Chris Moyles’ Quiz Night


There are times when you really have to wonder what the fucking point of it all is.

Why bother watching yet another terrible piece of television with the intention to write about it when, in reality, it will have little or no effect or purpose? Chris Moyles will always be successful and no amount of barbed critique from an anonymous blog writer will change that. So why not abandon the flowery wordplay, reclaim my wasted hour and do something more pleasant like sit in a park or make love to a beautiful woman instead?

Well, to answer my own question, I do it because I have to – to make it known that while Rome burned and civilisation fell from the sky I stood amongst a small band of brothers who resisted, as long as possible, the enslaught of mediocrity. I may not have marched against the war, I may have not fought to defend freedom but at least I carpe diem-ed when the time seemed right and dared to exclaim to all who read – ‘this programme is SHIT.’

So, here’s a few things you need to know about Chris Moyles’ Quiz Night:

  • Following a very expensive opening sequence which features the title – Chris Moyles’ Quiz Night – in huge letters, Moyles enters and introduces with the explanatory sentence “Welcome to Chris Moyles’ Quiz Night – I’m Chris Moyles, and this is my quiz night” which should go some way in helping you to understand the highly attentive and sharply intuitive sort of audience he’s aiming for.
  • It purports to be a topical quiz ripped straight from the headlines when in truth it’s actually the sort of quiz that takes a recent event and uses it as a springboard for an irrelevant and unrelated question; “the Pope said this week that condoms are part of the problem in combating AIDS, thus further hindering the plight of millions of infected Africans in acquiring life-saving medicine – but how many condoms does Nuts Magazine hottie Sophie Howard say she uses during a three-hour sex session?” for example.
  • It takes the guise of a pub quiz crossed with an ITV talk show, in which guests answer questions posed by an (almost literally) phoned in celebrity appearance while Moyles attempts some form of sycophantic banter that results, more often than not, in awkward silences, shouty bullshit or streams of abuse.
  • It’s less fun that a pub quiz – in fact it’s less fun that sitting alone during a pub quiz and not taking part.
  • His guests are the level of average not seen since Davina McCall’s chat show; either fellow traders of shit TV (Louis Walsh and Sharon Osbourne), ironically booked institutions who should know better (Barbara Windsor) or permascowled hip musicians who clearly think TV quiz shows are more rewarding than their chosen art form (Mark Ronson).
  • As well as having a format that looks suspiciously like the Big Fat End of the Year Quiz, it also features obligatory cameos from well known television personalities trying to appear hip and switched on by appearing in what their agents have no doubt told them will be a ratings winner. The idea is clearly to create the illusion that Moyles is now a member of an elite team of Channel 4 broadcasters  who all love, cherish and adore each others work; although it’s actually more of a name-dropping fiasco that serves as an extended commercial for more inanely pointless drivel. “Hi, I’m James Corden and I’m obviously in some kind of press junket room for my new, overhyped movie Lesbian Vampire Killers, but how many lesbians does Nuts Magazine hottie Sophie Howard claim she’s slept with in her lifetime?”
  • For all his success and acclaim the fact still remains that Chris Moyles is a deeply uncharismatic personality – he may well work on radio but on TV he comes across as a beligerant drunk wallowing in his own ego with enough cash to silence anyone who says otherwise.
  • It runs for 50 minutes… 50 fucking minutes of cheap and crass mind swabbing… it’s almost as if the producers dared themselves to make it an hour but chickened out at the last minute, fearing some kind of nationwide brain-haemorrhaging from which the country would never recover.
  • “Hi, we’re Richard and Judy and we’re currently trying to get back in with Channel 4 after our disasterous decision to headline the channel Watch, but how many pornos does Nuts Magazine hottie Sophie Howard say she watches a week?” Etc.

I reckon that’s about all you need to know.

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180 Responses to “Chris Moyles’ Quiz Night”

  1. Swineshead Says:

    It’s a good job Moyles climbed that mountain, otherwise I might not have heard about this fantastic light entertainment show of his.

    And the Africans did alright out of it too – which is a bonus.

    I’m not sure who’s more cynical, us or them.

  2. Napoleon Says:

    “… he may well work on radio but on TV he comes across as a beligerant drunk …”

    He does, doesn’t he? Did you see him on The One Show? I assumed he was either pissed out of his mind, or having some kind of nervous breakdown.

  3. Nick T Says:

    It looked dreadful, I didn’t watch and will never watch it.
    I did see bits of Interview with a Vampire which was quite good apart from the Tom Cruise bits. When will someone just bit the bullet and tell him he can’t act? Kirsten Duntz (?) was amazing though.

  4. Napoleon Says:

    Interview With A Vampire’s whispy balls, Nick.

    I thought Tom Cruise acted well in Born On The Fourth Of July and The Color Of Money. And Cocktail.

  5. Napoleon Says:

    Also, why did The Wright Stuff start late today, eh?

