Just A Thought – The Future Of ITV


There’s been a lot of hoo-ha in the meejia over the continuing decline of ITV. Britain’s third channel has recently shelved family favourites such as Heartbeat and The Royal, there are rumblings that local news will eventually disappear from our screens and many of the lavish dramas the channel is justly celebrated for have either already been canned or cancelled before a shot’s been filmed. Indeed, if advertising revenue continues to plummet, there’s a real worry that ITV could cease to exist entirely.

If this happened, we’d lose quite a lot of very popular and, in some cases, important television: Coronation Street, The Bill, Emmerdale, The X Factor, Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?, Taggart, A Touch Of Frost, Harry Hill’s TV Burp, I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!, You’ve Been Framed, Midsomer Murders … love ‘em or hate ‘em, there’s no denying ITV still pumps out some big ass shows. The loss of Coronation Street, for example, would be a hammer-blow to the very heart of what makes British television unique, and a personal tragedy for millions of viewers.

But would this really happen? If ITV dies the death many pundits fear, would a show as culturally significant as Coronation Street be allowed to go down in flames with the rest of the channel? Surely another broadcaster would come to its rescue? I don’t believe for one minute that a show that regularly brings in an audience of 14 million viewers would be consigned to the history books because the place it’s called home for the last forty nine years disappears from under it. If the worst happened, I strongly suspect Coronation Street would be snapped up by the likes of Sky One. Hell, I could even see it on the BBC.

If something as identifiably ‘ITV’ as Coronation Street appearing elsewhere seems hard to contemplate, just remember it wouldn’t be the first time. ITV originally broadcast Men Behaving Badly, yet it was the BBC that turned it into the comedy juggernaut it later became. Auf Wiedersehen, Pet had two series on channel three before being successfully revived, once again, by the good old BBC. And let’s not forget both Channel 5 and Sky have gone resurrection crazy with rubbish such as Gladiators, Minder, Going For Gold and Superstars shitting blood all over the schedules.

If we were to lose ITV, I suspect, sadly, that we’d never see the likes of Frost, Midsomer Murders or Taggart again, but I reckon the loss of the channel wouldn’t necessarily mean the loss of Coronation Street, The Bill, Emmerdale or Millionaire. I’d be willing to bet the truly inspired TV Burp would resurface on Channel 4, and you can bet your arse the monumentally greedy Simon Cowell would be banging on Rupert Murdoch’s door to make sure both The X Factor and Britain’s Got Talent didn’t go the way of the dodo. Similarly, I’m A Celebrity would be so at home on Sky, I’m surprised it’s not there already.

Losing ITV would be, for many of us, like losing a beloved family member. However, like the old family photos you come across every now and again, the bits and bobs of theirs you find in a drawer, there would be enough mementos of it about to keep its memory alive.

Indeed, the death of ITV could be the best thing that ever happened to the channel. We’d still have all its best bits spread about the schedules, and none of the shit that has brought the channel’s reputation to its knees. That, bizarrely, could be ITV’s saving grace.

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162 Responses to “Just A Thought – The Future Of ITV”

  1. Rob Says:

    By that reckoning, would you say we’d be better off scrapping all the channels and just making one network made up of all the best bits of 1,2 ITV, 4 & 5?

    It could be Mongrel Telly!

  2. piqued Says:

    You’ve made a counter case in many respects by suggesting that ITV might have a few good ideas it doesn’t have the capacity to carry them off

  3. ugeine Says:

    I liked the idea of a cross over with channel four. Even though I’ve watched it twice in my whole life, it’s still a vital part of PSB and I’d like to see Channel 4 and ITV strengthened.

    Anything beats the press, anyhow.

  4. Napoleon Says:

    Rob – I’m not sure. Amongst the ‘proper’ TV channels, ITV’s the only one that seems to be crashing and burning. Perhaps it’s time to plunder the old girl’s drawers, nick the best bits for other channels, and put her out of her misery? To my mind this might be kinder than watching a once mighty TV channel slowly drip-die in front of our eyes over the course of several painful years. If it carries on like this, don’t be surprised to find risible shit like The Mint promoted to prime time.

    I reckon that’d be quite sad.

