The Apprentice 2009 – Episode 2

by

yasmina apprentice 2009

Both boys (EMPIRE!) and girls (IGNITE!) were worryingly self-assured going into last night’s challenge.

‘We’ve got a strong bond’, said Phillip – a notion he set out to thoroughly disprove, almost immediately, his input last night just a monotonous cascade of complaints.

‘We’ll come out fighting’ said the New York City rough, tough, sugar puff, Kimberly – at this point unaware that all the fight and spunk would be coming from Yasmina – a one-woman whirlwind of aggressive determination and violent optimism.

After the opening scenes – if yer bottle it, don’t even bovver in the bladdy boardroom – Sugar did the traditional ‘surprise ’em at home’ routine, looking like a frail bailiff surprising a telesales team on a company-paid jolly. Giving it ‘all that’, he told them about this week’s sandwich and canapé-making task, breaking out the first (and hopefully last) credit-crunch related blooper of this series when he punned that people in the City are hungry for business. Which they’re patently not, at present. They’re too busy talking guiltily to corporate recovery businesses and insolvency agencies. Working up even the slightest appetite for new business is currently beyond them.

The plan was for two separate operations – a lunch delivery whilst their market worked and, later, an evening of catering to the sandwich and snack-needs of a load of suits. Masterchef then – but with the added excitement of it being quite unlikely  that any of this lot could cook.

As it turned out, both Rocky and Yasmina had experience of catering and put themselves up for leadership immediately. But then, I suppose you’d have to. If the task was ‘taking incoherent notes whilst watching The Apprentice’, I’d probably be well up for being Team Leader. I’ve got extensive experience of biros, I’m well-versed in the best kind of notebooks available on the market and I’ve had previous exposure to television sets, so really it’d be perfect for me. And if it doesn’t work out, give me another chance and I’ll prove to you I can do it, Sir Alan.

Looking at the girls first, Yasmina started her campaign with her arms around her charges – going for the tactile, approachable boss line. This dissolved immediately when someone dared to ask permission to speak, and from that point on she was a demanding titan of dictatorship – barking her charges into making the crappest corporate bites you could possibly imagine. Until you saw the boys’ efforts.

Yasmina took a very economical approach to ingredients, obsessing over the cheap nature of flatbreads and brainstorming the best way to buy the least expensive ingredients – from frozen chicken breasts to ‘really budget, low value tuna’. Yum yum!

Kate’s pitch for a contract was a marvel. Never before has a woman with so little knowledge of mediterranean nibbles tried to sell mediterranean nibbles.

‘I’ve heard of Bellinis…’

‘I’m not the chef, you know?’

‘Cold bruschetta – always a… favourite?’

Still – they got the job on the basis that money would be subtracted when they inevitably fluffed it. And when they dished up chicken-less chicken wraps, hairy salads and plates stuffed only with delicious lettuce, it was sure they’d get their wages docked. One bellini was described as ‘a greasy ice cream cone’. Even the girls’ own Paula described their output as like the catering for ‘a funeral at a working mens’ club’. Yasmina’s style – the efficient creation of utter rubbish – seemed to shock Margaret into submission and she spent most of the task with her head in her hands or taking backchat from the boss-girl.

But, unbelievably, the boys were worse. Phillip’s hopeless negotiations – dropping from a ridiculous £60 per head to £15 after Howard ballsed up his research – made him look idiotic from square one and, pride wounded, he decided the best course of action was to moan like a condemned man who could only escape his fate if he moaned his moaning way out of it through the medium of moaning.

As Team Leader, Rocky decided the best approach to a catering task was to play dress up, showing his tender age. The rest of the task had the boys dressed as boxers, sprinters and in togas which only added to the embarrassment of the appalling ‘pan-continental’ food they served. Dry peanut butter sandwiches for the Americas,  a cheese ploughmans on a stick and a chicken tikka volauvent.

‘That is a poisonous thing that should never have been made’ came the feedback of one astute consumer. The 2012 Olympic theme was a bit of a mistake then.

Rocky’s major error was in guess-timating how many sarnies he’d have to knock up, pulling a figure from the blue-sky and ruining his company’s finances in the process. The costumes, terrible menu and inter-team bickering didn’t help, and obviously the boys lost.

Into the boardroom, and the girls were sent off to play with horses upon hearing of their win and they morphed into 12 year old girls in front of our eyes, all giddy and squealing and pegging it to the paddock.