  6. indy Says:

    cruise is the old keanu. icy blandness. craaap. and by the way, he’s a crazy scientologist too.

  7. rhodri89 Says:

    Don’t give up. It is worth it. This sort of TV needs to die. People need to know. Keep up the criticism!

  8. Nick T Says:

    What makes a “good” scientologist?
    For that matter what makes a bad one?

  9. Swineshead Says:

    Nice one Rhodri…
    Does 89 refer to your year of birth?
    If so that makes me feel very, very old.

  10. indy Says:

    Nick T: crazy. not bad. definitely not good.

  11. Swineshead Says:

    Tom Cruise’s only good film is Magnolia. Everything else he’s done has been appalling, and I wish he would go away.

  12. Napoleon Says:

    I was pondering the same thing on Saturday, Swineshead. People born in 1990 are or will be 19 this year. That doesn’t seem right somehow. The ’90s were about five minutes ago, and these people should still be babies by rights.

  13. Nick T Says:

    I’m 45 in May SH and my daughter will be 13 next month. Feel any better?

  14. indy Says:

    Nick T: come to think about it i think the amount of courses you’ve taken (=paid for) dictates your ranking within the followers of l ron.

  15. Napoleon Says:

    You’re wrong about Tom Cruise. The Firm’s great, as is Born On The Fourth Of July, The Color Of Money, The Outsiders, Collateral and Valkyrie. Magnolia, on the other hand, is a big pile of crap. Fucking raining frogs for fuck’s sake.

  16. Swineshead Says:

    Yes – they should all be babies.

    Does this mean the 80s to them is like the 70s were to us?
    The olden days?


  17. indy Says:

    my girlfriend was asked “how was growing up during the ’90s” in a completely unironic and honest way when we were out clubbing a couple of weeks ago. scary.

  18. Swineshead Says:

    It’s a manifest metaphor, Napoleon.

  19. Nick T Says:

    Indy – I have no idea what you mean. I am barely functioning this morning but nevertheless…

  20. Napoleon Says:

    I think they should sit these kids down and make them watch Studio Line adverts and Pepsi and Shirley videos until they realise the ’80s were shit. That way we can end this monstrous world where you leave your house and all the kids look like they’re from 1985. Bastards.

  21. Nick T Says:

    I found myself listening to Dale Winton on radio 2 yesterday. It was one of the oddest moments….

  22. Napoleon Says:

    I was up half the night watching Alex Jones conspiracy theory films. He’s like a dog with a bone, that fella.

  23. myopiniononstuff Says:

    I thought the format was strong (unlike the confused Room 101 rip-offs making the transition from radio to telly) but would have been far better had JLC presented it. Yes, I hate Moylesy that much.

  24. Swineshead Says:

    I watched episode 3 of Red Riding last night and was utterly disappointed.

  25. Swineshead Says:

    Who saw David Van Day dump someone on The Wright Stuff?
    Massively underwhelming response.

  26. Swineshead Says:

    Dave – are you referring to Genius?
    I thought Genius was ace.

  27. Nick T Says:

    Is that Valerie Singletons sister?
    On TWS…

  28. Napoleon Says:

    I saw that. The man’s a mental boob. I bet his missus is happy.

  29. myopiniononstuff Says:

    That and Brigstocke’s ‘I’ve Never Seen Star Wars’ left me strangely cold. Like they belonged on Dave.

  30. Napoleon Says:

    I’ve still not forgiven Gorman for lying to me about socking it to THE MAN. I’m sure he’s devastated by this news.

  31. Swineshead Says:

    I liked both of them Dave. But I am an old man who was born in the seventies – I like the old regime.

  32. ugeine Says:

    I watched a bit of this. About ten minutes was as much as I could manage. Kudos for going for the whole 50 minutes, you must have balls the size of melons.

  33. Napoleon Says:

    I’ve never seen I’ve Never Seen Star Wars. I have seen Star Wars, mind. That film seemed to be on in the cinema continuously from 1977 to 1980.

  34. ugeine Says:

    I’ve never seen Star Wars.

  35. Napoleon Says:

    It’s not very good, Ugeine. That said, seeing as you like kid’s stuff, you might like it. It’s got a big dog-type character in it and everything.

  36. myopiniononstuff Says:

    Can you believe that JLC is only 34 and Moyles is just a year older at 35? I was going to question the merits of a man of 47 getting excited over The Goonies but it appears he’s just about the perfect age.

    But the biggest mindfuck is that Lionel Ritchie is nearly 60 – he was nearly forty when the Goonies got its theatrical release.

  37. Napoleon Says:

    I don’t see what’s the beef with Justin Lee Collins. He strikes me as a fun and amiable kinda fella. Why the hate? Why?

    Moyles is a twit, obviously.

  38. Napoleon Says:

    The bloody Goonies. I was in CEX the other day, and the t-shirt and underpant logos on show sported by the collection of eclectic freaks that company specialises in employing included:

    2 Goonies
    1 Atari
    1 Back to the Future
    1 Commodore 64
    1 Superman logo across a hanging out arse

    The pack of fucking arseholes.

