The Hoff: When Scott Came To Stay

by

After passing by the gawping gaze of popular culture, certain products, people and artefacts are all but forgotten a couple of years down the line.

Tab Clear – anyone remember that?

Others endure and simply never go away, like the indestructible, muscular, maternal cyborg that is Madonna. Or Marmite. But then there are those that are reborn, years later either in a slightly different, updated guise, like when La Roux appeared from some musical time-travel laboratory sporting that bloke from The Flock of Seagulls’ haircut.

And finally there are those who are resurrected purely for irony’s sake. David Hasselhoff’s a strong and recent example of how the internet can regenerate a career through the power of net-based in-jokes, a backlog of toe-curlingly embarassing publicity shots, memories of idiosyncratic German superstardom, a silly name and heaps and heaps of misplaced nostalgia.

Characters who can succumb to this kind of webular renaissance – ask Rick Astley if you don’t believe me – have usually had a period in which they were taken seriously, followed by a slow or sudden decline. After the glory years of Knightrider, Hoff produced the kitsch tit-fest that was Baywatch and somewhere during its second series and despite its success, Mitch Buchanan’s sagging pecs turned the viewers off. The Hoff sank into the background while co-star Pamela thrust her bazonkas into the limelight. The love affair with Dave was over and The Hoff became an embarrassment – and a stark reminder of 80s and early 90s weirdness with it.

Then, cunningly latching onto the internet frenzy that erupted when pictures like this, this and this started being emailed back and forth in offices nationwide, Scott Mills got the whiff of a movement and set about capitalising on it. He encouraged the listeners to his Radio 1 show to buy Hasselhoff’s new release – Get Into My Car – a novelty single by any other name. And off the back of Mills’ ironic support, the single hit number three and put The Hoff back into the public domain – compounded by a stint on America’s Got Talent and some Youtube cheeseburgering.

So now we arrive post-regeneration and after a ton of bad press, at LivingTV’s The Hoff: When Scott Mills Came To Stay. Shot in the style of one of JLT’s Bring Back… shows, this time we were told that Mills has always been a massive fan of Dave’s, and that this has been an unwavering support that his lasted his lifetime. The suspicion is that this is something of a porky. Perhaps he loved Knightrider as a child, but I bet he jumped ship like the rest of us during Baywatch.

So the opening fifteen minutes are somewhat redundant but what follows is actually – and I say this despite myself – bloody entertaining. Even though there’re far too many Mills-to-camera moments in which Scott unnecessarily shares his feelings regarding being around his idol, Hasselhoff himself has veered so far into Los Angeles self parody that the neutral can simply sit back and wonder at quite how unhinged the great man is.

He calls his office his Hoffice. A cup of coffee becomes a cup of Hoffee. He has a TV room half filled with VHS cassettes featuring archive footage of… well, guess who?

He has a room for all his German and Austrian gold discs. He’s trying to have his daughters record a single under the name The Hoff Drops. He has Hoff gag T shirts all around the house. The Hoff-based theme in his own abode never seems to end.

It’s totally unclear as to whether he’s into the joke and complicitly understands the affectionate mockery or whether he’s a deluded egomaniac blinkered by past success. You have to assume it’s a wired, confused mixture of the two.

Throughout, he’s unrelentingly hyper and, the minute Mills arrives, takes him off jet-skiing as if to prove some misguided point. Inevitably as he’s in his late 50s, Hoff falls off during the man-on-man watersports action and shakes himself up a bit. But there’s no time for tears as Jeremy Jackson – Hobie from Baywatch, commands The Hoff to fly to Vegas for a party.

The evening is a complete mess of Hoff running from one party scene to the next, not stopping for breath and denying Mills any one-on-one time. The entire sequence is composed of one trying to catch up with the other until, eventually, Mills loses him. When Hoff asks why Mills ditched him the next day he asks if his guest ‘found a girl’, making it abundantly clear that he doesn’t even know Mills’ sexual preference – so as a getting-to-know-you piece, we’re floundering at the 45 minute mark.

As the time runs down, we have the closest thing to a personal conversation we’re going to get as some acupuncture needles pierce the two of them during a heart to heart. But then it slowly becomes apparent that this is going to be a series.

