Just A Thought: The Colour Of Money

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I’ve found it’s only possible to watch ITV’s The Colour Of Money if I’ve recorded it. The reason for this is quite a lot of its one-hour run time is taken up with recaps of stuff you’ve only just watched, plus the usual advertisements you never wanted to watch in the first place. It’s probably the most fast-forwardable show on British TV.

To give you an example: say Andrea from Wigan has managed to get £8,000 from the Emerald cash machine, £11,000 from the Charcoal cash machine and £6,000 from the Cream cash machine and you’ve just watched this happen, ITV cares not a jot. Despite some of the action having taken place mere seconds before, it’ll still show you a highlights package before going into the break.

And then, after you’ve sat through drivel inviting you to buy stuff you don’t want, ITV does it again by showing you another highlights package when the show returns! So, in the space of fifteen minutes, you’ve watched nine minutes of someone trying to nervously guess when one of the show’s machines is about to run out of money, three minutes of adverts and three minutes of repeats.

This happens every time the show goes into and comes out of a commericial break. By my reckoning, and considering you also have a five minute ad break at the end, that means you get twelve minutes of in-show ads, twelve minutes of repeats and only thirty one minutes of new programme. Thirty one fucking minutes of actual original content!

So, the next time you see Chris Tarrant and he tells you he works hard for his money, can you tell him he’s a fucking liar, please?

Oh, and can you tell him his new show’s shit too? Thanks.

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56 Responses to “Just A Thought: The Colour Of Money”

  1. Steve Says:

    I’d like to rant about Tarrant and his wandering hands. He’s touching up the girls on that show like there is no tomorrow.

    No wonder his wife left him!

    I quite like the blonde summariser though. Not only do you get the many re-caps before and after every break, she tells us whats just happened after every machine!!

    We know! we’ve just seen it happen!!! Now take your clothes off and shut up!

  2. Swineshead Says:

    Steve – that’s no way to speak about an attractive summariser. You disgust me.

  3. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Am I the only one who when flicking through the channels saw the title and thought “oh good, Newman, Cruise, Pool tables, I will watch that , only to be sadly disappointed? The spelling of “colour” and the length of the progam should have alerted me, but being the weekend and happily relaxed, I was sadly misguided.

    BTW, i would whip anybody’s ass on the pool table!

  4. Sue De Nymh Says:

    I watched Heston’s Tudor Feast last night (I’m a week behind) and most of that was taken up with re-caps: “I’m Heston Blumenthal and this week it’s my amazing quest to create a fantastic Tudor feast on an epic scale that will take my brilliant diners on an amazing journey like they’ve never seen before. Three fantastic minutes ago I sewed an incredible pig to an amazing chicken and cooked it on a mind-blowing kebab skewer. Journey!”
    .
    I’ve noticed on Channel Five they’re now showing little pop-up ads for new programmes when thelr shows come back from a break, the same shows they showed a 30 second trailer for at the end of the adbreak.

  5. Mel Says:

    This typifies the short attention spans that the playstation generati…

    ooh look, shiny things

  6. Mel Says:

    Sue, don’t get me started on the misuse of the word journey. Ridiculous.

  7. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    etymology of the word journey.

    Middle English journei, day, day’s travel, journey, from Old French jornee, from Vulgar Latin *diurnāta, from Late Latin diurnum, day, from neuter of Latin diurnus, of a day, from diēs, day.

  8. Steve Says:

    Swineshead – You’re right, that was a little much. It just slipped out.

  9. Swineshead Says:

    No problem Steve, we all have our moments.

  10. indy Says:

    DINLT: …the vulgarised into american shit MOR-sters.

  11. Mel Says:

    DINLT – so nowhere in this etymology does it mention ‘place one gets to mentally through appearing on TV’?

    You see my point.

  12. Swineshead Says:

    https://watchwithmothers.wordpress.com/2008/08/24/super-botox-me/#comment-42608

  13. Steve Says:

    “Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world. She took the midnight train going anywhere”

  14. Nick T Says:

    Wish this was a news gush. It does look, at first glance, like a one minute review though….

  15. Nick T Says:

    Journey?

  16. Napoleon Says:

    It’s not really a review though, is it? Except for the end … and just saying something’s ‘shit’ doesn’t really constitute a review, I’d argue.

  17. Nick T Says:

    Frankly Scarlet….
    I have never and will never see it.
    My shit tv watching consists of Judge Judy, Marry Snog Avoid, Rickie Lake (she’s my Nolan Naps), Kyle and Trisha.

  18. Napoleon Says:

    I tried weening m’self off Trisha, but found I enjoy laughing at the poor and the mentally unfortunate too much. This makes me a bad person … but fuck that.

  19. Nick T Says:

    Trisha is on a bit too early for me…
    They repeat Kyle all afternoon thpugh so it’s easy.
    I do wonder about that ghostly overcoat though….

  20. Napoleon Says:

    Trisha’s on too early? It’s on at 10:45, you lazy bastard! What are you? 16?

  21. Nick T Says:

    I’m at work, sorting out coffee etc

  22. Napoleon Says:

    I’m pretending to work at the moment. In reality, I’ve just spent the last twenty minutes drawing an elaborate moustache on Gordon Brown’s face.

  23. breeks Says:

    i do not like chris tarrant. i do not like WWTBAM and i have no plans to watch TCOM.

    none.

    no plans at all.

    summariser? it’s kinda what i do at work ‘so, we know she’s shit and he’s crap and they fight in front of the kids and make the kids cry so we’re gonna steal the kids and make dad do a domestic violence programme he has no chance of passing and force mum to choose between her kids and the only man who’s ever loved her. except for her dad. he loved her but in the wrong (illegal) way. end.’.