  39. ugeine Says:

    Because he’s a complete and utter arsehole, Napoleon. I wouldn’t piss on his twitching corpse to put out a fire at a children’s hospital.

  40. Nick T Says:

    Bowie is over 60 Dave

  41. myopiniononstuff Says:

    I know the staff at a certain Gamestation as one of my mates works there. They showed me a video of them dressing up as cardboard boxes and running down the high street screaming. They also recreated Terminator 2 in the shop using a shit phone camera and Microsoft Movie Maker.

  42. Napoleon Says:

    Why’s he an arsehole? He doesn’t seem like an arsehole from the shows of his I’ve watched. He also presented an award at the mag I work for’s back-slapping ceremony, and my editor said he was an affable cove. I still don’t get where the hatred’s coming from.

  43. ugeine Says:

    Gamestation round my way are all cunts with crap facial hair.

  44. Excelsior! Says:

    JLC has always struck me as a kind of massive slobbering dog thats constantly farting and jumping up on you. He’s not evil per se, you just wouldnt want to be anywhere near him.

  45. ugeine Says:


    1) His fake energy levels: His boundless enthusiasm about everything he’s involved with is just a ploy to make you forget that he has no talent or charisma, so you want to punch him.

    2) Friday night project: That abortion of a television programme

    3) That fucking accent, sounds like Worzel Gummage gurgling tar

    4) The way that he thinks everything is ironically brilliant, mainly because of point one

    5) Alan fucking carr

    6) The way he acts around other celeberities

    7) Justin brings back… A shite series of television programmes in which Justin spends an hour spewing the kind of ironic nostalgic love of the 80s you were complaining about in the post before mine

    8) Just bloody look at him

    9) He’s justin lee collins!

    10) his refusal to let his television career die with even more shite tv shows.

  46. Napoleon Says:

    I bet he’s entertaining company in the boozer, Excelsior. Certainly more entertaining than spending your evening sandwiched in between Jonathan King and Gary Glitter, with Joseph Fritzel opposite and Karen Matthews running her foot up your leg under the table. Drinking diarrhoea.

  47. Excelsior! Says:

    One mans hell Napoleon…..

  48. indy Says:


  49. Napoleon Says:

    Ugeine – I like that one he does where he goes to conventions. I’m not so keen on the Bring Back … shows, and don’t watch The Friday Night Project because I can’t abide that Larry Grayson impersonator he’s teamed up with. From the limited experience I have of him from those convention shows, he seems alright and not the bad egg you’re making him out to be.

    Plus, you have mouse’s hair, spidery arms and you like children’s stuff because you’re a simpleton.

  50. Swineshead Says:

    I don’t mind JLC. Or Alan Carr, latterly. It’s just a shame they make such rubbish programmes.

  51. Swineshead Says:


  52. Napoleon Says:

    Maybe they should team up and make an ‘hilarious’ comedy sketch show for BBC Three? On the evidence of Horne & Corden, it seems any old Tom, Dick or ‘Arry can have a go.

  53. myopiniononstuff Says:

    I just don’t like the fact he’s stolen Jamie Lee Curtis’s initials. The real JLC had great tits and legs but the hair of a man, the fake one has rubbish tits and legs and the hair of a woman.

  54. Napoleon Says:

    Jamie Lee Cutis’s tits made the already great Trading Places even greater. God, she had great tits in her day. So did Susan Sarandon.

    I love tits, me.

  55. Nick T Says:

    I’m warming to Alan Carr..

  56. indy Says:

    8) just bloody look at him. smiling in his sunglasses. indoors.

  57. Swineshead Says:

    Jamie Lee Curtis’s face is quite manly.

  58. Nick T Says:

    I still don’t understand your comment Indy, even after coffee.

  59. Napoleon Says:

    She has got a manly face, you’re right. Do you reckon those tits of hers were wasted on her?

  60. Swineshead Says:

    There’re enough breasts in the world to grant JLC a decent pair of baps. In addition to his huge beard.

  61. Nick T Says:

    They weren’t wasted on me..

    Boom boom.

    Danny Baker read out my email on his show on Friday, just saying..

  62. indy Says:

    Nick T: what comment? posted at what time?

  63. Swineshead Says:


  64. Napoleon Says:

    Nick – Congratulations on having your e-mail read out by the fat unpleasant man off of Pets Win Prizes on Friday. You’ve gone up in my estimation because you have had a brief interaction with a member of that club of people I like to call ‘our betters’.

  65. indy Says:

    Swineshead: AAARGH! take it away! take it away!

    jodies nose has got that kind of car crash appeal. you just cant stop staring at it.

  66. Swineshead Says:

    Danny Baker on radio is different to Danny Baker on Tv, wouldn’t you say?

    Now – can I just report that this fellow called Piqued came round my house on Friday night, got drunk, made a mess in the toilet, talked too much and nicked a chest of drawers.