An hour in the dizzying company of this enigmatic mess is one thing – but an entire series revolving around The Hoff and his life in Bel Air?

Surely that’s too much to ask of anyone?

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128 Responses to “The Hoff: When Scott Came To Stay”

  1. Nick of the T Says:

    I know the fella in the speedos but who is this Scott Mills blerk?

    I liked the happy Hoffa in Nightrider, but I think “kit” was the main attraction

    I never got into Baywatch, prefered proper porn….

    Talking of combacks http://www.dailyecho.co.uk/leisure/stage/stagereviews/4272374.Fair_play_to_David_Essex

  2. Five-Centres Says:

    My thoughts exactly

    http://bar-six.blogspot.com/2009/03/hoff-with-his-head.html

  3. Mel Says:

    KITT was the attraction for me, and i suppose that Devon bloke in knightrider.

    Is Scott Mills the DJ that used to fill in for Sara Cox whenver she had gone a bit too far on a bender the night before? I don’t actually know who he is, if he is not that bloke.

    How can they string this out to be a whole series? Unbelievable.

    You will all be indifferent to know that I am feeling much better today, having not gone out and drunk my own bodyweight in all booze yesterday.

  4. Swineshead Says:

    Five centres – I don’t think I actively dislike the man as much as you seem to!

    I used to listen to Scott Mills when I worked at a 24 hour garage as the radio was stuck on Radio1. He’s alright – better than Moyles anyway.

  5. Napoleon Says:

    I didn’t jump ship during Baywatch. I watched every episode, and even stuck around for Baywatch Nights. Indeed, I was bloody furious when Baywatch Nights was cancelled, because it was the greatest detective show since Magnum PI.

  6. Nick of the T Says:

    Ahh, Radio 1. That’s why I haven’t heard of him.

    My house is akin to a building site with me marooned in my bedroom in a sea of calm.

    I saw that Grow Your Own Drugs last night. What a load of old tosh. Wong concocted some fruity leather from berries and boiled artichokes, supposed to lower cholesterol. It actually caused an increase in one of the two guinea pigs!
    Someone (SH) should do a piece about presenters, Wong-Ramsey_Oliver, gazing away from the camera as if they are having a conversation to a near by researcher or whotnot. LOOK AT ME IF YOU’RE TALKING TO ME!!
    he has lovely hair though.

  7. Nick of the T Says:

    Did I mention that Lee Evans is doing the plastering?

  8. Swineshead Says:

    Nappers – Did Baywatch Nights, like Hollyoaks Nights, have swearing and male on male rape?

    NoftheT – Wong has lovely hair because he uses natures own conditioner – SPERMZ.

    *skips off to shower*

  9. Napoleon Says:

    I enjoyed last night’s Panorama featuring the video for a Dubai appartment complex hosted by Michael Owen. The man’s a natural in front of the camera, and no doubt has a glittering TV future ahead of him once he’s finished being injured for whoever it is he’s sitting on the bench for nowadays.

  10. Napoleon Says:

    Swineshead – Sadly, no. It was just Mitch Buchanan solving crimes once his shift on the beach was over. How he found the stamina always amazed me. That was a fucking ace show, and not in this new-fangled ironic way the kids like.

  11. Excelsior! Says:

    I caught the arse end of that one, just where Wong claimed that his garlic footbath may help clear up fungal infections.
    May?
    MAY?
    It also MAY clear up on its’s own.

    Didn’t see Hoff vehicle, university caused me do develop a severe intolerance of ironic nostalgia. I get the urge to punsh an idiot every time i come into contact with it.

  12. Mel Says:

    Yes Nappers, I bet that he will be the next one of those footballers with HUGE personalities and great presenting skills that sits on a sofa or behind a desk and talks bollocks during half time of the football match.

  13. Excelsior! Says:

    Yes punsh

    It’s how you punch when drunk.

  14. Mel Says:

    Ooh, excelsior, who would be your preferred idiot?

  15. Nick of the T Says:

    That garlic only worked for 50% of the group i.e. 1

    I have very pretty feet for a man, it’s been remarked upon often.

    Can one become a male foot model?

