The Friday Question – Soap Yourself

by

Buttercup Lane - image by BP Perry

Buttercup Lane –

Love and Betrayal in a Family-Owned and Run Rural Garden Centre …

Ted Clappers: Maureen?
Maureen Clappers: Yes, Ted?
Ted Clappers: Did you put in that order for more pruning saws? We’re down to our last box.
Maureen Clappers: Yes, Ted. I phoned the supplier this …
Frankie Clappers: Mum, dad … I … I’ve got something to say …
Ted Clappers: What is it, son?
Frankie Clappers: I’m … I’m gay.
Maureen Clappers: Oh my god!
Ted Clappers: You’re what?!
Frankie Clappers: Gay, dad, gay. I like men’s bums.
Ted Clappers: WHAT??
Maureen Clappers: Oh, Frankie! Not in front of the Geraniums!
Frankie Clappers: I’m sorry, mum, but I had to say it. I’ve been gay ever since Julie was killed last year when the terrorists attacked the nursery sheds.
Ted Clappers: This can’t be happening! My son, a woof …
Frankie Clappers: That’s right! I knew you wouldn’t understand, dad! You’re prejudiced! Prejudiced against us gays. Ever since you caught Harry having unnatural relations with Daft Tony and saw what their shenanigans had done to the Chinese Trumpet Creepers, you’ve turned your back on tolerance!
Ted Clappers: It wasn’t YOU what had to shell out for four new palettes of Climbing Hydrangeas, my lad!
Frankie Clappers: It’s always money with you! You’re a monster!
Ted Clappers: How dare you speak to me like that in front of your mother!
Jeb Drudger: Mr. Clappers?
Ted Clappers: Yes, what is it, Jeb?
Jeb Drudger: I’m sorry to interrupt, sir, but that was Jackson’s on the phone …
Maureen Clappers: The suppliers?
Jeb Drudger: Yes, Mrs. Clappers. They … they …
Ted Clappers: Come on, Jeb, spit it out!
Jeb Drudger: They … they can’t deliver your order of Carpet Bugles because there’s been a mix-up at the depot …
Maureen Clappers: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

So that’s WWM’s idea for a new soap opera, but what’s yours?

  • Where is it set?
  • Who are the main characters?
  • What hot topics will it cover?
  • Will it be a glamorous, Dynasty-style slice of fluff, or will it be a gritty urban drama where everyone’s got The AIDS?
  • Who do you want in it?
  • What era will it be set in?
  • Is there any chance you could give Paul Shane a job in it?

And, most importantly, what’s the soap’s resident dog, and what’s his / her name? Is it a poodle like Roley was, or an Alsation crossed with whatever the hell Wellard was crossed with? Hey, it’s not something like Ethel’s little Willie, is it?

Y’know – a source of endless cock jokes?

WWMers, it’s over to YOU

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110 Responses to “The Friday Question – Soap Yourself”

  1. indy Says:

    “Tenors”
    * Where is it set? global soap – opera halls, airports and mcmansions
    * Who are the main characters? plácido domingo and josé carreras and the italian singer luciano pavarotti
    * What hot topics will it cover? opera, egos and huge debts. competetion from newbies “el divo” (not showing any respect to “the old school”)
    * Will it be a glamorous, Dynasty-style slice of fluff, or will it be a gritty urban drama where everyone’s got The AIDS? glamour, of course
    * Who do you want in it? james gandolfini (pavarotti), armand assante (carreras) and george clooney (domingo)
    * What era will it be set in? mid ’00s (flashback scenes with desperate house wife-style voice-over but sung in italian)
    * Is there any chance you could give Paul Shane a job in it? nope.
    * soap’s resident dog, and what’s his / her name? a poodle named figaro

  2. ugeine Says:

    The dogs name is Archie. Now I’ve got the most important part down I’ll build the rest around it.

  3. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    My soap is “The Myersons”.
    No dog, just a cat.

  4. Mel Says:

    But DINLT, how will your main villain have an excuse to plot his evil doings if he hasn’t got the excuse of walking the dog?

  5. indy Says:

    DINLT: …and what will be the name of the soap?

    THE ARISTOCRATS!

  6. Mel Says:

    And I also think thatan important element of the soap ploy should be what the pub should be called. In Nappers’ one above, it could be called the Greene Mane, or Green Fingers

  7. Clarry Says:

    Not changing the subject or nuffink, but did anyone watch Red Riding last night? Or are you all going to torture me and say you’ll watch it on catch up or your highfalutin Sky plus, so I have to dwell on it ALONE?