  67. Swineshead Says:

    indy – It’s her arm I worry about. It will surely wither and die if she has any more badly rendered pictures of 50s musicians inked on it.

  68. Napoleon Says:

    What a fine specimen of femininity, Swineshead. I particularly like the collection of exercise book doodles seared into her arm. All she needs is a spunking cock and a swastika, and she’s recreated my second year RE text book to a tee.

  69. Napoleon Says:

    Piqued’s behaviour sounds disgusting. I shall take out revenge on your behalf by doing all loads of diarrhoea in his toilet and up his walls when I move in to his flat next month.

  70. myopiniononstuff Says:

    Who are those musicians? Buddy Holly is the first one, I think. Is the second one Sammy Davies Jr or Chuck Berry? Genuinely having trouble with it.

  71. myopiniononstuff Says:

    It’s okay, I’ve decided it’s Chuck Berry.

  72. Napoleon Says:

    Looks like Little Richard to me.

  73. Swineshead Says:

    I think it was my ding-a-ling, Chuck Berry.

    It was disgusting, Napoleon. I’ve mocked up that forged tenancy agreement you needed, by the way. Shall I scan it and mail it over? It’s better than the real thing.

  74. indy Says:

    turn your head 90 degrees and look at her face. the top picture is an “adult” remake of “where’s waldo”. (renamed “where’s fanny”)

  75. Napoleon Says:

    Thanks for that, Swineshead. The removal van’s booked, the solicitor’s in place for the inevitable legal dispute, and I’ve eaten nothing but boiled eggs and raw brussel sprouts for the last month and a half. That bastard won’t know what’s hit him.

  76. indy Says:

    the one in glasses looks like henry kissinger to me.

  77. Napoleon Says:

    I’m trying hard, but I just can’t see Jodie Marsh going into a tattoo parlour and asking for a picture of Richard Nixon’s former National Security Advisor to be emblazoned onto her arm. Daffy Duck, perhaps, but not Henry Kissinger.

    That old Nazi.

  78. breeks Says:

    afternoon all.

    chris moyles – stupid, unfunny, over indulged and ugly.

    jodie marsh – snog, marry and then avoid.

    piqued – elderly and cannot be held responsible for his actions.

    david van day – altered by cheap hair bleach.

    justin lee collins – the universe pays him back by giving him psoriasis, hence the beard and hefty barnet and general pig-wiggyness.

    alan carr – like a better graham norton – whether that’s good or bad YOU DECIDE.

    breeks – hamster owner.

  79. myopiniononstuff Says:

    I bet The Crickets are bitter about not being on her arm. That bastard Holly always gets all the credit.

  80. Napoleon Says:

    May I just point out, by the way, that my defacing of that RE text book was an act of courageous bravery for which I should have won a medal. Our RE teacher was a tyrannical bullying goblin who hated children, and he watched those books of his like a hawk. Adding a Hitler moustache, spunking cock, swastika armband and speech bubble containing the phrase ‘I suk fat cocks’ to an illustration of Moses took nerves of steel and a devil-may-care attitude towards my own personal safety.

    The bastard went fucking ballistic.

  81. Nick T Says:

    This one earlier Indy

    “Nick T: come to think about it i think the amount of courses you’ve taken (=paid for) dictates your ranking within the followers of l ron.”

  82. Nick T Says:

    Danny Baker on Radio is far superior to the embaresed stumbling tv Danny Baker.

    I didn’t interact, did I?

    *Checks flies*


  83. Nick T Says:

    Actualy Indy it does make sense to me now

  84. Honestly_forgotten Says:

    Chris Moyles is very talented, he has a brilliant radio show and we need this kind of telly to keep tv alive. Millions of viewers watch this telly, and love it. I think its fantastic that he climbed the mountain and although i didnt watch the show, i heard it was good.

  85. Nick T Says:

    That comment is beyond sarcasm..

  86. Napoleon Says:

    How is Chris Moyles ‘very talented’? Has talent been so devalued, we now describe somebody who talks crap in between playing records as having some, do we? It’s this sort of claptrap that stops us identifying those individuals that display genuine talent.

    Very talented, my arse.

  87. indy Says:

    Nick T Says: yup. that’s the “good scientologist” conversation. do you want me to paint a picture of some hollywood brushed up aluminium cyberprick handing over a bag with a dollar sign on it to a dead sf-writer? not? ok.

    *turns head 90 degrees and watches pic of jodie marshes face*

  88. ugeine Says:

    There’s lots of decent programmes that are aimed at children as well as adults. South Park for one.

    Still better then watching that tit gargle his way round conventions, which is only aimed at adult retards as there’s no way your average child could be conned into watching something so shit.

    In fact, I’d be willing to bet that 95% of crap tv is marketed exclusively at an adult demographic.

