NewsGush: Mighty Morphin’ Ramsay Ranger


Old news, in fact, but it was interesting to see that there’s some doubt over whether Gordon Ramsay ever played first team football for Rangers. Surely they could have checked a programme, couldn’t they?

How has it taken all this time to uncover his pointless bullshitting?

Ramsay, 42, has said on a number of occasions that he was a member of the first team squad at the Ibrox club playing three games, before injury cut short his career.

But his claims have been dismissed as “complete and utter nonsense” by Rangers historian Robert McElroy.

Ramsay, born in Johnstone, Renfrewshire, first spoke about his football past when opening his first restaurant, Aubergine, in London.

Speaking on the radio show in 2002, he explained how his career was cut short, when Rangers manager Jock Wallace and first team coach Archie Knox released him after he tore his ligament.

However at the time, Knox, 61, was the manager of Dundee.

Knox told the News of the World: “The first time I ever saw Gordon Ramsay was in 1996 when he launched his first book. But he didn’t know me from Adam because we’ve never met.”

So is he really the hard-talking, enormously-testicled, rough Scotch diamond he makes himself out to be, or is he a posh toff playing at being the real deal?

Whatever he is, he’s a prune-faced, highlight-hair lump. And he swears like a public school drip.


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261 Responses to “NewsGush: Mighty Morphin’ Ramsay Ranger”

  1. Napoleon Says:

    This could be easily cleared up by examining the player records of Rangers for the period Ramsey claimed to play for them. Or by watching tapes of the matches that were undoubtedly filmed by Scotch TV. Or asking some Rangers fans if they recall a swearing cook playing for their team. It’s not like football fans are a forgetful bunch when it comes to their favourite pastime.

  2. indy Says:

    g ramsey being an over-the-top, nonsense shit-spreader? who would have known…

  3. Nick T Says:

    I tried to read his autobiography but couldn’t get past the first couple of chapters. It was like a scotch Killing Fields

  4. Swineshead Says:

    Napoleon – I’m amazed it’s taken this long for this to come out. I suppose we’re at the beginning of the backlash.

    Coming soon: Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall used to defraud old women and Heston B is always crunked off his mash.

  5. Napoleon Says:

    The truth’s already come out that Jamie Oliver’s a twit.

  6. Nick T Says:

    Old Hest closed the Fat Duck this week../

  7. Swineshead Says:

    Did he really, Nick?


    Thing is, with these celeb chefs shutting their restaurants, they’re losing investors rather than actual cash, aren’t they? It’s not like they pay for their whole operation…

  8. ugeine Says:

    I thought he had trials at Rangers but was injured? It’s more common then you think, of the top of my head I can think of about three or four people I’ve known that had trials for premiership clubs.

  9. Nick T Says:

    I probably did Ug…..

  10. Mel Says:

    The Fat Duck is not shut permanently. It is closed pending an internal health inspection because a number of ;people fell ill after dining there. He did it himself, i understand, not the Health Inspectors

  11. indy Says:

    and now everyone is rallying about the fat duck. when did the fat duck and it’s recent food poisoning become a national trauma?

  12. indy Says:

    looking upon it from abroad (“abroad” pronounced as in the russell brand’s ponderland episode about holidays, pronounced as ‘olidays in mentioned episode) it seems a bit overblown in the british media

  13. Nick T Says:

    Read all about it, eventualy when wordpress has done its thing

  14. Napoleon Says:

    I’d never heard of The Fat Duck until it was mentioned on here. Is it a bit like a posh McDonald’s?

  15. Mel Says:

    Yes Nappers, a little bit like a posh McDonalds. You can get bacon and egg ice cream there, instead of bacon and egg McMuffin.

  16. Napoleon Says:

    Bacon and egg ice cream? That sounds disgusting. Foreign place, is it?

  17. Mel Says:

    Bray in Berkshire, quite near Slough? Yes it is forrin, if you are Jade Goody.

  18. Swineshead Says:

    It’s more like the science museum with snacks, Napoleon.

    I’m getting bugger all done today. Again.

  19. Nick T Says:

    Looking at he clip I’m suprised he’s lasted as long as he has. He certainly has issues. He obviously feels that some of his staff are rubbish so why did he employ them?
    I would have walked out after 5 minutes. No job is worth that level of abuse.

  20. Napoleon Says:

    Is it one of these celebrity eating places I’ve heard about? You go in there and there’s Pat Jennings talking to Ozzie Ardiles? Ian St. John eating bacon and egg ice cream, chatting away to Steve Perryman and Peter Shilton?

  21. Swineshead Says:

    I agree Nick – there’s no justification for it. He’s like my old PE Teacher – I didn’t become a soccer hotshot off the back of that boggle-eyed twat saying I kicked a ball like a five-year old girl, funnily enough. I just hated everything to do with football until I was old enough not to actually play it.

  22. Swineshead Says:

    Napoleon – that’s the Ivy, I believe. I prefer Tony’s Cafe on Graham Road in Hackney, where a plate of ‘beans ‘n’ bubble’ will set you back 75p.

  23. Napoleon Says:

    Swineshead – I hardly think that illustrating how the WWM readership can sing along to the theme tunes of popular television soap operas is ‘getting bugger all done’. I was happy to abandon the work that pays my bills in favour of this groundbreaking experiment.

  24. Napoleon Says:

    The teacher Swineshead refers to was football crazy, yet had the incredible ability of making you despise the sport with every fibre of your body. And I have my suspicions he diddled kids.

  25. Swineshead Says:

    Fair enough, Napoleon. It demonstrates our altruism, I’ll give you that.

    We speak of Colin ‘Chalky’ White. A boggle-eyed, sexually twisted, permed and impotent monster.

