The Friday Question: Horse Flogging


Artwork by BP Perry

Morning, everyone!

If you work from home, you’re a housewife, you’re old or, like in WWM reader Dave’s case, you’re sat staring into the black hole of despair that is unemployability after being caught reading WWM at work, you’ll know all about daytime TV.

This is the filthy dumping ground we daytime skivers get to enjoy while all the proper folk are at work. And what a dumping ground it is: antiques shows, cookery shows, gardening and DIY shows, laughing at poor people shows and, of course, kids in hospital shows that tug at our wastrel heartstrings.

But is that it? Is that all the bloody choice we get? Surely there are other things daytime TV could flog to death in the way it has cookery, antiques and DIY? What about stamp collecting? Or flower arranging? If something as banal as cooking can be turned into television gold, aren’t the possibilities endless?

So come on, WMMers! Let’s have your brand new daytime TV ideas. We want the subject, the format (for instance, is it a quiz, a panel show, a ‘challenge’, etc.) and, of course, what legendary daytime TV presenter you’d want at the helm.

My money’s on Dickinson. For everything.

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359 Responses to “The Friday Question: Horse Flogging”

  1. Tom Laird Says:

    I would have to go for..

    A Dental Visit With Digance.

    Each week Richard Digance pays a visit to a dentist in a procession of steadily deteriorating third world countries. Until finally a bloke with a bone through his nose in the less civilised part of New Guinea smashes him in the face with a rock. He then gets his jaws wired together and sets about trying to spout some of his banal anecdotes,poetry and songs to a Cannibal version of the X Factor panel.

    With Hilarious consequences.

  2. myopiniononstuff Says:

    NC – You’re an absolute cnot. A shame you’re a bloody good (cnot) writer.

    As for daytime TV fare, you can’t go far wronger than the below link. High concept comedy or a prophetic nod towards the inevitable demise of civilisation?

    You’re a cnot.

  3. myopiniononstuff Says:

    Below link-

  4. The Friday Question « Watch With Mothers Says:

    […] The Friday Question « Watch With Mothers […]

  5. ugeine Says:

    You’ve heard of the justice league? Well, forget the name. They’re bollocks, compared to the REAL justice league, the Daytime TV Justice League. Quincy, Jessica Fletcher, Dr. Mark Sloan, Adrian Monk and Dr. Quinn form a collection of like minded detectives. Basically, every episode sees a new murder. The murder happens, just while Jessica happens to be passing. Monk obsesses over it for a bit, Quincy invents a theory that the rest of the team scoffs at, then Mark Sloan pops up at the nick of time to confront the villain.

    An interesting twist comes half way through the first series when the rest of the team realise that everywhere Jessica Fletcher goes there just ‘happens’ to be a murder, and after two episodes of detective work between Quincy and Monk (Who also start falling for each other, in an interesting B story) they dispatch Dr. Quinn to shoot her in the face.

    Finally, I should note that for that authentic daytime TV murder mystery feel, no filming equipment, wardrobe, set or production methods after 1983 are used.

  6. ugeine Says:

    Oh, I know Dr. Quinn is a medicine woman and not a detective, but she’s fit as hell, and it’s my TV show, so shut your face.

  7. ugeine Says:

    Yeah, like you wouldn’t.

  8. Nick T Says:

    “Airlines under the hammer with Judge Judy”
    Nick Knowles attempts re re-decorate aging European Airports that are then sold by auction with Judge Judy acting as auctionier (?) she has her own gavel.
    I saw the Knowles just beofre xmas wandering round HMV Southampton dvd dept in a white puffa jacket trying to get recognised, goon.

  9. ugeine Says:

    Seven cows a-barking
    Six vicars strumming
    Nick fucking Knowles
    Four boring words
    Carphone Warehouse and Matalan
    And a pulled up at Bangor-on-Dee

  10. indy Says:

    animal island: 10 wolves and 10 chickens are left on an island and filmed by some cctv cameras.

    bit big brotherish but funny.

  11. Napoleon Says:

    Indy – That show would last about three minutes. To sustain it for half an hour, you’d have to keep pumping chickens onto the island.

  12. Bright Ambassador Says:

    A celebrity-based against-the-clock cookery programme where every recipe must use cock cheese. Ready, Steady, Smegma.

  13. Swineshead Says:

    Yes! keep pumping in chickens! I’d watch that.

  14. indy Says:

    np: i also thought about replacing the wolves with tigers and sending a cross-section of the world population consisting of steven hawking, fat jack osbourne, the cheeky girls, andrew marr, wotshername from pop idol, bez and the corpse of johnny cash but that would be cruel to the tigers.

  15. indy Says:

    having read my latest post i guess i misused the word “cross-section”

  16. breeks Says:


    ann maurice – that skew-eyed yank who removes all traces of (admittedly usually shite) personality from homes on the market and replaces them with the decor equivalent of a blank stare.

    so her, right.

    in something. i am thinking some kind of gameshow, along the lines of rollerball actually, with contestants being made up of angry interior decorators and the umpire being the producer of magnolia coloured paint (ie: on ann maurice’s team, basically).

    to the death, obv.

  17. Excelsior! Says:

    Steven Hawking Indy?

  18. indy Says:

    9/11 extreme home make-over:

    9/11 2001 was a day of tragedy and sorrow. an attack on our free society.

    BUT! it was also great tv (see the late stockhausen for reference).

    911XHMO is a show where a shouty man and a couple of builders get someone to fly a plane into (the evacuated) home of a family that lost someone dear in mentioned terrorist attack and then rebuilds the family’s house with some elements of extra “pimping” (pool, new kitchen, automated garage doors etc).

  19. indy Says:

    Excelsior!: steven – stephen – stevie – steve – four-eyes – wheelie


  20. Napoleon Says:

    BA – A cock-cheese-based cookery show, eh? That would need a hell of a lot of cock cheese. I suppose you could approach the bankrupt menfolk of Iceland to supply the cheese. It could rescue their country’s crippled economy.

  21. Mel Says:

    Yeah, and what’s the matter with Andrew Marr as well?

  22. ugeine Says:

    I think the way forward would be to cross two popular daytime TV formats.

    Jeremy Kyle gives a family with problems 50 quid. He then follows them around a car boot sale, and shouts at them while also suggesting what they could buy and auction at a profit.

    ‘You ignorant young man! You’re a disgrace! I’m doing the talking! I’M DOING THE TALK… ooh, that’s a nice vase, it’s in good condition too.. THE TALKING, YOU STUPID IDIOT! WHAT THE HELL WRE YOU THINKING WHEN… I wouldn’t buy that, look, hairline fracture in the rim.’

    At the end, if they’ve sold enough useless tat, they can spend the winnings on a DNA test, but it costs a minimum of 20 pounds!

  23. Mel Says:

    NC – i reckon you would need whales to come up with that amount of smegma, so maybe the Icelanders would be better employed in going back to their traditional roots and gathering that way. Unless, of course, you are accusing the Icelandics of being massive wankers. Well are you? I am sure Indy has a rant on them coming sometime soon anyway.

  24. indy Says:

    mel: i download andrew marr’s weekly podcast and consider myself, if not a fan but, very impressed by his ways and intellect. i think it would be interesting to see how well he would do on an island full of tigers, chickens, cretins, a corpse and one genius.

  25. Mel Says:

    Well, if that is your criteria, you should also put Ray Mears on there, to see what anti tiger tactics he would employ.

  26. indy Says:

    Mel: smegma? i guess that’s why mums better stay out of iceland.

