Just a Thought – Horne & Corden Trailer


Could just be me, but isn’t this:

…just a rubbish version of this:




390 Responses to “Just a Thought – Horne & Corden Trailer”

  1. Hairton Egglebert Says:

    Yes. It is.

  2. Nick of the T Says:

    It’s a close run thing except that Stephen Fry is funny

  3. ugeine Says:


    The canned laughter really grates in the first clip.

  4. Jo Says:

    Urgh. The first one just made me cringe.

    I think I vommed in my mouth a little.

    Isn’t it supposed to make me laugh as well?

  5. myopiniononstuff Says:

    Well spotted, young sir. And I strangely watched that very episode of A Bit Of Fry And Laurie on G.O.L.D (UK Gold to you an I).

    Whilst I do find Gavin and Stacey to be the most refreshingly gentle and warm sitcom of recent times I can’t help but think that their new sketch show is both utter wank and, as do you, stolen (see Ghost sketch).

    I wouldn’t right them off yet though. Lesbian Vampire killers looks like the best thing since that Spaced bunch punted at cinema. Not to mention the fact that it reminds me of the Dr Terrible’s House of Horrible lines…

    ‘I was attacked by a bunch of lesbian vampires!’

    ‘Don’t be stupid, there’s no such thing as lesbians’

    Genius. And a lawsuit waiting to happen.

  6. myopiniononstuff Says:

    Write, that is. BASTARDS!

  7. Swineshead Says:

    That intro was the opening to every Fry and Laurie episode in series 4.

  8. Swineshead Says:

    Also – I’ve a feeling LVK will be more Alien Autopsy than Shaun of the Dead. I’ll give it a fair hearing, of course….

  9. Swineshead Says:

    Also – ‘young sir’…

    You’re in your early 20s aren’t you?

  10. Bright Ambassador Says:

    I get the impression, from watching ads, that this Horne and Corden series is just built around the fact that James Corden’s morbidly obese.

  11. breeks Says:

    it’s about time for corden to the do usual fat-celebrity thing of getting momentarily thin, selling a lot of stories and making gags, and then getting fat again.

    and yes, it’s a bit like the f&l.


    i’ve a headache. posh cider and scrabble on a tuesday is clearly DEVIL.

  12. Napoleon Says:

    Yes it is!

    Hello there everyone.

  13. godshatmyipod Says:

    You utter bastard. Where was the warning message, eh? Everyone knows that the new Hale & Pace make me vomit copiously every time I see them. How do I explain that to my boss, eh? She won’t like her new splatter effect office, I can just tell. You utter bastard.

  14. Telemachus Says:

    Am I alone in thinking that BBC3 is in fact a flawed concept and completely condescending? Most of it is pretty average stuff and the humour …. well it’s all a bit lame.

  15. ugeine Says:

    Decent programmes that have been on BBC3 could be counted on one hand, surely? Nighty Nighty, Mighty Boosh, err…

    It’s even worse now that the Beeb are trying to market it as CBBC meets E4.

  16. badgermadge Says:

    Sadly the only decent thing they’ve done is Gavin and Stacey. And I’m beginning to think that was more thanks to Ruth Jones…

  17. Napoleon Says:

    I don’t know what channel I was watching the other day (possibly Sunday), but there was this man with annoying hair and this awful, smug woman introducing ancient Simpsons episodes. I wanted to put my boot through the telly every time they came on. Was it Sky?

  18. badgermadge Says:

    that would be e4 nappers

  19. Napoleon Says:

    I couldn’t get into that Gavin & Stacey at all. I thought Hi-De-Hi was better, frankly.

  20. Napoleon Says:

    Badger – Was it? I see. The missus must have had that on for her bloody Superman show. Or her bloody Housewives show.

  21. Swineshead Says:

    T4, even? The woman was Miquita Oliver, no doubt – who can be seen every Friday staggering pissed through Shoreditch or Clerkenwell.

    I can’t hack Gavin & Stacey either. I’d also go for Ted Bovis given the option.

  22. Mel Says:

    hello. I cannot see these videos, due to the previously mentioned domain problems.

    I have a few points though:
    1) Telemachus is not alone in thinking that BBC3 is utterly pointless.
    2) I prefer that Grenner Grass abonimation to G&S – which is not to say i like the former in any way shape or form
    3) How come i go away for a day and you discuss 2 really good things? PAh
    4) Nappers, how do you manage to get annoyed by someone else’s hair? Is it hair envy?

  23. Mel Says:

    Yes Grenner Grass. I have re-christened it. Next week, i will simply be referring to it as Shite

  24. badgermadge Says:

    oh yes, e4 that’s it. i get my fours confuddled. not good with numbers, me. but it’s all the same isn’t it these days?

    gavin and stacey is ace. mainly because i’ve lived in that area of wales, maybe, but it’s still ace. maybe it’s a girl thing too…

  25. Napoleon Says:

    T4? Now I’m confused. Is that on E4? It’s the one with the old Simpsons episodes and that blasted Superman rubbish.

    Aaah, the mighty Ted Bovis. Takes me back, does that.

  26. Swineshead Says:

    Ted Bovis, king of pub singers.

    Is Paul Shane still alive? If so, I might try and interview him for WWM. If not, expect a poignant picture gallery of me visiting his grave.

  27. Napoleon Says:

    I think he’s still alive. I hope he is.

    This Oliver woman you mentioned. If it’s the same one I saw, she had a very lazy, strung-out way of talking. I couldn’t work out if she was a simpleton, or if she’d had a night on the sauce the previous day.

  28. breeks Says:

    you’re all talking too english.

    be more inclusive, nationally speaking, esp you, naps.

  29. Swineshead Says:

    Lose a few syllables, Nappers – the holiday-maker can’t understand you.

  30. Mel Says:

    Breeks at least you get to see the clips…

    would you like to talk about Kevin Rudd’s hair?

  31. Napoleon Says:

    Mel – I get annoyed by people’s hair when it looks like that man’s did on the telly. I was also watching a list show on Saturday (I think), and it was presented by another of these hideous women, plus a twat with an awful northern accent that sounded like he was laughing when he spoke. He had this fringe that infuriated me. The bastard. He was another one who spoke like he’d just been given morphine.

  32. Swineshead Says:

    Oh fuck – Trisha’s come on

    *kicks TV off*

  33. Swineshead Says:

    He was probably Nick Grimshaw, Napoleon. He annoys lots of people.

  34. badgermadge Says:

    Miquita is black and chubby but there’s a white and skinny version of her what used to be a model. Both abhorant but frequently held up for their *cough* style sense *cough*

    T4 is on Ch4 Sunday mornings. It’s the Teen version of Ch4, geddit? Not at all patronising…

  35. breeks Says:

    hi mel.

    k-rudd’s hair isn’t the worst an australian prime minister has had, although i do yearn for the good old filth-days of keating.

    oh yes.

  36. badgermadge Says:

    alexa chung.

    horrid thing.

  37. Swineshead Says:

    Do you mean Alexa Chung, Badger?

  38. badgermadge Says:


  39. Swineshead Says:

    Miquita’s mixed race.

    I don’t mind either of them, as it happens. And I usually mind these kinds of people. I still carry a torch for that strange yet delightful character they call June Sarpong.

  40. Napoleon Says:

    Couldn’t tell you his name, but ‘Grimshaw’ sounds suitably northern. Spoke like an imbecile. What we used to call ‘daft’ up here.

  41. badgermadge Says:

    i miss june and dermot…

  42. breeks Says:

    nick grimshaw, oft to be found in the company of kelly ‘chipmunk cheeks’ osbourne or peaches ‘not so juicy’ geldof.

    ah june. i loved june. she were well funny and couldn’t sing a note.

  43. Napoleon Says:

    Is that June Sarpong the one whose voice is like nails scraping down a blackboard? Appeared on Question Time, came across as unbelievably thick?

  44. Swineshead Says:

    This is your man, Napoleon.

    That’s the one, Napoleon. She may have sounded like a feline she-devil, and she may have had a brain the size of a cashew – but she did something for me.

  45. badgermadge Says:

    yeah. she seems like she’s always pissed and yet is a t-totaller…

  46. Excelsior! Says:

    Cant abide that Sarpong creature. Viz very acurately once discribed her as the sound of metal on metal.
    And Katona as big tit chip shop rubbish, which is beside the point but acurate non the less.

  47. Mel Says:

    June – spoke like she had smoked at lest 80 a day for the past 40 years. Those were the heydays of C/T4.