  26. Mel Says:

    I thought for a second you were still talking about Heston, but i agree, Gordon Ramsey is a bully. I had a boss that used to speak to me like that and i told him where he could go in no uncertain terms.

  27. Swineshead Says:

    I had a letter excusing me from games once with a damaged spine (physio note and all) and Chalky, in his wisdom, forced me to shovel sand into the long-jump pit instead.

    The complete twat.

  28. Napoleon Says:

    He tried to make me run round the football pitches in my underpants when I ‘forgot my P.E. kit’ once. I refused on the grounds he was being ridiculous, and he told me in no uncertain terms that my lack of enthusiasm for playing sport would see me in the gutter when I grew up. I was then sent to the headmaster who, upon hearing what he’d demanded I do, had a quiet word with the bug-eyed fuckwit. I didn’t hear the conversation, but I assume it concentrated on the fact that this was the 1980s and not the 1880s, and that there were laws against that sort of thing. The twat got hold of me a couple of days later and swore he’d have his revenge. I’m still waiting for that particular Sword of Damocles to fall.

  29. Swineshead Says:

    Ha! The boggle-eyed rat!

    I returned from my bronze D of E, exhausted after a multi-mile hike and collapsed outside on the tarmac by the field in my fatigues. He told me to get changed and get ready for a three hour games session.

    I ran away.

    Then I encountered Mr Bird who asked me what I was up to. ‘Nothing’, I replied. He told me to make myself useful and wheel a television to the CDT lab. I did as he asked, past the games session I was mean to be attending. Chalky gave chase. I ran fast and hard to the music room and locked myself in a cupboard as he screamed at me from outside.

    Eventually I was taken to see Mr Davies, Head of Year, who told me I was an ‘anarchist’ and made me stand facing the wall outside the lunch hall every break for a week.


  30. ugeine Says:

    I once told my head of sixth form to fuck off while I was drunk. By the sounds of things, he wasn’t half as bad as your teachers.

  31. Napoleon Says:

    There was no justice. I don’t know if you were there when that motherfucker Haines made my form stand in a row in the front car park every break for a year? To this day I have no idea why.*

    *Though I suspect I was involved.

  32. Bright Ambassador Says:

    What’s fascinating is that one of the ‘big boys’ in that clip is Mark ‘£50 jacket’ Sargeant who now runs Claridge’s for Ramsay.

    His Rangers’ history isn’t the only thing Ramsay’s fabricated. Is it?

  33. Swineshead Says:

    I do remember seeing that, and I remember thinking ‘there’s a good advert for the school, right there’.

    I also remember the entire school getting told off because one boy was seen with his arm around a girl as he walked to school one day. Which seemed odd. He should’ve been congratulated, surely?

    A member of the public complained. They must have been shocked to the core.

  34. indy Says:

    a british school boy with heterosexual tendencies! outrage!

  35. Napoleon Says:

    A member of the public complained they’d seen me smoking at the white wall. I, being the chivalrous type, said it wasn’t me, but was in fact ‘Steady’ Eddie Middleton, despite the fact he looked nothing like me at all. Stuck to my guns to the point where the head became uncertain of my guilt, and let me off with a warning. Then I went and had a fag at the white wall.

  36. Telemachus Says:

    Ramsay is a twonk, always has been. Surprised he is as “popular” as he is. More a reflection of modern Britains popular cultural values.
    I thought I read somewhere he pleaded guilty to a public indecency act in his past. Cannot find it on the net at the moment.

  37. Nick T Says:

    This one Tele?

  38. indy Says:

    we hate when our “friends” become succesful. and if they’re northern etc.

    more ramsay bashing:

  39. Mel Says:

    Ramsey’s restaurants do very nice food though. This is what should be celebrated, and not the fact that he is a bully.

    My teachers were also idiots, but most of them were far stupider than me, so I have only stories that end in me sneering at one of them. I am not that person anymore, so i don’t tend to tell the stories. I also went to a girl’s school, and the torture was more of the psychological nature than random punishment by humiliation.

  40. breeks Says:

    afternoon all.

    i can’t be bothered to speak of rams-bum. he’s got a face like melted tarmac after rik waller has sat on it.

  41. breeks Says:

    oh, except to say he’s got a pub near me, been to it three times, which is three times to many.

  42. Mel Says:

    Indy, that is fascinating. I am sure that he is not the only restaurant in trouble right now, but i think it is interesting that there have been this recent spat of articles and revelations about the man. I wonder who he pissed off, and how much he pissed them off for this to all start coming out now.

  43. Mel Says:

    Breeks – why didn’t you like it? was it the food, or the fact that it is in West London?


  44. Nick T Says:

    One of my ambitions is to eat in a Micheline starred eatery.

  45. indy Says:

    mel: appearently the celeb chef backlash (second, third, fourth) is upon us. now is the winter of our discontent with expensive eateries.

  46. Swineshead Says:

    I think Mel loves Gordon.

  47. Swineshead Says:

    (Despite the fact he’s a cunt)

  48. Napoleon Says:

    Nick – I think that’s probably the shittest ambition I’ve ever heard.

  49. Nick T Says:

    I many worst than that, how long have you got?

  50. indy Says:

    i gave one of the michelin places a go once. tasted like rubber.

  51. Mel Says:

    Not really my cup of tea SH, but i do like his food. I have eaten at a couple of his places (although not while he was coking), and he has exceptional flavours (to quote John Torrode).

    I am in the habit of eating in good restaurants when i can afford to. It is not every day, but there are good deals to be had out there if you know where to look (lastminute is always a good one)

    I think you are right about his attitude, and wonder why all of his kitchen hands put up with that shit.

