Drinking With The Girls

by

Drinking With The Girls Cherry Healy BBC Three

Cherry Healy fronts a moderately entertaining documentary, if you can call it that, in which she seeks to discover ‘the real truth about women and booze’. She succeeded in finding out that women drink booze and little else, but still, this was a half-decent hours worth of entertainment from BBC Three. Better than My Life As An Animal or Snog, Marry, Avoid anyway. Mainly because it was this new Cherry Healy character fronting it and not that vain hair-do woman Dawn Porter the channel usually relies upon for insight-free docu-pieces.

Opening with a montage of Daily Mail headlines about bingeing and a few helpful shots of girls falling over onto tarmac, we also witnessed Cherry puking violently into a latrine, a roman-shower shot we’d ultimately see repeated a few times throughout the show’s runtime – sometimes from different angles so we could consume the deeper meaning inherent in the act.

Cherry outlined her quest: to go out boozing with female drinkers from different demographics.

20-Somethings
Hitting the road and arriving at Blackpool, Cherry meets Leanne and her pals, all slightly put-upon young women, Leanne a single mother with quite obvious signs of depression – that aspect of her dipsomania only covered in one three sentence interview. There was no time for it, as the Editor needed to kicked in with his procession of images framing what were once called ladettes throwing booze down their gullets, rubbing their groins against retarded males with manga haircuts and ultimately falling over car bonnets with their tutus round their ankles. The experience makes Cherry cry for a couple of seconds, then move on to her next night out.

Underage
14 year old Rio and her pal explain that they like to get pissed in the park after drinking heavily at home. Cherry joins them in Rio’s bedroom where they down what they’ve nicked from Mum’s cabinet through a straw. Impressively, they manage to quaff Lambrini, neat vodka, neat Bacardi and a glug of Baileys before asking Mum if they can make it home for half ten rather than the Draconian ten pm curfew that’s currently in place. Cherry explains that this is different to how she was at their age. The Lambrini would be Pinot Grigio and she’d buy it with money from her ample allowance, back in her day. I’m making presumptions there, as I have every right to do.

Students
Where’s that? Only Sheffield Hallam University! Your host Swine’s place of higher education and the scene of his worst period of alcohol abuse is where Cherry ends up next and horrible, cloudy memories surface in this viewer. To make it worse, Cherry was taken to Shag – an evening at the Sheffield Leadmill that seems to actively attempt to murder attendees with pints at 80p, double vodka and red bull at a quid and two-for-one alchopops. I was too busy trying to repress images of myself rolling around in my own vomit to actually absorb any of this part of the show.

30 Somethings

A civil partnership was the next destination of choice as Cherry went to a lesbian marriage between two tattooed ladies. A good time was had by all, because 30 somethings tend to know their limits a little better than those a decade younger.

Mums and Mid-lifers
Even more responsibly, the Mums in the next sequence managed to run functioning households before going out dancing and returning home slightly tipsy. The Editor must have been furious by now at the lack of upskirt shots he could throw in, accompanied by that song that goes ‘here come the girls!’
Single widow Ann was also well-behaved, despite drinking a hell of a lot of liquor and starting every day at 11.30 in the morning, but that’s because she’s old enough to pace herself.

Grannies
And finally, Cherry took a tipple with the Red Hat Ladies of Torquay. These old birds went on coach trips to taste wine and were less able to binge because of their need to spend a penny every five minutes. Jean, the ringleader, was an admirably batty old bird and more than likely the apple of many a Torquay-based older gent’s eye. And who can blame the silver foxes when there’s mature totty like Jean wandering around the UK’s South coast?

The documentary eventually wore itself out as it went along, parallel to how the advancing years of the participants caused their hunger for the grog to dissipate in time. From the outright chaos of kiddie-drinking to the measured, cheeky imbibing of the older generation, the process off slowing down was bound to happen before the show ground itself to a halt.