  5. Mel Says:

    Nappers – hasn’t it been doing that for years anyway? I honestly do not remember the last thing i watched on ITV, but i think it may have been when i was still living at home.

  6. Napoleon Says:

    Mel – Sadly, I’d say it has. If it did end up going down the shitter, however, I’d like to think we as a nation wouldn’t automatically lose the likes of Coronation Street and Emmerdale I can’t stand either show, but that doesn’t mean I want to see these particular babies thrown out with the badly-managed bath water.

  7. Napoleon Says:

    It’s a bit serious is this, isn’t it?

    For light relief, I’ve just written something about the origins of the humble fish finger.

  8. Excelsior! Says:

    Naps – im sure when we had the hate list friday Q, you listed fish fingers as one of your hates. Now youve gone mad for them. Whats going on?

  9. Excelsior! Says:

    Actually that might have been SH who hated them. I can’t be expected to remember every single detail can i?

  10. Napoleon Says:

    Excelsior – Like St. Paul before me, I’ve had a Road to Damascus conversion to fish fingers. No longer are they my enemy, but my friend.

  11. piqued Says:

    Fish fingers in 2 slices of toast with s & v crisps and tartre sauce. Sensational

  12. Napoleon Says:

    Again, Piqued has demonstrated his effortless ability to fuck about with even the humblest of foodstuffs in his endless quest to poncify everything edible.

  13. piqued Says:

    …from the man who didn’t even like fish fingers last week

  14. Napoleon Says:

    Piqued – What you’ve just written doesn’t actually mean anything.

    And St. Paul didn’t like Jesus one minute and did the next. I’m the St. Paul of fish finger conversion.

  15. piqued Says:

    It does. How can you be expected to know of fish finger based sandwiches when last week you didn’t even like the main ingredient?

    Also, since when has toast and crisps been ‘poncy’

    If anything’s been fucked about with at all it’s your newly beloved fish fingers, that food you’ve now decide you like, you fickle fellow you.

    Thanks for the Jesus reference though. You’re dismissed to spread the word. Remember: Tartre Sauce. Ketchup and mayo don’t work though salad cream will suffice in an emergency.

  16. piqued Says:

    Oh, Amen

  17. Nick T Says:

    ITV won’t die. It’s constituant companies may change but there will always be others to replace it.
    When Thames was shafted by that dreadful Thatcher woman in the eighties, her friends and conservative party contributers, The Green brothers (Carlton) were ready to take on the mantle.
    Cash cows such as he soaps will be hived out to indepenedent production companies who will then supply whoever the new master is.
    Just watched the Herring thing.
    I see the similarity between him Hicks but I think that Hicks had better material but the delivery was the same. Ironic that he made a funny point about the Radio four comedy then carried on with HIS comedy vocal tones.
    Anyway, on with the fish figgers, yes figgers

  18. Napoleon Says:

    Tartar sauce is disgusting, Piqued, as is tomato ketchup. The only way to eat fish fingers is with peas and chips. Fish finger sandwiches are for people with the mental age of a four year old and paedophiles.

    And I know you’re incapable of reading anything anyone’s read properly, so I’ll spell it out in big letters:


  19. piqued Says:

    I don’t think you saw the Herring thing Nick, and fish fingers are made from Pollack

  20. Napoleon Says:

    Except when they’re made from cod, of course.

  21. piqued Says:

    ‘The only way to eat fish fingers is with peas and chips. Fish finger sandwiches are for people with the mental age of a four year old and paedophiles.’

    What do you know about it? You’re a fish finger novice, a mere FF baby. It’s like professing to be an expert on Rocket Science because you just seen an episode of Thunderbirds.

    Oooh, I see you turned from St. Paul into doubting Thomas. I forgive you.


  22. piqued Says:

    They’ve not been made with cod since 2007 you fish finger amateur

  23. Nick T Says:

    I did, it had that man with an orange for a head, it was very funny.
    Pollark was great sunday night viewing. Showed the cornish scenery at it’s best and all those great old sailing ships.
    Ooo arrrrghh

  24. Napoleon Says:

    Piqued – I’m no fish finger novice, thanks very much. I lived on fish fingers as a boy, and carried on my love for them into my early twenties. Then I went off ’em, and only recently rekindled my liking for ’em in the last couple of weeks after buying some from a supermarket as an experiment. I’m as qualified to talk about fish fingers as you are, you dribbling idiot.