  8. Mel Says:

    Shhhh, i still haven’t caught that. I am planning a big old fest of it on the weekend, so please no spoilers.

  9. Clarry Says:

    I KNEW IT!

    *sulks*

  10. Napoleon Says:

    Clarry – I’ve got it on my fancy box. Don’t speak of the Riding.

    Mel – You’re right. Every soap should have a pub that every character’s in every night of the week.

  11. Clarry Says:

    *explodes*

  12. ugeine Says:

    Bar Hollyoaks, there’s never been a soap on television that caters to a younger, edgier audience.

    My idea for a later shown soap (around 10:00pm on weekdays) is called ‘stickers on guitars’ and it follows several young people who are avid NME fans and trying to break the big time with their bands.

    The main star is James Wilson, or Lance Uppercut, singer of Lance Uppercut and the Johnny Come Latelys. He thinks he’s the modern incarnation of sid vicious but he’s more a middle class re-imagining of punk, if your idea of punk came from Virgin Megastores.

    He’s followed by Christopher Rand, a nice rich young boy who goes by the name of Norman Staircase. He’s a dour faced fan of Morrissey and Jarvis Cocker, unfortunately he has delusions of working class romanticism. He and his band Chip Shop regularly play the Brixworth Youth Centre (this soaps version of Wembley Stadium).

    Bringing up the third in the circle of friends is Hypher+, or Christian Morris to his mother. Chris realised that he was extremely untalented at a young age, but in spite of this has appeared in a number of projects, masking his lack of talent by trying to shoehorn ever genre of music into his indie bands. His latest offering, despite the lasers, dry ice, dancing go go girls etc, is still shit.

    The main theme of the soap deals with the nostalgic ideal of music peddled by the NME, and how much of a poor job our stars are doing of living up to this. It’s a gritty soap opera, the dull mundane setting of Northampton contrasting vividly with the stars own delusions of greatness. Every week they get hassled by chavs, shunned by their parents and play the Brixworth youth centre to 12 thirteen year old girls, all the while hoping somebody from London will come down and give them a record deal.

  13. Excelsior! Says:

    I watched it Clarry. Good Ja?
    Although the first was v good also, this one didnt have some of the sillier dialogue. But on balance it also didn’t have man with a dog on the string like the first one so swings and roundabouts really.

    Hope the man with dog on string is not considered a spoiler

  14. Excelsior! Says:

    Haven’t figured out all the details, but Hollyoaks in Sadr City is was my first thought. Following the same pattern as sister spin off Hollyoaks in the City, two characters, Max and OB ( i know Max is dead, but so was Harold – this is soapland) join the army and are shipped out to Iraq.
    This will be an emotional roller coster that lives you on the edge of your seat. The bloke who plays Sayid from Lost will be the local villian, in this case he is an actual villian that kills people, cos he’s an evil A-rab terrorist. Actually he’s just like a swarthier version of panto villian Warren.

    The dogs a sniffer dog called Nuts, who gets blown up at some point, leaving his handler, Deano to scream NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

  15. Clarry Says:

    E – Yes v good, better than first one. I was all confused as they are different stories but some of the same characters – but looking at the next trailer do the stories join up? Also the volume issues (prog vs ads) are still fucking annoying.

  16. Clarry Says:

    /\ I am a bit simple at things like that

  17. ugeine Says:

    I’m sitting here in the most annoying fake moustache in the world. My colleague is wearing a Laurel mask with the costume, very unnerving when she looks at you. My flatmate has come in full drag and is milking it, and another person is in blackface.

  18. Excelsior! Says:

    Kind of interlinked stories Clarry. I fear we must not talk to much about it, i fancy i can hear a simmering sound coming from Mels bladder.

  19. Excelsior! Says:

    Blackface ugine? Do you work with Jim Davidson?

  20. Mel Says:

    Yes, excelsior, i have fitted it with one of those whistles that you put on kettles, to act as an early warning sign for my colleagues and confederates. They all start walking away quickly when they hear it.

    NB: i do not work in a factory, so there is no danger of them thinking that it is clocking off time.

  21. Nick T Says:

    Mine is based around a Palmolive factory wiv singing in it init
    I can’t be creative today as I have to work with Excel spreadsheats.

    *dies a little*

  22. Mel Says:

    Would you write the music Nick? And what is your pub called?

  23. ugeine Says:

    No, somebody tried to come dressed as Mel B. She looks like a Bo Selecta Trisha.

