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Watch With Mothers 
April 22, 2009 at 7:50 am
Do you remember the advert for ‘Raptou’, the all in one slicer, dicer, blender, grater, cement mixer and lamp? It went on for a good half hour listing every credit card option and with a flimsy demonstration…
Need help in the kitchen?
Then RAPTOU is for you!
April 22, 2009 at 8:02 am
*echo*
April 22, 2009 at 8:30 am
I used to watch hour long informercials and QVC when off my tits in the early hours, if that helps? I never bought anything from them though.
April 22, 2009 at 8:32 am
does this come with a free set of steak knives?
April 22, 2009 at 8:33 am
I remember the Raptou. I used to keep furtively glancing at my wallet, stoned and drunk, not sure whether to buy one or not. I do a similar thing now with that sharpening block that not only sharpens normal blades, but also serrated ones as well!
April 22, 2009 at 8:38 am
There’s also that one for the sharpest knife in the world. It even cuts through cans! THROUGH CANS!
April 22, 2009 at 8:44 am
steak knives? what’s the free shit what comes with this musak?
April 22, 2009 at 8:46 am
also – http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/apr/22/365-nights-charla-muller-sex
April 22, 2009 at 8:51 am
There’s one over here for an all-in-one mail grooming kit that can have you throwing out your shaver, hair clippers, nostril trimmers etc for one magic device that does it all. I think the average mediterranean male is their target market. Actually, come to think of it, they should also be marketing it to the women.
April 22, 2009 at 8:51 am
I always need to cut through cans as my tin opener is wonky, and I can’t work out how those new ones work.
In thread competition time!
I’m currently recording (badly) a bassline and I have no lyrical theme. If you can come up with a decent idea for what the lyrics should be about I will write those lyrics using Wikipedia as my guide and YOU will be credited as CO-SONGWRITER.
I might even ask Nick to add some bits to make it sound good.
I also admit I actually quite liked the look of the Raptou.
April 22, 2009 at 8:52 am
male grooming kit. Jesus.
April 22, 2009 at 8:52 am
Unless you need to shave your gas bills.
April 22, 2009 at 8:52 am
the lyrics should be about the power of love. love for dave.
April 22, 2009 at 8:52 am
I’ve got a nasal hair trimmer because, frankly, my nose growth is out of control.
April 22, 2009 at 8:54 am
or can we have a song about puppies and booze, currently two of my favourite things….
April 22, 2009 at 8:58 am
I must admit I am rather taken with “The National Society of Television Heritage”.
April 22, 2009 at 9:01 am
Can we have a song about the 1985 Weights & Measures Act?
April 22, 2009 at 9:04 am
hit the random article button and that’ll give you inspiration. i just did it and got http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/E.T._Adventure
i know it’s random, but because i GAVE you ths idea, i still want my credit when you write our hit, yeah?
April 22, 2009 at 9:13 am
I have to say I’m rather liking the ‘song for Dave’ idea… fancy helping with vocals Napoleon?
Seeing as you’ve already written the lyrics, like.
hmmm mmmm hmmm walking parents’ dog in the park
it’s not your dog
mmm hmmmm wank in the dark… hmmm mmmm
April 22, 2009 at 9:16 am
Swineshead – I’ve been rendered silent by my laptop fucking up, I’m afraid. My beautiful singing voice will never be heard again*.
*until I can be arsed to go to Curry’s to buy a space-age recording device.**
**which won’t be today as I’m drawing six pairs of legs.
April 22, 2009 at 9:30 am
Blast. I’ll do it on my own then (you bastard)
April 22, 2009 at 9:36 am
Speaking of Dave, I did a video for him of the opening titles of Desperate Housewives with the music of Last of the Summer Wine.
I also found that Canned Heat song.
April 22, 2009 at 9:38 am
I don’t get paid for this, oh hang on though…
April 22, 2009 at 9:42 am
How am I a bastard? Surely it’s Toshiba wot’s the bastards? They’re the ones who built the fucking laptop that’s done broken! I’m an innocent bystander, I am.
*stands by*
April 22, 2009 at 9:49 am
Someone bought my mum one of those Raptou things. It’s still in its massive box on top of the cupboard
April 22, 2009 at 9:55 am
song for dave.
breek’s idea.
i’m confused sh – you have the lyrics or the vocals?