  25. Napoleon Says:

    “They’ve not been made with cod since 2007 you fish finger amateur”

    This must be a mirage, then …


  26. piqued Says:


    they they lie

  27. Nick T Says:

    I love that new KFC ad. Fresh chicken delivered dailey, not quite but that’s what the ad suggests….

  28. piqued Says:

    ‘…and carried on my love for them into my early twenties. Then I went off ‘em, and only recently rekindled my liking for ‘em in the last couple of weeks blah blah bleughhhh’

    Then you feel out of the loop NC, you have to go back and finish the course before your argument becomes valid. Sorry, but I don’t make the Roes…


  29. Napoleon Says:

    Birds Eye are lying on their own website about their own brand fish fingers? What about Young’s Great Grimsby Cod Fish Fingers made from 100% sustainable cod (introduced: 2007 – the year you say cod fish fingers bit the bullet)? Are they lying too?

  30. Nick T Says:

    It says 100% cod fillet but then 67% cod……

  31. Nick T Says:

    “sustainable cod”
    Not that sustainable, they got caught!

  32. Napoleon Says:

    Piqued – Afraid not. You never lose the skills you gained eating fish fingers as a child – it’s just like riding a bike. You’d know this if you hadn’t smothered every last bit of food you’ve eaten over the last twenty years in excrement – thus muddling your sense of how to eat food properly.

  33. Napoleon Says:

    I think they might mean the cods are farmed, Nick. I neither know for sure, nor give the slightest fuck how they were reared. They could keep ’em in a tank full of torturing Nazi water scorpions for all I care.

  34. piqued Says:


    No, it would seem that Birds Eye have partially welched on a deal. I’ve not had 100% cod fish fingers in years.

    This makes it all your fault cod stocks are being exhausted.

    Btw, there is only one true Fish Finger, Young’s range don’t count for shit. Only a true Fish Finger lover can know this.

    Praise Him (me)

  35. piqued Says:

    Nick’s right NC, you’ve simply ruined everything

  36. Napoleon Says:

    Piqued – That’s bullshit, as it happens. Young’s’s fish fingers are lovely. You’d know this if you didn’t poncify everything to the point that it’s unrecognizable. Y’see, you can’t help y’self – not even with the humble fish finger sandwich. Look …

    White bread + fish fingers + tomato sauce = normal fish finger sandwich

    Toasted bread + fish fingers + tartar sauce + salt and vingar crisps = poncified fish finger sandwich

    See? See how you’ve poncified it to the extent it no longer resembles proper food?

    This, my friend, is because you know absolutely nothing about food. You merely know how to throw crap at food until it becomes poncified and stupid.

  37. piqued Says:

    ‘You merely know how to throw crap at food until it becomes poncified and stupid.’

    Well, thare’s no need for that. So harsh, read back at how harsh that was.

    Of course, being fish finger fishernado I’ve had all manner of Finger. None hold a candle to Bird’s Eye. Those of us that have been eating them for nigh on 40 years, without a sabbatical know this.

    You’d also be as sure of your argument as I am…

    You, not even an hour ago…

    ‘Tartar sauce is disgusting, Piqued, as is tomato ketchup’

    And now…

    ‘White bread + fish fingers + tomato sauce = normal fish finger sandwich’

    Which it does if you want soggy bread, which you probably do

    You disgust me, yet I still forgive you

    Come, kiss the hem of my cloak

  38. Thumper Plowman Says:

    I’m all for fish fingers because they’re true pan-european cuisine, so they bring us all together. You even get them over here.

    You also get findus Crispy Pancakes too, believe it or not. they call them sofficini but I can see them for what they really are.

  39. piqued Says:

    ‘findus Crispy Pancakes’

    I love those, NC hates them. He’s said how much he hates them on here, loads

  40. Thumper Plowman Says:

    They have Italian fillings over here though. Rice and tomato, that sort of thing. Maybe he’s like them?

  41. Thumper Plowman Says:

    “he’d like them” that should be. Unless he is actually like them.

