

  77. Simon Says:

    The song was written after the daughter of the lead singer of Athlete was born prematurely. So that may be why it is used in the GOSH adverts.


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