April 22, 2009 at 9:56 am
Sorry Napoleon – you’re still a bastard but you’re a lovely bastard. Alright?
This Dave song’s turning into one of the most uplifting ditties I’ve ever written.
April 22, 2009 at 9:59 am
I just was after an idea for lyrics, and now I’ve got em – thanks to YOU breeks.
April 22, 2009 at 10:03 am
Does it involve the massive box the Raptou comes in? My dad could fit in that and he’s a man
April 22, 2009 at 10:07 am
He is a man, I’ve seen a picture. And he’s got an enormous beardface. In a good way.
April 22, 2009 at 10:11 am
He used to look like Bluto SH. Sadly now it’s all gone grey and he looks like Cap’n Birds Eye
April 22, 2009 at 10:14 am
I suppose I can live with that.
April 22, 2009 at 10:27 am
Live with what? Piqued’s Dad?
That’d make a good sitcom.
April 22, 2009 at 10:27 am
morning chaps! hows life in cyberspace these days?
swinesey old boy – wazzzaaaaaaap!?
April 22, 2009 at 10:29 am
nice to see you havent even been arsed to change the clock settings, you workshy bunch of layabouts.
April 22, 2009 at 10:37 am
I don’t pay my license fee to have wonky internet clocks.
April 22, 2009 at 10:46 am
It would SH, the sexual frisson would be palpable.
April 22, 2009 at 10:51 am
I can live with being a loevly bastard, not Piqued’s dad. I’m not keen on beards, me.
April 22, 2009 at 10:54 am
Look – there’s Mingles.
*points*
April 22, 2009 at 10:56 am
thanks swinesy. I knew someone out there cared. ah, its great to be back boys.
*weeps*
April 22, 2009 at 10:57 am
in oz popeye’s arch enemy and, clearly, piqued’s dad, was known as Brutus.
oh yes. top name, that.
April 22, 2009 at 10:58 am
Mingles is dead to me now. DEAD.
April 22, 2009 at 11:06 am
*hugs napoleon warmly*
ah, as I say, its great to be back lads.
April 22, 2009 at 11:06 am
*Watches*
*unzips*
April 22, 2009 at 11:09 am
you filthy old bastard piqued.
*weeps with joy*
off to m&s to get lunch.
April 22, 2009 at 11:11 am
*zips up*
Blast
April 22, 2009 at 11:26 am
It slices, it dices.
April 22, 2009 at 11:40 am
I fell for something like this. In a stoned stupour, I was browsing in HMV and walked off with about fifty of those nondescript ‘latin Funk’ type comilation CDs, on sale for about 3.00 each.
Never listened to one.
April 22, 2009 at 11:43 am
have K-tel or Ronco been mentioned yet? they always used to do these sort of things – back in my day.
April 22, 2009 at 11:43 am
What I don’t understand about all these TV CD offers is the 14 day trial they always offer. Don’t these companies realise we’ve had the means to record off of CDs for a while now? Or are they simply relying on honesty?
April 22, 2009 at 11:44 am
I forget who does them now. Time-Life?
April 22, 2009 at 11:44 am
‘latin Funk’
Isn’t that a smell?
April 22, 2009 at 11:48 am
Most of these types of advert are now redundant thanks to the likes of QVC and Price Drop and all that other shit between Dave and ITV4 on Freeview.
I bet not one of you can sit through more of minute of it without thinking more laterally about suicide bombing.
April 22, 2009 at 11:50 am
Possibly.
All I know that four CDs of jazz funk isn’t as great as it sounds.
April 22, 2009 at 11:53 am
I bought a Perry Combover CD for four pounds, Ugeine. Gave it to my gran and pretended it was expensive.
April 22, 2009 at 11:53 am
i thought I was dead to you napoleon? you contrary fucker.
*hugs the bald old cunt*
April 22, 2009 at 11:54 am
Bald, old cunt…
Send my love to your mother, Mingles.
April 22, 2009 at 11:54 am
I take that back immediately.
April 22, 2009 at 11:58 am
Hmm…
April 22, 2009 at 11:58 am
Mingles – You ARE dead to me. That doesn’t mean I can’t talk to you. Just remember I’m doing it bitterly.
April 22, 2009 at 11:59 am
nothing has changed.
I love ths place.
April 22, 2009 at 12:03 pm
Is Time-Life a combination of Time magazine and Life magazine? If so I’ve lived a very ignorant life thus far.