In the cafe, Rocky set out his stall, charmingly calling Howard a ‘dickhead’. He took the former dancer and James – the one who looks like former Big Brother contestant Eugene – into the firing line with him. James’ line about how the choice had hurt him as much as the feeling he got when his cat died will forever stay with me as a wonderful execution of language in describing the bitter grief of betrayal. Tangible hurt. Very much a real sense of loss.

After a largely scripted Sugar breakdown of events, James took it upon himself to break down. His constant interruption and doddering non-speak can’t have done him any favours, and when considered in addition to the bunkum in his CV – ‘I can taste success in my spit when I wake up in the morning’ – he was begging to be booted. But he wasn’t. It was a shocker, but Rocky was ejected – and weirdly it seemed fair.

Though it looks like she’s got it wrapped up, Yasmina’s storming start can only be a hindrance later. She’s so far ahead at this point that any wobble will be considered collapse in the mid or latter stages. But the simple sight of her wobbling will be worth it, right guys?

Guys?

Oh.

* * * * *

Episode 1

Last series.

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111 Responses to “The Apprentice 2009 – Episode 2”

  1. vones Says:

    Only one ‘At the end of the day’, and noone gave more than 100% A bit dissapointed really.

  2. breeks Says:

    i actually bothered to watch about 10 mins of this, and saw unspeakably awful things being done to bread, tomatoes, white shirts and sheets. whilst arguably it was good that the ‘suits’ deserved a bit of lower-end foodstuffs, bringing their life experience a little closer to that of the reality suffered by many others, it was embarrassingly bad.

    also there isn’t one good looking person on that show.

    morning all. coffee?

  3. Ashby de la Launde Says:

    Coffee. And a naan.

  4. offensive_mango Says:

    We cringed all the way through it at home and had to watch through our fingers at some points. That’s saying something, given that we had recorded it and didn’t watch it until an hour after the rest of the world because I was at an event called Cringe, where people read aloud extracts from their teenage diaries to a room full of people. I read some of my own writing from age 13, and that experience felt comfortable compared to watching last night’s Apprentice.

  5. Who Says:

    Oh god, it’s actually worse than I realised. I was so busy cringing during Kate’s ‘pitch’ I didn’t even pick up the blinis/bellinis bit. Now my toes is all curling up again.

    I need a nice doorstep wodge of french bread with sloppy tomatoes slung all over it. That’ll sort me out.

  6. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    The worrying thing is that 3 of these people work in the catering industry.
    Yasmina was organised but she was bossy and abrasive. The blonde was pretty useless at pitching the menu. Phil continues to be a moaning git.

  7. Swineshead Says:

    Offensive Mango = Cringe sounds brilliant!

  8. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Those ploughmans sticks were unbelievable.

  9. Swineshead Says:

    Actually, Cringe wouldn’t suit me or Napoleon as our teenage poems, often written in the same room went along these lines:

    I am lucky because
    I do nice farts.
    I walk down the street
    And part my legs
    And out comes a load of farts.

    I’ve got a fat arse that’s full of farts
    And all the lasses like me
    I’m full of shit and turds and that
    And I do the most horrible farts.

    That was one of Napoleon’s.
    Here’s one of mine (to the tune of la cucaracha):

    I’ve got a Sega
    And an Amiga
    And Atari ST

    I’ve got a Commodore
    It’s number 64
    Oh! Darling, why won’t you love me?

  10. myopiniononstuff Says:

    Food snobs, all of them. Cream cheese and sliced tomato is the diet of kings (me). And what gets to me the most is they were in a building named after the humble gherkin. If you love food that much book yourselves into a building called ‘salmon en croute’ or whatever food snobs eat.

  11. breeks Says:

    there was no thought gone into the balance of flavours on those ploughman’s sticks. there’s something to work on with that idea but it is NOT about a plastic cube of bad chedder and a larger piece of onion ham-fistedly fished from a complaining jar of pickle.

    nay.

    may i just mention that i have latterly discovered tunnock’s caramel wafer biscuit bars and am now in a lot of Trouble because they are Very Good. thanks.

  12. Swineshead Says:

    I noticed that Dave – not only did we get helicopter shots of the gherkin – we actually went INSIDE the gherkin. Marvellous.