  16. Napoleon Says:

    There should be some sort of society for people who liked this sort of stuff before it became ironic to like it. ‘Unironic Anonymous’, or something. You could all get together and discuss how you actually enjoyed Roger Moore movies back when he was a figure of universal derision, how you’ve always liked the music of Phil Collins, and your thoughts on just how much you enjoyed, and continue to enjoy, the films of Burt Reynolds.

  17. Nick of the T Says:

    I heard that Phil Collins is very popular in America amongst the Hippity Hopity crowd

  18. Excelsior! Says:

    I assume you mean sleb idiot Mel. The many idiots in my life wouldn’t ring any bells with you.

    There are so many to pick…. off the top of my head – the stupid voice over man from E4. Just for peddling the sort of posion i’m talking about.

    “Ruddy 80’s shite all over your tellybox!”

    AAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

  19. Napoleon Says:

    Is he the son of Patrick Allen (the E4 voiceover man)? He sounds like him.

  20. breeks Says:

    morning all.

    magnum PI – brilliance. i watched an episode only last week. tom selleck – i totally would’ve and i still totally would. yum.

    i missed the hoff show, having previously radar’d it as one to watch. i was instead exercising whilst watching a doco about how the tax office is really broken. good way to spend mon night. when i got home i ate ryvita. rawk.

    anyway. hello.

    *feels slightly pathetic*

  21. Swineshead Says:

    Sometimes those natural remedies work. Honey and lemon always soothes a cold. I don’t mind this Wong character.

    The thing is, Napoleon, post-irony these things become genuinely cool again. By 2013 we’ll see people, unironically mind, sporting curly Buchanan mullets as though it’s the latest thing. It’s an odd world, a minefield and a bloody disgrace. You couldn’t make it up.

  22. Swineshead Says:

    Michael Owen may have zero charisma but at least he doesn’t do that sincere and fine-upstanding-young-man bullshit John ‘Twin Towers’ Terry tries to pull off.

    The freak-faced twat.

  23. Nick of the T Says:

    I broke my hand blender whilst mixing my morning shake (not a euphemism).
    My burps taste of burnt rubber.
    I am no madder than usual and this is happening.

    *nods at pixie*

  24. Mel Says:

    I have no idea who that is or what he sounds like, because all of my C4 content is now watched on 4OD, annd that just has a lovely lady with soothing, dulcit tones. I don’t have any continuity announcers.

  25. Nick of the T Says:

    This talking to imaginary folk off camera though SH…..
    Something needs to be done.

  26. Napoleon Says:

    I don’t understand this irony business. What do you do if you just like something?

  27. Nick of the T Says:

    Russell Brand is going to pay that BBC/Ofcom fine…
    Small Change (got rained on)

  28. Napoleon Says:

    Mel – Patrick Allen was THE voice of the 1970s. He did the voiceovers for manly car adverts, manly aftershave adverts, manly cigarette adverts and those disturbing Protect and Survive public information films. In the 90s, he did the intro work on Vic Reeves Big Night Out. He was also in The Wild Geese and Who Dares Wins.

  29. Mel Says:

    Ah, he did the scary/ excited sounding voices on the Hi Karate ads and similar? Thansk NC, but i was actually referring to the T4 voice man. I still wouldn’t know either of them if they came up and bit me on the arse though. Until Patrick spoke, that is.

  30. Napoleon Says:

    I think Allen did the voiceovers for E4 until he kicked the bucket. I don’t know who does them now, but he sounds very similar.

  31. Excelsior! Says:

    Having just googled the man i have found his name to be Peter Dickson. It means nothing to me. Maybe he’s a straight up guy, but even if so, he’s still sold his soul to Evil4.

    This guy
    http://www.e4.com/voiceoverman/voiceover-soundboard.html

    No actually LIKES things straight up anymore Napps. Everythings shit and if you say you like something, it’s because you’re being ironic yeah?

    Liking stuffs for losers

    Yeah?

  32. piqued Says:

    When did he cark it?

    It’s quite hard seeing him in The Wild Geese because he always seems like he’s taking the Arthur Bliss

  33. Napoleon Says:

    Excelsior – I like stuff. I don’t know if I like stuff ‘straight up’. Is that something from America? Is it what people who like rap music say?