  52. indy Says:

    when routine bites hard and ambitions are low.

  53. breeks Says:

    mel – don’t run. fly. the pub is dull, mostly. that’s the worst thing.

    last week i went to the river cafe and la trompette. that’s 2 michelin stars in total, as well as about 3kg in unnecessary weight.

    it were TOPS.

  54. Napoleon Says:

    You can’t beat a Belly Buster in my opinion. Never mind Michelin stars (whatever they are), get y’self to your local caff and have a Belly Buster.

  55. Nick T Says:

    Well squeezed in Indy..

    My other ambition is to sample a red wine costing more than £100

  56. Swineshead Says:

    See my comments about bubble ‘n’ beans at Tony’s Cafe, Hackney.

  57. breeks Says:

    baked beans should be only ever eaten COLD and FROM THE TIN.


  58. Mel Says:

    River Cafe – i really want to go there, but haven’t made it yet.

    C’mon breeks, let us live vicariously, tell us what you had, and how it was.

    I am in that London in 2 weeks time, so i will be fitting in some of the good eating.

  59. breeks Says:

    river cafe is good, i think la trompette is better. and you can have £25 three course lunch on a saturday. bargin.

    river cafe i had char grilled squid and red chilli and, of course, ubiquitous rocket and main was monkfish and scallops rammed onto a rosemary spear. booze was good, mind.

    la trompette is better. go there.

  60. indy Says:

    Nick T: thanks.


    i’m useless when it comes to wine. i was forced by a waiter to sample a wine when out eating with my g/f and her mother. i wish i could have said something that was close to what an expert would have said (or shouted that it tasted like a wet dog). instead i think i said “mmm. it’s good!”

  61. indy Says:

    “mmm. it’s good” – does not really make the cut for last words to print on one’s gravestone.

  62. Nick T Says:

    “Rammed onto a rosemary spear”

    Where there’s blames there’s a claim….

  63. Mel Says:

    And so the menu at la trompette was?

  64. ugeine Says:

    I’ve just had a footlong italian bmt.

  65. Mel Says:

    BMT? Is this one of your subway sarnies again Ugeine?

  66. indy Says:

    breeks: have you tried your tin of baked beans with a spoon of curry (tikka, tandoori, rogan josh) spice in it? great!

  67. ugeine Says:

    Yes, Mel. The one by the local tesco has three Michelin Stars.

  68. breeks Says:

    la trompette, most recently, was cod cake on bull-you-base sauce with mussels then red mullet on risotto noir with fried squid tentacles and then macadamia ice cream with some fancy chocolate thingy and a coffee thingy as well. £25. bargain.

    best thing about river cafe was chcolate nemesis.

  69. indy Says:

    here we go again. it’s the daily wwm lunch update.

  70. ugeine Says:

    And a can of morrison’s ginger beer.

    If we still got marked for this, I think that would win.

  71. Mel Says:

    Ooh, I think i like that menu best, i will give that one a go. Thanks Breeks

    Indy – even the UK based folk will have eaten by now surely?

  72. indy Says:

    breeks: “red mullet on risotto noir”

    sounds like me in the eighties going to a new romantic club

  73. breeks Says:

    indy – it was, well good. i bought some hairspray, cheap wine and a second-hand spandau ballet cassette on they way home and had a right good night.

  74. breeks Says:

    mel – book.

  75. Mel Says:

    Bien sur Breeks, I am well aware that one cannot expect to simply rock up at top restaurants. Unless i was a famous. I don’t think being in a pop video by accident really qualifies…

  76. Nick T Says:

    Have you heard of these “Home” eateries where folk open their front rooms to paying guests?

  77. indy Says:

    mel: what video?

  78. breeks Says:

    la trompette is small and noice and not scary and you can wear jeans and eat the top nosh with money left in the old wallet to get bladdered at gordon’s pub which is further up the same street.

  79. indy Says:

    Nick T: no.

  80. breeks Says:

    nick – tis a oft-seen thing in cuba, so i believe.

  81. Excelsior! Says:

    Saw the rise of the Superchefs thing the other night. It had Ramsey’s 1st tv appearance on, in which he was seemed calm and polite. His agent was saying how charming and nice he is in real life. Rather predictably his fuckingshittytwatfaceyesyesyes? schtick seems mostly manufactured for the camaras.

  82. Excelsior! Says:

    Oh and Delia came across as being awesome

  83. Nick T Says:

    It’s happening in the londin also

  84. Mel Says:

    Indy – Unbelievable, by EMF. I am not proud of that fact, hence the accidentally bit always being mentioned.

    Breeks – Oh it is the guys behind Chez Bruce. I used to live in Wandsworth, and that was my favourite local. I agree with you about the relaxed and often bargainous nature of the very excellent food. Top Notch. MMMMMMMMM

  85. Nick T Says:

    Sounds interesting…

  86. ugeine Says:

    ‘char grilled squid and red chilli’

    ‘Bien sur Breeks’

    ‘And so the menu at la trompette’

    ‘red mullet on risotto noir’

    Napoleon would be spinning in his grave, if he was dead.

  87. indy Says:

    mel: the things, you say. your purple prose just gives you away

  88. Mel Says:

    Ah yes Nick, there is a very popular eatery here run on identical lines. I will not send you the website though,because it seems to be the law that all Dutch web designers have to put rubbish flash animation on their sites, with accompanying sound/ music. Bloody dire, i tell you.

    However, if she is a self proclaimed marmite lover, i will not be darkening her door…

  89. Mel Says:

    Indy, you are unbelievable! Leave it now. They are from the Forest, they cannot help themselves.