  48. Napoleon Says:

    THAT’S the bastard! My blood’s up now.

  49. Mel Says:

    Blimey, who would have thought that Nappers can get his underpants contorted by such trivial matters? would you like a nice cup of tea and a lie down NC?

  50. Hemmerfru Says:

    T4 was also the name of one of the first Nazi extermination programmes. Surely not just coincidence?

    Nick Grimshaw is an oaf. I saw him walking his dog the other day, and the hound looked positively ashamed of the company it was forced to keep.

  51. Telemachus Says:

    Now the thing is that children’s telly in the 70’s was very edgy. Today it is rubbish. This program would be deemed too scary for today.

  52. Napoleon Says:

    Mel – No thanks. I’ve been to sleep, and don’t fancy a tea. Plus I’m too worked up now thanks to Swineshead linking to a picture of that smug little shit. I’d not be able to sleep if if I hadn’t already had all loads last night.

    Incidentally, I dreamed an intriguing international murder mystery last night. Hats off to my missus for waking me up at the exact point where the murderer was about to be revealed.

  53. ugeine Says:

    I have a thing for Mrs oliver. Not Jules. All those hungover mornings watching popworld…

  54. Mel Says:

    I have absolutely no idea who this gurning, frizzy-haired stoner is, but i have now made a note to avoid him at all costs.

  55. Swineshead Says:

    Miquita Oliver isn’t an annoying celebrity when you see her in real life. She’s just permanently off her rocker on fizzy drinks.

  56. ugeine Says:

    Cheers, Mel. Good morning to you too.

  57. Napoleon Says:

    Mel – I never want to see his gurning, grinning head again. And that fucking voice …

    Give me the educated tones of an Attenborough or a Dimbleby any day. From now on I’m sticking to the back-to-back repeats of A Picture Of Britain on Sundays. You know where you are with A Picture Of Britain.

  58. breeks Says:

    jaime winston = ugle
    alfie allen = annoying
    peaches geldof = heavy jawed
    pixie geldof = prettier than peaches
    kelly osbourne = addict
    jack osbourne = fat
    alexa chung = better than fearne
    miquita oliver = friends with winehouse
    amy winehouse = tragic clown
    lily allen = long bottomed

    more. more pointless yoofs, please.

  59. badgermadge Says:

    I heard both girls had disappeared up their own arses years ago and are permanently coked up.

  60. Who Says:

    What ho chaps, just weighing in with a predictable yes to Hi de Hi, no to G&S.

  61. badgermadge Says:

    pixie IS prettier but i just wish she’d smile. once.

    what has she possibly got to be mopey about (except for the tragic death of her druggie mother, constant annoying older sister in the headlines, embarrassing father etc etc of course)

  62. Swineshead Says:

    Ugeine – that made me laugh. Thought Mel was talking about me for a sec.

  63. indy Says:

    breeks: i’ll print out and bring your list when going to london. that’s a fully acceptable briefing for a short trip.

  64. Swineshead Says:

    When are you in town Indy? We must meet and plot.

  65. Napoleon Says:

    If we’d known in the olden days that we’d get saddled with loads of celebrities’ kids, I reckon we’d have boycotted stuff like Live Aid just so the likes of Geldof and his clan of shitwit children ended up forgotten in the gutter. Why did I ever tolerate Keith Allen? Why didn’t Ozzy have the decency to drink himself to death in the late ’70s? The horror … the horror …

  66. breeks Says:

    no worries indy. can also tell you the places to avoid (includes hackney, obv).

  67. Swineshead Says:

    Long bottomed?? I like that but don’t understand it.

    jaime winston = rubbish
    alfie allen = rubbish
    peaches geldof = rubbish
    pixie geldof = rubbish
    kelly osbourne = rubbish
    jack osbourne = rubbish
    alexa chung = acceptable
    miquita oliver = acceptable
    amy winehouse = rubbish
    lily allen = rubbish
    june sarpong = some kind of strange goddess
    nick grimshaw = rubbish

  68. Swineshead Says:

    Are there any celebrities with decent kids?

  69. badgermadge Says:

    breeks/nappers… dammit i was just thinking of blogging about this very thing. unoriginal i know, but hey. that’s me.

    gah! will bmtv EVER get back off the ground?????

  70. Nick T Says:

    I miss PLayaway with Brian Cant.

    I like breeks’s new word “ugle”


  71. Excelsior! Says:

    You don’t often hear about em if their decent though. Theyve got to be shits to make it into the papers.

  72. indy Says:

    sh: piqued has not revealed my short visit too you? i’m coming over at the end of march 27th to 31st.

    breeks: i’ve just booked a six days-trip to hackney. i’ll do fine. i’m no stranger to hackney central/downs or homerton.

  73. Swineshead Says:

    Fair point Exelsior.

    That reminds me, Nappers was in a short school play with the title ‘Exelsior’ as I recall.


  74. indy Says:

    sh: the (bryan) ferry kids?

  75. Swineshead Says:

    No Indy, my first read about it was here a few days ago. I’ll be sure to be about. We can bully Piqued.

  76. Swineshead Says:

    Ah – The Ferry Child – he’s a proper rebel, him.

  77. Excelsior! Says:

    The royal spawn are the worst of the bunch. Did anyone see that dispatches about the princes? That really stuck in my craw.

  78. Napoleon Says:

    Good celebrity kids? Why, look no further than Dan Snow. Intelligent historian boffin son of mad political inventer, Peter Snow.

  79. Napoleon Says:

    I don’t remember being in a short school play called ‘Excelsior’. Was that the one where I had an axe hidden down my trousers?

  80. breeks Says:


    coco sumner – rough
    lily collins – attractive (god knows how with phillip as her sperm-father)
    fifi geldof – a bit fat and mostly invisible
    tiger-lily hutchence – suicide risk

    indy – try chiswick, darl.

  81. badgermadge Says:

    NAppers – yes but even he’\s a bit smug and up his arse. And too classically good looking.

  82. Mel Says:

    what about Liza Minelli – she is a celebrity kid, and so is Jaime Lee Curtis.

  83. indy Says:

    do politicians qualify as celebrities?

    *embarrassing silence*

    thatcher. no. sorry. i forgot about the racist remarks.

  84. badgermadge Says:

    there must be a few actors out there what are children of famous peeps that aren’t repulsive. what about jamie fox? he’s ok. a bit nasal.

  85. Nick T Says:

    Famous celeb offspring

    Rufus Wainright.
    Dweedle Zappa.
    Elvis Cotello (his dad was a famous band leader)
    Nora Jones (Ravi Shanka’s daughter)
    Julian Lennon
    That cat faced daughter of ex Blue Peter presenter.
    Lilly Allen

    I’ll stop now unless I’m ignored……

  86. Excelsior! Says:

    Naps – did you go around asking girls if theyd like to see your chopper? I would have*

    *am single

  87. Napoleon Says:

    Carrie Fisher’s always come across as a cool cat. Liza Minelli’s bloody awful. I like Jamie Lee Curtis – ‘specially her tits in Trading Places. The Redgraves seem alright, except I’ve heard Michael was a bit of a twat. I might have that wrong though.

  88. Napoleon Says:

    Nick – Did you happen to catch Janet Ellis dancing on that dancing show? Her performance reawkened a couple of dusty little childhood fantasies for me, I must say.

    I’ve never been able to figure out if her daughter is attractive or an abomination.

    Excelsior – I can’t remember. Knowing me, I probably did, sadly.

  89. Mel Says:

    Elvis Costello’s dad was also the secret lemonade drinker from off of the R Whites Lemonade ads in the 70s.

  90. breeks Says:


    tiger-lily hutchence – suicide risk.

    c’mon. that’s brilliant. i’m well proud of that one.

    alexandra wotserface, long-jawed daughter of that crooked politicion. she wants to be a rap artist. anyway, she’s shit.

    rumer willis – yet ANOTHER heavy jawed fiend. badly dressed, too.

    beatrice & eugenie – MORE heavy jaws.

    what is it with the fat-jaw, eh?

    money can’t buy class. or beauty.

    suri cruise – bound for ruination

    pitt-jolie zoo – terrorist cell

  91. Mel Says:

    Lourdes and Rocco aren’t looking too good either, especially now the parents are going through a bitter and public divorce (are they still, or is it all back on again?)