  89. Napoleon Says:

    I personally believe in a terrifying, bear-headed spider diety. When you die, you don’t go to heaven, but are instead trapped on the spider / bear god’s web, cocooned in ethereal silk and injected with agonising venom daily for the rest of eternity. If you’d like to hear more about Wrathnok the Bear-Headed Spider Diety, please send a cheque for £55 to:

    Napoleon’s Frightening New Religion
    Wellington House
    150 Waterloo Street

    Thank you.

  90. Napoleon Says:

    Ugeine – South Park has never been aimed at children, ever. You’ve fallen for a common misconception there that cartoons = for kids. This is the same sort of hogwash old people spout about computer games being for children, and therefore your previous comment makes you like an ignorant old fogie.

  91. indy Says:

    np: sorry, but i just cannot let it go. IT IS HENRY KISSINGER! perhaps the young hk, before all the powerbalancing and killing south american progressives

  92. Napoleon Says:

    Indy – What the hell would a brain-dead jizz-mop be doing with a tattoo of Henry fucking Kissinger on her arm? I doubt she’s even heard of the man, let alone asked for him to be inked permanently into her flesh. Your idea’s as ludicrous as Jordan having a tattoo of George McGovern on her arse.

  93. indy Says:

    *desperately runs through the streets of copenhagenm, trying to find wellington house, 150 waterloo street, fails, falls down and dies of dehydration*

  94. myopiniononstuff Says:

    Napoleon – Josef Fritz is taboo and in the media eye, isn’t he? Let’s have him be a megalomanical Jewish dolphin with a satellite stuck up his arsehole.

  95. ugeine Says:

    Really Napoleon? Are you sure?

    It’s just that, funny as it is, I actually happened to be a kid when South Park came out and it was one of the biggest fads our school had ever seen, probably second only to Pokemon or Pogs.

    I used to have a collection of a couple of the stuffed toys, the figurines, the posters, the key rings, the Cartman Pajamas, the childs socks, the computer game etc and I always assumed that this merchandise was made for children…

    Maybe you’d like to point out how I’m mistaken? Maybe grown men your age go gagga for colectable key rings?

    I’m sure there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation as to why a man would want to buy some children’s pajamas…

  96. Napoleon Says:

    Dave – Are you on medication? It wouldn’t entirely surprise me after reading that last bit of irrelevant drivel.

    Is it living at your mum’s that’s sunk you into a fug? Living at your mum’s because you’re a failure?

  97. myopiniononstuff Says:

    I agree with Ugeine here. I have a stuffed Cartman doll in my room right now, complete with RHCP badges and a secret hole in the back that I used for stashing the weedz. The fuckers were harder to get hold of than Buzz Lightyear toys and Teletubby dolls put together.

  98. ugeine Says:

    In fact, in the latest episode they parodied several comic book franchises. This was before parodying The Jonas Brothers, Twiglight, Hannah Montanah and High School Musical.

    Yes, those well known bastions of adult culture.

  99. Napoleon Says:

    Ugeine – The merchandising was aimed at children, obviously, but the show wasn’t. That’s why it was and still is broadcast after the watershed when idiots like you were meant to be tucked up in bed in your Cartman jimmy-jams. Let’s not forget, fuckwit, that they’ve made toys out of 18-rated stuff like Alien, Predator and Terminator. You ignoramous.

  100. Swineshead Says:

    Ugeine – South Park’s content is definitely NOT aimed at kids. And has never been. Forget the merch, that’s irrelevant.

  101. myopiniononstuff Says:

    Napoleon – It was obvious what my comment meant.

  102. Swineshead Says:

    Napoleon – why are you being such a bastard to our good friend Ugeine?
    Do you need a poo?

    Someone let Napoleon out – he needs a poo.

  103. Napoleon Says:

    So they take the piss out of some kid’s stuff and you think that proves it’s aimed at children? Was your brain replaced with dog dirt over the weekend?

  104. myopiniononstuff Says:

    Terminator 2 was a 15, Terminator 3 a 12. I’m fully expecting Salvation to be a Uc.

  105. ugeine Says:

    How is the merchandise irrelevant? Because it happens to to counter your pissweak argument about a television show I know better then all of you? I have been watching it religiously since I was a child, you know.

    In fact, that fact that children and adults can watch it and both find it equally entertaining (as I did when i was a child and I do now) is something that makes it uniquely brilliant.

    You’ll be telling me The Simpsons is aimed exclusively at adults next.

  106. Nick T Says:

    I saw Jodie Marsh on that car crash of a show Snog, Marry Avoid.
    I’m suprised that considering the work she has had done, she has left her turtle type nose alone.
    And it’s Buddy Holly….

  107. Napoleon Says:

    Swineshead – Because:

    1. I’m still not over his Turkey Twizzler jibes. He made an enemy that day.
    2. He’s talking drivel.
    3. His brain has been replaced with dog dirt.

    Plus, I’m busting for a poo.

  108. ugeine Says:

    NP: They don’t simply take the piss out of it. If you’d actually watched the episodes I’m talking about rather then simply starting at the presumption that I’m wrong and working back from it you’d look at least 65% less uniformed right now.