  34. Napoleon Says:

    A couple of years back, Piqued.

  35. Excelsior! Says:

    Straight up?

    Was a common turn of phrase when i was growing up (straight up, not bendy, i might add)
    Then again, that was Hull, funny things happen to the language there. Maybe using it twice in one post was abit OTT.

    Being out of touch, i like stuff to. I got laughed at for liking chess the other day. Someone actually called it dated….

  36. Swineshead Says:

    Fo’ shizzle, N-Cock – ‘straight up’ be hip hop speak, f’real. Feel me?

    Oh, indeed.

  37. Swineshead Says:

    Hull, eh?
    I know a lad from Hull. He’s an interesting fellow, once a stoned depressive and now a charismatic hypnotist.

    Straight up baby,
    Is it gonna be you and me forever?
    Oh oh oh
    Or are we
    In a hit and run?

    (Hip hop)

  38. Excelsior! Says:

    When i click my fingers you will find me charismatic.

  39. breeks Says:

    paula abdul sung about ‘straight up’ in that brilliant song, ‘hit and run’. or was it ‘straight up’?

    no idea. in my head now, tho.

    TUNE.

  40. Swineshead Says:

    Bree – great minds etc…

    Excelsior – We’ve discussed hypnosis on here before, were you there for that? it was a good ‘un. I’m a believer.

  41. breeks Says:

    oops. sorry.

    paula abdul on american idol – discuss.

    my friend is a hypnotherapist. she teaches laydeez how to give birth to their sprogs without drugs.

  42. Swineshead Says:

    Pain control?

    Kids stuff.

    *stubs cigarette on scrotum*

    *weeps a bit*

  43. breeks Says:

    i think it’s about – actually i don’t know.

  44. Excelsior! Says:

    WWM hypnosis debate dosn’t ring any bells. Must have missed that one.

    Im mad for Derran Brown though.

    “she teaches laydeez how to give birth to their sprogs without drugs.”

    does it involve biting down on something and thinking off (insert nationality)?

  45. Excelsior! Says:

    Off. of. Same difference

    I am not at home to Mr Spelling

  46. pelle Says:

    maybe the painless birth is linked to this:

    http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/health/features/article5924063.ece

  47. Napoleon Says:

    Why would you want to give birth without drugs? Isn’t that why they invented painkillers? So, y’know, we wouldn’t have to deal with shit like that any more? You never hear of anybody going for a ‘natural amputation’, do you? Strikes me as weird why you’d want to put y’self through all that pain when you don’t need to.

    *again fails to understand the minds of the fairer sex*

  48. Excelsior! Says:

    Ah yes Pelle, i clocked that one when it was in the paper.

    Absolutly disgusting.

    Do you really want your first act in this world to be giving your mum an orgasm. That’s a therapy timebomb right there.

  49. Mel Says:

    Well, I have always said that, in the unlikely event that i agree to spread my genes around the world, that i want to be so high on all drugs, that i wont come down until the child is at least at university. Then i wont care about any of the pain

    at all.

  50. Swineshead Says:

    Do you really want your first act in this world to be giving your mum an orgasm.

    How’s that achieved then? Does the baby come out with its tongue dangling free?

  51. Napoleon Says:

    I watched something on telly where there was women ringing up saying they’d had an orgasm whilst giving birth. Was it on The Wright Stuff?

  52. breeks Says:

    mel – am with you on that one. although i want a puppy a bit more than a kid.

    or a lot more, really.

    orgasm births – self-delusion that pain is pleasure. that’s what i say, based on no scientific evidence whatsoever.

  53. pelle Says:

    I’m not sure you really want to know the details, but the article explains it like this:

    During labour, there is a huge hormonal change in the body, with increased prolactin, beta-endorphins and oxytocin being released. These molecules of ecstasy help to push the baby down into the birth canal.