    We can possibly look forward to the Goody offspring running riot in a few years

  92. Napoleon Says:

    The Dimblebys, of course. You wouldn’t catch either of them staggering out of a club with their knickers round their ankles.

  93. breeks Says:

    chloe madeley – big nosed and stoned

  94. breeks Says:

    the katona sprogs – common as muck. odds on fave for at least one to be pregnant by 15.

  95. Mel Says:

    Oh yes, and on the subject of fat jaw – inbreeding. Guaranteed to make those rare genetic problems much more prevalent in any given population.

  96. Nick T Says:

    Oo Mel,

    Just the end of it Nap.

    I miss had a thing for Chloe from Playaway

  97. myopiniononstuff Says:

    ITTODATBIA has died, I see.

  98. Nick T Says:

    It gets better Mel.

    “Ross McManus, the father of singer Elvis Costello) wrote and sang the original song, with his teenage son, providing backing vocals.”


  99. badgermadge Says:

    Oooo Breeks I went to college with Alexandra Whatsherface. Except her name is Victoria Aitken.

    She was quite nice actually. Not snooty when she could have easily been.

  100. breeks Says:

    thanks badgermadge. she always seems nice. and clueless. and shit at rapping.

  101. Mel Says:

    And i am fairly certain they did one with Mr Benn too. I have never been able to find it again, but i absolutely swear i saw it on the telly, and that was long before i discovered drugs

  102. Nick T Says:

    There are drugs?

  103. myopiniononstuff Says:

    And just a thought but didn’t the Boddingtons adverts get there before A Bit of Fry and Laurie any a how?

  104. Mel Says:

    Nick i live in Holland. We drink them because the water isn’t safe

  105. Swineshead Says:

    Where are these drugs?

  106. badgermadge Says:

    Breeks, she was/is all three. Bless her Blue-blooded cotton socks.

    Seriously tho, in a college where everyone was the son of a Brasilian prince/Tory MP/both she was a bit of fresh air. She could have easily ignored me, but I will always remember her making room for me in the study centre (homework room) and sharing a few jokes. This was at the time when the legal shit was going on too, so she could have easily shut down and acted all rude.

    I was there on a scholarship, before you ask…

  107. breeks Says:

    thanks for explaining the scholarship, BM, else we would’ve had to severely punish you or something.

  108. Mel Says:

    I have just been reading yesterday’s comments. Bah. I go to CeBIT for one lousy day and miss all the good stuff. I am eagerly awaiting tales of DAve as a charity and Indy’s tales of Norwegians.

  109. Mel Says:

    SH- all in holland. Come on in the Water’s lovely.

  110. badgermadge Says:

    well i *am* posh too, you know. non of this riff raff oiks and all that, what what.

    i’m just very clever. and posh.

    and my mum gave the headmaster a blow job.

  111. myopiniononstuff Says:

    Look at that!

  112. breeks Says:

    bm – it’s ok. i’m posh on one side of the ancestry. illiterate on the other, mind.

    also my parents at one point in my life had no money to pay for housing (ie: 5 members of my family living in one room in someone else’s house) but did continue to send us to an exorbitantly priced private school.

    clearly logical.

  113. badgermadge Says:

    well as long as you didn’t invite anyone round to the one-roomed cess pit that’s fine.

    upholding the image is what’s important what what?

  114. indy Says:

    mel: ah, my rant about the norwegians! i never thought that one would ask about it. is it ok if i save it for the afternoon or do you want it now?

  115. Nick T Says:

    Talking of radioactive paedos http://blog.neco.com/2009/3/3/michael-jackson-confirmed-for-09-extended-stay-tour

  116. Mel Says:

    No, i find ranting about Norwegians is always best on a full stomach indy. You crack on.

    Actually, i was forced by the outlaws to watch a “hilarious” film about some blokes on a yacht. It was fairly carry-on in nature (without the massive bazookas), but the central premise of the film seemed to be that one should laugh hysterically every time this one short balding mustachioed bloke said anything. It turned out that the hilarious joke was that he was actually Norwegian, and therefore had a funny accent. Oh how i didn’t laugh.

    I always find it funny how the scandies are exactly like the English?Irish?Scots/Welsh. I bet they back anyone in the world cup rather than support Sweden too (well, at least they would if Sweden were in the world cup for anything other than Bandy!)

  117. Nick T Says:

    What IS Jenny bond wearing?

    She has the drugs!

  118. Mel Says:

    Is Jenny Bond on jeremy Kyle? Or somewhere in your vicinity Nick?

    Otherwise WTF are you on about?

  119. breeks Says:

    i Do Not Like Jenny Bond.

    she’s ick. if she had whiskers i’d accuse her of being a bit of a fiddler.

  120. Nick T Says:

    BBc1 now!

  121. indy Says:

    mel: i must point out that the england football team hasn’t any victories against sweden since 1960-something. and yes. the comparison to the british isles is quite accurate.

  122. Mel Says:

    We are only allowed BBC news 24, Al Jazeera and CNN at work nick.

  123. Nick T Says:

    I have captured some still is you are that desperate Mel
    It was Cash in the Attic and she was wearing a short red and whte strappy dress on. Very short!!

  124. Mel Says:

    Indy – yawn. I get reminded of this fact every time Sweden play England. I don’t care, the balls are the wrong shape, what the hell does it matter, it is only a game, and did i mention that i couldn’t care less?

    do you know the “hilarious” film about some blokes on a boat in the archipelago?

  125. Napoleon Says:

    Dave – I take a few days off and it’s died, has it? Up yours!

  126. Napoleon Says:

    Mel – What shape ball do you suggest they play football with? A square one, perhaps?

  127. Mel Says:

    The only balls that I am interested in are ovoid, nappers. I don’t care about football, not even a little bit.

  128. breeks Says:

    naps – egg shaped, obv.

  129. Napoleon Says:

    Mel – So you’re a rugby fan, are you. Accountants and merchant bankers feeling one another up on a field, then going out to dip their cocks in unsuspecting drinkers’ beer on one of their hilarious rugby lads nights out. Tripe.

  130. indy Says:

    mel: ah. it was a swedish movie… was it about a boat race on a canal? it might have been one of “göta kanal” movies. cult family friendly fun depicting all persons of mediterranian/middle eastern/asian decent as either comical characters or evil doers?

    the original movie was made in a time of un-pc mono-cultural climate.

    personally i do not recommend these movies. i am more of bergman kind of person.

  131. Napoleon Says:

    Breeks – Gee, thanks for that. Where would I be without you explaining primary school level shapes to me, eh?

  132. breeks Says:

    naps – s’ok. clearly you’d not be as well-informed and wide-eyed as you are now.

  133. myopiniononstuff Says:

    NC – No. All your posts have gone blank but it still shows your sidebar thing and banner. Could just be my browser but other blogspot efforts come up fine. Hmm.

  134. Mel Says:

    Yes NC rugby. Played by posh boys in the SE, and EVERYONE where i am from. We do not have a football team, and we know how to play a proper MAN’S game. Even my sister, who was a loose head prop. I am not ashamed of it either.

    Indy – yes that sounds like the sort of nonsense. I hate these films only marginally less than i hate having to watch Kalle fucking Anke every goddamn Julafton that I spend in Sweden. It is always the same clips. AND it is Disney. Most of Sweden is acers though. Except Kiruna, i have been there. They are moving the town because the Iron mine has made it unstable. Brilliant!

  135. godshatmyipod Says:

    Paul Shane update

    Was last spotted in 2008, appearing in “A Touch Of Frost”, playing the part of Diesel Gaddy aka Diesel Bob.

    Whether this was a relative of Sideshow Bob remains unconfirmed.

    Bring back “Oh Doctor Beeching!”, that’s what I say.

    PS – he also appeared in Nappers favourite telly show a few years back, but lost points for being a Dingle in Emmerdale.

  136. Napoleon Says:

    Breeks – Again, you have my most heartfelt gratitude. Incidentally, I’m struggling to come up with the answer to 2 + 2 at the moment. Any help you could give me would be greatly appreciated.

    Dave – It looks the same as always when I click on it. I wouldn’t be too bothered. I’ve not written anything on it since Friday.

  137. breeks Says:

    naps – i wouldn’t worry your pretty, withered mind with such fancies, to be honest. you’re better put to use in the coal pits, where counting doesn’t matter and in fact it’s better if you can’t measure the long years rolling by with nothing changing for you but your alveoli slowly withering in the fine dust.