    *awaits NC’s bile for the use of French and discussion of posh nosh.

  90. ugeine Says:

    Mel, if you talk about burger vans and killer nazi robots for the next ten minutes, you might dodge the bullet.

  91. Napoleon Says:

    Mel – I’m boycotting this nonsense.

  92. breeks Says:

    mais napoleon! sûrement c’est un signe des temps modernes qu’une personne se rend compte qu’il y a plus de vie que les saucisses et la télévision de BBC, qu’il y a des mots à être trouvés dans la langue anglaise qui s’adoucissent et autour de ses racines bourrues, celtiques. cela, fondamentalement, étranger est grand.

  93. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Dear oh Dear, wwm has succumbed to the zeitgeist with these references to “in” places to eat. As a born and bred West Londoner, these new eateries bring me no joy whatsoever. I could write a whole essay on these new “in” places but can’t be bothered. What i will say is it is a joy to go to other countries where restaurants are just restaurants, that provide good decent and great value meals.

    Que Aproveche!

  94. ugeine Says:

    There’s an Indian takeaway in Northampton that lets you bring your own alcohol.

  95. breeks Says:

    DINLT – no sure la trompette can be accused of being new nor ‘in’. it’s just yum with reasonable bills at the end. and river cafe, whilst arguably over-priced and image-driven, has been around for yonks and manages to live well off the legend and a few cookbooks.

  96. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    They are still new breeks.

    Who you calling surly by the way you brazen shelia.

  97. breeks Says:

    no one. not yet.

    and it’s sheila, outdated.

  98. Excelsior! Says:

    And speaking of food, as a long time fan of branston pickle ive become utterly disgusted by its transmutation from chunky vegetable goodness to a jar of brown sludge. If this is the quality of sandwich pickle our children are being raised on then its no wonder theyre all stabbing each other.

  99. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Old joke:

    When i applied for my visa to work in Australia, they said to me do you have a criminal record? I said I didn’t and hadn’t realised you still needed one.


  100. indy Says:

    i haven’t had my rant on the danes yet, have i?

  101. NewsGush: Mighty Morphin’ Ramsay Ranger « Watch With Mothers | Says:

    […] Excerpt from:  NewsGush: Mighty Morphin’ Ramsay Ranger « Watch With Mothers […]

  102. Nick T Says:

    We could chat about Tubby Issacs cockle stall in Club Row

  103. Nick T Says:

    The 24 hour bagel shop in Brick lane?

  104. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Chiswick has just changed beyond all recognition, like Fulham. And Wandsworth used to stink from the candle factory. It was not so long ago you could walk down the street without being bombarded with menus.
    Even today, I had to point out to a cafe that it was not Paninis , but Panini, it is already plural. Pretensious fools.

  105. indy Says:

    Nick T: i didn’t see you as fashion-stylist web sites kind of guy…

  106. Nick T Says:

    I have many facets Indy

  107. Excelsior! Says:

    Nick – i listened to your advert thingies yesterday evening. the 1st i liked, the second, the one with the kids voice, disturbed beyond all measure.

  108. Mel Says:

    Danes – don’t they just patronise the swedes? Indy, are you actually Swedish, or an English interloper, like me? You work in Copenhagen IIRC.

    Excelsior – make your own pickles and chutneys. Much nicer, and you get to control the size of the chunk.

  109. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    I quite enjoyed your Spanish guitar bit on youtube Nick.

    Perhaps we should have a wwm initiative to get Nick to number one? Indeed Nick could be the composer of the rousing song for Dave.

  110. Excelsior! Says:

    Thats not a bad idea Mel. Ive been flirting with the idea of growing my own veg. It would give me A Project.

    On the Dave front, we (he) need a video diary to chronical the journey from zero to hero. TV’s mad for personal journeys these days, we could sell it to one of the smaller sky channels.

  111. indy Says:

    mel: english interloper?! have you seen my grammar? have you tried to dechiffer my harangues on this very website? i am as swedish as sven-göran eriksson, IKEA and the chef of the muppet show.

    i am swedish but the current economical situation (cr*d*t cr*nch) makes it way too profitable to ignore the chance of stealing some danish kronor (exchange rate at 1.55 skr/dkr). i cannot stand the danes but somehow i find myself in the very heart of denmark every day. fortunately i go home to sweden every night with a big fat bag of danish currency of none has been spent in denmark. i’m a modern robin hood figure (wearing skinny jeans instead of tights).

  112. breeks Says:

    living in chiswick is alright, DINLT, apart from the issue of over-sized buggies.

  113. breeks Says:

    excelsior – i have a nice recently serviced super-8 310xl which would suit nicely. give dave that soft-focus retro film feel which would make him slightly unrecognisable.

  114. Mel Says:

    DINLT – so you think that instead of spuriously trying to make DAVE into an acronym for a charity, we should just release a charity single?

    I thought that the singles chart had died on its arse though? Shouldn’t we be looking at a charity album?

    hmm, it could be fun thinking of song names.

  115. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    No it is not Breeks. It’s full of arrivistes and people with no knowledge of the rich cultural heritage of the area.

  116. Excelsior! Says:

    The problem there breeks is your either gonna have to give Dave your nice recently serviced super-8 310xl OR move up to Daves neck of the woods to film him.
    Which is it gonna be eh?

  117. ugeine Says:

    I fucking love the chef on the muppet show!

    Indy: Bort bort bort.

  118. indy Says:

    ok. dave-aid. is he sweary? can he fry an egg? i’m thinking about branding him as the new celeb chef.

  119. Mel Says:

    Ah the swedish chef. My favourite story from the BF’s childhood was the fact that they dubbed the muppets into Swedish, except for the Swedish chef, who still just spoke jibberish. I love that idea.