    Caramel Wafers were always the B Team in my mother’s biscuit barrell. When the fun size crunchies ran out, it was time for caramel.

    None of the above is a euphemism.

  13. Nick T Says:

    Just skimed it on the iPlayer.
    Meh….
    MEH

  14. ugeine Says:

    I’m liking new counter intuitive Dave.

  15. breeks Says:

    i have gherkins in my salad today.

  16. offensive_mango Says:

    Swineshead, both that poem and song would have been perfect. 8 of the 9 people reading were girls (common themes: I love [Boy], I hate my mother, life is so dark and depressing), but the final reader was a boy who recited a poem he wrote as a sexually-frustrated 16-year-old. It was amazing.

    I believe it’s a monthly event, at Barden’s Boudoir in Dalston. You should definitely go along and sing about your Sega and Amiga.

  17. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    I have given this some thought and do not think you can minimise a ploughman’s, as it relies of good fresh crusty bread and a good piece of cheddar, with your favourite pickle.

    Some suggestions. Egg and cress sandwiches, egg and mayonaise (with cress), melon and ham on sticks, chicken wings, toasted chorizo and tomato with olive oil.

  18. breeks Says:

    they should’ve just had fondue and be done with it.

  19. Excelsior! Says:

    Watched Apprentice for the 1st time, especially so i’d know what the bloody hell you were on about.

    That Yasmina’s got the eyes of a killer.

  20. Swineshead Says:

    I mentioned those poems as I still believe them to be brilliant, not cringe-worthy…

    I live a stonesthrow from Dalston so that is a definite possibility Mr or Mrs Mango.

    Also – thanks for the links from your Livejournal over time – your obedience has been noted!

  21. Nick T Says:

    I have “Mexicana” cheese in my salad. It basically cheep cheese with peppers and chillies. Tasty though.
    Tonight I am feasting on artichoke omlette…..

  22. fourstar Says:

    @offensive_mango: You were at Cringe? I believe my friend Antonia* was the host. Was it good? I’ve yet to make it down to one, but I shall…

    * http://yetanotherbloomingblog.blogspot.com/

  23. Swineshead Says:

    Yasmina’s nice. She’ll be in the final.

    Didn’t someone suggest Rocky will win last week?
    The truth will out when I update the Who Will Win thread later today…

  24. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Grilled or baked Mushrooms with parmesan.

  25. Swineshead Says:

    Nick – you eat a lot of dairy. Do you get bunged? Is your piece groaning under the weight of your liver-cheese? Do you have a knackered loop from the milky heft?

    I’d imagine you do.

  26. Swineshead Says:

    Napoleon will be turning in his sickbed with all this talk of ponce food.

  27. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    A plate of club sandwiches.

  28. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Good point swines…a few liver pate sandwiches too.

  29. breeks Says:

    we should send nappers an organic vegetable box with instructions on how to make some kind of new age vegetable broth. get one of the french G20 protesters to deliver it.

  30. offensive_mango Says:

    @fourstar: it was absolutely marvellous. Yes, Antonia was the host. What a small world indeed.

    @swineshead: My reading was brilliant too, of course. It was a note I had passed to my best friend giving her step-by-step instructions, complete with a flowchart, describing the methodology I wanted her to use in order to matchmake me with a particular boy.

    The last step for Week 4 was, in case of a lack of success on her part:
    “Give up; I’ll do it myself.”

  31. Excelsior! Says:

    Nice? NICE?

    She’s killed, SH and she’ll kill again.

  32. ugeine Says:

    I would have done little cocktail sausages with a little pickled onion on a stick. If you don’t like little cocktail sausages with a little pickled onion on a stick, you’re basically an immoral bastard.

  33. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    oh…and a few bowls of crisps dotted about the place.

  34. myopiniononstuff Says:

    The yellowy one’s hot, isn’t she? She has the face and glow of a tropical fish and those darn cute suits.

  35. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    I am not sure about Yasmina. I tend to think she may be a bit high maintenance. Also I get the feeling my relaxed ways would antagonise her.

  36. Excelsior! Says:

    Mini sausage rolls

    I hear prawn cocktails are the lastest thing.

  37. breeks Says:

    ugeine – my housemate buys mini scotch eggs, cuts them in half and inserts a mini pickled onion.

    goes mental for them, he does.

  38. Nick T Says:

    I eat a fair bit of cheese SH, thanks for asking, and eggs at the weekend.