  27. breeks Says:

    *bins ann maurice rollerball idea due to total lack of interest*

  28. indy Says:

    mel: i got a rant coming up about the icelanders. trust me. i was planning to do the danes first though. is that ok with you?

  29. Napoleon Says:

    Mel – I merely suggest they could be the suppliers of cock cheese because they have very little else to do now the UK has bankrupted ’em other than not wash their cock and make cheese. And they thought we’d forgotten The Cod Wars, eh? Ho ho! Rule Britannia, etc.

  30. Excelsior! Says:

    Whales would be a good source of smeg. I’ll always remeber the Life of Mammals telling me a sperm whale’s penus is 12 foot long and highly mobile, complete with footage of a writhing pink tentacle.

  31. breeks Says:

    napoleon – when i had a horse, or many over the course of the years, we used to have to ‘flake’ their giant cocks of smeg…might be a good source for the cockcheese.

  32. ugeine Says:

    My two shows have got a crossover episode planned, by the way. Jessica investigates a murder at a carboot sale, Quincy and Monk start buying things and auctioning, while Dr. Sloan finds a younf baby’s real father.

  33. indy Says:

    *bins 9/11 extreme home make-over idea due to total lack of interest*

  34. Mel Says:

    OK, my idea for a show – one that will be useful when the predicted breakdown of our society happens. A mock up of a post apocalyptic town is made, and some people released into this land. At first, they may be able to loot shops and houses for their food, but eventually these supplies dwindle, and they must fend for themselves, and we get to watch how best to reconstruct fabrics and materials and forage for food and shelter, and they can give us their top tips on how best to achieve this.

    A bit like all cookery and gardening and lifestyle shows (eg grand designs) with the useful information contained in such programmes as the Victorian Farm.

    I would call it ‘After Gordon’

  35. indy Says:

    breeks: was this considered a pro or a con with having a horse?

  36. Mel Says:

    Indy, please feel free to rant on your fellow scandies in whichever order you like, on someone else’s website. There you go, that seems like blanket permission from me, which i feel i am probably not qualified to give.

  37. breeks Says:

    right. day off today, like i have every friday. i’m out to lunch.


  38. indy Says:

    Mel: already been done. that show was called albania but it was cancelled because people found it to bleak and uninspiring.

  39. Napoleon Says:

    I don’t think we should lose sight of the fact that the cock cheese cookery show idea was, in fact, Bright Ambassador’s. I just wanted to know where he was going to get it all the cheese from.

    Horses, Icelanders or whales – only BA can decide.

  40. Excelsior! Says:

    i dunno

    Going for Gold Xtreme.

    Contestants have to plan and execute a raid on Fort Knox

  41. Mel Says:

    Well, i think that having a show only about cock cheese is a bit sexist really. I think this is the latest entry for some sort of list – unless you will widen the criteria.

  42. Mel Says:

    Indy – you mean they stole my idea?

    *writes to the telly people to demand royalties*

  43. Swineshead Says:

    I’m not eating a horse’s cock cheese

  44. ugeine Says:

    Oh, in one episode the Daytime TV Justice league investigate a murder on an Icelandic Ship heading for England. It soon turns out the murder is tangled in a web of conspiracy over a group of people trying to steal the ship’s supply of knob cheese.

  45. Excelsior! Says:

    Sh – but you’d eat a whales or an Icelanders?

  46. indy Says:

    mel: yes, they stole your idea and they added a casino element to it when the albanian government placed pensions funds into a italian mob-led ponzi scheme. it’s reality and game show in one.

  47. Napoleon Says:

    Looking at the garbage they pass off as food on rubbish like Masterchef (and, indeed, some of the filth that was discussed on yesterday’s comments section), I wouldn’t be entirely surprised to find horse’s cock cheese on the menu in one of the fancy dan restaurants they have down there in London.

  48. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    When Dave gets here can you tell him about this.

    Have been browsing it, and am trying to work out if it is any good.

  49. Napoleon Says:

    How’s about following the day to day lives of those folk who like to pick it, lick it, roll it, flick it? Dickinson’s Snot-Ball Target Challenge?

  50. Excelsior! Says:

    Bargin C*nt

    Dave Dickinson. Contestants. Britains red light districts.

  51. Excelsior! Says:

    Dickinson could shoot himself after series 2

  52. Mel Says:

    Indy – i still think it may have legs as a public service broadcast. Wasn’t it the Met that predicted a summer of unrest this year due to the financial crisis? I think they are quite worried in case those miners from Jarrow come down to that London again and steal their jobs and their women.

    Alternatively, we can reinstate the name It’s a Knockout, and have a show about self defence and how to avoid being put up against the wall come the Revolution! *raises left fist*

  53. Napoleon Says:

    DINLT – I tried to work out if The Society of Cunts website / mug-merchandising opportunity was any good the other day. I concluded it wasn’t. I’m suspicious it has something to do with The Idler.

  54. Swineshead Says:

    Let’s face it, this is essentially ‘You Produce’ mark 2…

  55. indy Says:

    celebrity c*nt down: an annoying celeb is flown over mogadishu in a helicopter, shot down and then forced to teach spelling and counting to a bunch of somali warlords.

  56. indy Says:

    (mash-up of reality show “i’m a celebrity…”, blockbuster “black hawk down” and game show “countdown”)

  57. ugeine Says:

    Jeremy’s Piles: TV host Jeremy Kyle shouts at various piles of different material every week. This week: A pile of building rubble.

  58. Excelsior! Says:

    Neighbours UK – nobody knows each other. Nowbody cares.

  59. Excelsior! Says:

    Ugeine – could that not also be about Jeremy Kyle shouting at others about his terrible piles?

  60. myopiniononstuff Says:

    Cnot? Fair play, I suppose.

  61. Tom Laird Says:

    The Society of Cunts seems to have as much point as the Society of Misanthrope I was going to form once. The idea was to get everyone along then tell them all to fuck off. I I decided that was far to philanthropic.

    Can I suggest a n honorary membership for Richard Digance to the former though. For outstanding services to Cuntishness.

  62. ugeine Says:

    Shit, Excelisor, that works much better then mine.

  63. Napoleon Says:

    Dickinson’s Epilepsy Challenge – Contestants have two minutes to mash buttons as fast as they can to set off flashing lights in the faces of epileptics strapped to chairs. The most fits triggered wins the game.

  64. indy Says:

    “parkinson’s epilepsy challenge”?

  65. Mr H Says:

    Pimp My Cock Cheese.

    Two car geeks watch a car getting tooled up by the Top Gear tools, whilst vigourously pleasuring themselves.

    Last one to shoot their wad over the bonnet wins the car AND the cock cheese. Unless Jeremy Clarkson comes first, in which case they have to clean it up. With their cocks.

  66. Mel Says:

    Ugeine, surely Jeremy Clarkson *is* the cock cheese in that example?

  67. Nick T Says:

    Nice thread running through these eh?

    *refuses to jump on cock cheese bandwagon*

  68. Mr H Says:

    Oy! Don’t go giving that ugeine git credit for my “Pimp My Cock Cheese” genius idea.

    Shower o’shites.

  69. Nick T Says:

    Cock Cheese Bandwagon!

    *sells out*

  70. Mel Says:

    A Question of Port – in which we watch the late Rumploe of the Bailey (Leo McKern) do a history of the fortified wine, followed by tasting sessions in some of the most famous port producers in the world.

  71. Excelsior! Says:

    I bought some skinny jeans yesterday. Now im not sure if theyre TOO skinny. You can pretty much clearly see my cock. Is this aceptable?