April 22, 2009 at 12:06 pm
Help me out here:
is ‘myopinionstuff’ just ginger dave relaunched? or an actual human?
April 22, 2009 at 12:08 pm
did you ever get round to another podcast?
April 22, 2009 at 12:11 pm
It is just Dave, yes. Dave and his favourite biscuits (the Pink Wafer).
April 22, 2009 at 12:15 pm
in which case then, this site is very much a virtual version of last of the summer wine … same 3 or 4 old fuckers endlessly repeating the same old shit.
Which is why I love it!
April 22, 2009 at 12:18 pm
You decrepit old cunt.
April 22, 2009 at 12:20 pm
Steady on NC
Mother reads this
April 22, 2009 at 12:21 pm
*chases Napoleon with a broom*
April 22, 2009 at 12:22 pm
Sorry … you decrepit old fucker.
Better?
April 22, 2009 at 12:26 pm
Booze and fags are going up again, I see. That’ll be a relief to our already struggling pub trade. BASTARDS.
April 22, 2009 at 12:35 pm
whats wrong with the word ‘cunt’ piqued? has it gone all PC in here since in left? I blame the blacks!
April 22, 2009 at 12:36 pm
charlemingles: “bumder” is apparently the “new” “c*nt”
April 22, 2009 at 12:37 pm
Booze and fags prop up the economy NC. What gets my goat is when the gov announce that smokers and drinkers will be denied organs/treatment when there various ailments inevitably come to fruition.
These heroes have virtually paid for the fucking NHS in selfless acts of henosnistic abuse. Society needs these pioneers of the piss pot and this is how the fucking gov re-pay them. CUNTS
(sorry Mother but I do have a point)
April 22, 2009 at 12:38 pm
”their’ various ailments’ nautrally
April 22, 2009 at 12:38 pm
and YOURE the decrepit old cunt napoleon.
Doesnt mark e smith have a painting of you in his attic?
Mingles
*not in the least bald either*
April 22, 2009 at 12:38 pm
Crumbs..the UK has borrowed more in the last 2 years than all other governments since the birth of the Bank of England put together!
April 22, 2009 at 12:40 pm
We need that dance teacher from Fame to counter that with ‘…and this is where you start paying. In sweat’
*strokes Leroy*
April 22, 2009 at 12:43 pm
You bald CUNT, Mingles! CUNT! I
April 22, 2009 at 12:46 pm
Indy: I’ve no idea who any of these fly-by-night johnny come latelys you speak of are.
this site was all different in my day, oh yes …
April 22, 2009 at 12:47 pm
so easy napoleon, youre sooo easy.
Hug??
April 22, 2009 at 12:50 pm
*wonders where mel and clarry are*
*needs friend*
*needs another girl around the place*
April 22, 2009 at 12:59 pm
*dresses up like girl*
brad pitt. ponies. make-up.
April 22, 2009 at 1:01 pm
well, ponies you have right, the rest not so much.
April 22, 2009 at 1:05 pm
well. i did my best.
trumpets? bookmarks?
April 22, 2009 at 1:05 pm
Breeks – I tried watching that horses thing last night, but had to stop when I nearly put my foot through the TV because of that awful woman that presents it. Instead, I watched the Louis Theroux paedo programme, but had to stop it when I nearly put my foot through the TV thanks to all them paedos. So then I watched an episode of Minder, but had to stop that when I nearly put my foot through the screen thanks to Shane Ritchie being an arsehole. So instead I watched last night’s recording of Holby … anyone know if that’s the end of the line for that new student doctor fella?
April 22, 2009 at 2:13 pm
i watched the whole horsey show, naps. it was quite moving at the end, she managed to get through the barrel race without falling off. i nearly tear’d up.
April 22, 2009 at 4:10 pm
I watch a small amount of lunchtime TV throughout the week. I noticed the other day that smarmy git Jeremy wotsit is plumbing new depths on some awful 2pm UK doctors surgery type thing that’s so quiet you can hear the clock ticking.
Did I dream this?
April 22, 2009 at 4:55 pm
Possibly, Matt – I haven’t seen it.
If you mean Mr Kyle, I think that’d qualify as a nightmare.
October 26, 2010 at 3:13 pm
when it comes to car radios, i prefer to use either Alpine or Pioneer. they are really great brands.,”