  42. Napoleon Says:

    Piqued – I despise tomato ketchup, yet know it is THE sauce for a fish finger sandwich. If I actually liked tomato ketchup and was an infant, this is how I would eat said sandwiches. You have, as usual, proved nothing.

    Thumps – Have the Italian Crispy Pancakes the same nuclear orange colouring to the breadcrumbs their British brethren enjoy?

  43. Mel Says:

    Findus crispy pancakes

    Worst. Product. Description. Ever.

    They may be findus, but they are neithr crispy nor are they pancakes.

    Findus – it is a Swedish company. They cannot gropw many veg up there, so you cannot blame them.

  44. Napoleon Says:

    And to clear something up, I’ve never said I didn’t like Crispy Pancakes. I was always partial to the minced beef ones.

  45. Napoleon Says:

    Mel – You do know you’re not supposed to boil them, don’t you? Grilling ’em makes them crispy, see?

  46. Thumper Plowman Says:

    I think so. I’ve never actually bought them but the photos on the cover of the box are pretty loud.

  47. Napoleon Says:

    I wish I’d looked out for them when I was in Italy. I could have used them as proof when up-their-own-arseholes urban sophisticates next pointed out how marvellous and superior Italian cuisine is to that of the British’s own. I bloody knew this was guff the moment I turned a corner in Florence and saw a load of ’em truffling into McDonald’s’s. They’re no bloody better than we are, the liars.

  48. Nick T Says:

    A cod farm eh?


  49. Mel Says:

    eurgh, i cannot think of anything more revolting than all boiled crispy pancakes.

    I think a much better description should be Findus Cardboard-Enclosed Artificially-Flavoured Flat Food Tablets.

    I can scoff from my ivory tower, actually. I make all my food from scratch – including tomato ketchup and tartare sauce.

  50. piqued Says:

    NC, how can you recommend something you despise?

  51. Mel Says:

    Nick, we have been farming cod since 2003. Fish farming, however, is an environmentally destructive practice in itself, due to over feeding; the routine use of antibiotics; over stocking; leading to increased parasitism; infection of the wild stock; and; and; and.

    Farmed fish is bad kids – mkay?

  52. Napoleon Says:

    Nick – I’ve no idea. Can you farm a cod? If not, I don’t see how you can make stocks of ’em sustainable.

    Mel – You make EVERYTHING from scratch? Are you talking out of your arse?

  53. Thumper Plowman Says:

    Funnily enough I was in a “McDonald’s Caffe” over here for the first time this weekend, and the place was full. Everybody assumes Starbucks would never work in the land of espresso, but I don’t buy it, I reckon they’d clean up.

  54. Napoleon Says:

    “NC, how can you recommend something you despise?”

    By at no stage recommending it, Piqued? I merely said that’s the way the fish finger sandwich is traditionally (and properly) served. I never recommended it, nor would I eat it myself.

  55. Mel Says:

    i make bread, pasta, sauces, chutneys, museli, yoghurt, ketchup, mayonnaise, proper bolognese, etc etc

    Oh, i don’t make my own cheese, so you may have me on that one Nappers.

    Grow most of my own veggies though.

  56. Napoleon Says:

    Farmed fish is bad kids – mkay?

    Is it arse.

  57. Mel Says:

    For the environment NC, I am not discussing flavour or whatever.

  58. Napoleon Says:

    Thumps – I suspect you’re right.

  59. Napoleon Says:

    Mel – It can’t be bad for the environment because it’s fishes (what come off of nature) in water (which also comes off of nature). Therefore, it’s not bad for the environment. So there.

  60. Nick T Says:

    Them little farmed cod get lice and alsorts.
    You want alsorts.
    DO YOU?

  61. Mel Says:

    NC – brilliant – you have just condensed the entire thrust of my point into one incorrect sentence. You, sir, are a genius.

    (NB< this is where it would be handy to use the sarcastic font)

  62. piqued Says:

    You advised that ketchup was to be consumed on a ‘traditional’ (whatever that means) FF sandwich, if you wish to split hairs. Yet you don’t advocate your advice?

    (despite what I’ve just said I’m enjoying the book you recommended btw can’t put it down)

  63. Napoleon Says:

    Nick – You’re eating just as many disgusting parasites in vegetables, so it all balances out in the end between us meat and non-meat eaters.