  72. Mel Says:

    Excelsior, i think that they will be unacceptable if you can see the cheese. Apart from that, it depends if you are a fit, toned young thing, or if you are as fat as all get out.

  73. indy Says:

    Excelsior!: you have to learn the skinny jeans rules:
    1. wear briefs not boxers
    2. wear skinny jeans a little bit baggy
    3. have your “package” centered
    4. don’t mention the skinny jeans rules
    5. DON’T mention the skinny jeans rules

  74. Mel Says:

    Indy – so very Swedish. I am shocked and appalled that you guys even have rules about the correct usage of skinny jeans.

    *shakes head*

  75. Nick T Says:

    Try the gay prisoner look. Wear them halfway down your thighs, trying to ignore the giggles behind your back as the whole world laughs at you.

  76. Nick T Says:

    That could also be a daytime tv idea…..

  77. indy Says:

    Excelsior!: rule 2 explained:
    a) creates “space” for the 3 rule
    b) avoid the “human muffin” shape (stomach “pouring” over the jeans)

  78. Nick T Says:

    Naps, I’m eating quiche!

  79. indy Says:

    Mel: after all, we are the country that brought the super cheap and super skinny cheap monday jeans.

  80. Mel Says:

    Nick T – i have oft wondered about that – you see youth on the buses in the hoodies with their “mobile” discos, and they have their trousers half way around their thighs. They can barely walk in these garments, so how on earth do they run away from the Police?

  81. ugeine Says:

    Indy: They’re not skinny jeans unless they cut off circulation to your cock and you can’t sit down or bend your knees.

  82. Napoleon Says:

    Skinny jeans make people look like shitwits. As they did in the ’80s. Indeed, young people nowadays look just as fuckwitted as the ’80s people they’re dressing like. Bring back the ’70s, I say, when everyone looked like nobheads.

  83. indy Says:

    Mel: sting is not in that good shape anymore.

  84. ugeine Says:

    And you need to wear pump type shoes.

  85. Mel Says:

    Indy – i was actually referring to your countrymen’s tendency to make and follow rules and regulations.

  86. indy Says:

    i must to admit that i am actually wearing a couple of black skinny jeans right now (cheap monday, 29-32) with dm boots. a bit agyness 2008, but i really like that look.

  87. Mr H Says:

    Homes Under The Hammer

    Celebrity home makeover show, where MC Hammer takes over a house, blings it up eighties stylee, then brings in a team of hippity hop dancers to bust some moves.

  88. Nick T Says:

    It’s an odd fashion Mel. Originating in US prisons. Wearing your jeans in such a way signifies that one is a homosexual avaialble to be taken as another prisoners “bitch”
    Why this has been taken up by skinny male students is beyond me….

  89. Excelsior! Says:

    Im enjoying my return to svelte form, after ive stopped managing a bar and having guiness and scones for breakfast. So no hanging over the side for me.
    Dunno about wearing briefs Indy, if i start changing by underwear to suit my choice of trouser its a slippery slope to wearing a thong and thats a bad place to go. Actually they seem to have cut off cirulation to my lowers and my cocks shrunk to fit. Excellent.

  90. badgermadge Says:

    sorry. gratuitous plug. but I’M BACK!

  91. Napoleon Says:

    They’re on about job references on the radio at the moment. If I had to give an ex-employee a reference, regardless of how well they’d worked for me I’d say they spent all day picking at their own arseholes. And eating their findings.

  92. Mr H Says:

    Nick T – I imagine because skinny male students want to be taken up the bumhole, US prison style.

    Why else would they be skinny male students?

  93. Mel Says:

    Excelsior – what kind of trouser would necessitate you wearing a thong FFS? Or is it your habit to go around in backless chaps?

    Nick – i would have thought then that the Simon Cowell look (trousers pulled up to your armpits) would be preferable in US prisons, if that were the case.

  94. ugeine Says:

    Napoleon, there’s about 50,000 urban rumours like that, and they’re all bullshit. I always thought the idea that they wear baggy, loose fitting clothes to make prison wear look fashionable.

  95. ugeine Says:

    It’s been taken up by skinny white people because they want to show off their shit Calvin Clein underwear.

  96. Excelsior! Says:

    Damn it ive been trying to think of reasons for my various Homes under the hammer based ideas and Nicks got there 1st.
    Mine include –
    Homes under the Hammer of Thor
    Holmes under the hammer
    Homes under the Nazi Occupation

  97. Mr H Says:

    With all this talk of male students being bummed by US prisoners, I’m just wondering if this has turned into A Homosexualist dating site?


    Camp X-Ray

    A bunch of skinny male students from the UK are sent to a notorious US prison, where they learn the ‘hard’ way, what wearing skinny jeans really means.

  98. Mr H Says:

    Oy! Don’t go giving that nick git credit for my “Homes Under The Hammer” genius idea.

    Shower o’shites.

  99. HOOPS McCANN Says:

    Doherty Ladder

    Pete attempts to scale a ladder , hilarity ensues.

    Did I nick that off someone?

  100. Excelsior! Says:

    Sorry sorry. I think the jeans are making my vision blury.

  101. Napoleon Says:

    Ugeine – I didn’t say anything about prisons. I said people who wear skinny jeans look like ’80s shitwits.

  102. Napoleon Says:

    If Badger’s doing plugs, then so am I. At the moment I’m taking the most in-depth look into the world of science the internet’s ever seen:


  103. ugeine Says:

    Terribly sorry Nibbles, I meant to say Mr. Nick T.

    Do you mind if I call you Nibbles?

  104. Napoleon Says:

    Ugeine – Would it make the blindest bit of difference if I did?

  105. Nick T Says:

    I think you are an urban myth …..

    *in Joey Deacon voice*

  106. Mel Says:

    Nick T I am sure that kind of behavoiur has list qualifier written all over it.

  107. badgermadge Says:

    i can’t think of any day time shows, but i wanted to add that i have a thing for the ditties that accompany them. they’re not music, or background detailing. they’re ditties! plinky plonky keyboard ditties.

  108. indy Says:

    Napoleon: i combine my skinny jeans/dm boots with a trench coat with rolled up (?) arms. i am actually looking for the ’80s shitwit look.

  109. Excelsior! Says:

    Anyone see Red Riding last night then?

  110. Nick T Says:

    I’ve just seen this, it’s marvelous!

  111. Mel Says:

    Excelsior – please no spoilers, i am going to “acquire” that tonight.


  112. indy Says:

    Excelsior!: i haven’t seen it but it has got pretty good reviews. planning to download it.

  113. Napoleon Says:

    Excelsior – I’ve recorded it so I don’t have to watch the adverts. I can’t wait to relive the heady days of how bloody miserable West Yorkshire was in the ’70s and ’80s.

  114. indy Says:

    forget the d-word. i am going to “acquire” it.

  115. Mel Says:

    Nappers – isn’t it going back that way again now then?

  116. Mel Says:

    Indy – it is legally more ambiguous…

  117. Excelsior! Says:

    I’ll say nothing except watch it with a bottle of scotch and some cans of flat lager in a smoke filled room. This will set the ambience nicely.

    Its so brilliantly bloody grim.

  118. Clarry Says:

    Da-daaaaaaaaaaaaaa! The Clazinator is back*

    * Is annoyed that her freakish OCD habits mean she cannot join in and comment until fully caught up with all posts and comments since monday – which is at last count 1,251.

    Red Riding was skill. Did anyone wlse who saw it think how quiet/incomprehensible some of the words were (volume as opposed to accent).

  119. indy Says:

    mel: one of my friends is up for trial for administrating pirate bay right now. better watch my tongue or i will end up behind bars/get sued for $100.000.000 by hollywood.