So, to keep the tempo up right to the bitter end, that shot of Cherry hawking her colon out of her mouth thanks to too many double vodka and cokes was distributed equally throughout the show to prick the interest when the ageing lushs got tiresome.

And just when you thought it was all over, right at the end and before the closing credits…

vomit Cherry Healy BBC Three Drinking With The Girls

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76 Responses to “Drinking With The Girls”

  1. fourstar Says:

    Cherry Healy is in fact my ‘porn name’ (we had a cat called Cherry and lived on Heal(e)y Avenue in Rochdale).

  2. Napoleon Says:

    We used to do it as your first pet’s name and your mother’s maiden name. Hence my porno name would be ‘Rex Revell’.

  3. fourstar Says:

    @Napoleon: I like that. Maybe Cherry and Rex could do a scene.

    If we’re using those rules, my mother’s maiden name is Morton and our first pet was a guinea pig called Mungo.

    Mungo Morton, at your service (literally)

  4. Interceptor Says:

    “30 somethings tend to know their limits a little better than those a decade younger….” This isn’t actually true is it? is it? oh noes…

  5. Swineshead Says:

    My porno name = Boo Brown.

    Interceptor – They should, but probably don’t.

  6. Helen Says:

    Mine would be Penny Bamford. Less porn star, more James Bond’s secretary I fear.

  7. Napoleon Says:

    Fourstar – I’ve not got the best track record when it comes to guinea pigs.

    Interceptor – I agree with you there.

  8. Napoleon Says:

    Penny Bamford? I can’t see it. Mungo Morton vs. Penny Bamford in The Analolympics IV – Hot Putter … nah.

  9. myopiniononstuff Says:

    Fucking hell. Sir Menzies (Ming) Campbell , former leader of some party I can’t recall the name of, is on telly at the moment and he looks like a corpse. I bet if you patted him on the back he’d turn to dust.

    And let the girls drink alcohol. They didn’t battle for sufferage and feminsm just for society to stop them drinking. Besides, I have to pull some how. Think of MY rights as well.

  10. breeks Says:

    my porn name – raskitt oliver.

    odd, mostly.

    i don’t like seeing visuals of people spewing. i’d rather watch pigs get the knife.

  11. myopiniononstuff Says:

    Suffrage* Although they are ‘insufferable’. Ha!

  12. Napoleon Says:

    Do they have women in your neck of the woods, Dave?

  13. myopiniononstuff Says:

    Only silverbacks, Napoleon. But I can travel to places with electricity on the coach at a whim. WITH YOUR TAX MONEY.

  14. vones Says:

    Max Bye. Not brilliant is it.

    I always like how these shows try to ‘reveal drinking culture’ when all you have to do is walk down the high street of a smallish market town at 2am on a Friday to understand it.

  15. Napoleon Says:

    BASTARD!

    Anyway. What do you if you actually pull one? I can’t see a woman wanting the likes of you stinking up ‘er house, and I doubt mother would approve of you bringing girls back neither.

    Is it skips you use? In back alleys?

  16. piqued Says:

    Skips? McCoys Cheddar Cheese and Onion are far superior

  17. myopiniononstuff Says:

    What business is it of yours how I court a paralytically drunk lady of an evening?

  18. myopiniononstuff Says:

    And skips and back alleys could mean something entirely different within the context of your comment. Have some respect.

  19. Napoleon Says:

    Just curious, Dave.

    Plus there’s the small matter of me winning you in a raffle a couple of years ago. As your owner, it’s my right to know how you go about doing your business.

    Which reminds me … must change Dave’s litter tray …

  20. Napoleon Says:

    Piqued – The quality of McCoy’s has gone down the shitter over the last few years. Pubs should be made to stock Brannigan’s Roast Beef ‘n’ Mustard crisps BY LAW.

  21. myopiniononstuff Says:

    What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

    Where’s boy wonder Ugeine when I need him?