  24. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    My soap’s communal meeting place is an overpriced and not very authentic tapas bar.

  25. Swineshead Says:

    Do not speak of Red Riding – it is also in my box. Surely the only approach was to watch The Apprentice and save RR for the weekend?

    My soap opera would be set in a puddle, with various bacteria as the main characters having to deal with natural disasters like fag ends being dropped in it.

  26. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    with a celebrity chef!

  27. Excelsior! Says:

    Slebrity Apprentice completley slipped under my radar. Bastard bastard.

  28. Clarry Says:

    Ok I will shut up. But could you all be kind enough to watch it this weekend so I can ask some questions about it next week.

    No SH I do not have one of these boxes which you speak of, so I watch telly in real time. Does anyone remember the days when you could not pause telly and rewind it ‘n’ stuff? And you had to get up to change the channel.

  29. breeks Says:

    this is too much work, this….i have stuff to do.

    i’d have a soap set in australia, obviously, over-stuffed with nubile blondes and bulky hunks, cause that’s what people look like over there. it’d never rain unless something really bad is happening, like a cliff fall or a murder or a fire which the rain never puts out.

    the dog’d be called kruddy, after the prime minister.

    hmmm. that is all a bit shit. i can’t do this this morning. i’m high on nurofen.

  30. Clarry Says:

    I wouldn’t have watched sleb Apprentice anyway, as it annoyed me so much when that fella (Rupert Everett?) stormed off as the camera was pointing at him too much or something.

    Idiot.

  31. ugeine Says:

    Sleb apprentice felt a bit too contrived for my liking. There was even a pointless little hissy fit between two people I’ve never seen before.

  32. Nick T Says:

    You tempt me Mel, but I refuse to be drawn….

    *copies and pastes*

  33. Napoleon Says:

    I recorded both The Apprentice and Red Riding and watched Andrew Marr banging on about Darwin instead. The BBC’s gone Darwin mad recently.

  34. Clarry Says:

    Not as mad as they’ve gone for the Victorians. It’s not even a special anniversary or anything, is it?

  35. ugeine Says:

    Of the Victorian age?

  36. Napoleon Says:

    I suppose every day’s a Victorian anniversary, Clarry. Today, for instance, is the 110th anniversary of March 13th 1899.

  37. Mel Says:

    The BBC is Darwin mad because it is the 150th anniversary of the publication of the Origin of Species, and he would also have celebrated his 200th birthday this year. I am loving this coverage, it is so refreshing for the ‘must have balance’ bbc to come right out and say that this is the way of the world, and that creationism is utter nonsense. I think it is great. That said they had an excellent debate between the extremes of both sides on the BBC World Service. I am also planning on catching up with these this weekend. It is my birthday, so I am planning on having a hangover and TV day on Sunday.

  38. Napoleon Says:

    Mel – Happy birthday. I didn’t come out of a monkey’s arse.

  39. Clarry Says:

    You wally NC…

  40. Mel Says:

    Thanks NC, glad to hear that your mother is no Ape…

  41. indy Says:

    Mel – Happy birthday.

  42. Mel Says:

    Tack Indy

  43. badgermadge Says:

    I’ll be blogging about the apprentice shortly.
    x

  44. Excelsior! Says:

    Beedays Mel. May you burn in hell denieing the literal truth of the bible.

  45. ugeine Says:

    GOD CREAATEDZ ADAMZ AND EVESZES NOT ADAM NAD STEVES

  46. Excelsior! Says:

    denying? Denieing? deniying? i cant spell

  47. Swineshead Says:

    Napoleon – you did come out of a monkey’s arse – in 1982.

    Celebrity Apprentice wasn’t great, but the mountain-climbing crap before it was just plain irritating.

    ‘Yeah – Moylesy’s been great, keeping our spirits up’
    ‘Fearne’s such a little trooper’

    STAY UP THE MOUNTAIN, PLEEEEEEEASE.

  48. Swineshead Says:

    Happy birthday, Mel.

  49. Swineshead Says:

    BM – me too.

  50. ugeine Says:

    Happy bday mel.

    How irritating is fearne cotton?

  51. Napoleon Says:

    That mountain climbing thing was shit.

  52. Mel Says:

    Thanks you guys. You can all have a drink for me this weekend! I am eagerly awaiting the Apprentice reviews.

    The pub in the Apprentice soap should be called the Ruthless Ambition, or the Ruthless for short. Margaret could be the landlady, but i expect that she would not lower herself to work behind the bar, just watch the goings on, and make disapproving faces.

