Over to BBC Three land, where dunces are served hand-pumped goblets of drivel. Snog Marry Avoid? is a confused show which lacks a brain, in addition to all those missing commas.
The format is as follows:
- We’re introduced to a supposedly tragic individual – underdressed, over-accessorised, half-naked, exhibitionist.
- They’re interviewed by a sarcastic machine called ‘Pod’ who mocks their dress sense.
- ‘Pod’ shows them footage of men who, having seen a photograph, have decided whether they’d snog, marry or avoid the contestant – generally revealing more about themselves than the person they’re judging (i.e. I would marry someone on the strength of a photograph).
- The contestants are made to remove all their make-up – and all of them react as though this will kill them.
- They are ‘made-under’ – and dressed like the clones in Grazia magazine.
- The ‘snog, marry, avoid’ process is repeated.
- They like it.
- The end.
The major issue with the show is that the prey are all teenagers. Teenagers who are meant to look stupid. We appear to have reached a point where teen girls are expected to dress like graceful secretaries from Mad Men, but when I was 17 all the young ladies I knew dressed like military goths or slutty Polly Pockets. The boys in Snog Marry Avoid end up looking like utter arseholes from GAP adverts, but surely the teenage boy should be a greasy, shabby mess of hatred and resentment?
And the other thing that makes this show borderline unprocessable is that it moves along at such a zippy rate and is so inhumanly chirpy that it feels like you’ve danced through time and are watching ceebeebies in the early morning.
Maybe it’s meant for children.
Avoid. Like the plague.