  22. myopiniononstuff Says:

    Roast Beef and Mustard McCoys made my nasal passage bleed for two weeks.

  23. Napoleon Says:

    Try using your mouth next time, Dave.

  24. piqued Says:

    Whilst I agree with your Brannigan’s comment, I disagree about McCoys. I think they’re better than before actually, less oily, crispier and enormouser

  25. Napoleon Says:

    Why the hell did I just write that?

  26. Napoleon Says:

    Piqued – You’re wrong. And why did they stop making Frisps? And how come you can’t buy Ruffles anymore?

    Can you get either of these things in London?

  27. myopiniononstuff Says:

    Highlander Crisps (sea salt and malt vinegar). That’ll replace your Frisp fix in a second.

  28. Napoleon Says:

    Highlander Crisps are shit. As rubbish as Hedgehog’s or Benson’s crisps. The only thing that’ll replace Frisps is Frisps. Or Ruffles.

  29. myopiniononstuff Says:

    What about Walkers MAX Paprika Crisps?

    Do they still make those?

  30. Napoleon Says:

    They were quite nice. I don’t know if they still make ’em or not. I’ve been eating a lot of Seabrook’s crips recently. They’re nice.

  31. myopiniononstuff Says:

    Seabrook have to be the ultimate pub crisp. They have to be.

    Flavoursome, delicate, still in the old style plastic packets.

    It’s testament to their skills as master crispateers that. Usually prawn cocktail’s the last one standing in my multipack, not with Seabrooks.

  32. Napoleon Says:

    Have you tried their Worcester Sauce and Canadian Bacon flavours? Ye gods!

  33. myopiniononstuff Says:

    I used to go cycling in the summer and I ALWAYS refreshed myself at a canal side pub with a packet of Seabrooks and a bitter shandy.

    These days I cut out the cycling bit on go straight in for the booze.

  34. Swineshead Says:

    Seabrook are over-flavoured these days.

    Never heard of these Highlander crisps – how many flavours are there?

    There can be only one.

  35. myopiniononstuff Says:

    You should see the amount of fat and preservatives in them, SH!

    Ah well, WHO WANTS TO LIVE FOREVER?

  36. Swineshead Says:

    It’s a kind of magic when those potato flakes melt on yer tongue.

    And for afters, a Christopher Lambert & Butler.

  37. myopiniononstuff Says:

    They’re supposed to be Scottish but there’s certainly a little German in there (them being stocked by Lidl).

  38. Napoleon Says:

    *tries to think of a Sean Connery crisp joke*
    *fails*

  39. myopiniononstuff Says:

    I think that’s ‘Endgame’ for you, Napoleon.

    I’m on fire today.

  40. Who Says:

    Ruffles? Do you mean those disgusting ‘raspberry’ things?

    I ‘ated them

  41. piqued Says:

    *pisses over Who in a vague attempt to douse Dave*

  42. myopiniononstuff Says:

    Nobody’s ever pissed on me when I was on fire before.

    *embraces Piqued and weeps away the pain*

  43. Who Says:

    I’d piss on you Dave, you don’t necessarily have to be on fire

  44. myopiniononstuff Says:

    You’re not the first girl to say that to me, Who.

  45. myopiniononstuff Says:

    Right. I’m off before this comments section gets weird.

  46. breeks Says:

    walkers do make thos paprika crisps. they’re good.

    *dies from dryness*

  47. indy Says:

    porno name: nina lund/fransson (street/maiden name)

    got to admit that there is something about drinking and english girls though.

  48. Swineshead Says:

    I’ve run out of things I can be bothered to do.

  49. piqued Says:

    Well you could try and find me in the wreck, I may have drowned

  50. breeks Says:

    today i’ve had 5 meetings.

    they were not very fun nor really that helpful.

  51. piqued Says:

    I got drownded in the wreck

  52. charliemingles Says:

    butch Ponton. thats me.