  53. indy Says:

    i suggest that everyone stays with the theme.

    don’t drop the soap, you know.

  54. Nick T Says:

    I have a small spot on the end of my nose.
    The iony of which does not escape me.

  55. Swineshead Says:

    Napoleon – it was worse than shit – it was uneventful shit.

  56. Napoleon Says:

    It was. Gary Barlow moaning about his back, Ferne Cotton feeling sick and Ronan Keating’s boring optimism. I expected something akin to SAS: Are You Tough Enough?, but this was just a load of people walking slowly up a slope. And why did they arrange it so most of ’em arrived in the dark?

  57. ugeine Says:

    Napoleon Street: Littlejohn plays Reginald Derby, the leader of the local neighbourhood watch and president of a local anti speed camera group, living in a little suburb of Nottingham. Our episode opens with Reg decrying elf and safety officials, who have declared his garden as a health risk and flattened it to make a playground for single mothers. Annoyed, Reg walks to his shop, to find his nice English newsagents has been replaced by an Indian guy selling mostly polish food, none of which Reg can understand. Annoyed, he drives to the airport to collect his shouty American cousin (played by O’Reilley) and takes him to the local, the lady Di, for a good old pub lunch. But the pub has been turned into a gay bar, and Reg and his cousin decide to go home, only to find out the local council has declared his house too muslim unfriendly and moved a bunch of asylum seakers in.

  58. Swineshead Says:

    Something to do with heat… easier to cope in the dark.

    I’m doing a double bill review for later – Apprentice and Killer man the jiros…

    I’m still deaf in my right ear, by the way.

  59. indy Says:

    ugeine: +

  60. Nick T Says:

    Fernes saving grace is that she is “tatted up”

  61. ugeine Says:

    Ferne is fit as you like till she opens her mouth, she’s just really irritating.

  62. Napoleon Says:

    I like her recent conversion to the Church of Goldie Hawn’s Hair.

  63. badgermadge Says:

    The mountain climb was soundtracked by Barlow and Keating and sponsored by Minstrels.

    Snore.

  64. badgermadge Says:

    My Apprentice blog is up btw. Take a look!

  65. Napoleon Says:

    Hello. Tanks have rolled into Antananarivo. That’ll be fun watching the newsreaders fuck that up tonight.

  66. Excelsior! Says:

    Ugeine thats brilliant. Though you’ve clearly stolen it from somewhere else because, to flog a horse, you couldnt have possibly made it up.

    The Wire’s comming to the Beeb.

  67. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Happy Birthday Mel.

    (btw do not forget Darwinism and for that matter Big Bang Theory are theories only, seductive and with some scientific basis, but theories only. The beauty of science is that with each discovery there opens even more questions).

  68. ugeine Says:

    Cheers Excelsior! You’re right, though, it’s not an original story, I just knicked the plot of 1984.

    You couldn’t make it up!

  69. Sue De Nymh Says:

    Keeper’s Beams

    Where is it set?
    In a lighthouse on a desolate cliff overlooking the North Sea.

    Who are the main characters?
    Rusty Binns – the lighthouse keeper.
    All other characters are figments of his imagination with whom he interacts. We never see them, but we hear them.

    What hot topics will it cover?
    Loneliness, how darkness affects ships, split personalities, tobacco, huge lightbulbs.

    Will it be a glamorous, Dynasty-style slice of fluff, or will it be a gritty urban drama where everyone’s got The AIDS?
    A bit of both as it’s all in Rusty’s head anyway.

    Who do you want in it?
    Rusty Binns to be played by Kenneth Branagh, all other characters will be voices in his head performed by Phil Cornwell and Jan Ravens.

    What era will it be set in?
    The 1970s – during the 3 day week, a major 6 month story arc will be devoted to how Rusty deals with his rubbish piling up.

    Is there any chance you could give Paul Shane a job in it?
    Of course! The theme tune is his Pebble Mill rendition of “You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling”

  70. Mel Says:

    DINLT, yes i agree that they are theories, but technically, so is much of Newtonian Physics (which breaks down at the micro and macro level, as other forces come into play). You can never absolutely disprove anything, but instead can replicate the evidence and build on it. Especially in biology, where it is almost impossible to prove things from first principles. One of the most excititng things that i discovered at University is that science is dynamic in this way, and not fixed, as you could get the impression it is from being taught it at school from a text book.

    All that said, there is still yet to be a shred of evidence provided on the side of the good squad, and myriad evidence for darwinian evolution.