    Excelsior – you should definitely grow your own. Stuff like courgettes are fairly easy, and make great chutney. This is definitely a much better project than a video. WWM chutney.

  120. breeks Says:

    DINLT – they got there by dubious means? dodge. and, to make a point, so is much of london. is it more real to live in a ‘proper’ urban environment where the streets are laden with spittle, shit, cottage chickens and crap poundsavers? cause i did that for 7 years. and it’s not.

  121. breeks Says:

    excelsior – fuck that.

  122. indy Says:

    mel: …but in sweden he was known as the “welsh chef”. nah.

    it was good, fun masochism preparing every swedish kid that when on holiday abroad you better not communicate with foreigners or you will end up looking like that muppet. better go on caravan holiday in sweden. in order to keep our gold!!!

  123. ugeine Says:

    Does bort bort bort not mean anything then? Damned.

  124. Mel Says:

    I think it was Bork bork – no?

  125. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    No Breeks. An area that had generations of families with local businesses supplying good quality produce (rather than being overun by the mega Sainsbury) and small manufacturing industries. Where you can walk into a local and have a game of pool. The environment you describe has never been indicative of the area. The number of small specialised businesses that have disappeared because of the globalised high street is incredible.

  126. indy Says:

    ugeine: do swedish people usually shout “bort bort bort” at you?

  127. breeks Says:

    well, quite. but again, not really a localised issue, is it, in terms of where these things have occurred. and, actually, the chiswick high road has a good proportion of owner-occupied shops (i know cause i shop in them all, inc turnham green) in amongst the big dicks like waitrose and sainsburys and pizza express and gap and starfucks.

  128. ugeine Says:

    I don’t usually get Swedish people shouting anything at me, Indy.

  129. Mel Says:

    Ugeine, you haven’t lived until you have been yelled at by a Swede.

  130. indy Says:

    ugeine: “bort ” means “away” when it comes to removing stuff – like take away (not like the take away food kind of way though). “gå bort” (go away) is a sensitive way of saying that some one has died.

    mel: bork is the leader of one of the gangs of robbers in astrid lindgrens novel “ronja rövardotter (ronja – daughter of robbers)

  131. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Do you ever have a beer in the Tabard breeks?

  132. Mel Says:

    My BF likes to sing the Swedish chef song on the bus when drunk. If you had been on a 159 back from waterloo 2 christmases ago, you my have also witnessed this.

  133. breeks Says:

    yes. course.

  134. ugeine Says:

    Mek: I got yelled at by a potato.


    Indy: All joking aside, do you think it’s a bit of a patronising view of the Swedish?

  135. Mel Says:

    Astrid Lingens is the one that wrote Pipi Longstrump isn’t she?

  136. Mel Says:

    Ugeine – see my replies to Dave yesterday regarding root vegetable jokes

    *gives Ug a stern look*

  137. myopiniononstuff Says:

    I can see Dave struggling as a registered charity name, considering everyone and everything is named it these days. It could be another WWF scenario all over again.

    And I never meant to patronise Swineshead over his Derek Griffiths knowledge. That was never my intention.

  138. ugeine Says:

    Sorry Mel, I CARROT explain what I was thinking. Will you LETTUCE apologise for been a right TURNIP?

    *sides split*

  139. Excelsior! Says:

    *put fingers in ears*

  140. breeks Says:

    my favourite vegetable would have to be the butternut pumpkin.



  141. Mel Says:

    *split’s Ugeine’s sides a little more*

    Sorry Ugeine, you appear a little beet

  142. Excelsior! Says:

    Breeks is that the same thing as a butternut squash?

  143. Mel Says:

    Breeks – depends. I like the butternut in the autumn. Spring has to be broad beens, and then in early summer it is the asparagus. Cannot beat the taste, nor the fact it turns your wee green.

  144. breeks Says:

    asparagus makes my wee smell bad. i do like it. but you can’t have a ‘depends’, you can only choose one.

    excelsior – guess so. i know it as pumpkin, i’ve been told it’s a squash. in oz we eat lots of different kinds of pumpkin so i guess the butternut bit’s to differentiate.

  145. indy Says:

    ugeine: i think swedish people deserves a bit of patronising. we dodged the two world wars and still we didn’t come out on top of the world. that’s kind of crap.

    i don’t have that much for the swedes to be honest. we do pretty good in some aspects, i am proud of being a swede (instead of a potato – hah!) and i consider myself lucky being born and raised in sweden. but it’s a very small country and people tend to be very narrow-minded. it’s more or less just one enormous village.

  146. Excelsior! Says:

    Butternut squash/pumpkin in thai red curry = nice

    Im mad for greens at the mo, lightly steamed with a tiny bit of olive oil and salt.

  147. indy Says:

    mel: “Astrid Lingens is the one that wrote Pipi Longstrump isn’t she?”

    you’re right. you’re doing quite well in swedeology.

  148. Mel Says:

    pumpkins, butternuts are all members of the squash family. As are pattypan, spaghetti and courgettes.

    Breeks – i cannot just have one, because you cannot get home grown asparagus in September.

  149. ugeine Says:

    Sounds pretty much the same that my Finnish friend would say about Finland.

  150. Mel Says:

    Indy – so i should, i have been going out with mine for yonks. I have the AIK hat and scarf set too, to “welcome me to the family”. I know, that doesn’t necessarily endear me to most of the rest of the Swedes, but his dad loves them.

  151. Excelsior! Says:

    Spaghetti Mel? Spaghetti?

    Im just a simple yorkshire lad but isnt that.. you know.. pasta?