  64. Napoleon Says:

    Piqued – Nope. You’re the one that’s splitting hairs. No recommendation from me, sorry. Just a statement of fact that this is how the proper fish finger sandwich is served. No recommendation, see? Fool.

    The book is excellent, you’re right. Mind you, he does have a tendency to go off on one as all old soldiers do from time to time.

  65. Napoleon Says:

    Mel – I’m afraid you’re the incorrect one. Y’see:

    Fishes + water + in a cage = nothing wrong with that


  66. Mel Says:

    in principle fishes + water = good, cage and all that goes with it = bad. Aquaculture is one of the single most destructive farming practices we have, including slash and burn and battery chicken farming. pens cause massive barrens beneth them, as nothing can grow under all the waste.

    Not everything in nature is good either, doesn’t make it anny less factual.

    However, i suspect this may be feeding the troll, which is never good, even if i have made all the food myself with my own bare hands.

  67. breeks Says:

    i wondered why no one was over at the footy anymore. i’m well slow to pick up on the new post.

    we wouldn’t just lose ITV. we’d lose ITV2 too.

  68. piqued Says:

    I beg to differ. On this very page you said you despise Ketchup (I’m in agreement with you here btw) then herald it’s usage. Quite absurd.

    I quite like that ‘going off on one’ aspect though. Balances the mundance with the frankly shocking. Gives a rounded flavour of the futility of it all.

  69. piqued Says:

    Most the salmon in Sainsbury comes from Ian Anderson’s fish farm in Scotchland. (NC knows who that is)

    *stands on one leg, plays flute*

  70. Napoleon Says:

    Mel – Nah, that’s all arseholes. The way I see it (and I’m rarely wrong), you stick a fish in some water and farm him, he’ll be alright and so will the environment. Without wanting to get too scientific, this is because fish and water are easy bed-fellows, and wrapping a cage around them is fine anyway because any rubbish from under the fishes can escape wot with it being in water and a cage with all holes in it. To sum up, everything you’ve said is gubbins, and everything I’ve said is correct because I know fishes live in water which is where fish farms are.

  71. Napoleon Says:

    Piqued – Nah. It would be absurd if I’d recommended something I despised. As I didn’t do that, it’s not.

    I don’t like Jethro Tull. I’ve always thought Anderson up close probably smells like a wet dog.

  72. breeks Says:

    i am sure the fish finger debate was raised earlier. by someone. somewhere else.

    i am eating a jammy dodger. i feel well pommy.

  73. Mel Says:

    *rams home made sandwich made of rye bread baked today, stuffed with hand breaded and line caught plaice down NC’s neck*

  74. Mel Says:

    Breeks – i used to prefer those smiley face ones with cream AND jam in. And they had a smiley face on them. That would be very pommy, i think. Or eating garibaldi biscuits…

  75. Napoleon Says:

    Mel – Violence is the last refuge of the terminally wrong, my girl. Just because you clearly lost the fish farm environmental damage argument, that’s no reason to resort to fisticuffs.

    (Fishes farm not bad, but gooooooooood)

  76. Mel Says:

    I was trying to demonstrate how to feed a troll NC. Of course, it also works without the finest hand made and sourced ingredients as well.

  77. breeks Says:

    this is only about my fourth ever jammy dodger, i’d say. i did not know they came in variety. whoa.

  78. Napoleon Says:

    Troll? You’re under the impression I live under a bridge, Mel?

    Anyway … rye bread’s what Hitler ate. HITLER.

  79. Mel Says:

    no they don”t breeks. The others are called smiley faces. They are very similar in concept, and the biscuit and jam is the same, but smiley faces have cream and a smiley face.

  80. Mel Says:

    NC, it was proven in the 1854 weybridge enquiry that trolls do not have to live under a bridge. It was a case won by Mr A Troll, who sued the brothers Grimm for libel, and also for all lost post that had been sent to a bridge years ago.

    You are very rambunctious today Nappers. Do you want to talk about it?

  81. breeks Says:

    so much to learn, so very, very much….

  82. Nick T Says:

    Naps reminds me of Grey 😐

  83. Nick T Says:

    Too much red meat Mel….