  71. ugeine Says:

    DINLT: You’re wrong. Your average Pentecostal will tell you that Darwinism is actually a evolutionist religion, and is the evolutionists way of trying to keep god out of the classroom.

  72. Sue De Nymh Says:

    The Wire’s coming to the Beeb? Bugger – I just bought the first two box sets at Tesco for £19 each and I haven’t watched them yet. I could have saved meself nearly forty nicker.

  73. ugeine Says:

    Mel: what about the bible? I think that’s more ‘evidence’ then a bunch of evolutionist homosexuals (probably communists as well) dicking around with rocks. Everyone knows carbon dating is flawed, once they did some carbon dating on a crunchie and it said that the crunchie was a cat! Also, if my dad was a monkey, how come he hated bananas?

  74. Napoleon Says:

    Sue – I like your insane lighthouse keeper idea, but what about his dog? And will there be three species of muppet-like characters living under and around the lighthouse?

  75. Excelsior! Says:

    Mel – am i wrong in thinking that there are examples of evolution in action? Such as the cane toads that are happily spreading their destructive way across Oz, many of them now with shiny new longer legs to help them travel.

  76. Excelsior! Says:

    Carbon dating anything past the 60’s when they did them bomb tests is buggered, because of them messing with the ratios of science particles in the atmosphere. Fact.

  77. ugeine Says:

    http://www.firstthings.com/onthesquare/?p=1329

    Blog of the week!

  78. Mel Says:

    No excelsior, you are not wrong. There are many examples of this, the classic one that is taught in schools is the peppered moth, but this is going on all over the globe all of the time. Possibly one of the most pertinent is the development of resistance in pest species to our methods of control – like bacterial resistance to antibiotics coming back to bite us on the arse (MRSA anyone?), and rats becioming immune to warfarin.

    Ugeine – yes evidence, if you like your evidence to be made up by men several centuries after the incidents. I am sure that all of the stories contained therin are completely accurate, especially the ones about ribs and apples and such.

  79. ugeine Says:

    ‘Americans would never invent a sport where the better you get the less you score.’

    Well argued blog, (called How Soccer is Ruining America: A Jeremiad) but I don’t think he actually understands the rules.

  80. Mel Says:

    I did actually get into it once with a born again (self-identified) Christian, back before i knew better. He asked me to provide evidence and i mentioned the fossil record. You can imagine that i was really surprised when he sat there as bold as you like and said to me that Archeopterxy was made up ‘by bored Chinese people’

  81. Excelsior! Says:

    Sue i would actually watch that. It reminds me of the salad fingers series from Fat-Pie.com

    http://www.fat-pie.com/salad8.htm

  82. ugeine Says:

    Mel: Please don’t belittle my religion. We all know that the story of a guy building a battleship that could house seven of every speieces on the earth is a lot more plausable then your so called ‘research’, and apparent ‘million and millions of hours of careful planning an execution by the world’s best minds’. come ooooon.

  83. ugeine Says:

    ‘Soccer penalizes shoving and burns countless calories, and the margins of victory are almost always too narrow to afford any gloating. As a display of nearly death-defying stamina, soccer mimics the paradigmatic feminine experience of childbirth more than the masculine business of destroying your opponent with insurmountable power.’

    i want him to become my dad.

  84. Mel Says:

    Ugeine, you are welcome to beleive in what you will.

    I used to think father christmas was a nice man who came every year and delivered me stuff. Now i realise this is evidence of a global postal conspiracy.

  85. Mel Says:

    I have often thought it would be very cool to get retrospectively adopted as an adult.

    I am sure we could crowbar that into the plotline of one of these here soaps too. In the pub, with the dog watching on.

  86. ugeine Says:

    So long as you realise I’m pissing about Mel.

    Creationsim vs Evolution is old hat anyway, I’m more concerned about the effect soccer will have on our country.

  87. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Einstein too Mel, he’s got his detractors.

    Excelsior- But if you ever needed an example of Evolutionism and introducing non-native species then you only have to look at squirrels.

  88. Excelsior! Says:

    Ugeine has that man ever actually watched football? Limited to using your feet? Has he seen what those beautifully skilled, overpaid primadonnas can do with their feet? and i don’t even like football that much….

  89. Nick T Says:

    7th comment down

    This is a youtube link to one of the weirdest fish one may ever see.