  152. myopiniononstuff Says:

    indy – Plus you produced the SAAB Draken, a supersonic aircraft that looked like something from Thunderbirds, had many wooden parts and was only retired in in 1999 (2005 in Australia, the fools).

  153. indy Says:

    ugeine: i guess all nordic countries are kind of the same (with the exception of us being cowards (neg.)/not being invaded by the nazis (pos.) during the wwII.

  154. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Ahhh Pumpkin. It is an essential vegetable in an Aussie roast eh?
    Also, a take away outlet I used to know quite well in Oz, always used to give me a free slice pumpkin as i passed by on my way for a cold one after a days work. Golden days!

  155. Mel Says:

    excelsior – yes spaghetti squash. So named because the flesh forms strings that look like spaghetti. Doesn’t taste of much though.

  156. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    and the Vigen too Dave + Indy.

  157. indy Says:

    myopiniononstuff: saab draken is a joke that went to far. the australians didn’t get the joke and bought it to their airforces.

  158. breeks Says:

    cold roast veg sandwich. delish. and yes, DINLT, we love a pumpkin roast. or a roast pumpkin, rather. wasted on pigs, pumpkins.

  159. indy Says:

    mel: aik merch just works when in stockholm. prepare yourself for a fight if wearing it in malmö, göteborg, sundsvall or kiruna.

  160. ugeine Says:

    I love the fact that Dave’s telling Indy about things constructed in his own country.

  161. Excelsior! Says:

    Thanks Mel – I stand before you today a slighly better man (in squash circles)

  162. myopiniononstuff Says:

    The Australians are all odd though. Nationalist racists that rely on Asian immigrants to sustain their economic status….

    …nothing like Britain.

  163. breeks Says:

    didn’t paddington bear have a thing about squashes? self-appointed protector of the squash or summat?

  164. Mel Says:

    It doesn’t work that well in Stockholm these days either Indy. It’s all about Djurgarden these days.

  165. myopiniononstuff Says:

    Listen, Ugeine, I wasn’t trying to educate the sod on it I merely marked it as something I personally appreciate myself. The picture was for people who may not have owned a Janes Book of Aircraft during their lonely early teens. Bastard.

  166. indy Says:

    DINLT: viggen. sorry. you should take a look at “gripen” when you’re at it. that’s our latest contribution to world conflicts. we managed to sell it (= bribe some politicians) to south africa. not exactly what theier country needs the most in my opinion.

  167. Mel Says:

    Breeks, he was quite partial to a marmalade sandwich, and hard stares.

  168. breeks Says:

    i am sure i remember something about a squash thief.

  169. indy Says:

    myopiniononstuff: thanks for your support. everyone who can come up with something that we contributed with is welcome to join in.

    haven’t mentioned ulrica johnson yet, have i?

  170. myopiniononstuff Says:

    Mel – Isn’t that Marmite these days?

  171. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    But you know the thing about Saab and Volvo’s is that they used British parts.

  172. Mel Says:

    And both are owned by American companies in any case DINLT. Saab is imminently going to collapse. Sales are plummeting, and GM cannot find a buyer, nor can they afford to pump any more money into it. Saab workers in Sweden have been on a 4 day week since before christmas.

  173. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Breeks and he is from Peru.

  174. indy Says:

    DINLT: …and now they’re going down the drain. the both of them. it looks like saab is going to end all of their production with the exception of lorries and jet fighters

  175. Mel Says:

    Dave – have they changed it to marmite? that is a flaming travesty. I will have to write angry letters to the Queen about this.

    Marmite is WRONG.

  176. breeks Says:

    DINLT & Mel – i pass by him some days, guarding krispy kreme at paddington station. he looks unwell.

  177. ugeine Says:

    i Hate it when people say ‘listen’ on the internet. A lot like when people call you and then say ‘I’m just calling you to say…’

    Indy: Why does Ibrahimovic never bring it to the big games?

  178. indy Says:

    mel: i’m once again impressed by your deep knowledge of the “swedish” car industry

  179. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    and while you are it indy and ugeine, name a big game that Beckham has brought it…

  180. Mel Says:

    Breeks, that could be because he is being force fed marmite, if Dave is correct. I would look a bit unwell too, if that were happening to me.

  181. Mel Says:

    Shucks Indy, but i have to admit, the cars stuff is actually part of my job.

  182. ugeine Says:

    DINLT: Greece, off the top of my head.

  183. myopiniononstuff Says:

    Mel – It’s for the adverts because some arsehole creative at an advertising agency thought it’d be a good idea to combine two well loved British institutions via their vaguely similar word structure.

  184. Nick T Says:

    On the subject of “A song for Dave” could I divert your attension to this

  185. Nick T Says:

    My “creepy child” jingle is designed to be scary yet memorable

  186. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Yes that was in 2001. Whilst an important game in qualifying, could it be described as a big game in the scheme of things? Two swallows do not a summer make. What about, european Cup finals, or knockout stage games in big tournaments?

  187. ugeine Says:

    Manchester United Vs Real Madrid.

    Real Madrid Vs Bayern Munich.

    Manchester United Vs Bayern Munich. ( I think his corner got them the winner?)

  188. Mel Says:

    Oh, i can feel that my urine is reaching a transition state about that one Dave. Michael Bond actually allowed this travesty? Or has he “gone away”?

  189. indy Says:

    ugeine: because his a) an overpriced diva and b) he has a swedish passport.

    have you ever seen a swede doing well in a big game? i guess that ljungberg was ok in some of the champions league games when playing for arsenal, but never above average.

    swedes, tend to be teamplayers relying on strategy rather than entertaining individualists (both on and off the football arena). ibra’s problem (in international games) is that he is more of an individualist and is forced in to a collective that appreciate “being a viking” more than playing entertaining football.