  84. piqued Says:

    ‘You are very rambunctious today Nappers’

    Yes, most unlike him. He’s usually so placid and never contradictory or anything

  85. breeks Says:

    nick – ‘grey’. crikey. i forgot.

  86. myopiniononstuff Says:

    ITV will be fine.

  87. Napoleon Says:

    Mel – I’m merely countering your scurrilous statements, my dear. Someone has to put the case for the humble fish farmer when you – one of the wooly-minded Guardianista set with your busy-body interferences into ordinary folks’s lives, etc. – presents us with a pack of lies as if they were facts.

    Nick – Grey?

  88. Mel Says:

    Oi, don’t you my dear me, sonny, i didn’t fight the cod wars to have you talk down to me, sunshine!

  89. Napoleon Says:

    Mel – I’ll ‘dear’ who I like, love. How d’ye like THEM onions, sweet-cheeks?

    *slaps Mel’s arse*

  90. Mel Says:

    Nappers, i don’t like ’em. They are not organic, and have been fertilised using fish meal.

  91. Napoleon Says:

    Organic, my arse. Onions is onions – adding fish meal to ’em probably improves ’em somehow, honey-bunny.

  92. Nick T Says:

    “Home, home on the range, where the crab and the octopus play”

  93. Nick T Says:

    He sends his love breeks.
    He’s just the same.

  94. Mel Says:

    who is grey? Or what is it?

  95. Nick T Says:

    Gray (sorry my mishtake) is a webfriend from the past that some here know.
    A funny scouser whome I still keep in touch with.

  96. Badger Madge Says:

    i’m late in and can’t be arsed to read everything else, but you also forgot neighbours’ relocation to ch5.

  97. Napoleon Says:

    There you go, Badger. It wouldn’t be entirely beyond the realms of fantasy to see ITV’s output on other channels. Indeed, that way we could enjoy the dwindling number of ITV shows worth watching, without needing to wade through all the other shit they put out. I think they should ditch the channels and just become a production and distribution company. Coronation Street alone must rake in a small fortune. Imagine the profits ITV could make without being shackled with a TV station nobody wants to watch any more?

  98. Who Says:

    I only like fish fingers which have been cooked in the oven, so they’re still soft. I hate them grilled – it makes the crumbs all hard and spoils the delicate fish experience within.

    That’s all.

  99. breeks Says:

    ITV could be a freelance tv station.


  100. Nick T Says:

    Endemol make Coronation Street and Emerdale….

  101. Napoleon Says:

    Breeks – Not a station, no. A production and dsitribution company only.

  102. Napoleon Says:

    Nick – Do they? I thought ITV-owned (former) Granada and the now defunct ITV Yorkshire made those?

  103. breeks Says:

    naps – ok. whatever.

    a freelance station. woot!

    *has ideas*

  104. Mel Says:

    Nick, Granada do, indeed, make Corrie. I think Endemol like things with a wider appeal…

  105. Napoleon Says:

    Again, not a station. Can you read English, Breeks?

  106. Napoleon Says:

    Mel – I thought they did. What else do they own? I know Endemol does Millionaire, so they couldn’t have that I imagine. Do they make The Bill?

  107. breeks Says:


    today i could give two shits about english (that one was for SH).

    tonight i am going to look at a flat. ridiculous prices, london, if you want to live alone.

  108. Napoleon Says:

    Or is it Celador?

  109. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Celador Nap.

  110. Napoleon Says:

    Celador makes Millionaire? Right, that’s that cleared up. So what does Endemol make then?

  111. Mel Says:

    NC – lots of stuff – This Morning, Touch of Frost, I’m a Z lister (please don’t make me eat testicles), Prime Suspect, Hell’s Kitchen, Dancing on Ice, Z-lister Fit Club, all that Jordan nonsense, to name buut a few. They produce stuff all over the world apparently.

    Talkback produce the Bill

  112. Nick T Says:

    You’re right Mel, I was just reading something about them (Endemol) possibly buying them.
    James May is going to make a Platicine garden for the Chelsea Flower Show.
    What a gimp!