  138. Napoleon Says:

    Mel – Rugby’s a man’s game? How? It originated in the effeminate world of the British public school system, is played almost exclusively by posh twits, and is beloved of Hooray Henrys and blustering idiots. Men – real men, that is, the ones you find down mines and making stuff out of iron and steel – watch football. It’s the ultimate man’s game, unlike your piffling rugby nonsense. A man’s game, indeed!

  139. Mel Says:

    “watch” football
    Can you hear that? it is the sound of my case coming to rest gently.

    It is not played almost exclusively by posh twits. My family are definitely not posh, yet have a long and proud history of rugby. AND my grandfather was a coal miner.

  140. godshatmyipod Says:

    As I recall, the one good thing about playing rugby, was that you were actively encouraged to pummel an entire generation of future merchant bankers into the dirt.

    There may have been some other rules, but I can’t really remember. And just to confuse matters, I did my time down the pit as well. Although it was all a bit grubby, so I moved onwards and upwards to labouring on building sites. While still pummelling future merchant bankers on the rugby pitch.

    Happy days, front row forward, that was me. Course, now all me bones are falling apart, but I’m sure it was worth it.

  141. Nick T Says:

    I love rugby and am by no means posh.

  142. indy Says:

    mel: i spent my summer holiday in laponia and took the trip down the mine. 500 m below the ground. acers indeed. kalle anka (donald duck) is rubbish. it’s a relic from the time when sweden pretended to be a soviet state in order to fake a bit of neutrality during the cold war. kalle anka was an gift from the right wing lobby at the public service every christmas because the rest of the year it was just chekoslovakian dolls for children’s entertainment. i recommend karl-bertil jonssons jul as remedy. a modern robin hood story about a kid that steals christmas gifts from the rich and give it to orphans, prostitutes and rough sleepers.

  143. Napoleon Says:

    Watch, play, become ponderously obsessed by … whatever. It’s still a bloke’s game.

    A long and proud history of sticking their cocks in other people’s beers, more like. Rugby people also:

    Feel one another up in the showers.
    Have enormous ears.
    Are all inbred.
    Drink each others’ spunks as part of their pathetic drinking games.
    Think wearing kilts is hilarious.
    Are twits.

    So there.

  144. Nick T Says:

    I may have to dump Phil Jupiyus from the twitter.
    I care not how many biscuits and cakes he is consuming

  145. Mel Says:

    Brilliant, thanks Indy. I am going to try and muscle in on many years of Bonde family history and insist we watch this instead. Yippee!

    I got shown John Blund at a family gathering once. They were all reminiscing about how their childhood telly was all communist. Then they asked me about my childhood TV. I grew up in the 70s/80s, so most of my TV programmes were about drugs. They were shocked.

  146. Excelsior! Says:

    Nick – i imagine its an awful lot

  147. godshatmyipod Says:


    You are quite right.

    “Feel one another up in the showers.
    Have enormous ears.
    Are all inbred.
    Drink each others’ spunks as part of their pathetic drinking games.
    Think wearing kilts is hilarious.
    Are twits.”

    All of these things were perpetrated by the delightful members of Blackheath Rugby Club, Lahndan, during my brief tenure there. On one memorable occasion, they were done simultaneously. But, credit where credit’s due, it was one of the reasons I went back to Scotchland.

    Shower o’shites.

  148. Mel Says:

    Nick, is the answer “a metric shitload”?

    Anyway, isn’t that the most obvious twitter? “I am a fat man, and i like cake, me” No shit sherlock. I suspect that pies might also feature heavily in his diet.

  149. Excelsior! Says:

    Every rugby player ive ever been introduced to has tried to crush my hand whilst shaking it. I ‘ates em, every man jack of em.

  150. Napoleon Says:

    That’ll be to show you how manly they are, Excelsior. Being built like a prize bullock isn’t enough, apparently.

  151. Mel Says:

    Nappers, that is only the 1st and 2nd row. Mostly the first row, 2nd row seem to be just very wide.

  152. Napoleon Says:

    Or fat, Mel. There are a lot of fat men play rugby. I think they may be soaking up extra beer up their cocks.

  153. Nick T Says:

    “My personal mission is to eat so many kitkats that I can make myself a space suit with all the foil…”

    bye bye Phil……

  154. godshatmyipod Says:

    So that’s why I was bunged in the front row every week!

    Makes sense now.

    Unlike all those nancy boy wingers who spend the whole game praying that the ball never gets near them. Now they’re just in it for the communal shower and spunk drinking.

  155. Mel Says:

    wow that sounds like a talent nappers. imagine, you wouldn’t even have to go to the trouble of drinking, or lifting the glass to your mouth or anything.

    Football is still shit, mind.

  156. breeks Says:

    australian rules footballers.

    ’nuff (good things) said.

    now whilst not holding this particular example up as a prime piece of real estate (that’s my mum’s job) there are no cauliflower ears, they’re tougher than pansy-faced soccer players and basically just better. cause they’re aussie.

    *waits for backlash

  157. indy Says:

    mel: are you ready for my rant on the norwegians yet?

  158. indy Says:


  159. indy Says:

    the norwegians: norway is basically saudiarabia by the north sea. religious extremists (late 19th century, “old school” protestantism) led by a king that better not be critized when one is surrounded by norwegians (in sweden, our king is something of a laughing stock, a womanizer in his early years, chain smoker and dyslectic) that lives of fishing and oil. no factories or companies to talk about if you take away those two very basic refining industries, which are both damaging the environment and not very popular among people with even the littlest interest for animal rights (for further info google “norway + whale hunt + clubbing seal cubs to death). on the other hand they are crazy about going on “tur” (tour sort of). on weekends the norwegians put on wholly sweaters and enjoy nature either by foot or by skiing. this is quite common even amongst youths that would qualify as hip and trendy if seen, let’s say in shoreditch, but believe me when i say that they aren’t. with the exception of the absurd and suicidal church-burning death metal caricatures there is no youth culture at all in norway. they are all godfearing monarchists who all dream of a future as fisherman/oil sheik/amateur david attenborough. on top of this the norwegians are a very healthy, smug and nationalistic (typically for nations that has been recently under foreign control; swedish, danish, swedish again and then nazi-occupied) people. norway is prominent in skiing but crap in other nordic sports like ice hockey and bandy. unlike sweden and denmark they haven’t got any medals in universally recognised sports like football. the norwegian currency is hysterically overpriced which means that £20 gives you a beer and piece of pizza when dining on the oslo equivalent of oxford street. daylight robbery. swedish rip-offs of the peepshow character jeremy, “jez”, tend to go to oslo, share a minimal flat with 10 like-minded persons, live on porridge for three months, take a ridiculously overpaid job in the service industry and then take a gap year in thailand/india.

    any further questions?

  160. Excelsior! Says:

    Why is it the colonies have to make up their own games to play like american and ozzy rules football. The rest of the world gets by perfectly well with our sports so why cant they?

  161. breeks Says:


    what is this thing of which you speak?

  162. indy Says:

    ozzy football rules includes biting the head off a bat?

  163. Nick T Says:

    He co-hosted Hey Hey It’s Saturday with Daryl…….

  164. Napoleon Says:

    Australian rules football is unwatchable dross. You can always tell when a sport’s shit if it’s played virtually nowhere but its country of origin. See also: American football, baseball, etc.

  165. Excelsior! Says:

    meant Australian Rules Football natch.

  166. breeks Says:

    napoleon – it’s derived from gaelic football. which is a bit british. so shut up.

  167. Mel Says:

    Good rant Indy. I will never go to Norway because of their fishing and environmental policies anyway. And the music.

    However, your description has reminded me, for some unfathomable reason, of Lucas Moodyson films. The later ones…

  168. Nick T Says:

    They also have national service in Norge. My daughters ex b/f was running from it.
    He also claimed he didn’t need to bathe as he didn’t smell. He was mistaken!

  169. myopiniononstuff Says:


    I’ve written a review on Heston’s Victorian thingy since SH hasn’t yet. I suspect he’ll get to it soon though, and do it better than I ever could…

  170. Mel Says:

    Perhaps the cold to him

  171. Mel Says:

    Dave, you know they hate a sycophant around here. no need to sound so gushing.

  172. indy Says:

    Nick T: we got national service in sweden too. but i didn’t run from mine. 12 months in the armoured forces. yes sir.

    did you allow that man to date your daughter? once a dodger always a dodger. i bet he ran off.

  173. myopiniononstuff Says:

    Sycofant – Is that a blood-soaked infant in a hockey mask?