    This week so far, I have eaten salad for lunch and din dins.

    Fancy a bit of a change tonight.

    It suits me and my ring remains unbound and shiny.

  39. ugeine Says:

    Ooooh, they could have put some crisps in a bowl as well!

    (Don’t worry, I have catering experience)

  40. myopiniononstuff Says:

    Last eve I made a salad from a bag of salad, baked potatoes from a bag of potatoes and…erm…quiche from a box. I even sliced an onion into rings.

  41. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    I am going to be shallow and go for the bottle blonde. That is not to say that Yasmina is ruled out, but she has to realise there is competition.

  42. Swineshead Says:

    Shiny ring!

    OM: A four-week plan for getting a boy? My teenage girl-getting methods was:

    Ask
    Rejection
    Ask again more urgently
    Rejection
    Move on to next girl within five minutes.

    Those little silverskin pickled onions are ‘the bomb’.

  43. myopiniononstuff Says:

    By bottle blonde do you mean the yellowy one that has the glow of a tropical fish and those darn cute suits? If so, I agree.

    Anyway…I’m off to walk my dog on a picturesque Scotch beach. It’s been good.

  44. Swineshead Says:

    Ex: Yes, Yasmina is NICE. I liked the fact she had humour alongside a megalomaniac desire to curtail any original thinking from her team. She’s balanced. And she’s in good shape.

  45. ugeine Says:

    Breeks: That sounds like a lot off effort, why not just scoff them at the same time?

  46. piqued Says:

    I thought that James was a right tosser. If I’d been Suralan I’d have fired him with a flame thrower

  47. Swineshead Says:

    Hip hop fans:

    As a middle class, white part-timer when it comes to the genre I get confused between East and West.

    Wu Tang have Snoop guesting on a song that’s currently playing in my hovel, and Snoop is undoubtedly from the ‘motherfcuking eastside’ – as is Dre.

    My question is: Were Snoop and 2Pac from the motherloving Westside? If not – who is from the motherloving westside?

    Westlife?

  48. Swineshead Says:

    Piqued – Physically, James vs Mr Chips?

    Or was it just me?

  49. breeks Says:

    life is a rollercoaster, sh.

  50. piqued Says:

    ahahhahaha, Christ, now you come to mention it…

  51. Swineshead Says:

    B – That’s Boyzone!
    P – Don’t tell him I said that.

  52. Excelsior! Says:

    I liked the blonde one. She was pretty(vacent) and provided the best entertainment for me with her attempt to sell food she new nothing about. Also bizzarly the ginger one, who was a right horror in the morning but scrubed u ok later i thought. I have a thing for ginger ladies though.

  53. breeks Says:

    sh – same difference.

  54. Swineshead Says:

    have a thing for ginger ladies though.

    Bonnie Langford no doubt heads up that list.

  55. Swineshead Says:

    B – They’re X Factor losers.

  56. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    You know what EX i agree. The ginger one is like a chameleon. Sometimes one dismisses her and then another glance and you are thinking not too bad. Having said that, I reckon the bottle blonde wins through on overall points.

  57. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Does anybody else think Yasmina reminds you in a way of Suzie Dent of Countdown fame?

  58. piqued Says:

    Mums the word SH

    *notices chipz behind with a knife*

    AIEEEEE

  59. breeks Says:

    you just like saying ‘yasmina’ cause it’s all exotic. bet you wouldn’t fancy her so much if she were named meryl.

    her eyebrows could do with a bit of work, tbh.

  60. Excelsior! Says:

    Yes DINLT the blonde trumps the ginger, who is something of a wildcard

    *looks up Bonnie Langford*

    no. She’s like a ginger The Lovley Debbie Mcgee

    Speaking of personal pervarsions, someone should tell Nappers that Collen Nolan’s on ITV tonight, doing some hard hitting investigation into the market for looking younger.

  61. Swineshead Says:

    Is Suzie the dictionary corner genius? I likes her too.

    Breeks – don’t be bitchy. You’re jealous she got to ride a horse.

  62. ugeine Says:

    SH: If memory serves me right, Snoop is from Cali, and was an early dre protégé. Dre, NWA and the rest came from CPT, South Central L.A. Tupac and Biggie were both New Yorkers.