  120. Clarry Says:

    Else not wlse obv

  121. badgermadge Says:

    … I’m back too… 😦

    No one cares… Humph.

  122. Napoleon Says:

    Mel – Yorkshire hasn’t been quite as grim as it once was since they caught the Ripper and the miners got their comeuppance. Nowadays it’s all fancy buildings, outdoor cafes, bloody city centre appartments and that twatty food and drink Londoners wolf down thinking they’re enjoying a unique experience only available down south. It’s a shame, because the Yorkshire depicted in the David Peace novels is the Yorkshire I fondly remember from my youth. Even though it was shit, and there was a murdering lorry driver on the loose.

  123. Excelsior! Says:

    I love each and every member of the WWM family and every time someone returns from absence i get giddy with delight. In this case the giddiness maybe from half my blood being out of circulation, but the sentiment remains.

  124. Napoleon Says:

    I don’t count Hull in that, by the way. Hull’s worse than Derby.

  125. Excelsior! Says:

    I come for Hull. Its sigature injury is a glassing.

  126. Napoleon Says:

    Hull’s bloody horrible. I’m surprised the rest of Yorkshire moaned for thirty years about getting it back. They could let the disgusting pseudo-county of Humberside have it, for all I care.

  127. indy Says:

    badgermadge: welcome back! where have you been?

  128. Excelsior! Says:

    I will never marshall a single word in Hull’s defence. Its a truly truly awful place. Culturally and economically backwards.
    Actually i tell a lie, there is one good thing about it – when your from Hull everywhere else seem great in comparison.

  129. Napoleon Says:

    I have a love / hate relationship with Hull. On the one hand, it’s awful, and on the other, it’s where I got my first paying cartooning job on a local magazine called ‘Radar’.

  130. Clarry Says:

    Indy – It’s alright, you don’t have to worry where i’ve been or anything…


  131. indy Says:

    Excelsior!: housemartins from hull, weren’t they?

  132. indy Says:

    clarry: ok…


    clarry! welcome back! where have you been?

    *in a silly voice*

  133. Excelsior! Says:

    Dont recall it.
    It must of been great for you though, being the greatest illustrator in a whole city. The rest of em are still flinging shit at cave walls. Or they would if Hull had caves instead of big steaming piles of shit. Flinging shit at shit, thats Hull.

  134. Napoleon Says:

    I was actually living in Lincoln at the time, Excelsior. Says a lot when you have to go to a middle-of-nowhere farmer’s town to find someone to supply you with cartoons, doesn’t it?

  135. Excelsior! Says:

    They were indeed indy. As were The Beautiful south.

  136. Excelsior! Says:

    and John Prescott

  137. indy Says:

    Excelsior!: same band different band, isn’t it?

  138. indy Says:

    Excelsior!: same band different name, isn’t it?

  139. Swineshead Says:

    Clarry – volume issues last night were infuriating. Barely audible, was Red Riding, and then the ad breaks ramped up noise levels to 11 making windows shake and neighbours shriek. It drove me to a mental.

  140. Swineshead Says:

    Exelsior!: same band different band, isn’t it?

  141. indy Says:

    sh: so from now on every wwm entry will be judged on audio quality?

  142. Clarry Says:

    SH – Phew – glas someone else noticed. I wasn’t sure if it was supposed to be being ‘atmospheric’ or just teasing us.

    Indy – Piss off.

  143. indy Says:

    sh: in swedish every substantive is replaced by the swedish word for band (“sälungeklubbarförening”). has no one ever mentioned this to you?

  144. Napoleon Says:

    That drives me mad, does that. Why can’t everything go out at the same level? It’s so infuriating to have to dive for the remote every time the bloody adverts come on. What the fuck is it advertisers and TV channels think this achieves?

  145. Clarry Says:

    Sorry *glad*

    All fingers and thumbs today – awaiting massive contract result today a la Piqued a few months ago…

  146. Excelsior! Says:

    Were they? Its abit before me, the most ive ever thought about them is theyre from Hull – i hate them. As far as im aware theyre neither of them good are they?

  147. indy Says:

    clarry: there is only one thing worse than being told to piss off – not being welcomed into when entering a web-based forum.

    my excuses for not recognizing your return to wwm.

  148. Bright Ambassador Says:

    I have my own collection of fine cock cheeses from around the world with which to furnish my cookery programme, Napoleon. When I enter a bordello I always ask for the boy with the dirtiest helmet.

  149. Mel Says:

    NC – but i imagine that Yorkshire is rapidly going backinto the doldrums now we are in a recession. It *is* grim Ooop Norf.

  150. Swineshead Says:

    Nappers / Clarry – I’m sure there’s a very boring reason involving the output level they use when synching the footage with the audio… the TV producers will use caution to ensure everything’s clear in the mix while the advertisers couldn’t give two shits.

    Basically this means TV makers are ponces and advertisers are arseholes.

    Exelsior!: same band different band, isn’t it?

  151. Swineshead Says:


    Where’s wenchy, by the way?

  152. Tom Laird Says:

    Technically the Ads Don’t get cranked up. They just record them at a higher sound level. As the TV cunts will smugly tell you. Same effect.

  153. indy Says:

    Excelsior!: housemartins were ok, i like their happy ‘8os indie sound. beautiful south is a bit to “mature” in my taste.

  154. Clarry Says:

    SH – I thought it was just that the ad people made them louder so that you’d notice the adverts whether you were in the room or not. There are a few adverts with very loud, irritating or jarring noises in them – I always notice them, because I can’t sleep without the telly on (have it on almost mute, but even still those annoying, loud ads permeate my sleep). Thing is when I notice them I switch the channel immediately – so their efforts have been wasted and I win.

  155. Excelsior! Says:

    Eh up the memorys vomited out something. Wasn’t Norman Cook from the Housemartins?

  156. Swineshead Says:

    Tom – I believe I’d already said that, except with more style.

    Clarry – You can’t sleep without the telly on?


  157. Swineshead Says:

    Exelsior!: Yes, he was – along with paul Heaton and a man in glasses who went to prison for killing someone with an axe.

  158. indy Says:

    the guy that killed someone with an axe will be remembered in history books whereas the other two will fade out in front of our eyes…

  159. Mel Says:

    I heard that the reason the ads are louder is because they recognise that many people go to the loo/ put the kettle on in the ad break, and the advertisers wanted them to still be able to hear the likes of Barry fucking Scott peddling their wares.

  160. Swineshead Says:

    Sorry – a ginger man with an axe.

  161. Swineshead Says:

    And he didn’t kill him, he assaulted him. With an axe.

  162. Napoleon Says:

    Already the axe story’s unravelling into a pack of lies …

  163. Tom Laird Says:

    I believe you did. Not having your dazzling keyboard abilities however, it takes me about half an hour to type a comment. By which time I am frequently trumped. Curses!

  164. Excelsior! Says:

    If anything can be learned from these two threads, its that the way to be memorable is not to get louder, its to kill people with axes.
    Advertisers take note.

  165. Clarry Says:

    SH – I know, do you suppose that says something awful about my mental state? Having been a latch key kid, the telly is like my mother singing me a sweet lullaby? Silly, I know, but I hate silence and trying to sleep listening to music keeps me awake as I know the notes, songs, words that’ll follow and it keeps me awake thinking of them. I have to select a channel that is mainly talking, preferably ad free, and with as little music as possible – find one and i’ll be asleep in 10 seconds flat.

  166. Mel Says:

    SH are you sure? I thought he worte children’s TV scripts now.