  174. indy Says:

    mel: what part of reminds you of lukas moodysons films?

  175. Excelsior! Says:

    Indy – what kind of japes did you get up to when you were press ganged? Did you actually get sent to war?

  176. ugeine Says:

    I love it when you get to this part of the day, and you’ve missed most of the WWM conversation already, so all you get is a bunch of random comments such as this:

    Excelisor: What fruit did you hit the police man with?

    Mel: Why did you bother in the first place?

    Dave: A bit of cream should get rid of it.

  177. Mel Says:

    Indy – This bit, love the pathos
    “the norwegian currency is hysterically overpriced which means that £20 gives you a beer and piece of pizza when dining on the oslo equivalent of oxford street. daylight robbery. swedish rip-offs of the peepshow character jeremy, “jez”, tend to go to oslo, share a minimal flat with 10 like-minded persons, live on porridge for three months,”

    They were quite harsh on the National Service if you didn’t want to bear arms in Sweden. My BF had ti go and see three psychiatrists before he could be declared “unfit” for the army. He had to do 2 years in a hydropower plant instead.

  178. Napoleon Says:

    Breeks – Gaelic football’s dross too. So you shut up.

  179. Excelsior! Says:

    Ugeine – ….and so i said not with one leg you wont…..

  180. Mel Says:

    Ugeine – you make me sound so charming! I am not as negative as all that you know.

  181. Nick T Says:

    She saw sense and dumped him.

    Allow? You think I have any influence?

  182. ugeine Says:

    First random comments that came to my head, Mel.

    Plus, you got off lightly compared to Dave.

  183. myopiniononstuff Says:


  184. Excelsior! Says:

    Dave your like a child thats done a poo and wants everyone to look.

  185. myopiniononstuff Says:

    Excelsior! – And your named after a cheap, 37p lager from LIDL.


  186. indy Says:

    Excelsior!: i was still living in post-school world when always doing your best was still considered the smartest thing to do. i should have faked incompetence like many other of my generation and then been able to get away without having to do national service.

    i ended up in the armoured forces, where being short is being an asset (tanks tend to be very small on the inside, not tardis-like) and learnt a lot about using machine guns, driving tanks, shouting at people and watching porn, reading porn and watching even more porn.

    i was not sent to war.

  187. Excelsior! Says:

    Yeah? my parents were workshy alcoholics

  188. Nick T Says:

    You kids and your drugs http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2009/mar/04/marijuana-bong-cat-us

  189. indy Says:

    mel: the “swedish jezes” tend to love lukas moodyson. personally i’m more of a “mark”. quite obvious by now, isn’t it.

  190. breeks Says:

    naps – no. you shut (the fuck) up.

  191. Nick T Says:

    Weren’t the Moomins Swedes?

  192. myopiniononstuff Says:

    The Moomins were Finnish, I believe. As is my best mate, currently going through his own National Service hell in the pixie thick woodland.

  193. myopiniononstuff Says:

    ‘Originally published in Swedish by Schildts (and later in Finnish by WSOY) in Finland’

    My mate’s a lying BASTARD, I hope he gets shot.

    What next, the French claiming Belgium comic strip Tin Tin as their own?

  194. Napoleon Says:

    Breeks – How’s about YOU shut the fuck up? Eh?

  195. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Talking of Football and Rugby and Aussie rules eh.

    “Football is a game for gentlemen played by ruffians and Rugby is a game for ruffians played by gentlemen. ”

    don’t know who said it.

  196. Mel Says:

    I can see why they do Indy.

    Nick – bloody hell, how big must that bong have had to have been to fit a whole cat in??

  197. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Aussie rules…(basically hardly any rules) yes based on gaelic football and really came about in Victoria.

  198. Nick T Says:

    The mind boggles Mel.

    Kyle has those all important DNA results after the break……

  199. Excelsior! Says:

    myopiniononstuff – This Tin Tin?

  200. myopiniononstuff Says:

    Right. I’m off to the butchers to buy some mince. Good day to you all!

  201. Napoleon Says:

    Remember that game they used to put out on Channel 4? The Indian one that was a bit like tig? Can’t remember what it was called.

  202. indy Says:

    Nick T:

    the moomins are finnish. this publishing thing might be because of tove jansson, fantastic writer, creator of moomins and closet lesbian, is one of the left-behinds, a swedish-finn. the poor fellows that stayed after the duke of finland was forced out of the eastern provinces by the russian bear.

    even if i admire janssons work i must give credit to the finns. moomins are typically finnish.

  203. Excelsior! Says:

    where you chant KabaddiKabaddiKabaddi

  204. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Rugby union and Rugby League.
    One for the South and one for the North.
    Rugby League 13 a side in Australia is very popular and very fast. Probably the toughest sport there is. Onus on tries.

    Rugby Union 15 a side and the code of rules and scoring, punish the opposition for minor mistakes too harsly in my view.

  205. Mel Says:

    Nappers – Kerbaddi

    Re moomins – i think little mai is especially finnish. And she talked quite slowly too from what i remember.

  206. myopiniononstuff Says:

    DINLT – Because the Sale Sharks are all southern ponces, like. Is that what you’re saying? IS IT? I’ll nut you with my knee if you are!

  207. ugeine Says:

    The Moomins used to wig me right out as a kid. Bloody Fins.

  208. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Football or Soccer, probably the most aesthetically pleasing of team sports. The best game in the World, invented by the British and without doubt the most popular game on the planet!

  209. breeks Says:

    naps – i’ll consider shutting up if you fucking well shut your gaping maw from whence cometh only shit.


  210. Mel Says:

    Well known Swedish writing – Pippi Longstocking (Pipi Longstrump)

  211. ugeine Says:

    Association Soccer was invented by the British.

  212. myopiniononstuff Says:

    I hate the swedes, I’m more of a turnip fan myself….

    (this mince won;t buy itself)

  213. myopiniononstuff Says:

    Association Soccer’s that shit game in which Tarquin and Florence waste their days clawing out shit covered balls from against a wall. Awful stuff.

  214. Nick T Says:

    I thought the English invented every sport…

  215. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    @ ugeine (catching on thi @ business) Association Football.
    the term soccer is derived from association.

  216. Mel Says:

    Dave, the swedes couldn’t give a shit about you, nor your predictable root vegetable jokes.

    Hope that balances things out a little.

  217. Napoleon Says:

    Breeks – I’ll consider shutting up my gaping maw if your fatuous cake-hole stops spilling out effluent. Anyway, aren’t there arses need wiping at the nursing home?

    Everyone else – Kabbadi, that was it. It was good to watch was that. Hangover telly.

  218. indy Says:

    mel: are moomins translated in to english?
    if they have been do the say p instead of b, k instead of g and s instead of sh?

  219. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Hey Mel…why you bullying Dave too? Come on he’s been perfectly ok with you.

  220. breeks Says:

    naps – clearly the giant holes in your intellect have prevented you from retaining crucial information about my employment, you fucking pillock. i will not be in a position to shut my fatuous cake-hole, effluent flavoured of course, until i can be sure that you have fully contracted your shit-filled sphincter tight enough to ensure that the rest of us suffer no more.

  221. indy Says:

    np: so, how’s dave-aid 2009 going?

  222. Napoleon Says:

    Were the Moomins the ones that looked like wee hippos?

  223. Mel Says:

    Indy – they have, and there was a TV series of them in English too, but i cannot really remember how they spoke. There is a fin at my work who does to those things with all of the consonant sounds that you mention.

    She also insist on calling fish vis.

  224. Mel Says:

    DINLT – i am not bullying Dave. I wish him all the luck in the world, but please, root vegetable jokes about the Swedish – the entire Swedish nation and I have heard them all a million times before, and they were not funny the first time.

  225. Nick T Says:

    “Wee hippos”
    Yup apart from the one with the straw hat.

  226. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    As for the make Dave a millionaire initiative, I will do my bit next week.
    Dave have a pound ready…we are going to make you some money. Investment a pound….everybody else too if you want. If all goes well in the first race at Cheltenham, initial investment will be re -couped. If not …then the investment fund will have failed immediately.

  227. ugeine Says:

    They spoke like bloody weirdos, those moomins. What business that had on kids tv, I don’t know. (I loved it really)

    DINLT: True, that.

  228. Mel Says:

    yes Nappers they looked like hippos. Particularly malevolent hippos, and then there was little mai, who looked finnish, and a bit sinister

  229. myopiniononstuff Says:

    My Finnish mate’s family had carved wooden Moomins next to their kitchen table.