  109. Napoleon Says:

    I won’t be telling you The Simpsons is aimed at adults next, no. Unlike South Park, The Simpsons doesn’t tackle subjects such as Saddam Hussein being fucked up the arse by Satan.

    As for you knowing the show better than anyone else? I’m sorry, are we in a playground now?

  110. vones Says:


    South park is aimed at adults, but due to the fact it features huge amounts of swearing and jokes about shitting, farts, sex and drugs, it appeals to kids as well who love all that stuff. At least, I did.

  111. Napoleon Says:

    I have watched the episodes you’re on about, Ugeine, and I can confirm they’re aimed at adults, not children. South Park is an adult show made for adults, see?

    Clearly you’re having difficulty with this because you can’t identify what’s for kids and what isn’t. I expect nothing less from a grown man who watches Doctor Who and reads Terry Pratchett books.

  112. ugeine Says:

    That was a bit of a silly argument, yes.

    And if you can’t see how Saddam Hussein been f*cked by Satan would be hilarious to a child, then you’ve really lost touch with youth. When I was a kid I watched that film about 6 times at the cinema. All the kids in my school went crazy for it. It was a 15, you see, meaning thousands of children such as myself sent it to the top of the box office.

    Look, Napoleon, your argument only holds water if:

    a) I watched it as a child but was in an extreme minority, as children found it weird or scary or not funny and definitely didn’t like it or

    b) Kids absolutely loved it, but this is a complete co-incidence as when Trey writes and directs the episode he’s not thinking of them.

    Both of these points are complete arse, by the way.

    How does it feel to be proved wrong by somebody who’s spending the rest of today getting stoned and watching the muppets?

  113. Swineshead Says:

    Ugeine – it would be illegal to aim that content at kids explicitly. Think about what you[‘re saying! Think of the children!

  114. myopiniononstuff Says:

    I quite like the taste of pasta in a rich tomato sauce. Doesn’t mean I like alphabetty spaghetti, does it? The flavours don’t always match the form.

  115. Swineshead Says:

    Ugeine – you’ve proved nowt, I’m afraid.

  116. Napoleon Says:

    I’ve listened to every ELO record ever made. Therefore, I know ELO better than all of you. Your pathetic knowledge of ELO is laughable compared to mine. I am the self-appointed WWM expert on ELO, d’ye hear?

  117. ugeine Says:

    I think Doctor Who is arse, napoleon. If you did watch the episodes, you obviously didn’t understand them (they ripped it out of Dinsey and Christian parents in the ring, never took the piss out of the Jonas brothers, and they were satirising teenage fads with the Twilight one). That’s OK though as neither of these episodes were really written with you in mind, as you’re a bit too old to understand them.

  118. Nick T Says:

    Guyz guyz, you’re bustin my balls here.

    *buys dead fetus*

    As a kid I loved Monty Python.

    How old ARE kids?

    7? 4? 15?

  119. Napoleon Says:

    Yes, Ugeine, my ability to spot satire is rudimentary at best. Thank you, o wise South Park expert, for helping me understand what those wiley South Park creators were really up to. I am forever in your debt.

  120. Nick T Says:

    I have a 12″ yellow version of Wild West Hero Naps.
    Thought it would be worth something by now.


  121. ugeine Says:

    Sarcasm, Napoleon? It’s a shame, I actually thought you might have the balls to defend your point to the end.

    Can’t blame you though, it’s not like yours was a very watertight argument to begin with. I’d have given up earlier, I think.

  122. Napoleon Says:

    “How does it feel to be proved wrong by somebody who’s spending the rest of today getting stoned and watching the muppets?”

    I wouldn’t know, as I’ve not been proved wrong, Ugeine. Note you’re the only one on here who agrees with you?

  123. Nick T Says:

    You think these comments are funny?

    Check these out

  124. Swineshead Says:

    I thought you stopped being a kid at 13? Teenaged life kicks off then.

    Nine year olds might like the shape of the characters in South Park, but they wouldn’t get half the references – and the swearing alone would mean it was illegal to make that product for that age-group.

    So, Ugeine, you’re wrong. Soz.

  125. Napoleon Says:

    I don’t need to ‘defend’ my ‘point’. I made a statement of fact that South Park is aimed at adults, not children. I don’t need to keep repeating it, do I?

    Alright then …

    It’s aimed at adults. Happy now?

  126. Napoleon Says:

    Are you sure he’s wrong? After all, he knows the show better than all of us. He says so, like. Up there.

  127. ugeine Says:

    From this interview:,9171,1169882-2,00.html


    Trey Parker: Yeah, sometimes I wonder. We still think like kids.

  128. Swineshead Says:

    He hasn’t grasped the fact that kids aren’t technically allowed to watch it.

    I may have loved the Nightmare on Elm Street films at eight or nine years of age, but they weren’t bloody made for me.