  90. Sue De Nymh Says:

    Napoleon: The Lighthouse keeper wouldn’t be allowed to have a dog, it would be something to do with The Unpleasantness that occurred many years ago which is regularly hinted at by his inner voices but never explained.
    .
    As for Fraggles; whenever Rusty Binns enters a room in the lighthouse, there would be a jumbled, muffled snippet of the Fraggle Rock theme tune playing in the background, albeit only for a fraction of a second and at such a low volume that it could barely be heard. A bit like what happens in Animal Crossing when you go into someone’s house.

  91. Mel Says:

    Ugeine – i did realise that, but thanks for pointing it out to me. I keep saying that there should be a font used to demonstrate sarcasm. However, i am afraid that i cannot share your concern about football, but haven’t we largely already had the ill effects and are now on an upswing? I may be entirely wrong about this, but don’t bother correcting me, ta.

    DINLT – your example is of competition, not Darwinian evolution The grey squirrel is bigger and more aggressive than its red cousin, and has thus forced them into a few small pockets in the UK, due to getting to the peanut feeder first, and scaring off the smaller squirrel. Grey squirrels were introduced, they have not become grey squirrels from red ones. Sorry. But i agree with your point about Einstein, relativity also remains a theory. See – science is much more about dialouge and intellectual rigour as it is about one person being correct. No blind faith required, just repeatable results and empirical evidence.

  92. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Mel..I think we are speaking at cross purposes. I mentioned Squirrels light heartedly (but failing to specify grey) knowing that the grey was introduced to Europe from North America, as were cane toads into Queensland.

  93. Nick T Says:

    Mel, I gave the explaination of why the grey squirrel is the more dominat, earlier this week.
    I do wish you’d pay attention.

  94. Mel Says:

    DINLT – apologies, i thought that you were holding them up as an example of evolution. Which they are not. Now, species introduction and invasives is a rant of Daily Mail proportions waiting to happen (and is already happening in the biological field). You couldn’t make *that* up…

  95. Excelsior! Says:

    Which form of relativity are you talking about there mel, cos the effects of time dilation are observable.
    And the rotating mass of the earth effects space time so that clocks in orbit, on gps satellites for example, have to be corrected.
    Can’t remeber if the second one is general reletivity or not .

  96. Mel Says:

    Nick T sorry, was that on here or your blog? I spend too much time writing rubbish on here without having to do so on other blogs if i am to keep my job, i cannot keep up with them all.

    Sorry, sorry everyone.

  97. Excelsior! Says:

    *Looks at squirrels*

    Anyone got a light?

  98. ugeine Says:

    *collapses*

  99. Mel Says:

    Excelsior – the effects of evolution are also visible. They both remain theories because you can never absolutely say you have proved something, and scientists are mainly not that arrogant to think that their theories should not continue to be scrutinised and tested to make ure they stand up and cannot be improved upon. This is the opposite of maths, where there is one correct answer, and therefore things can be proven absolutely, from first principles. I guess it is a byprooduct of having a hypothesis, and then testing the hypothesis to see if it stands up. It is perfectly feasible that your results can lead to a slightly different interpretation of the hypothesis.

    Ooh, we have got all Horizon in here today. I like it.

  100. Nick T Says:

    It was on here Mel.
    The grey squirrel can digest green acorns where as the red has to wait untill it (the Acorn) is brown. Therefore the little grey bastard beats the red to the punch.

  101. Excelsior! Says:

    Fair point mel, i think i confused myself by thinking you said examples of relativity couldnt be observed. Looking back this was not infact the case.
    Ive probably been smoking too many squirrels.

  102. Mel Says:

    Sorry Nick, i must have been away that day. I was away tuesday, and 3 posts went up, with a million comments each. I couldn’t be bothered to read them, to be fair. Good work though.

    Excelsior – can we all have some squirrels? I will be having a party this weekend and would like to get all mash up with my peeps.

  103. Excelsior! Says:

    I could send you a box of live uns Mel. That would doubtless be a fun present to open.

  104. Nick T Says:

    *adopts everyone*

  105. Mel Says:

    Excellent, Excelsior. They are all in short supply in the Netherlands – red, grey or crack.

    Plus, i have had to stop the family from sending me pressies, because all of my xmas presents were nicked in the post, except for one. So, more likely someone in a postal service between me and you would get that surprise.

  106. Mel Says:

    Nick – are you the kind of parent that would get all disapproving of the smoking of squirrels? If so, no thanks, i already have parents that do that.

  107. Nick T Says:

    Red or grey Mel?

  108. Mel Says:

    Crack, by preference Nick

  109. Excelsior! Says:

    Forget all that old shit grandpa, its time for the new kings of comedy – Horne & Corden

  110. Excelsior! Says:

    Agh wrong post

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