  54. Mel Says:

    I have just got back from my lunch, and you are all talking about orgasmic childbirth, dodgy acts of oral sex and SH’s weeping scrotum?
    *pukes*

  55. breeks Says:

    it’s not enough now that women have to carry normal babies to term and having worked full time through to about 15 minutes before delivery and get back up sized 8-10 within half hour of birth and sweep back into the office whilst maintaining a designer lifestyle and wearing of high heels but that they now have to have an orgasm whilst pushing out a large screaming turd?

    jaysus.

  56. Swineshead Says:

    Phwoar! Stick around, Pelle! You’re turning me on!

  57. pelle Says:

    I don’t think science is involved in this at all Bree, unless molecules of ecstasy were discovered after I finished GCSE chemistry

  58. Swineshead Says:

    Do women do a poo when they pop an infant out – or is that when they hang themselves?

  59. pelle Says:

    Sorry Swineshead, I’m on easter break, got nothing better to do right now

  60. Mel Says:

    Pelle – WTF is a “molecule of ecstacy”? In my book that is methylenedioxyammphetamine. If that was quoted from the Times, i shall be writing them angry letters forthwith.

    Breeks – yes, dogs are definitely preferable to kids in every single way.

  61. Mel Says:

    SH – it is not uncommon to defacate as the baby passes through the birth canal. It is about pressure, and pushing is similar whether for faecal matter or infants.

  62. pelle Says:

    Mel, it was the Times, quoting Michel Odent, an obstetrician

  63. Swineshead Says:

    You can’t send a dog to University and enjoy your retirement, can you?

    *pushes out turd*

  64. Napoleon Says:

    *waits for answer to Swineshead’s poo question*

  65. Mel Says:

    Although i suppose it is also quite comon to do a poo when one is coming up on ecstasy, so there are more similaririties that I had at first imagined.

  66. Napoleon Says:

    *all wanks*

  67. Excelsior! Says:

    If at any point, some poor women is unlucky enough to become infected with my genes, i will not be around to see if she has an orgasm or not.

    Childbirth makes me go a bit giddy. I’d rather identify the remains of a loved one then sit through that.

  68. breeks Says:

    wonder maybe women should take actual ecstacy whilst in labour.

  69. Mel Says:

    Nappers, i did answer. ^^up there.

    I have just fired off an angry e-mail to the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists re Mr Odent. People that call hormones “molecules of ecstasy” have no place in medicine, and should certainly never be allowed near a lady’s nether regions in a professional capacity.

  70. Napoleon Says:

    I bet Denise Van Outen has an orgasm when she gives birth, the dirty bitch.

  71. Excelsior! Says:

    Maybe he graduated with fellow bullshit merchant Gillian McKeith. From the University of Bullshit.

  72. breeks Says:

    excelsior – i think given her propensity to gaze fondly at poos that she’s more likely a graduate of the shit university.

    dr mckeith? no.

  73. Mel Says:

    Is Denise Van Outen up the duff?

    I am so happy to have WWM, reading Heat, so I don’t have to.

    Breeks, she has been banned from using the term Dr, since she isn’t one, and paid for her ‘PhD’ for which she did not submit a thesis from some bunkum American outfit from off of the internets.

  74. Excelsior! Says:

    Just been reading about “Dr” McKeith, to double check that she isn’t a proper doctor and came across this little titbit

    “So back to the science. She says DNA is an anti-ageing constituent: if you “do not have enough RNA/DNA”, in fact, you “may ultimately age prematurely”. Stress can deplete your DNA, but algae will increase it”

    And that is scientific fact. Theres no actual evidence for it….

  75. Mel Says:

    *bangs head on desk*

    *rereads Excelsior’s quote*

    *bangs head on desk again*

    Jesus wept.

  76. breeks Says:

    she isn’t a proper dr, this i knew. she does promote the radical idea of increasing exercise and lessening junk food intake in order to lose weight.

    amazing.

    as far as i’m aware your DNA isn’t anything that depletes, as such. twaddle.

  77. Napoleon Says:

    She she get her doctorate in 1982?

  78. Napoleon Says:

    Did she, rather.

  79. Excelsior! Says:

    The full article is a good read

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2007/feb/12/advertising.food

  80. Nick of the T Says:

    An aside to my (largely ignored) comment about grow your own Drugs (GYOD Mel) I am reliably informed by Mrs Nick, who knows about such things , that it is illegal to forage for wild garlic as Mr Wong did last night.