  167. Excelsior! Says:

    You’d have to be pretty careful not to kill someone when assaulting them with an axe wouldnt you?

  168. Tom Laird Says:

    I’ve noticed all the ad breaks seem to be sinqued across the channels so as you can’t swich over and watch something else anymore.

  169. indy Says:

    sh: another sneering remark about gingers. bloody gingerism. are you saying that a ginger (unlike a man with glasses) isn’t fit enough to kill but just “assault”? (“assault” by today’s standards isn’t really a panzer blitz against medieval polish cavalry but more like saying that one has had consentual sex with another’s granddaughter)

  170. Tom Laird Says:




  171. Napoleon Says:

    Excelsior – Not really. Hack at the Achilles tendons, lay into the backs of the knees, crack the collarbone, cut off the fingers … there’s loads you can do with an axe without killing sombody.

  172. Clarry Says:

    I would support you Indy, but your flippant remarks earlier irritated me greatly. Mr Clarry is a ginger, and I think red hair is acers (but not the see-through skinned ones)

  173. Mel Says:

    You sound as though you speak from experience NC. Were you the Ripper’s practice run?

  174. Tom Laird Says:

    So the Poles were taking all our Cavalry jobs even then?

  175. Clarry Says:

    Mel – I haven’t done any killings, but my dreams of late have been extraordinarily graphic. I did not know my brain knew what some things looked like, but it does.

  176. Napoleon Says:

    Indy – It’s the ginger men wot are physically repulsive to normal folks’s eyes. They look like they’re made off of cow’s stomachs stretched out and filled to bursting with milk.

  177. Excelsior! Says:

    If Napoleon was some sort of modern day ripper we’d know, he’d be spending all his time grooming people on the internet…..


  178. Nick T Says:

    Welcome back. No postcards sent then?

  179. indy Says:


    *drops hatchet in hole and holds out spade*


  180. Napoleon Says:

    Mel – No. He used a ball hammer or a brick in a sock.

  181. Clarry Says:

    NC – See above. I think ginger is great. A lot more men than you realise have red beards and/or pubes too.

  182. Clarry Says:

    And that doesn’t mean i’m not normal neither (before you start any of that nonsense).

  183. Mel Says:

    Clarry – it is probably because you are falling asleep in front of “real Life Serial Killers’ and the like

  184. indy Says:

    tom laird: yes, our armed forces have also outsourced the ballista and siege tower crews.

  185. Swineshead Says:

    Napoleon – that reminds me of a great Japanese novel called Piercing. Except it was an ice pick used to sever the achilles tendon.

    *gets lob on*

    Mel – that’s the speccy one, the ginger one (who isn’t swedish) does kids things. I think. It’s happy hour again!

    Clarry – You’re like Wayne Rooney and his hoover.

    Tom – I was expecting an argument then yet you relented. Coward.

  186. Mel Says:

    Yes, NC i was wondering if he had happened upon this method, having tried an axe on you and realised it was probably non fatal?

  187. Swineshead Says:

    No – the ginger one who isn’t swedish didn’t kill someone with an axe and the speccy one does kids things and didn’t kill or assault anyone with an axe, but the ginger one did assault a man with an axe.

    Is that right?

    I’d be good on Mastermind.

  188. Napoleon Says:

    Clarry – Nah, they’re an abomination. A sinister, freakish race of ghouls wot look like they’ve just come out from living underground all their lives. You can’t deny there’s something suspicious about a creature that can’t tolerate the sun when it’s living on a planet that has the sun shining on it all the time. They’re like them things you see living in caves that show up under ultra-violet light.

    And don’t forget Dave’s one of ’em.

  189. ugeine Says:

    I knew a tarmac layer that did time in prison.

    He got done for asphalt!


  190. Clarry Says:

    Indy – ok.

    Nick – No, no postcards.

    Mel – But they don’t show the actual close up act of smashing someone’s head in with a rock do they? It was the way the man’s face changed shape that haunted me… Ugh!

  191. indy Says:

    sh: yeah! happy hour! even though i think “get up off our knees” is much better.

  192. Tom Laird Says:

    Oh alright then. You may have said in a load of waffle what I put succinctly in one sentence. Howzat Swine?

  193. Nick T Says:

    Name then Clarry.

  194. indy Says:

    Mel: is it like “where the wild roses grow”? (the deadly head – stone combo)

  195. Swineshead Says:

    Join the caravan of love.

    Clarry – are you talking about Irreversible? The bit with the fire extinguisher?

    It was all downhill after that bit.

  196. Napoleon Says:

    I knew a fisherman who was beaten to death recently.

    The police said he’d been a-salt-ed and battered.

    (salt and batter)
    (from fish and chips)

  197. Mel Says:

    But Indy, my name was Eliza Jane

  198. Clarry Says:

    SH – Wayne Rooney and his Hoover? Enlighten me.

    NC – They are ‘special’ is what they are (apart from Dave). Mr Clarry is ok in the sun – he has dark ginger hair and green/brown eyes. I have blonde hair and I frazzle in the sun if i’m not very careful.

  199. Swineshead Says:

    Tom: For waffle, please see my succinct explanation of what happened to The Housemartins.

  200. indy Says:

    *sits on a fence*

  201. Tom Laird Says:

    And Paul Heaton is shite. Makes Richard Digance seem like Bob Dylan

  202. Swineshead Says:

    Wayne Rooney can’t sleep without a hoover being on, the spud-headed, brainless little shit.

  203. Swineshead Says:

    Paul Heaton collects crisp packets. I like him.

  204. Napoleon Says:

    You see, in fish and chip shops, they dip the fish in batter, yes? Then they fry it and you then youn put salt (and vingar, but that’s not relevant) on it, see? So:

    Fisherman catches fish
    Fish is battered and salted
    Fisherman is beaten to death
    Police say he’s been a-salt-ed and battered
    Just like fish is
    In chip shops

  205. Mel Says:

    SH – is that because it reminds him of the sound of that delightful older lady that he got caught with, performing on the *ahem* pink oboe?

  206. indy Says:

    clarry: “I have blonde hair and I frazzle in the sun if i’m not very careful.”

    my parents used to take my family to spain, italy and turkey on summer holiday. i think that they were planning to kill me slowly by skin cancer and get a fat life insurance cheque.

  207. Tom Laird Says:

    Who was that fat bird in the grey chunky sweater and woolly tights that sung with him?

  208. ugeine Says:

    Gok Wan Tran has just been arrested! He got done for assult and FLATTERY.

    Tip yer waitresses.

  209. Napoleon Says:

    Clarry – Special needs, more like! Like spud kids. Face it, you’re not normal, your other half can only be seen under ultra-violet light, and I’m right about everything again. So there.


  210. Tom Laird Says:

    Alfie Patten has joined Fathers For Justice

  211. badgermadge Says:

    INdy: I didn’t have no net connection, but now the boyf has moved in with his broadband, the blogging can continue.

    Oh, and I want “Exelsior!: same band different band, isn’t it?” on a t-shirt.

  212. ugeine Says:

    I don’t get it.

  213. Swineshead Says:

    ‘fat bird – very progressive. Not sure which Beautiful South girl you’re referring to there Tom – there were two I think.

    I was never a big fan, but I liked a couple of their tunes. The pencil case one. And the ‘little time’ one.

    Put it this way, back in the 80s I’d rather that stuff at number one than Mickey Hucknall’s Stars.

  214. Nick T Says:

    This Dickensons Real Deal is tops!

  215. Swineshead Says:

    Badger – I would wear that T Shirt.

    Exelsior!: same band, different band, isn’t it?