  24. piqued Says:

    Nick, can you get me an iced bun please

  25. Nick T Says:

    D’you want butter with that luv?

  26. Swineshead Says:

    Butter on an iced bun? You must be mad, or German, or both.

    I reckon for a Twix.

  27. Nick T Says:

    Not ON it IN it.
    Slice in half, butter then replace and there you have it, a sweet sandwich.
    Look out for it on Hestons wotsit next week.

  28. piqued Says:

    I must admit I’ve not heard of butter with an iced bun before but I’ll give it a shot Nick…

    Perhaps Bupa membership as well

  29. piqued Says:

    SH, they’re advertising Twix again I’ve noticed. The advert is more dated than a 2001 box of Dates, on acid

  30. Nick T Says:

    One could go extreme and try buttering a slice of lardy cake

  31. piqued Says:

    That is the peak of extreme eating that Nick. More of a sport than a meal that is, on acid

  32. Napoleon Says:

    Butter on an iced bun? What sorcery is this?

  33. Swineshead Says:

    What’s this? Nick’s a sorcerer and he’s got acid on his buns?

  34. Nick T Says:

    Not on, IT Naps.

    Nothing wrong with my buns

    *waddles*

  35. Swineshead Says:

    I just watched the Apprentice trailer five times in a row and can confirm that Yasmina Siadatan has got big knockers.

    I’m quite looking forward to that programme.

  36. Nick T Says:

    She says: “Business is about a simple formula. Make more than you spend. That’s what I do, I keep business simple and it works. I’m good at it.”

    Well duh Yasmina

  37. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    I’ve always put butter on me iced buns. Specifically the ones with icing on the top usually known as swiss buns. Or more descriptively a bun with white icing sugar on the top. Slit in half spread some butter on it.

    Merveilleuse!

  38. Swineshead Says:

    Michael Sheen’s crack at Brian Clough strikes me more as Rodney Bewes than ol’ big head.

    *is now typing random thoughts into his computer*

  39. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Psst Swines…heads up mate, no football talk here, they get a bit miffed.

  40. myopiniononstuff Says:

    The bastards!

  41. Napoleon Says:

    I like Rodney Bewes. He makes a special guest appearence as Bob Ferris in Richard Lester’s cracking version of The Three Musketeers. He’s not called Bob Ferris, of course, but you know it’s Bob because he’s got Bob’s hair and general nervousness.

    Sadly no sign of Terry.

  42. piqued Says:

    Surely that’s more of a comment on someones acting ability and / or casting. Sheen was good in Frost Nixon btw

    Now, I can do an impression of Chris Tarrent in a single sound bite (I think SH has had the pleasure)

    So, for the first time, live on the interernettzer

    ‘DAYAI’

    I thank you

  43. Napoleon Says:

    The robbing shits, Dave. I wondered why my last Creme Egg had left me unsatisfied. This’ll be the fault of the Credit Crunch, no doubt.

  44. Napoleon Says:

    I can do a good online Frank Spencer, as it ‘appens …

    Oooo, Betty! Jessica’s done a whoopsie on the carpet …. hmmm … Betty … hmmm hmmm …

  45. myopiniononstuff Says:

    It’s a conspiracy

    Cadbury’s official take on the matter before their website revamp –

  46. Napoleon Says:

    Apparently, they used to be 39g and now they’re 34g. So we haven’t ‘grown up’, as Cadbury’s claim, but have, in fact, been robbed by these Brummie bastards.

    And at Easter too! What would Jesus say, eh?

  47. breeks Says:

    i don’t really like creme eggs. ick.

    all the families the team i manage are working with are well famous criminals, innit. keep finding out more stuff. tops work, having a copper on the team.

  48. Napoleon Says:

    Oh, that’s in America apparently. I take that all back about Cadbury’s being robbing bastards who slap Christ himself in the face with their penny-pinching ways.

  49. myopiniononstuff Says:

    That’s a good point but I reckon they apply the same business model in both countries as we sail the same financial waves.

    I’M GOING TO INVESTIGATE THIS MATTER FURTHER!

  50. Napoleon Says:

    Apparently they’ve remained at 40g since they first plopped from Cadbury’s chocolate chicken cloaca way back in the old days when it was all fields, Dave.

  51. myopiniononstuff Says:

    Can you verify that with a reliable third party source?

  52. breeks Says:

    chickens are clever, yes, for having one hole for both poos and wees?

  53. Napoleon Says:

    Dave – Verify it y’self. I never reveal my sources. NEVER.

  54. kremble Says:

    *slinks out from under rock*

    Um, hello everyone. You’ve all gone home now, and might read this tomorrow if you can be bothered.

    I feel like the last one in the office – jumping on the desks and playing music really loud, irrationally enjoying the secret subversion of work space. Although I don’t have the balls to do it when anyone else is around, obviously.

    *Smash! Shit…..*

    *slinks back under rock with glass shards in bottom from monitor broken in sitting-down-on-table-incident. Whimper…..*

  55. Napoleon Says:

    So where’s this ‘ere Apprentice review then, eh?

  56. The_Colour_Of_Hatred Says:

    The Colour Of Money…Fucking Colour Of Shit more like,
    How is it possible to be worse than deal or no deal?
    I have n idea but it is, The most stressfull gameshow on TV, The fucking biggest pile of wank on TV more like.

    Im a suker for a fit tart but even Millie cant save this pile of ass wank..

    ITV`s content is fuckig shit. They only make programmes that generate money from ripping off and conning sad muppets to txt/vote in.

    they have no unfluence in the shows outcome.its all about money.

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