    *listens as bank account is cleaned out*

  53. Nick T Says:

    Finally back at my desk.
    Have I missed anything?

  54. piqued Says:

    *frantically cycles to newsagents to get a mini pop*

    *sucks ‘raspberry’ flavoured syrup out*

    *looks forlornly at shitty stick of ice*

  55. breeks Says:

    WHERE IS MEL AND WHERE IS CLARRY?

  56. Nick T Says:

    NO?
    Good…

  57. piqued Says:

    Shhhh Breeks

    *flings ice*

  58. breeks Says:

    *takes opaque icy spear and sharpens one end before returning it swiftly in direction of piqued’s elderly fass*

    where are they?

  59. Napoleon Says:

    I’ve been busy writing a measured response to today’s budget …

    http://bpperry3.blogspot.com/2009/04/ittodbtbia-budget-response.html

  60. piqued Says:

    I pretty much said the same thing in the previous article NC

  61. Napoleon Says:

    Well, you had a half-arsed moan …

  62. breeks Says:

    i have a headache which is exercise induced and as such i feel shit and also stupid.

  63. piqued Says:

    This chap’s rather good

  64. Napoleon Says:

    Shame this show wasn’t called ‘XXX Drinking With The Live Nude (Street-Legal) Girls (18-30)’. I’d have watched that as part of an ongoing research programme I’ve been involved with for several years now.

  65. Mel Says:

    Hello all,

    I am bloody furious. The best episode of the apprentice of the series so far, and i can’t discuss it with you all tomorrow, because of being on a training course. Bah.

    I have so much to say, from Pants Man, through James getting more excited than a monkey that has learned to use tools, and much much more.

    I will have to leave you all with 2 things i really must get off my chest. First, I could have sworn that in previous weeks, Lorraine has had an Irish lilt, whereas this week she was exclusively Essex – what happened to the accent? Oh the continuity, the horror.
    Kim looked in the boardroom (apart from when she got all catty on Lorraine), especially where she looked all sad. The Rough Tuff Cream Puffin, if you will. There you go Dave, you can have that one for free.

  66. Mel Says:

    Fuck i erased some of the comment. The last paragraph should actually read:

    Secondly, I cannot believe how similar to a puffin Kim looked in the boardroom (apart from when she got all catty on Lorraine), especially where she looked all sad. The Rough Tuff Cream Puffin, if you will. There you go Dave, you can have that one for free.

    Bah, would have been better the first time round.

  67. Mel Says:

    Oh yes, and i couldn’t stand her hair on yer fiyered, and cannot believe how Jenny Eclair is looking more and more like Su Pollard with every TV appearance.

    Another lookylikey for your feature.

  68. Mel Says:

    PS breeks, hope you feel better

  69. Mel Says:

    and i still think Philiip will win, the cocksure cocky git.

  70. Swineshead Says:

    Mel – I think I came up with Cream Puffin last week, didn’t I?

    Anyway, Dave’ll no doubt tie Kimberly up with some geek reference.

  71. charliemingles Says:

    come on swinesy old boy, you lazy little bastard ….

    Im waiting …

  72. Napoleon Says:

    KIDS LOVE PANTS!

    Where’s the fucking Apprentice review, eh? EH?

  73. charliemingles Says:

    i havent watched any of this new series. Isnt it just the same old shite?

  74. Bob The Sound Says:

    “The Editor must have been furious by now at the lack of upskirt shots he could throw in…”

    The one credited in the show as Rachel Grierson?

  75. Swineshead Says:

    Did I say the Editor was a man? Some women are as devious as men can be when it comes to manipulation… I bet some women work for Nuts magazine.

  76. flynn Says:

    at this present in time, i am amply sitting on the bed after a long days.
    i must commend you on bringin a tear of happiness to my day hah.
    a 20 sumtin woman as petite as yourself gettin pissed up and still goin home lookin hot…
    if ur ever in ireland…il show u how to drink!
    keep it up britney

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