  63. breeks Says:

    sh – did she? hmmm. maybe.

    i’m not being bitchy. hmmm. maybe.

    i think i was a bit gobsmacked at her absolutely straight-faced recitation of ‘these’ll be alright with a bit of oven-time and a basil leaf and some olive oil’ whilst holding up a veritable brick of cheap baguette topped with sadly faded mashed up tomato.

    but maybe i’m not giving basil leaves, or for that matter yasmina, enough credit here.

  64. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Swines you are playing it all wrong with Yasmina. Your doe eyed yearning would be exploited. She would have you skivying and doing her bidding immediately. Yasmina is the type you have to take the “treat em mean keep em keen” approach. That is why I am going for the bottle blonde. That would rile Yasmina and she would be vying for your attention.

  65. Excelsior! Says:

    We (the men) have already judged the women and ranked them based on looks.
    Surely you ladies have done something similar with the guys no?

  66. Nick T Says:

    Ex, they (women) do it based on sense of humour ….

  67. piqued Says:

    All the women are harridans, though Yasmina sometimes manages to catch the light in a manner that pleases my vegetables. As cited, she’s a sense of humour (the thing that James lacks with nipples) and for that reason alone she should be forced to dance, dance like she has never danced before.

  68. Swineshead Says:

    Piqued – can you distract Yasmina whilst I ‘neg’ her?

    I’ve heard that works a treat.

    Breeks – please discuss the attractiveness of the mens.

    Ug – I’m going to have to check a map to work it out thanks to that, Unless you sum up. My North American geography knowledge is non-existent.

  69. breeks Says:

    dance like no one is watching, ‘cept they are?

  70. Nick T Says:

    I’ve penciled you in for 2pm on Tuesday SH…

  71. piqued Says:

    *waves a cool fiver under Yasmina’s nose*

    Co-ee Yasa, play your cards right and this crisp queen face can be yours…

    GET HER!

  72. ugeine Says:

    Bare with us, SH, I’ll type up a proper response.

  73. Mel Says:

    *pops in on lunch break*

    Afternooon all.

    Can i just say:
    The pitch was hilarious. I loved the facial expression editing and the bit where she said that bruscetta were…………………..popular.

    I was really surprised that Gregg did not mention flavours at all in yerfiyad

    I wopuld not have eaten any of that food at all, and why does balancing a basil leaf on stuff make it nicer?

    It was a bit obvious of Chiles to point out that the poor teen Rocky was spotty.

    Also, i recommend Antonia’s blog (wot 4 star did link to). I have almost wet myself laughing at her stuff.

  74. Mel Says:

    Also there is no discussion on the attractiveness of the mens. None. I would rather do Nick Hewer than any of them (and i would really rather not do Nick Hewer, given any choice)

  75. indy Says:

    sh:

    “I’ve got a Sega
    And an Amiga”

    do you rhyme ‘sega’ with ‘amiga’? amazing stuff.

  76. ugeine Says:

    Right, Hip Hop Geography 101:

    Eastside and Westside are two geographical terms. They can mean the east and west side of a particular city (think The Wire) but they also refer to The East Cost and West Coast of America, where there are a lot of working class urban dwelling African Americans.

    Hip Hop started in The Bronx, a borough of New York. It got more popular in the because of a lot of New York Rappers, think of anybody from Grandmaster Flash to A Tribe Called Quest. Typically, this Hip Hop is party music, how great they are on the mic / 1s and 2s etc.

    Then, NWA came about and gave birth to gangster rap. This all came out of L.A, mainly Compton, a large group of urban African Americans living below the poverty line dealing with oppression. This was about how much money they make, how much of a gansta they are, etc.

    These two styles started dissing each other around 94. NWA broke up and Dre was a producer, signing a young Long Beach, California (west coast of USA) rapper named Snoop. Dre was involved with Death Row, a west Coast Rap label, and the quickly became popular.

    Puff Daddy’s Bad Boy records (East Coast, New York) became popular and revitalised east cost hip hop, signed the Notorious BIG, a native New Yorker, who got involved in a feud with Tupac, who accused him of setting up a shooting / robbery that happened to Tupac when he was in New York. You know how that ended up.

    I prefer East Coast rap but that’s just me.

  77. ugeine Says:

    To answer your question: Yes.

  78. Nick T Says:

    First rap top 10?

    Blondie…

  79. Swineshead Says:

    Ug – You’ve filled in some memory-bank blanks – thanks.