  230. Napoleon Says:

    Breeks – Holes in my intellect? What would those be, then? I’d dearly love to be told what they are by an imbecile who’s yet to learn how to use capital letters when spouting whatever drivel’s on her mind. As for your career – it’s more that I couldn’t give a tupenny fuck what job you do than it is a matter of remembering. I don’t tend to retain completely useless information about the ten-a-penny career choices of strangers on the internet.

  231. Napoleon Says:

    Indy – Dave Aid is stuck in a rut thanks to it being apparently impossible to register one man as a charity. God alone knows how I get round that one.

  232. Mel Says:

    I think Nappers must have the painters in this week.

    Actually, most weeks to be fair.

  233. Napoleon Says:

    Mel – If you track back, I didn’t start this. Unless you count disliking a shitty colonial sport, that is. Breeks must have shares in Aussie Rules Football to get so vindictive in its defence.

  234. Mel Says:

    NC – you just need to make it look like you comply with Charity Commission rules. Make Dave a *cause* and the charity about helping him, and then you need a patron, and Bob could have just proposed to your dad’s sister.

  235. breeks Says:

    naps – i think i love you. make your thighs like butter, easy to spread.

  236. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    BTW..this Spotify is amazing.

  237. Napoleon Says:

    Mel – But the charity commission rules clearly state you can’t have an individual person as a charity. Unless I say there’s loads of him, I don’t see how I can get around it. I could set him up as a business, I suppose, but that’s hardly ideal, is it?

  238. indy Says:

    np: i guess you can make dave a “cause” on facebook…

  239. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Aussie rules has fairly few rules.

  240. ugeine Says:

    You could cut the sexual tension in here with a knife.

  241. Nick T Says:

    I’m going to send Adam & Joe these http://www.reverbnation.com/tunepak/1123239

  242. Napoleon Says:

    Indy – You’ve still got the sticky problem of the money. I’ll end up in the shit if I get donations coming in without first setting him up as a charity. It’s more complicated than you might think. I bet Danny Wallace could do it.

    Breeks – I love you too. I love all the girls (18+).

  243. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Nap …don’t forget we need a rousing song. I suggest Breeks and Mel as backing singers.

  244. indy Says:

    np: i thought of a take that reunion… even a tiny mockturtles reunion. just to get that poor bloke some cash.

  245. breeks Says:

    naps – shall we? can we? should we?

  246. Mel Says:

    Making Dave a cause – the cause is something along the lines of ‘a charity for the aid of poor wee scotch fellas that have had to move back in with their mum in kircaldy but have always wanked in the dark’ or something. The more specific you can make it to be about Dave, the more watertight it will be when you hand over the csh to your sole cause.

    You will clearly need a better slogan for the tin rattlers to shout than ‘please spare some change to help a poor wee scotch fella that has recently had to move back with his mum but has always wanked in the dark’ though, because any potential donors would be long gone before they could finish. And it wouldn’t all fit on the sticker.

  247. breeks Says:

    i can carry a tune, as it happens. and i did highland dancing once, briefly, as a 5 year old. am sure i retain some of the skillz.

  248. indy Says:

    mel: you lost me at “spare”.

  249. indy Says:

    np: i’m more into INVESTMENT not charity. what about a “wank in the dark portable tent” pitch to the dragons of den fame?

  250. ugeine Says:

    Pretend Dave is actually some sort of race of people?


  251. Nick T Says:

    Tent pitch, very good…

  252. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Actually do you know the most popular first name on the BNP list was Dave or David.

  253. Napoleon Says:

    Breeks – I’m waiting on a divvy from the Harpendon Building Society. If you can sub me the train fare, I’m in.

    The divvy’s not imaginary*.

    *Possibly is imaginary.

    DINLT – The song’s been swilling around in my head for some time. It’s a blatant rip-off of We Are The World called Dave’s Nocturnal Masturbatory Activities Need To Be Publicly Funded.

  254. ugeine Says:

    That doesn’t surprise me. Dave’s I know tend to be big racists…

  255. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    second was Peter.

  256. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Have a rave…
    to help Dave

  257. ugeine Says:

    How do you know all this, DINLT?

    *narrows eyes*

  258. indy Says:

    DINLT: new or old?

  259. indy Says:

    “There comes a time
    When we need a nocturnal wank
    When the world must come together as one
    There are people dying
    And it’s time to lend a hand to life
    The greatest gift of all

    We can’t go on
    Wanking night by night
    That someone, somewhere will soon make a change
    We are all a part of
    God’s great big family
    And the truth, you know a nocturnal wank is all we need ”

    (we are the world, shameless rip-off)

  260. ugeine Says:

    *guitar solo*

  261. breeks Says:

    naps – i can spring you a megabus fare.

    *hands over £1

  262. Napoleon Says:

    That’s nice, Indy, though I was thinking of using slightly less words from We Are The World to avoid being sued.

  263. Mel Says:

    In fact we could *call* the cgharity Dave. I beleive there is a UK TV channel called dave, so why not.

    It could stand for DisAdvantagedVocationally, English wif churnalism degree.

  264. Mel Says:

    Soory, i was just made to jump, by my boss and accidentally sent that before spell checking and stuff.

  265. ugeine Says:

    Has Dave pissed you off, Mel?

  266. Napoleon Says:

    Breeks – A pound? I can get down to that there London for a pound?

    *looks at old £58 railway tickets*


  267. Nick T Says:

    Mys boss tends to come in when I’m on the book of fass messeging my bro in Aus (Ozz)

  268. Nick T Says:

    Mega train Naps. All the kids are at it.

  269. breeks Says:

    hereyougo naps.


    spend freely.

  270. indy Says:

    mel: “i was just made to jump”

    when he said “jump” you said “how high”?

  271. Mel Says:

    No, Dave has not pissed me off. It was things that he has said about himself in the last few days, and some words that i used to make the acronym DAVE.

    I don’t mean to come across as harsh. I am trying to be useful with regard to getting him charitable status. Of course, we could just register him as a private school, and then we could register him as a charity. Job done.

    As i say, i wish him all the luck in the world.

  272. Napoleon Says:

    Mega Train? What’s this?

    It’s not some bloddy Twitter thing, is it? Twitter for trains?

  273. ugeine Says:

    I’m only joking, Mel. You’re not been harsh. Little shit sticks the knife in me at any given opportunity

  274. indy Says:

    megatrain? it’s a character from transformers, right?

  275. Mel Says:

    Indy, it was more like the following
    Boss, appearing suddenly behind my desk: What are you doing?
    Me, jumping and panicking a bit, pressing send: Erm, not much
    Him: yes, i can see that, now stop typing on the internet and do some work.
    Me: eep

  276. ugeine Says:

    ..anyway, so fill your clogs.

  277. Napoleon Says:

    It’s started snowing again. Bloody snow.

  278. breeks Says:

    how little is dave, actually?

  279. indy Says:

    mel: is your boss often appearing suddenly out of nowhere? is he/she wearing a cape? or a suit combined with sunglasses, even when indoors?

  280. Napoleon Says:

    Breeks – From his photos, I’d say about 4’8”.

  281. Mel Says:

    Indy, no, i don’t work for Bono.

  282. Napoleon Says:

    On a completely different subject, are there any rodeos in Britain?

  283. Napoleon Says:

    I knew a girl who worked for Lionel Richie once. No anecdotes attached to that – she just worked for Lionel Richie.

  284. breeks Says:

    naps – back in the early 20th century there were.


  285. Mel Says:

    Not sure Nappers, but there is a circus in Nottingham which has reintroduced elephants. It is the first time in 15 years where live animals have been used in a circus in the Uk

  286. Napoleon Says:

    Breeks – No particular reason, like. I just suddenly wondered if there were any.

  287. Napoleon Says:

    Mel – I didn’t know they’d stopped animals appearing in circuses. Is that The Bloody EEC poking their noses into our circuses? Wouldn’t surprise me. Only last week they banned dangerous chemicals from our Great British sofas without first bothering to ask if we wanted them banning. ‘Common Market’, my arse.

  288. Mr H Says:

    Blimey! You can get rodeo sheep now. That’ll please all the country fol out there.


  289. breeks Says:

    i got a disapproving look today on the tube, from an Old Person, when i swigged from my robitussin syrup bottle. prob cause i didn’t measure it first. or he had me pegged as a druggie yoof.

    at least i was yoof.