  113. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    ITV will not go down, because it is actually the number one channel for advertising. But it has changed a little, and certainly all the regional companies used to make the programs, but now any company makes a program and then tries to sell it to ITV, BBC or whoever.

  114. Nick T Says:

    Talkback and Thames make the Bill.
    I used to work for Thames (The Media)

  115. breeks Says:

    i love james may. i won’t hear a word said against him, gimpy or otherwise.

    watch yourself, nt.


  116. Nick T Says:

    He is also going to build a full sized house out of Lego…

  117. Nick T Says:

    His hair is all wrong though breeks…..

  118. Nick T Says:

    Jebus, they make pretty much everything! http://www.endemoluk.com/?q=node/115&tid=24

  119. Nick T Says:

    Nathan Barley & Charlie Brooker too

  120. breeks Says:

    mr breeks has no hair, so i am allowed to admire the hirsute.

  121. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    I can’t stand James May.

  122. Napoleon Says:

    So you reckon it won’t go down, DINLT? I hope not, as I’ll have to start brushing cobwebs off of the third button on my remote. I’m not so sure it will survive personally – not in the same form we see it today. I think there’ll come a time when nobody’ll watch commercial telly in the way they do now. Without the figures, it’ll be doomed. It’ll be these kids with their internets, their hoodies and their mp3 playing machines that’ll kill it, I reckon.

  123. Mel Says:

    Endemol makes big brother, ready steady, deal or no deal, dead set, programmes about all fat people, golden balls, 8 out of 10 cats, would i lie to you, screen wipe, animal park, gok wan, and most other global tv content

  124. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    and they’re Dutch too Mel.

  125. Napoleon Says:

    What’s wrong with James May? He’s always struck me as an affable sort.

    And at least he’s not bald.

  126. Nick T Says:

    Mel, look up the page, my link, to the Endemol website.

    *stops bothering*

  127. Napoleon Says:

    Is Animal Park the one with Ben Fogle and Kate Humble at Longleat? I like that one. It’s got lions and everything.

  128. myopiniononstuff Says:

    ‘ITV will not go down, because it is actually the number one channel for advertising.’ Didn’t Channel 4 take over them last year, or am I confusing it with rates of loss/ growth? They have the biggest advertising draw with Coronation Street and Emmerdale but that’s about it, I think…

    I base all this on those media student programmes you get on C4 in the morning.

  129. Mel Says:

    yes, nick,but i was doing googling so Nc didn’t have to. It takes a bit longer, well that and work getting in the way as well. It can’t be F5 all day, you know.

    DINLT – yes, i think it is a game plan of theirs. Take over the world, one rubbish TV programme at a time. Then make us all wear orange, and listen to bad trance.

  130. Mel Says:

    Yes NC, that Animal Park.

  131. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Maybe I am a bit harsh, but they annoy me. (The top gear trio).

    When I take charge of the country we will be going back to 5 channels and Sky Sports.
    Daytime TV will consist of Open University and any sporting event that might be on. Childrens telly from 4.20 to 6.00pm. Adult TV onwards, mostly American comedies / sci – fi and cop shows. Other programming will be dramas such as Jewell in the Crown etc. Onus will be on quality rather than quantity. Also to appear on TV you will have to pass a gruelling exam.

  132. Napoleon Says:

    It’s good is that. There was this one where they had to chase these rhinos about with a tractor with a matress strapped to the front. They’re obstinate little buggers, them rhinos.

    I also like it when you see inside that mad lord’s house. I wouldn’t mind living in a place like that … mind you, I bet the heating bills would cost, what? £200 a month? In gas?

  133. Nick T Says:

    Not all the time Mel..

  134. Napoleon Says:

    DINLT – That sounds more like it. Can we also have NO telly in the morning, please? It’s been too long since I spent three hours staring at the test card, waiting for telly to start.

  135. breeks Says:

    you know, i had no knowledge of the F5 function till WWM. changed my life, it has.

  136. Mel Says:

    well, ok admittedly not all the time, but quite a lot of the time, nick.

    NC, do you have a secret crush on Kate Humble as well?

  137. Napoleon Says:

    Mel – I don’t have secret crushes on anyone. If I’m happy to admit I’d accept a ride aboard the Colleen Nolan MILF (or possibly even GILF) love-train, you can bet your bottom dollar I’d have no hesitation in saying I’d tumble the Humble’s grumble.