    *tries to think of 2 Wongs making a right gag*

    *fails*

  81. Mel Says:

    Breeks – you are correct. There is scientific evidence that the telomeres at the ends of your chromosomes (a length of DNA that contains largely “filler” and termination codes) do shorten with age, and this is possibly what she is alluding to (through the looking glass), but every cell in your body has a full complement of DNA, except in rare cases, such as triploidy where all the cells in you bod have the same amount of extra DNA. If this doesn’t happen, the cell cannot make protein, and then cannot make the basic elements it needs to be a cell. YOu cannot deplete DNA, apart from as part of cell death. And to suggest that algae has an effect in the body is sheer bunkum.

  82. Mel Says:

    Why is it illegal to forage for wild garlic in the UK? It is not illegal to forage for mushrooms (both magic and edible) or blackberries or anything else in the UK (providing you have the land owners permission to be there, or are on public land), so why is garlic so special Nick?

    And i know i am a bit stupid, but whay are you explaining the GYOD acronym to me Nick?

  83. Excelsior! Says:

    And DNA is an anti aging consituant?

    Should keep porn stars looking fresh faced then

  84. breeks Says:

    algae is to be avoided, in most cases, in my experience.

  85. ugeine Says:

    I like Scott Mills, he’s alright.

    Bit too young for the hoff though.

    Nice to see another luke warm episode of stuart lee’s comedy thing last night…

  86. Mel Says:

    Excelsior, i think you may just have stumbled upon their secret!

  87. Swineshead Says:

    Lukewarm’s better than a stone cold Hicks, Ugeine.

  88. Napoleon Says:

    I’ve given up on that Stewart Lee thing. I preferred it when he was with that fat bloke and the orange.

  89. Mel Says:

    I also find it really ironic that Ms McKeith, who does not look all that young, tries to lecture us on the “benefits” of the “anti-ageing properties of DNA”

    Oh, i should add a disclaimer for Swineshead. I have heard that she can be a bit litigious. For the avoidance of any doubt, the views expressed in my comments may not necessarily be the views of the WWM site owner or contributors, but is the widely held views of the entire evidence-based scientific community, including myself.

  90. Excelsior! Says:

    Ive “come across it” so to speak.

  91. breeks Says:

    hmmm. http://www.thecoolhunter.net/ads/Fitness-First—Wait-Watching/

  92. Mel Says:

    Yes, excelsior, I bet you have!

  93. breeks Says:

    nice work mel.

    hey gillian – i think your stuff is twaddle, yeah?

    fight?

  94. Mel Says:

    I suspect thatthe ENORMOUS handbag that woman has on that bench makes up for at least 15kgs of the 68 shown, breeks. The woman is a mere stick.

  95. breeks Says:

    yes. she is. i blamed her boots, also.

  96. Excelsior! Says:

    How much do women usually weigh?

    Back when i was fighting fit and went to the Gym i weighed in at 90odd Kg

    Puny woman

  97. Mel Says:

    That boot colour is VERY dutch. I could tell that was the flatlands without reading the caption.

  98. Mel Says:

    Excelsior – you should never ask a lady her weight (although anything over about 65kgs would be severe obesitity for someone of my height…)

  99. breeks Says:

    i have boots those colour.

    i think it must be because i went to a school run by the dutch reformed church. that’s definitely why.

  100. Excelsior! Says:

    “you should never ask a lady her weight”

    and so the joke goes:-

    So how much do YOU weigh Mel..

  101. Mel Says:

    Yes, i bet it was breeks. Do they also weigh a ridiculous amount?

    Oh, i have thought of something horrible. You don’t for a minute think, oh i can hardly bring myself to say something so cynical, but, you don’t think that the scales on a bus stop to advertise a gym could *gasp* show the wrong weight do you?

    *shocked*

  102. Mel Says:

    Excelsior – fighting weight 57kgs. Now, about 60, probably.

  103. breeks Says:

    omg, mel. such cynisim in one so slight.

  104. Mel Says:

    Breeks, i am pocket sized!

  105. Napoleon Says:

    What’s that in old money?

