Just A Thought: TV Coppers

Unless I’m wrong and they’ve changed the rules thanks to all these Elf ‘n’ Safety Nazis (© R. Littlejohn – You Couldn’t Make it Up Industries, USA), isn’t the retirement age for a UK policeman on or below the rank of Chief Inspector 60? If so, how’s that old bastard Jack Frost managed to stay under the radar? Surely he’s in his 70s now, isn’t he?

And what about Dalziel off of Dalziel and Pascoe? He’s not in his fifties, surely? Both Warren Clarke and David Jason were adults working on the telly and in films when my mother was a teenager, never mind me. How come they’re still allowed to play policemen at their age? Isn’t it time their roles were handed to younger, more believable blood?

I mean, you’ve not got Sean Connery doddering on screen, trailing his catheter bag behind him, still claiming he’sh Bond, Jamesh Bond when he’s clearly about twenty minutes away from the having the Grim Reaper kick his door down and inform him the game’s up. No, he knew when to throw in the towel (if you ignore Diamonds Are Forever – IGNORE IT). So why not these craggy old fogies?

I don’t know about you, but I’m not sure I’d be happy if my non-existent wife got murthered and the senior investigating officer turned up stinking of lavender, Fox’s Glacier Mints, Bingo and decay. Fuck that. Get rid of ’em , I say. It’s about time we got some young ‘uns in.

Like Nick Berry.

NewsGush: Richard not Judy

Though we all knew the day would come, it still comes as a shock to learn that Richard and Judy – TV’s very own Mum ‘n’ Dad – will most likely go their separate ways after their apparently unwatchable series on channel ‘Watch’ finishes.

This is not the end of the affair romantically, you understand. It’s strictly a professional parting. Richard wants to go and present more series about hurricanes, twisters and shoplifting, whilst Judy has her own projects to concentrate on (drinking, mainly).

Speaking on Radio 4’s Desert Island Discs, Madeley said: “We both feel we have done pretty much all we can do as a partnership, but I think probably we both feel the need to diversify.

“It has been over 20 years doing the same kind of thing and there are tantalising possibilities in terms of solo projects or one-off projects together.”

Their latest venture, Richard & Judy’s New Position, is reportedly facing the axe after viewing figures fell to just 8,000.

Don’t get me wrong – I like Richard and Judy and was sad to see that their rash judgement in moving to an unknown cable channel backfired.

But 8,000?

What have they done to make it sink that low? Are they hosting urine-drinking competitions? Is their new content just footage of the inside of dustbins? Do they trample pensioners over the opening credits?

Has anyone actually seen it?