  216. Tom Laird Says:

    Not sure about their goals….but he loves their superhero outfits.

    Hucknall or Heaton. Like saying I’d rather be kicked in the teeth than the balls.

    Which I would

  217. badgermadge Says:

    Swines: You should do WWM catchphrase T-shirts. Each main WWM crew can have their own. I’d DEFFO buy a Nappers one.

  218. badgermadge Says:

    Just no Pepsi ads, yeah?

  219. Excelsior! Says:

    same band, different band, isn’t it?

    Meaning are Housemartins and Beautiful South the same band?

  220. Mel Says:

    What should the slogans be then Badger?

    Breeks’ one would have to say yeah and fact on it.

  221. Napoleon Says:

    Can’t abide Mick Hucknall. There’s no point going any further with that as the side of the barrel’s too crowded with other marksmen for me to even hope of taking a shot at the fish.

  222. ugeine Says:

    One with ‘Cocks?’ on it would sell well.

    Or we could print ones with Dave’s face on it!

  223. indy Says:

    HEY! you are stealing my slogan!!!

  224. Mel Says:

    Ugeine, i was not thinking about merchandising for that flaming charity this time.

  225. Mr H Says:

    Is it true that Mick Hucknall had his face burned off in the early seventies and that they had to graft on Nappers arse in its place, as no other donors were available at the time.

  226. ugeine Says:

    ‘I hope your innards fall out of your arse.’

    The possibilities are endless…

  227. indy Says:

    i think i would go for the “in high school it was all about sex and the city”

    can’t remember who wrote it though…

  228. Clarry Says:

    SH – NO that was just in my weird dreams. Recently I have been having vile and explicit dreams, mainly involving killings or me finding a crash scene and witnessing mercy killings.

    Nick – At my desk awaiting result of MASSIVE contract is where I have been hoidaying.

    NC – Your joke was rubbish. And I AM normal and my husband works ginger very well. And gingers are harder (due to bullying thugs like you) and more charming and outgoing than most men as they have to work harder than other chaps at catching the ladies.

  229. Nick T Says:

    Me too Clarry, every bloody day….

  230. Excelsior! Says:

    WWM – Wanking in the dark since (whenever this site started)

  231. Mel Says:

    Mr H would have something useless about an unemployed irishman and the lyric RRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAARRRRRRR over it, or something. I wouldn’t buy it.

  232. Clarry Says:

    Nick – Sucks, don’t it?

  233. Mel Says:

    ‘That puts you right at the top of the list’

  234. badgermadge Says:

    i think it would be up to each WWM member to make their own slogan. But I’m sure Nappers would be the best/most offensive. Or JQM. Or Piqued.

  235. Mel Says:

    What would your slogan be then BM?

  236. Mr H Says:

    Mine would say;

    “No Becks, No Irish, No Dogs”

    and on the back, sad to say, Mel was rightish.


  237. badgermadge Says:

    i’m not a WWMer (ha! gets away with trying to think up something funny).

    Actually that would be my slogan. “I can’t think of anything funny”

  238. Clarry Says:

    Can’t remember exactly how it went, but the thing that hooked me on here, was something Piqued wrote about Dragon’s Den and him saying he’d wave his cock in Theo’s purple dying face (as he was strangling him). Maybe you could make a tee-shirt of this, NC could make a fitting pic of said scene?

  239. badgermadge Says:

    SH. Have I made it onto your weekly round up with this slogan t shirt thing????? Have I, huh? Huh? HUH?????

    10% on any profit OK?

  240. ugeine Says:

    Sodding hell, ginger baiting is the weakest form of ridicule. If you really fancy yourself as witty, you wouldn’t have to resort to such.

  241. Nick T Says:

    I would have thought racial stereotypes would be a slightly weaker form, yet usualy funnier

  242. badgermadge Says:

    i take it that everyone’s gone over to my blog to read my first post in three months???


  243. Napoleon Says:

    Ugeine – I agree. Though they do have spidery arms and tiny little eyes …

  244. Mr H Says:


  245. ugeine Says:

    Oh God Napoleon, they’re absolutely horrific to look at, but taking the piss out of them for their freakish deformity is a bit like insulting a paraplegic for not been able to dance. Plus, been soulless scumbags, they’re bound to have plenty of other things you can ridicule them for.

  246. Napoleon Says:

    Clarry – I’d actually already won that one. You clearly didn’t sees the *wins* under my post, no? THAT’S BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT NORMAL.


  247. Swineshead Says:

    You haven’t Badger – because you think Piqued, Nappers and (what the fuck?!) JQW are the funniest here.


  248. badgermadge Says:

    stop fighting. go and read my post.

    and mr h – didn’t want you reading it anyway. i mention what a loser you are… 😉

  249. badgermadge Says:

    but of course you’re on the list! you ARE the list. and i said they’re the most offensive.

  250. indy Says:

    badgermadge: nice rant about herring.

  251. Swineshead Says:

    Ok – but wouldn’t you rather make the n’letter on merit rather than through persuasion?

    If not – you’re in.

    Now, whatever happened to the Housemartins?

  252. Excelsior! Says:

    BM – Who got bummed off Herring?

  253. godshatmyipod Says:

    Thankfully, I have more than enough hermaphrodite bumming websites in my favourites list, as it is.

  254. Napoleon Says:

    Ugeine – Which is why I like to focus on their weird milky heads, sack of flabby cornflower bodies and miniscule little eyes.

    Paedophile’s eyes.

    The hair’s obvious.

  255. Swineshead Says:

    where’s this herring rant?

    And Nappers – I am liking the science week. I never knew that all science began in 1982.

  256. indy Says:

    sh: they’ve split and now heaton is going solo.

  257. indy Says:

    now, whatever happened to the piqued? we are apparently going to see daf together and i want to coordinate our outfits. i’m gonna wear black…

  258. Napoleon Says:

    Is this going to be another discussion of Richard Herring’s sex life. The last one was a bit off, I reckon.

  259. godshatmyipod Says:

    Scuse me for asking but is this Richard Herring the same Richard Herring as played the bean faced postman on Time Gentlemen, Please?

  260. ugeine Says:

    Nappers: The fucking freckles. Make them look like bloody plague victims.

  261. Napoleon Says:

    Swineshead – I was amazed to discover the significance of the year 1982 to science. You’d have thought 1983 would have been a more likely candidate, wouldn’t you?

  262. Mel Says:

    Was that the one where Roszs (and where is she too? we haven’t heard from her in ages) told us about the friend and the hand on the back of the head technique?

    Quite colourful, i thought

  263. Swineshead Says:

    Roszs’s WWM access has been blocked by work.

    I’m sure there’s a t shirt slogan in there. Somewhere.

  264. Napoleon Says:

    Mel – That’s the one.

  265. Napoleon Says:

    That’s nice of her work, the miserable shithouses.

    Whoever they are.

  266. badgermadge Says:

    Xelsor – no one. I bumped into him during supper before one of his gigs years ago. Asked him to join us. We then talked about anal sex and he mentioned it on his blog.


  267. Excelsior! Says:

    Not speaking of Herring but of his former partner thatscomedypartnernotgaypartneridontthinkeitherofthemaregaycouldbewrongthoughcosiveyettofindoutwhoHerringsbeenbumming Stewert Lee, he’s got a new telly show coming up. Don’t know anything about it but i fucking love Stewert Lee

  268. Excelsior! Says:

    ooh eck whats gone on there?

  269. Napoleon Says:

    Hardly an appropriate subject for the dinner table, Badger. If he’d started that sort of talk in front of my missus, I’d have kicked the bastard up the arse.