  190. Mel Says:

    DINLT – african or european?

  191. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Thats all he did…swing in a decent corner against a very nervous Bayern defence.

    Man U v Real madrid, was it 2 lucky goals?

    Good player he is, he is not a match winner.

  192. Excelsior! Says:

    Prepare for flashpoint Mel

  193. Mel Says:

    Nick – that little ditty of yours could be the start of something. Yeah

  194. myopiniononstuff Says:

    Nick T – That’s been on your site for ages and you have the facial hair of a mutant musketeer. Good guitar playing though.

  195. Mel Says:

    Aaaaaaargh! My bladder has just evaporated.

    That is an abomination. And it was voiced by the well spoken bloke that did the originals. My heart weeps for this, it really does.


  196. indy Says:

    DINLT: beckham is ronald mcdonald. he’s just a mascot. no one is gone praise him or blame him for what’s done on pitch as long as the team does well. but when the team is bad you’ll see angry crowds burning beckham dolls down stroud green road (just an example)

  197. Nick T Says:

    I have abandoned the goatee in favour of an all over short beardette Dave.

    Mrs Nick prefers it and as I hardly ever look at my face……

  198. ugeine Says:

    All he did was get the assist for the winner against a world class defence and the best keeper in the game (at the time?) in a cup final? That’s more then most players achieve in a lifetime, surely?

    He came on during the Madrid game and got the winning goal (Semi final of the CL I think) and I swear he also got a hattrick against Madrid, not to mention The Greece goal, and he’s not a match winner?

  199. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Henrik Larssen was/is a very good player.

    Mel, yes, in the end the big bucks win.

  200. myopiniononstuff Says:

    Nick T – It’s almost as if Dr Moreu wanted to genetically recreate King Louis XVI to be his manservant and you were the abomination that resulted.

  201. ugeine Says:

    Indy: True about the Ibrahimovic been a bit of a individualist. Most of the great goals I’ve seen him score for juve and inter seem to come from nowhere, little deft flick of skill or something.

  202. indy Says:

    DINLT: henrik larsson is the exception. the problem is that he doesn’t know when it’s time to quit it. recently he has taken up a career in floor ball. just plain silly.

  203. Mel Says:


    This is almost as bad as the day i realised that another childhood hero, David Bellamy, is actually a bit menkle (disclaimer: i am not a medically qualified doctor)

  204. breeks Says:


    * of boredom

  205. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Look he’s paid to play football well. You could just as well go on about Teddy Sherringham or Solskjaer. Many players have good games and consistently. Beckham works hard, and has a good freekick (comparable to many other players), and can spot a good ball. That’s it.

  206. ugeine Says:

    Bellamy once told the Coventry dressing room he’d be the best player in the world. At least he’s got a sense of humour.

  207. Nick T Says:

    We all have a shadey past Dave.

    *fesses up*

  208. indy Says:

    ugeine: unfortunately when playing for sweden he has no one to give the kind of attention he is used to in serie a (good passes) and our manager forces him to pass, which is against his nature.

  209. Mel Says:

    Breeks – you don’t understand. At least all Australians knew that their great Natural Historians (eg Steve “crikey” Irwin) were a bit metal. To be disabused of their hero status as an adult is disturbing, frankly.

  210. myopiniononstuff Says:

    Beckham’s long pass has resulted in countless goals, hasn’t it?

  211. Swineshead Says:

    Indy – Freddie pretty much won us the league in our last double. He was scoring a goal a game. And we loved him for it (because he had red hair and it showed he cared).

    Great days. So long ago now.

  212. ugeine Says:

    29+ assists just for England, Dave.

    Also, he lead the assist chart in LA Liga 04/05.

  213. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Yes Dave, other teams manage to score goals as well without Beckham in their team!

  214. myopiniononstuff Says:

    That’s why I always press the triangle button thingy with him on Pro Evo, Ugeine. Saying that, you can score a goal with Ibrahimovic by pressing the square button thingy anywhere on the damned pitch.

    I use Pro as to measure any player’s abilty.

  215. ugeine Says:

    If you press down and circle and fill the power bar to full you’ll score about 75% of your free kicks, Dave. Love that game.

  216. Mel Says:

    *joins Breeks in dying*

  217. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Mind you, I saw Eto’o playing for Mallorca and couldn’t see what all the fuss was about. Torres had a quiet game for Atletico when i saw him play and I was not sure that JT would hold down a regular first team place at Chelsea. I’m good at spotting talent!

  218. myopiniononstuff Says:

    But I have a copied Arabic version of the game called ‘Henry Plus’ instead and they’ve turned him into a one man, goal scoring army. I’m always Barcelona, needless to say.

    That’s a truth.

  219. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Mes que una club !!

    Dave’s alright.

  220. Napoleon Says:

    I’m still trudging round the miserable world of Fallout 3.

    I found an old suit the other day. And some bottle tops.

  221. ugeine Says:

    I like to play with mediocre teams, like Iran and Wigan. You don’t play online do you dave?

  222. indy Says:

    swineshead: some people chose the mohican but in the case of freddie the mohican chose him.

    i am trying to suppress my patriotism here and every one else keeps musing about henrik larsson and freddie. what’s going on?

  223. breeks Says:


    *from boredom

  224. ugeine Says:

    Aaah, that game got well depressing for me Nappers so I quit. Not without shooting my way through Rivet City, for shits and giggles.

  225. ugeine Says:

    This is payback for the restaurant chatter, Breeks.

  226. myopiniononstuff Says:

    NC – You’ll be prepared come the impending apocalypse then.