  106. Excelsior! Says:

    You didnt have to answer that really Mel. As far as im concerned, everyone on WWM is a figment of the internet, exisiting solely to keep me entertained and therefore is made of electrons and weigh virtually nothing at all.

  107. breeks Says:

    i am merely a brief whisper of a motherboard on the interweb superhighway. i have very nice welds, though.

  108. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Software weighs nothing.

  109. Mel Says:

    I am not bothered excelsior, but i am real and therefore have mass.

    Old money 60kg = 9.5 stones. I am short though.

  110. Napoleon Says:

    Right you are.

  111. Excelsior! Says:

    *whispers*

    …9.5 simulated stones…

  112. Mel Says:

    This is a bit like a zen question – if mel, who everyone only knows from cyberspace, sits around and gets all fat, will anyone hear her chair creak?

    *clears mind*
    *doesn’t take long*

  113. Nick of the T Says:

    Foraging for wild garlic, it’s all about disturbing wild fings init. Not allowed

    Ahem….”Under the Wildlife and Countryside Act, 1981, which covers Britain, it is illegal to uproot any wild plant without permission from the landowner or occupier. Uproot is defined as to ‘dig up or otherwise remove the plant from the land on which it is growing’, whether or not it actually has roots; and, for the purposes of the legislation, the term ‘plant’ includes algae, lichens and fungi as well the true plants – mosses, liverworts and vascular plants. Similar general protection is given to all plants in Northern Ireland, under the Wildlife (Northern Ireland) Order, 1985.

    Even plants growing wild are the legal property of somebody, and under the Theft Act, 1968, it is an offence to uproot plants for commercial purposes without authorisation..

  114. Mel Says:

    You omitted the ‘without permision/authorisation’ portion of that last post Nick. I did explicitly state that you should get permission of the landowner.

  115. ugeine Says:

    The Bits where Lee was addressing the camera directly made me cringe. Where were the jokes?

  116. Dave Says:

    Correct, ugeine. Ugeine is correct. Ladies and gentlemen of the audience, and you arseholes sat in your poxy non-London living rooms, Ugeine is correct. Correct? Correct. Ugeine is correct.

    *Sketch of somebody stood next to a man with an axe in his face saying ‘he may not be careful with an axe but he aint ‘alf correct.*

  117. ugeine Says:

    The ‘I remember going down MFI’ was the worst part of the episode, went on far too long, I thought there’d be a punchline at the end as well.

  118. Swineshead Says:

    Ugeine and Dave – I think it’s possibly too subtle for you. It’s not a gagfest.

    That’s not a criticism of you, just a matter of taste.

    By the way, Ugeine – I wouldn’t use Dave to back up your argument considering the man’s a rampant pervert who steals dogs.

  119. WhackyTee.com - Funny Shirts Says:

    That is too much to ask!!

  120. Andrea Says:

    Hi there, does anyone know the name of the artist and song for the advert music for *when scott came to stay*? My partner is driving me mad wanting to know, and however much I try to wrack my brain, I just can’t remember.
    Thanks and kind regards.

  121. ugeine Says:

    Andrea, it was Cannibal Corpse with ‘Orgasm Through Torture’.

    Hope you enjoy.

  122. Dave Says:

    SH – It’s not a matter of being too subtle, it’s plainly obvious what Stewart Lee’s getting at. His observations are brilliant. What I can’t stand is his laboured and repetitive technique.

  123. Swineshead Says:

    Why are you returning to a conversation from a week ago.
    You’re either really bored or that’s an attempt to get the last word on something everyone’s forgotten about.

  124. myopiniononstuff Says:

    I’m hungover.

  125. ugeine Says:

    ‘Ugeine and Dave – I think it’s possibly too subtle for you. It’s not a gagfest. ‘

    I missed that, you cheeky git. I understand it fine, thanks. I just don’t think his material particular funny.

  126. Napoleon Says:

    I disagree with everything everybody’s said.

    Erm … what is it you’re all talking about? I couldn’t be arsed with checking.

  127. Nick of the T Says:

    I said all this earlier and you all ignored me.

    Now, NOW you decide to have the same opinion!

  128. Swineshead Says:

    I don’t agree with you, Nick.

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