  270. Mel Says:

    SH – something like Watch with Mothers, but not at work?

    Or soemthing about the opposite of the old Why Dont You intro.


  271. Napoleon Says:

    Excelsior – He was on This Week last night. Funny fella, though he could have had the decency to wash the black jacket / green shirt / black tie combo he’s been wearing for the last fifteen years. He was appearing on the television, after all.

  272. Clarry Says:

    Stewart Lee’s comedy vehicle. Can’t wait!!

    Being unable to concentrate at work, I looked at interesting things about Sleaford on the net (no laffing SH and NC), and learnt the following facts (well not so much facts, more famous former residents in no particular order):

    Eric Thompson (1929-1982), British actor, husband of Phyllida Law and father of Emma Thompson and Sophie Thompson. The narrator of the well-known 1960s TV series The Magic Roundabout, was born here in 1929.

    Abi Titmuss lived in nearby Heckington and Ruskington, went to school in Sleaford and took her A-levels in the town.

    Jennifer Jane Saunders (1958-), British actress, comedian and writer (French & Saunders, Absolutely Fabulous)

    Cecil Rhodes, the famous explorer and entrepreneur spent part of his boyhood in The Manor House, on the west side of Northgate. Part of this is now known as Rhodes House in his honour.

  273. ugeine Says:

    That’s nothing Clarry. Northampton has Jo Wiley. That’s THE Jo Wiley.

  274. Clarry Says:

    We saw Stewart Lee at the end of last year doing a funny thing about a tiny, dishevelled, small child’s, ballet shoe – which he brandished at us on the end of his microphone stand. He was very funny and a bit sweaty, as always.

  275. Excelsior! Says:

    I sit through This Week every bloody week just to have some vague idea of what politics is happening if someone asks me and i pissing well missed it this week.

    Jo Wiley looks like a pretty women whos eaten all the lemons

  276. Clarry Says:

    U – Sorry, re-read my list. We have ABI TITMUS (who NC made out with/shagged?). Thanking you.

  277. Napoleon Says:

    I saw Stewart Lee years ago in Edinburgh and can say without a shadow of a doubt it was the second most offensive show I’ve ever seen. Good, mind. I love offensive stuff.

  278. badgermadge Says:

    I love Stewart Lee. Almost as much as I love Richard Herring (which is why I excused him the anal sex talk). Lee’s Stand Up Comedian DVD is v good. And only a fiver at that old Virgin shop at the moment.

    I bet LEe/Herring did do each other up the arse… At least once.

  279. Excelsior! Says:

    Shagged the Titmuss? No. Fucking. Way

  280. ugeine Says:

    Crap, Clarry’s pulling out the big guns…

    We have Alan Carr.

  281. badgermadge Says:

    so here you all are, saying you liked my post and talking about herring and yet NOT A SINGLE COMMENT. not one!


  282. Mel Says:

    NC – what is the most offensive show then?

    Also, re SL being sweaty, I think Richard is definitely the sweatier of the two.

  283. Napoleon Says:

    By rights that piss I did that appeared on a CCTV crime show should appear on that list of famous Sleafordians.

  284. Clarry Says:

    Can you please confirm/deny NC? Fairly certain it was you sir.

  285. Napoleon Says:

    Mel – Jerry Sadowitz. He did this routine about how we should be ashamed of ourselves for how we’d treated rock legend Gary Glitter that had me nearly pissing myself.

  286. Mel Says:

    And what was the offensive topis as esposued by Lee?

  287. Clarry Says:

    Mel – Agreed, but I couldn’t comment on RH’s state of sweatiness in the above comment as he wasn’t there at the time. All three times I have seen SL he has been sweating copiously.

    Pwoar, my office stinx…

  288. Mel Says:

    erm, topic

  289. Napoleon Says:

    Clarry – Abigail and I were once ‘friendly’, yes. I loved that girl.

  290. Napoleon Says:

    Mel – I don’t really remember, it was so long ago. I just remember it being incredibly offensive as well as very, very funny. Cracking comedian.

  291. Clarry Says:

    I sat next to JS at Glasto in the comedy tent – and he is a cunt. He was heckling the guy on stage (v funny bloke, forget what his name was – he did a prog with Ricky Grover and Jo brand on the road and looks a tiny bit like John Shuttleworth (jog my memory someone?) who set his hair on fire and got his cock out, which we found hilarious…

  292. Clarry Says:

    I do think JS’s progs are funny though

  293. Napoleon Says:

    He comes across as a cunt, yes. Still, that Gary Glitter routine had to be seen to be believed.

  294. godshatmyipod Says:

    (c) Jery Sadowitz

    How do you crucify a spastic? Nail him to a swastika

  295. Napoleon Says:

    By the way, when I said ‘I loved that girl’, what I meant to say was:

    I loved that girl‘s tits and ass

    Hope this clears up any confusion.

  296. indy Says:

    badgermadge: i was the one who mentioned herring on wwm. even if it’s not a comment it’s got mean something, right?

  297. godshatmyipod Says:

    More Jerry;

    “I fucking hate Canada. Half of them speak French and the other half fucking allow it to happen!”

    “If I’d have known that Jill Dando was going to be shot on the Saturday, I’d have raped her on the Friday. As it was, I had to make do with the Sunday.”

    “Old age pensioners: they should be slaughtered at birth.”

    “You ever wonder whether Uri Geller can keep a hard on when he has a wank?”

    Thank you and goodnight.

  298. Napoleon Says:

    Why is Badger so comment-hungry today?

  299. Napoleon Says:

    The best Jill Dando-related comedy doo-dah I’ve ever come across was Viz’s ‘Jill Dando Memorial Dildo’.

  300. Clarry Says:

    It was ‘Like it or Lump it’ and the guy was Malcolm Hardee.

    Terrible news (albeit very late)!!!

  301. Clarry Says:

    Having read my link – maybe JS heckling was on purpose… or they had fallen out.

  302. badgermadge Says:

    indy – no it’s not officially a comment unless it’s under the post.

    nappers – you’d be gagging for it after a three-month haitus too!

  303. Mel Says:

    Hey everyone. It is the weekend. I have just remembered.

    And since i am an hour earlier than the rest of you (Indy excepted) then i am going for a beer.

    No point to that whatsoever, but i just thought that i would share.

  304. indy Says:

    *eats from fat duck doggy bag*


  305. Napoleon Says:

    Badger – Well I’m not commenting. You never answered the one I left asking where you’d gone and then, in your latest post, you’ve got the brass neck to get miffed that nobody else showed similar concerns for your whereabouts. You’re dead to me now. Up yours. I have no daughter.

  306. Napoleon Says:

    I imagine there’s already a porno movie called ‘Superboobs’, is there?

  307. Mel Says:

    Why superboobs?

  308. Clarry Says:

    NC – DO you recall Malcolm Hardee?

  309. Napoleon Says:

    I was thinking about a giant-titted woman laying waste to criminals by firing jets of lightning-fast milk out her boobs, Mel. It’s Friday, and I’m winding down …

  310. Mr H Says:


    The world has a new hero and she ain’t afraid of kryptonite! New series launching on

  311. indy Says:

    Mel: why not?

  312. myopiniononstuff Says:

    You’re all virtual cyber e-bullies and I’ve taken it all to heart.

    I bought my dog some ‘dog beer’ from a pet shop today.

  313. indy Says:

    np: who’s gonna be superboobs sidekick then?

  314. Napoleon Says:

    Clarry – Comedian, wasn’t he? I think I’ve been asked this before.

  315. myopiniononstuff Says:

    All boobs are super in their own unique little ways so your idea stinks.