    Ugeine – I have a copied version of the game so I think my Playstation would explode if I tried it.

  227. indy Says:

    ugeine: i’m playing fifa’09 with the incredibly overrated arsenal team. i used to put a bit too much of effort (for unknown reasons) in making portsmouth a top team while playing fifa ’08. don’t ask me why but i played five-six seasons with pompey.

  228. myopiniononstuff Says:

    Meant to post this for Nippy –

  229. ugeine Says:

    Dave: It would do if you had the real version, most buggy game I’ve played in yonks.

  230. Mel Says:

    Ugeine, everyone has to eat – you have enough to contribute on the sandwich issue. Restaurants are not that different.

    No need for payback eh?

  231. indy Says:

    however: when playing ps2/any console or computer-like thingy football:

    a) do you try to create the greatest team of all times (just doing super transfers)


    b) try to get “in character” as manager (for example if managing arsenal, favor young talents in front of super signings or the opposite if managing man city)

    i tend to go for option b.

  232. Swineshead Says:

    Bit choppy in here today. Bit of a divide.

    I propose a dance.

  233. Nick T Says:

    *Ramms eyes onto a rosemary spear*

  234. ugeine Says:

    Mel: It was a joke, I’m not that petty. That’s what I hate about the net, you can never tell what tone of voice people are talking in.

    Indy: I try to make my home grown players, bought for cheap, into mega stars no matter what team or game I was playing. My crowning moment was on footy manager, winning the 2009-2010 league with Wigan, with a DM getting player of the season and became the England captain. cost me 120K from Chelsea!

  235. Napoleon Says:


  236. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    You couldn’t get a sandwich for 120k in Chelsea.

  237. myopiniononstuff Says:

    Football Manager is a shit game, I think. Fancy coming home from a long day doing clerical wank with databases only to fire up your computer and do clerical wank with virtual databases when you get home.

  238. Mel Says:

    *waltzes in*

    Ugeine, i know what you mean. To avoid this, my friends and i e-mail each other in a sarcastic font, thus avoiding misunderstandings.

    Passa Doble Nappers?

  239. ugeine Says:

    Anthony Grant, ex youth player. Has him on loan for a season in 04/05, then bought him for monthly instalments over two years totalling 120K.

    Stick that in your washing basket, Mourinho.

  240. ugeine Says:

    Dr. Who isn’t a steaming pile of cosy middle class dogshite in your opinion, Dave. Your opinion’s a strange beast.

  241. Swineshead Says:

    Has him on loan for a season in 04/05, then bought him for monthly instalments over two years totalling 120K.

    About as much fun as sorting out your student debt, Indy?

  242. Swineshead Says:

    Sorry – Ugeine.

    *is not with it today*

    *at all*

  243. Mel Says:

    Well SH, if there is one thing the Swedish Government don’t pay for it is being a student. Their debts are huge, but they do all get written off at the age of 65, which is nice.

    I am not going for a kebab after this dancing. The salads have been found to have unacceptable levels of bacteria according to the Guardian.

  244. Nick T Says:

    *Watches Ricky Lake*

    You are all responsible …..

  245. ugeine Says:

    It would be good of you think that it’s like that, SH. Whatever you do, don’t buy the bastard game. If you like football even in the slightest, you might as well start smoking crack. It’ll have a better effect on your social life, for one.

  246. indy Says:

    sh: “About as much fun as sorting out your student debt, Indy?”

    aaarggh! my student debt! why did you have to remind me about it? this has been a perfectly slighly above average day but now you’ve ruined it all!

    *puts shotgun in mouth, in an offensive way*

  247. indy Says:

    mel: i’m in a student debt related dilemma right now. i’ve got 50k of SEK that is obviously not gonna be worth more tomorrow that today. my dilemma is whether pay off my student debt, buy stocks/funds or keep it in mine piggy bank in case of unemployment etc.

  248. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Indy.. get over here mate..we’re printing money! As i speak the Bank of England are going to print billions.

  249. Napoleon Says:

    Just like they do in Zimbabwe, DINLT.

    *buys wheelbarrow*

  250. indy Says:

    we’re dealing with readers of “the sun” i suppose? or which newspaper is it that are doing the zimbabwe comparison?

    i coming over at the end of march and i wondering whether i should use the money on my ISA account or let them stay where they are and exchange swedish kronor, equally low in value, for pounds. looks like the second one is the natural choice. when i lived in london and earned that money it was 15 SEK per £ whereas now it’s 12 SEK per £.

  251. indy Says:

    *wonder years style voice-over*

    “why did i ask wwm for economic advice? i guess it was all an essential part of growing up, and even more, a sense of belonging”

  252. Swineshead Says:

    And Germany post-war.

    *buys waggon*

  253. ugeine Says:

    Indy: invest all your money in MFI.

  254. ugeine Says:

    *buys wagonwheel*

  255. indy Says:

    ugeine: MFI?

  256. indy Says:

    the furniture retailer? you are joking right? right? right!

  257. Excelsior! Says:

    Napps – On Fallout 3 you wanna get the pneumatic fist. I punched someone so hard in the arse with it their head exploded and the body landed in a tree. Dont bother picking up all the junk, its pointless and boring. Like WWI.

  258. indy Says:

    Excelsior!: “its pointless and boring. Like WWI.”

    pointless and boring? acting the devil’s advocate i must point out that baron von richthofen was having the time of his life during WWI.

  259. Napoleon Says:

    Was that the fella Snoopy went up against?

  260. indy Says:

    np: yes sir!

  261. Excelsior! Says:

    Amendment – pointless and boring. Like WWI*

    * if you were in the trenches, not some Hun flyboy

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