    Ugeine – have you started smoking already? I’m laying off as I’m having my ears syrniged at seven pm. I am scared.

  129. Napoleon Says:

    Jesus. Dog with a bone.

  130. Nick T Says:

    Kids are how old?
    Can we have definite perameters for this pointless argument?

  131. ugeine Says:

    So teenagers aren’t children, SH?

  132. Swineshead Says:

    It’s about young boys. Yes. Well done.

    But legally, if a child attempted to buy a South Park DVD, they would be refused. Which would mean, if the creators aimed it at kids, they’d have shot themselves in the fucking foot.

    *bangs head against the wall for the third time today*

  133. Swineshead Says:

    Ugeine – I’d say they’re not. In the eyes of law, yes. That’s why a fourteen year old can’t buy a South Park DVD.

  134. Napoleon Says:

    I loved Predator as a kid, and I’m pretty sure it wasn’t made with me in mind. Still, seeing as a I loved it, it must have been according to Ugeine.

    Ear syringing – doesn’t hurt, Swineshead. It’s just weird.

  135. Swineshead Says:

    I’ve heard it’s like suddenly having a whole new world of hearing opened up, Nappers. Which’ll give me even more reason to be a grumpy, irritable bastard.

  136. ugeine Says:

    If you don’t count teenagers as children, then south park isn’t aimed at children.

  137. Napoleon Says:

    Nick – I’m not sure. You’re not an adult until you’re eighteen, so does that make teenagers kids? Or is thirteen, as Swineshead says, the cut-off point for being a kid? If so, what the hell does that make teenagers?

  138. Napoleon Says:

    Swineshead – It is. It’s a whole new world of audio. I’d reduce the volume on your mp3 player prior to going in, if I were you. Also, you might find your family and friends too loud for your liking after the procedure.

  139. Swineshead Says:

    It’s not aimed at anyone below 15 if it’s a cerificated 15 product, care of the BBFC.

    I’d say adolescence is the sign off point for childhood – but that’s a matter of opinion and is variable.

    The issue with South Park is its certification. And apparently it’s a 15. So within the broad range of people who are legally allowed to watch South Park, 15-16 year olds probably don’t make up the majority.

    *puts argument to bed with cocoa*

  140. Napoleon Says:

    I watched just about every 18 certificated film I saw as a child round at Swineshead’s house. Him and his brothers warped my mind, I reckon. I might be due some compensation …

  141. myopiniononstuff Says:

    Both arguments are correct. Napoleon and Ugeine are both right.

  142. Nick T Says:

    “Where there is blame, there’s a claim” Naps

  143. Napoleon Says:

    Who the hell do you think you are, Dave? King fucking Solomon?

  144. myopiniononstuff Says:

    If I’m King Soloman then you’re the Queen of Sheba.

  145. piqued Says:

    Afternoon all



    I’ve a meeting in a bit

    There’s nearly been a fight in the office between two men, one 51 the other 66. They were literally quaking in front of each other.

  146. Napoleon Says:

    Nick – That’s what I’m wondering. The Swineshead clan had a hideous taste in films, and my sensitive mind was no doubt damaged by being forced to watch them. There was me – an innocent in this world – watching all these dismemberments and decapitations and I reckon they turned me into the monster I am today. That’s surely worth a few bob, isn’t it?

  147. ugeine Says:

    ‘It’s not aimed at anyone below 15 if it’s a cerificated 15 product, care of the BBFC.’

    Bollocks. It’s deemed unsuitable for anybody under 15 by the British Government that BBFC don’t have any control over who it’s ‘aimed’ at.

    Considering that it’s an American television programme, it would be the FCC I think.

    Actually, the latest South Park caused a bit of a storm because it was classified as TVMA – L. This means it is for mature audiences only.

    South Park is usually classified as a TV-14, meaning children under 14 should seek parental guidance before watching.

  148. Napoleon Says:

    Piqued – Afternoon! How’s your broken back?

  149. Napoleon Says:

    Here we go again with the South Park stuff …

  150. piqued Says:

    Amazingly, following the carrying of SH’s liberated furniture, it’s bloody great you’ll be disappointed to know.

    Any more on your dwindling hair?

  151. Nick T Says:

    I love that line in the Lawyers 4 u add that pleads “We’re REAL lawyers!”

  152. Swineshead Says:

    Ugeine – can you change your tedious record please – it’s not even that good a show for fuck’s sake.

    Right – Napoleon – apologies on the film front. At least you’re not still addicted to morbid gore films like what I am – I blame the eldest of my brothers, personally.

  153. ugeine Says:

    No problem.

    So, how about Liverpool ay? Looking alright, aint they?

  154. myopiniononstuff Says:

    Sod Liverpool. We still have a game in hand on the bastards so the 1 point margin’s misleading.

  155. Napoleon Says:

    Piqued – My dwindling hair has remained in the same place it’s been for the last eight years, thanks. How’s the new wig? Itchy?