    And Doggystyle is the best hip hop album ever. How come Snoop says his from the motherloving Eastside when you said he is West Coast?

    *is actually still lost*

  80. indy Says:

    ah. the rapture! ace

  81. indy Says:

    falco – rock me amadeus

    true rap pioneer.

  82. indy Says:

    worst rap ever?:

    “I’m drinking a Soy latte,
    I get a double shotte,
    It goes through my body,
    And you know I’m satisfied
    I drive my Mini Cooper
    And I’m feeling super-dooper
    Yo they tell I’m a trooper
    And you know I’m satisfied
    I do yoga and Pilates
    And the room is full of hotties
    So I’m checking out the bodies
    And you know I’m satisfied
    I’m digging on the isotopes
    This metaphysics shit is dope
    And if all this can give me hope
    You know I’m satisfied
    I got a lawyer and a manager
    An agent and a chef
    Three nannies, an assistant
    And a driver and a jet
    A trainer and a butler
    And a bodyguard or five
    A gardener and a stylist
    Do you think I’m satisfied?
    I’d like to express my extreme point of view
    I’m not Christian and I’m not a Jew
    I’m just living out the American dream
    And I just realised that nothing
    Is what it seems”

    american life by madonna

  83. ugeine Says:

    I would have to know what song you are talking about, SH.

    I’d assume he means the east side of whatever city (though wu tang are new york so it could have been some a kinf of peace offering).

  84. ugeine Says:

    worst rap lyrics:

    This is dedicated to you Ben Stiller,
    You are my favorite mother fucker.
    I told you, didn’t I?

    Drama makes the world go around. (go around)
    Does anybody got the problem with that? (yeah)
    My business, is my bussiness, who’s guilty?
    Can I get a witness?
    First thing first
    The chocolate starfish’s is my man Fred Durst.
    Access Hollywood liscences to kill
    A redneck fucker from Jacksonville.
    Bringning on the dumb stuff funk
    A microphone machete in the back of my trunk.
    Rock is so steady with the he-says she-says,
    And don’t forget about the starfish navigation system.
    Don’t hate me, I’m just an alien
    With 37 tons of new millenium.
    Dum-Di-Di-Dum, where is it coming from?
    Miss Aguil-eira, come and get so-me.
    Oh no, which way to go?
    Through the dance floor into the stereo.
    Hanging on mine
    I’ve seen the Fight Club about 28 times.
    And I’ma keep my pants saggin’
    Keep the skateboard, a spray can for the taggin’
    And I’ma keep a lot of girls in my pimp wagon,
    Cause I don’t give a fuck..

    Living life in the fast lane
    I’m just a crazy mother fucker livin’ it up
    Not giving a fuck
    Living life in the fast lane
    Another crazy mother fucker livin’ it up
    Not giving a fuck in the fast lane

    Take two (ooo-wa!)
    Now who’s the star sucka?
    I’m the starfish, you silly mother fucker
    The puff puff give, the marijuana cig
    Oops, I don’t even smoke but I love the way it smells
    Give a toast to the female (female) sippin’ on the champagne from a sea shell
    (sea shell)
    I think you’re counterfeit
    Then pop his ass like a zit
    With the starfish navigation system.
    No cheap thrills, (baby)
    Fill the briefcase with 3 dollar billz
    I’m just an ordinary run at the mill
    Fella spittin’ out hella mic skills

    And I’ma keep my pants saggin
    Keep the skateboard, a spray can for the taggin’
    And I’ma keep a lot of girls in my pimp wagon
    Cause I don’t give a fuck

    Living life in the fast lane
    I’m just a crazy mother fucker livin’ it up
    Not giving a fuck
    Living life in the fast lane
    Another crazy mother fucker, livin’ it up
    Not giving a fuck in the fast lane

    Cause it’s so easy to tell a lie
    And it’s so easy, to run and hide
    But it’s not easy to be alive
    So don’t be wasting NON OF MY TIME!