  290. Nick T Says:

    Don’t people know about google?


  291. Napoleon Says:

    Breeks – This old person may have been scowling because you’ve clearly not been feeding yourself well. Like all old folks, they no doubt wanted to make you a seemingly endless pile of sandwiches. I get this from my grandparents despite being Britain’s second fattest man.

  292. indy Says:

    mel: i thought of your boss as the scary wasp in the matrix-figure not an irish jesus imposter

  293. breeks Says:

    yes. grandparents are like that. they can disapprove of your redolent, lazy lifestyle whilst simultaneously force feed you large carb-laden foods.

    it’s brilliant.

  294. Napoleon Says:

    Nick – I prefer to get my information in vague little packages of uncertainty on a televison criticism site, thanks very much.

  295. Mr H Says:

    As Britain’s fattest man, I concur with Nappers. Course, I ate my grandparents, hence why I’m in the lead.

  296. Mel Says:

    I don’t think it was the EEC Napper, i think it was a voluntary agreement after people complained to the government – the banning of animals in circuses, i mean.

  297. Napoleon Says:

    What is it about them? Why does getting on make you suddenly look about your family of clinically obese lard-arses, and see nothing but withered husks? How old am I going to be when I suddenly start making vast piles of sandwiches for anyone who comes to visit me in my house wot’s heating- / gas-fire-combo makes it hotter than the surface of the sun?

    And where do old people get their ham from? It’s always better than your ham. Is there an old people’s ham shop that exclusively sells really nice ham to old folks?

  298. Napoleon Says:

    Mel – Fair enough

  299. Mel Says:

    Never fear NC, i expect you’ll be getting some of this ind of ham in the post soon. You seem to get random meat products delivered, IIRC

  300. Napoleon Says:

    Bloody nice random meat products, Mel. I don’t reckon I’ll be getting any Grandma’s Special Ham though. That I’ll wait to eat 40 tonnes of the next time I go and see the old folks.

  301. ugeine Says:

    My nan makes the best bloody sandwiches this side of Subway. I think Sandwich making is an craft that comes with age.

  302. Mr H Says:

    Well, my Mum who was of grandparent age when she died, used to go on a ham buying trip every Tuesday. She would get the Number 38 bus, and return several hours later, laden down with several tons (British not metric EEC bastards), which she would stockpile for sandwich related emergencies.

  303. indy Says:

    i’m more and more becoming a sandwich making old man. when i’ve done my three latest long distance trips by train i’ve brough my own sandwiches instead of buying off the train cantina

  304. Napoleon Says:

    See? They’re all at it. I don’t suppose you ever followed your Nan-Mum to see where she was getting this bloody ham of hers from, did you Mr. H?

  305. indy Says:

    ugeine: “My nan makes the best bloody sandwiches this side of Subway.”

    is that a compliment? subway sandwiches = good? i guess you’ve never been to the blue leguine in stoke-newington and tried their fantastic brie, pine and ruccola sandwiches. ahh!

  306. Mel Says:

    I have traveled on Swedish trains Indy. I cannot say i blame you. Last time i went on, all they had to eat was renstek.

  307. ugeine Says:

    I used to live in a village with a high old person quota. I would have a Wednesday off or something, and walk to the local shop and there’d be queues round the corner, due to it been pension day.

  308. Napoleon Says:

    I like Subway sandwiches. Obviously, not a patch on Gran sandwich, but fine if there are no Grandmas available come sandwich time.

  309. indy Says:

    mel: what’s wrong with renstek? it’s a gastronomical sensation!

  310. ugeine Says:

    Guilty pleasure, Indy, I acknowledge they are to the sandwich world what bumming is to homophobes. I have to make a conscious effort not to live off subways.

  311. Who Says:

    How the hell has Dave got money to waste on mince? I thought he spent the lot yesterday on scratchcards and fizzy pops?

    I’m not investing any monies in this cause until I see the accounts. On my desk, first thing tomorrow morning.

    *puts on serious looking glasses*

  312. breeks Says:

    today i ate finn crisp crackers.

    they taste of exactly nothing with a mild hint of cardboard.

    is all finnish food as exciting?

  313. Napoleon Says:

    Brie – Posh Dairylea
    Pine – A tree
    Ruccola – Not a fucking clue

    All of the above make a shit sandwich.

  314. Mr H Says:

    Actually, Mr Perry, I did.

    However, the Number 38 was jam packed full of pensioners on a ham buying expedition, and they didn’t take kindly to an interloper in their midst.

    They ganged up on me with VapoRub, Werther’s Original and that peculiar old person smell of mothballs, decaying newspapers and linament. By the time came to, it was Thursday week and my Mum was standing by with a ham sandwich.

  315. Napoleon Says:

    Who – The point of Dave Millionaire is how undeserving he is of this money. Wasting what little he has on cider and scratchcards is exactly the sort of activity we need to encourage.

  316. Mel Says:

    Indy – i agree that renstek *is* a gastronomical sensation, and makes up most of what they eat in Kiruna, but have you ever tried it on a swedish train? That is a gastronomic sense of impending doom. With Lingonsylt.

  317. indy Says:

    ugeine: well. i used to go there when working weekends in rayners lane. it was either them or some kind of dominos pizza eatery (but not dominos pizza, probably dominicas pizza or dominics pizza). i didn’t fancy neither which is a totally resonable thing not to do. i guess it’s “giving” rather than “recieving” to your mentioned homophobes.

  318. Napoleon Says:

    Mr. H – I fear we’ll never get to the bottom of this ‘ere mystery. Not until we’re old and they give us the location of the secret Grandma’s ham depot.

  319. Mel Says:

    Nappers – bread, shit, bread, in that order makes a shit sandwich. Ruccola is often called Rocket in English.

    I asked my cousin’s kid if he wanted rocket for his tea. Imagine his disappointment when he got a plate of green leaves.

  320. indy Says:

    breeks: “they taste of exactly nothing with a mild hint of cardboard. is all finnish food as exciting?”

    no, but it’s all made of wood.

  321. Napoleon Says:

    Mel – Oh, so it’s weeds? I don’t eat weeds. Nah, you need ham or chicken or something like that in a sandwich. None of this brie or weeds business. Maybe some salad or cheese if that’s your bag.

    And by salad I mean lettuce, cucumber and tomato, obviously.

  322. Mr H Says:

    I had chicken and tomato and butter on a proper white roll for my lunch.

    Caused all sorts of confusion in the sandwich shop.

    They didn’t seem to understand that I didn’t want it covered in gubbins or muck, nor why I didn’t want a roll covered in concrete seeds.


  323. Who Says:

    Yes, that’s what I thought. Excuse me whilst I scuttle off to cancel a huge direct debit I’ve just set up.

  324. Napoleon Says:

    I would also add that either bacon or sausages in a sandwich tops all other sandwiches save Gran sandwiches.

  325. Mr H Says:

    Once upon a time, in a pub called the Conan Doyle, they sued to serve a Breakfast Bap.

    Which would have been good enough, just for all the smutty comments you could make to the waitress. However, when it arrived, it was a white roll, the size of a dinner plate, with a full Scotch breakfast inside it.

    Bacon (2), sausage (2 rashers), black pudding, fried egg and a tattie scone, all swimming in butter and grease. I measured it once, and it was nine inches across, and took 45 minutes to eat.

    Pure joy.

  326. Mel Says:

    I like ham and cheese and salad cream. You cannot get salad cream over here.

  327. Napoleon Says:

    Mr. H – I had a similar reaction in a sandwich shop in London. For a start I didn’t want the ham and egg filling ‘on’ any kind of fancy-ass bread, I wanted it ‘in’ a white roll with butter. And neither did I want the vast selection of weeds, funny foreign cheeses or those vile-tasting olive things they wanted to shove in there. As for the slop that was their idea of sauces, well you can forget it. Unbelievable what muck Londoners’ll eat.

  328. Nick T Says:

    It’s hailing like billio in Southampton btw and looks like it may snow later.
    Great! I’ve got a gig in Portsmouth tonight.

    Should be busy yes?


  329. Mr H Says:

    Hmm, salad cream. The only good thing about Glasgow is that they have 24 hour shops where you can buy egg and salad cream sandwiches. On white bread. It’s the only thing that’s saved them so far from the petrol and matches treatment.