  138. Mel Says:

    Actually, i think even i have a little bit of a crush on her.

    I am sure she will be delighted to hear this!

  139. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    What about the Corrs Nap. (sisters only).

  140. piqued Says:

    ‘Mel – I don’t have secret crushes on anyone’

    *bursts into tears*

  141. breeks Says:

    c’mon piqued. i know men who have crushes on you. be satisfied with what you have.

  142. Napoleon Says:

    Jesus, DINLT, I’d give my right arse cheek for a night with those Corrs girls. I bet their mum and dad are smug buggers when it comes to family get-togethers and what-have-you.

    “So, how are the girls getting on?”
    “Oh, you know … all beautiful, succesful millionaires with a string of hit records to their names. And your lot?”
    “Erm, well the oldest won eight pounds on a scratchcard last week …”

  143. Nick T Says:

    I have a crush of Kate Humble.
    I have mentioned it before…..

  144. piqued Says:

    Is that a drink Nick?

  145. Mel Says:

    right. I am off. It is St Patricks day, and someone has to teach these dutchies how to drink.

    Happy St Patrick’s day.

    And Happy Kate Humble, Nick

  146. Napoleon Says:

    Stick your St. Patrick’s Day up your arse.

  147. Nick T Says:

    It would be a salty one I bet

  148. Nick T Says:

    Yes…. a salty one…she’s a marine biologist see?

    A kneeling ox?

  149. indy Says:

    swede dreams are made of this…

    swedish national eurovision pause entertainment causes international crisis: today russian diplomats left a formal complaint to the swedish public service broadcast company about the following performance:

  150. Napoleon Says:

    She’s a marine biologist? I thought she was just a telly presenter. You learn something new …

  151. Napoleon Says:

    I personally don’t see what’s the problem with that video, Indy.

  152. indy Says:

    russians are like some followers of some religions that cannot be mentioned for obvious reasons: just wave a red piece of cloth in front of them and come running. call someone violent and they wave an AK in your face to prove you wrong etc.

    the russian diplomat says that “the entertainers should not be allowed to perform this piece, they should be in an asylum”. i am impressed that the diplomat didn’t use the word “gulag”.

  153. ugeine Says:

    I got to comment 6,4506 about fish fingers and just gave up. I don’t even like fish fingers.

  154. Napoleon Says:

    I suppose spending years queueing up to purchase half a rotten potato and a bottle of vodka made from recycled gasoline syphoned from broken 1930s tractor engines will make anyone lose their sense of humour.

    Let’s just hope Sweden doesn’t fire up a nuclear war and land us with the sort of world I’m still miserably trudging through in Fallout 3.

  155. indy Says:

    naps: i thought that kind of life actually provided one with humour and the ability to see “light in darkness”. well. i was wrong.

  156. Badger Madge Says:

    gawd, has anyone seen the 2009 apprentice cast? not one of them is even vaguely attractive.

  157. Napoleon Says:

    I don’t think I’d be that cheery if I’d lived in the Soviet Union, Indy. There’s not much to guffaw at when you’re trying to start a piece of shit, East German-made car with a sledghammer in -20c temperatures so you can get to your government-assigned job in the local potassium mine, with the ever present threat of being whisked away and beaten to death hanging over your head.

  158. Napoleon Says:

    Badger – Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think how someone looks is the point of the exercise.

    *remembers previous winners*

    Oh … hold on …

  159. indy Says:

    naps: hey! someone has hijacked your account – someone who cares for the poor and needy! stop! thief!

  160. Napoleon Says:

    Indy – Hey! Don’t worry! If you read carefully, I was only looking out for number one in my previous comment by putting myself into the shoes of a miserable Soviet potassium miner. The rest of ’em, Indy, can go fuck ’emselves.

  161. indy Says:

    naps: good! keep up the goo…

    *strangled from behind by vodka-smelling thug*

  162. kremble Says:

    *slinks out from under rock*

    Night Night everyone. Shhhhhhhhh, quiet, time for sleeep.

    Sleep tight, see you in morning, sweet dreams.

    *slinks back under rock and curls tightly into a ball*

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