    Swineshead – I don’t even like these films, yet I still watch them thanks to the blasted internet. That bloody Spanish one shit me the right fucking up (as I’ve previously mentioned), and that damned Martyrs revenge film you mentioned is an abomination that also shit me bloody up.

    I don’t like being shitted up.

  156. indy Says:

    but hey! it’s a cartoon! cartoon = children’s tv.

    *high five gesture*
    *lowers hand and goes home*

  157. Napoleon Says:

    According to shouty Texan lunatic Alex Jones, President Obama is a puppet for a shadowy secret government of bankers who plan to enslave the world. I think it’s disgusting that these shadowy banker types are trying to enslave me, and reckon something should be done to stop them. Isn’t it about time we sent in the SAS to snap these people’s necks?

  158. ugeine Says:

    So he’s not a secret Muslim anymore? I simply can’t keep up with that man.

  159. piqued Says:

    NC, it was that bad 9 years ago, Jesus

    Obviously if I wore a wig I would be mentioning your actual hairs

  160. Swineshead Says:

    Martyrs is completely wrong, on all levels. It’s a celluloid abortion.

  161. Swineshead Says:

    These bankers – are they looking to set up one currency for the whole world?
    If so, that’s what the people on Apocalypse and The End Times on the God Channel claim.

    I watched that so I could review it but it was so bad I lost all hope.

  162. Napoleon Says:

    I’ve got widow’s peaks, and that’s it. You’re going to regret this when I shit up your toilet and refuse to move out of your spare room.

  163. ugeine Says:

    endtimes, that takes me back to EC. A bunch of those retards actually believed obama to be the antichrist.

  164. myopiniononstuff Says:

    Inspiring stuff.

  165. piqued Says:

    I don’t have a spare room Nappers, you’re sharing the bed with me

    (I sleep in the all together btw, and I’m sexually curious)

  166. Napoleon Says:

    I think they’re looking to set up a new currency, yes. These bastards. We’ll all be working in labour camps soon, you mark my words.

  167. Napoleon Says:

    Piqued – You disgust me.

  168. piqued Says:

    Oh, I will do NC, you’ll be begging for more

    Right, I’m off now, catch you all later yeah

  169. Napoleon Says:


  170. Swineshead Says:

    Chris Moyles fans appear to be more intelligent that Two Pints fans.

    They linked to us without wishing death on our heads.

    Though there is probably a crossover Two Pints / Moyles demographic – a terrifying thought.

  171. Mel Says:

    Now that is a belly rub too far, IMHO, swines!

  172. TIAL Says:

    @Swineshead Can I just say that I posted that link as I thought it was a funny (and to be honest, pretty accurate) review. I wasn’t intending to start any form of rivalry as seen with the Two Pints debacle.
    My thoughts about the show have been stated in the thread – I think Chris is good at radio presenting and should stick to it.
    I too find it scary that there’s a shared audience between Moyles and Two Pints, and wouldn’t want to be associated with the latter. What you might find even more terrifying is that there’s also a Moyles/WWM crossover!

  173. breeks Says:

    today i’ve read a Whole Entire Book wot had historical stuff in it and stuff.

    and i just sat through and read all the comments i’d missed and realised i’d missed nowt but an enduringly pointless shitfight about an over-rated tv show (btw, southpart is for ADULTS).

    i’m gonna start another book, now. fucking hamster won’t wake up & be entertaining and fucking housemate is in the sitting room hogging the sofa and fucking sheets are wet and it’s fucking raining and i’m fucked off.

    other than that i’ve had quite an aces monday.


  174. extremelisteningmode Says:

    I’m not sure he works on the Radio, I think it’s more a case that his audience of 16-25 year old dullards are too fucking stupid to notice.

    But agree 100% about him on the telly; he always looks like he’s struggling, which I think is to do with the fact he’s the least natural person who’s ever been on telly, ever.

  175. mek Says:

    Shitest website ive ever been on this!!!!! Moyles is awesome

  176. Swineshead Says:

    That’s weird, ‘mek’, because you’re my target audience.
    We write witless bollocks for uneducated children. Or adults who think, behave and emote like children. So I’m sure there’s something here you’ll enjoy.

  177. Nick of the T Says:

    Ever seen south park mek?

  178. David Says:

    I think Moyles’s strong point is his ability to bring out a guest from their PR shell. On this programme, he has no time to do that, instead lost in round after round of silly questions. The questions aren’t taken seriously, so what’s the point? Funny, down-to-earth (mostly) man, but wrong format.

  179. James Says:

    I am glad someone is telling the truth… the programme is so cringeworthy – it really it terrible.Its a shame because I am a loyal fan of the Radio one Show -although even that is getting a bit passed its sell by date.

  180. Mooseinthehoose Says:

    Chris Moyles is a big fat waste of space whose airtime focusses solely on self congratulation for being the self proclaimed saviour of radio one whilst performing solo acts of physical affection. It’s ridiculously embarrassing he has made it this far. So very sad

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