  330. Mr H Says:

    Oh, and what the hell is an open bloody sandwich. A sandwich can’t be open. Bread on bread action is what constitutes a sandwich. I’ve got a funny feeling this is something else we can blame Europe for. Anyway, it needs to be stopped. Now.

  331. Nick T Says:

    I used to make 2 tier toasted bacon & fried egg sandwiches.
    Lardy & lovely

  332. Napoleon Says:

    There’s a place round my way that does a Breakfast ‘Breadcake’ (ey up, ey up, bring on the whippets, etc.) that consists of three sausages, three rashers of bacon, two fried eggs, mushrooms and black pudding. I bought one, bit into it, and the whole lot shot out of the side and slopped all down my pullover and onto the floor. Still, the bread was nice.

  333. indy Says:

    my latest *really good* sandwich was a ciabatta with minute steak, fried slices of onion, tomatoes, horse radish sauce and sallad. made it in my own kitchen before watching arsenal playing 0-0 against fulham. in retrospect i should have eaten my sandwich and called it a day.

  334. Napoleon Says:

    Nick – Nice sandwich.

    Mr. H – I, too, can’t see what’s sandwichy about an open sandwich. Unless the meat and salad’s locked down, it ain’t a sandwich, surely?

  335. Napoleon Says:

    Indy – Sounds vile, as per usual.

  336. indy Says:

    np: i guess we would be pretty good flat mates. no stealing of each others food and all that usual business. so what’s wrong with my first-half-sandwich?

  337. Mel Says:

    Would you like it (indy’s sandwich) if it had reindeer meat instead?

  338. Mr H Says:

    How much horse is there in horse radish sauce? Sounds a bit French to me.

    Hmm, Breakfast Breadcake…

  339. Nick T Says:

    I agree Nap.
    Egg on toast isn’t an egg sanwich is it?

  340. indy Says:

    mel: i think it would be great with some souvas, you know small pieces of smoked reindeer meat (a bit like kebab meat but not the same taste and low-standard hygiene).

  341. Nick T Says:

    Watch live surfing in Bourmouth now http://www.livesurfcams.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=101&Itemid=80

  342. Napoleon Says:

    Indy – What’s wrong with your sandwich? Well where do I start? Ciabatta bread’s too wanky, I personally can’t stand onions, horseradish sauce is the devil’s relish and I’ve always found hot meat and cold salad make strange bed-fellows.

    And you’re right about me not stealing your food. I would, sadly, go out of my way to steal all of your money.

  343. Mel Says:

    Yes, i think you are right Indy. That is good.

    The BF eats boiled egg sandwiches (open) but then ruins them by adding Kalles Kaviar. Bleurgh

  344. Napoleon Says:

    Nick – It’s not. It only becomes a sandwich if you plonk another slice of toast on top in my book. Open sandwich bedamned!

  345. indy Says:

    np: who said the minute steak was hot? it’s all in your head! i guess you could swap the ciabatta for your regular hovis. it’s your loss.

  346. Napoleon Says:

    Indy – It wasn’t hot? Cold steak? An abomination.

    And who said I eat Hovis? It’s all in your head! I wouldn’t touch that dried up load of tasteless crap with a barge-pole.

  347. indy Says:

    your head!

  348. Mel Says:

    Hehe, i have just read about a couple that have been fined for simulating sex to annoy their neighbours.

    They reside in Lincolnshire, which is why i mention it here.


  349. Mr H Says:

    Wouldn’t it be much better to just have the Sex? Or is that sort of thing frowned upon in Lincolnshire, wherever that is.

  350. Napoleon Says:

    Indy – YOUR head! A head that’s been addled by years of eating fancy sandwiches! I wouldn’t feed a dog one of your damned sandwiches, d’ye hear? Bloody weeds and rubbish squeezed between slices of nonsense is what they are.


  351. Napoleon Says:

    Mr. H – Have you seen a native of Lincolnshire? I think most of us would rather simulate sex with one of them than have actual sex. If we had to, like.

  352. Mr H Says:

    Mr Perry – there is little point indulging in badinage with A European. As we all know, everything they do is basically wrong, especially when it comes to food. I heard a rumour once, that there isn’t a single deep fat fryer in the whole of Scandinavialand. Which is why my ancestors moved to somewhere that knew the proper use for dripping.

    Gits. The lot of them.

  353. indy Says:

    mel: “Kalles Kaviar”

    my girlfriend usually ruins perfectly fine food (eggs) by adding kalles kaviar. this generally results in a short time sex strike (at least no kissing).

  354. indy Says:


  355. Mr H Says:

    Re sex in Lincolnshire.

    I’ve never seen one, but I’m A Scotch, and we’re not overly fussy. Mind you, that’s probably due to the excess of whisky and darkness.

  356. indy Says:

    does lying in bed, naked, smoking a cigarette count as simulating sex?

  357. Mr H Says:

    indy – methinks you’d better take a trip over to Perrys Paddy Shack, where he will instruct you in the ancient art. Whilst simultaneously eating a bacon sarnie and watching Holby City.

  358. Napoleon Says:

    Indy – I haven’t got a dog! And I meant all dogs, damn you! Even those awful little dogs you want to kick right up the arse. Not even one of those little bastards should be made to endure one of your cack-handed bloody sandwiches. Disgusting!

  359. Mel Says:

    Indy, and next time sthey do that, we can tell them that Mel/Indy off of the internets also thinks it is sick and wrong. I am with you all the way on that one.

    And the sandwiches! Renstek all round.

    Swedish train renstek for NC and Mr H.

  360. indy Says:

    mel: good. i agree on that!

  361. indy Says:

    np: haven’t got a dog!?! so what’s that thing sticking it’s head out your collar? haven’t got a…

    oh. sorry.

  362. Mr H Says:

    Looks like Mel is back on the waccy baccy again.

    Although I have eaten reindeer, and it was rather tasty.

    But then, as a proper carnivore, I have consumed;
    here; – http://www.khublaikhan.co.uk/edinburgh_restaurant_khublai_khans.html

  363. indy Says:

    Mr H: “Perrys Paddy Shack”

    not close to hackney by any chance? (most probably not)

  364. Napoleon Says:


  365. Mel Says:

    pfft Mr H i have eaten all of those, and Elk.

  366. Mr H Says:

    Mel – I trump your Elk, with monkey brains, scooped direct from the skull of said monkey. Algeria, 1984.

  367. indy Says:

    Mr H: temple of the doomed-theme resturant?

  368. Napoleon Says:

    I’ve eaten all of those save for zebra. I’ve also eaten crickets and chicken hearts, which were absolutely fucking horrible.

  369. ugeine Says:

    I’ve had frogs legs and horse. I love the French.

  370. Napoleon Says:

    I’ve not eaten monkey brains, I’ll give you that. I feel a bit queasy now …

  371. Mr H Says:

    indy – working as a deckhand on a freight vessel docked in Annaba.

    For a bet. From a stall in the market. Where you could pick your own monkey. I hate monkeys.

  372. Mel Says:

    OK, you win on the monkey brains. Nowt wrong with a bit of heart NC

  373. Mel Says:

    I ahve eaten crocodile too. It didn’t taste like chicken.

  374. Napoleon Says:

    I hate monkeys too. I don’t think that would ever bring me to the point where I’d want to scoop out their fresh brains and eat them, mind. I’d have welched on that bet and asked for a sandwich.

  375. Mr H Says:

    After all the nasty things that monkeys have got up to over the years*, a little payback seemed only fair.

    Granted, nowadays, I’d settle for a nice bit of roast beef and some English mustard, placed between two slices of a plain half loaf, but youth is when one should do stupid things. Like eating monkey brains and voting.

    *swatting helicopters, flying after Dorothy, changing name to Paul Daniels and getting a TV series.

  376. Napoleon Says:

    My, but is that a brand new online sing-a-long video experience Swineshead’s just posted on WW,?

  377. indy Says:

    Mr H: i’d like to add “monkey kill monkey” to your *

  378. Napoleon Says:


  379. Mr H Says:

    Add as many as you like, monkey = evil.

    Look at that one in Family Guy, or the one who ate Phil Collins just before they filmed the Cadburys advert, or that one who used to be in the Libertines with the hat. The list is endless.

  380. Napoleon Says:

    I hadn’t heard Phil Collins had been eaten by a monkey. No wonder he’s been quiet since the ’80s.

  381. myopiniononstuff Says:

    He’s deaf in one ear.

  382. myopiniononstuff Says:

    He’s deaf in one ear.

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