  316. Clarry Says:

    Did you read any of my earlier comments c 3.32 – 3.46pm

  317. Clarry Says:

    /\ NC

  318. Napoleon Says:

    Indy – Far-gina? A woman with a normal-lookin’ vagina which, on closer inspection, appears further away than you’d originally thought.

    That’s not much of a super power, is it?

  319. Mel Says:

    Why not what Indy?
    That is hilarious, because my father outlaw says that all the time to me…

  320. Nick T Says:

    I read everything Clarry AND click every link.
    Do you?

  321. badgermadge Says:

    Nappers – I mentioned you – I said all one of you who asked. That was YOU stupid. Plus I did answer you, I answered on this here blog as I knew this was where you’d be found.

    i HATE you, you don’t UNDERSTAND *slams door* *drinks cider*

  322. Swineshead Says:

    Gerry Sadowitz is a twat (again).

    Just tried to sit through The Unborn, the most startlingly unoriginal horror film I’ve ever had the misfortune to get an hour into then give up on.

  323. Napoleon Says:

    Clarry – I did, but I hardly ever click links or watch YouTube videos on here in case it’s a trap set by Swineshead to make me watch a grotesquely fat and naked woman pushing something up her arsehole.

  324. Napoleon Says:

    Badger – Go to your bloody room, young lady!


  325. Nick T Says:

    My links are always safe Napoli.

  326. myopiniononstuff Says:

    I’ve just bought a warn old VHS of some film called Time Warp for a pund before – I only got it because it’s got a picture of Genghis Khan operation a WWII tank on the cover.

  327. indy Says:

    Mel Says:
    March 6, 2009 at 3:59 pm

    Why superboobs?

    indy Says:
    March 6, 2009 at 4:04 pm

    Mel: why not?

    Mel Says:
    March 6, 2009 at 4:08 pm

    Why not what Indy?
    That is hilarious, because my father outlaw says that all the time to me…

    that is way!

  328. Mel Says:

    Right. beer O’clock. Happy weekend everyone

  329. Napoleon Says:

    No good, then? Is it worse than that shit I sat through a while back where there’s Liv Tyler and some fella being terrorized in a house in the woods? Can’t remember the damn name of it.

  330. badgermadge Says:

    you can’t send me to my room because I’M IN HERE ALREADY!

    *slam* *drinks more cider* *has unprotected sex* *stabs someone*

  331. myopiniononstuff Says:

    ‘A squadron of Japanese Self-Defense Force soldiers find themselves transported through time to their country’s warring states era, when rival samurai clans were battling to become the supreme Shogun. The squad leader, Lt. Iba, sees this as the perfect opportunity to realize his dream of becoming the ruler of Japan.’

    That’s a goal of a synopsis.

  332. Napoleon Says:

    Genghis Kahn operating a tank on the front cover? That sounds as beguiling a prospect as the magnificent box cover of ‘Eliminators’ did to me way back in 1986:

  333. Clarry Says:

    NC – Having done some better research I discovered that the hilarious man who set fire to his hair and got his cock out was Malcolm Hardee. And the link was a news article saying how my newly rediscovered comedy hero actually died in a boating accident on the Thames in January 2005. Curses!

    Nick yes I do. As stated at 12.49 I am annoyed that my freakish OCD habits mean I cannot join in and comment until fully caught up with all posts, comments and links.

  334. myopiniononstuff Says:

    It was a Shogun – I’m not good on ‘knowledge’ unless I’m playing Trivial Pursuit half goosed on homebrew.

  335. Napoleon Says:


  336. Clarry Says:

    NC – You have some mighty fine parenting skillz there… You’ll be boring the tears out of your friends with pictures and anecdotes of your charming offspring (BM) soon.

  337. myopiniononstuff Says:


    What have I spent my pound on…

  338. Napoleon Says:

    By the way, Swineshead, have you ever seen ‘Inseminoid’? It’s … well … well it’s better than … erm …

  339. Nick T Says:

    Can you name the bridge in the background of my youtube clip then Clarry?
    With your “so called” OCD

  340. Napoleon Says:

    Clarry – It’s the best part of being a father. Accusing your daughter of prostitution, growling like an angry dog when introduced to the boyfriends (because you know what they’re after, the perverted deviants), being unable to accept she’s not six anymore …


  341. badgermadge Says:

    Ah Nappers. This is becoming far too much like real life for my liking. All I’ll need now is a swift crack across my cheekbone and the smell of stale aftershave and I’ll be right back in my 11-year-old self.

    Just go to my feckin blog and make a comment OK?

    And the diary is up if you REALLY want to know what I’ve been up to (nothing).

  342. myopiniononstuff Says:

    I’ve just given my dog some dog beer (beer for dogs) and have recorded the moment with a digital camera device for my blog, Badger Madge.

    Surely you’ve more of a life than me to detail in a diary?

  343. badgermadge Says:

    Not really, MOOS. Although ping me the link to your dog drinking his dog beer. That’d fill my day I reckon.

  344. indy Says:

    well, myself i am planning to go home to malmö, a city under siege. there are coppers all over the place because of a davis cup match between sweden and israel. appearantly there is gonna be palestinians, leftwingers, rightwingers and nazis clashing together tonight. sounds like a riot, eh?

  345. Nick T Says:

    I even went to Badgers blog AND diary (there was nothing there!)

  346. myopiniononstuff Says:

    Ping you? I’ll have to put that one past your old man as I hear he’s violently protective about things like that.

  347. badgermadge Says:

    nick t that is a LIE. a horrid disgusting LIE!

    MOOS he’ll be fine. he just doesn’t like me wearing make-up for some reason (the misogynist bastard). i’m sure he’ll be fine with the pinging.

  348. Napoleon Says:

    Anyone remember that Viz postcard that showed a gloomy North East seaside scene and bore the words:

    My cock STINKS … at Whitley Bay!

  349. Clarry Says:

    Nick – I can’t listen i’m at work. Will do later and i’ll let you know. My OCD is mainy based around germs/smells and imagined tastes. I clean obsessively. I am currently undergoing therapy/counselling/antidepressants (although these may be the cause of my hideous dreams) to de-mentalise.

  350. Napoleon Says:

    Clarry – You wouldn’t like Dave, then? He picks bits of shit out of his arse and flings ’em at windows like a monkey.

  351. myopiniononstuff Says:

    NC – Yet another unfounded statement about my comings and goings.

  352. Nick T Says:

    You don’t have to listen to bridges Clarry, you can look at them.
    Missed one of my favourite films this afternoon. A kid for two farthings.

  353. Clarry Says:

    Nick – I don’t understand how I could tell you anything about those songs from the fleeting glimpses I get of the screen as I pretend to do some work…

  354. myopiniononstuff Says:

    I may sound like a crazy conspiracy nut but that’s never going to have been an accident, surely?

  355. Excelsior! Says:

    Clarry – i had a girlfriend that used to have to step on the same sequence of paving stones on her street. Needless to say i took great joy in playfully pushing her off course. Are you this mental?

  356. Nick T Says:

    I’m off on my fortnightly trip to pick up daughter.
    Twicks to southampton via newbury. Great joy

  357. badgermadge Says:

    Dammit! He’s not dead…

  358. indy Says:

    myopiniononstuff: i am with you.

    with all respect to morgan t BUT if i was the opposition leader in zimbabwe i would have gone totally j knoxville. my pale body would have been a pollock of bruises and there would not have been an uncrushed bone in it.

    i wish i had a public archenemy who would the first one to be suspected if anything happened to me.

  359. indy Says:

    oops! new songs!

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