    [This is the part Fred Durst performed on the MTV VMA2k]
    This world is like a cage
    And I don’t think it’s fair
    And I don’t even think
    That anybody cares..
    And it’ll eat a hole (what!) down inside of me (what!)
    And it’ll leave a scar (what!), can anybody see? (what!)
    That we got to get it out. (got to get it out)
    We got to get it out. (got to get it out)
    We got to get it out. (got to get it out)
    And I’m’a get it out with the mother fucking MICROPHONE PLUG IT IN MY SOUL.
    I’m a renegade vibe gettin’ out of control
    I’ma keep it alive and continue to be
    Flyin’ like an eagle to my destiny!
    Can you feel me? (hell yeah)
    Can you feel me? (hell yeah)
    Can you feel me? (hell yeah)
    Can you feel me mother fucker?!
    Did you say? (hell yeah)
    Did you say? (hell yeah)
    Can you say hell yeah?
    I’m living life in the fast lane.

    Cause it’s so easy to tell a lie,
    And it’s so easy, to run and hide.
    But it’s not easy to be alive,
    So don’t be wasting NOT OF MY TIME!

    Yeah, bring it on!

    I’m just a crazy mother fucker livin’ it up.
    Not giving a fuck.
    In the fast lane

  85. ugeine Says:

    Sorry, that was well long.

  86. indy Says:

    the problem with west coast rap is that white kids likes it too much (because it’s cartoonish over the top). the problem with east coast rap is that nathan barleys likes it (because it’s “deep” and gives “voice” to the streets).

  87. Excelsior! Says:

    Is that Limp Wristed?

    Fred Durst – i wouldnt piss up his arse if his kidneys were on fire.

  88. Nick T Says:

    All this bad language is going to scare off the christians you know….

  89. ugeine Says:

    Yes Excel.

    And Indy hit the motherfunking nail on that bitch’s head, yo.

  90. indy Says:

    worst rap ever? (last one. i promise)

    Spare a thought this yuletide for the deprived
    If the table was turned would you survive

    You ain’t gotta feel guilt just selfless
    Give a little help to the helpless
    dizzee rascal – do they know it’s christmas (band aid 20)

  91. ugeine Says:

    My favourite rapper is Kool Keith, who’s east coast.

  92. breeks Says:

    i liked ‘stutter-rap’.

    and ‘the bartman’.

    that’s proper rap, that is.

  93. Nick T Says:

    I prefer “toasting”

  94. indy Says:

    i find las ketchups rework of rapper’s delight amusing.

  95. Swineshead Says:

    Kool Keith is the bollocks. Trees are dying.

    He’s mental.

  96. Excelsior! Says:

    I enjoy the work of jailB8

  97. ugeine Says:

    I’m partial to the work of Fur Q. Uzi lover, motherf***r!

  98. ugeine Says:

    Kool Keith was sampled for Out of Space (I’ll take yer brain to another dimension / pay close attention) and Smack My Bitch Up by the proj.

  99. Excelsior! Says:

    C*CK
    B*TCH
    C*CKB*TCHMOTHAF*CKA!

  100. ugeine Says:

    We should start a feud with another television blog to increase reader numbers. Next time you review the apprentice you should call unrealitytv a bunch of bitch ass mothers.

  101. Mel Says:

    Ugeine – i like your thinking, but would we be east side or west side in this TV blog hip hop show down?

    *brain explodes*

  102. Excelsior! Says:

    You wouldn’t get to decide im afraid Mel. Remember, in the misogynistic world of gangsta, b**ches ain’t sh*t.

  103. Swineshead Says:

    unrealitytv are our friends, Ugeine – I’ve been in touch. They’re alright (but they really do watch crap)

  104. Nick T Says:

    What about those digitalspy bozos thopugh eh~?

  105. badgermadge Says:

    skipped most of the above, sorry.

    can’y understand attraction to yasmina.

    she looks like one of the b*witched girls on crack.

    too plain imo.

  106. badgermadge Says:

    that was quite a good photo of them. try this one.

    weird looking.

  107. myopiniononstuff Says:

    http://myopiniononstuff.wordpress.com/

    Week 2 of my POPULAR look-a-like funtime for the two people who give a damn. I know who you are.

  108. Swineshead Says:

    First pic, maybe. Second pic, not at all.

  109. pad Says:

    blini

  110. Swineshead Says:

    Pad – I actually checked that before writing – but went with ‘bellini’ because Kate isn’t the brightest star in the sky and would probably have confused the two.

    So, essentially, I’m cleverer than what you are.

  111. Leaflet Distribution | Door to Door Leafleting Ipswich Says:

    Leaflet Distribution | Door to Door Leafleting Ipswich…

    […]The Apprentice 2009 – Episode 2 « Watch With Mothers[…]…

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