Posts Tagged ‘British Telecom’

BT Broadband

August 20, 2007


Ahahaha – his Dad’s embarrassing goal celebration. Honestly, how charming, the display of affection between son and dad enjoying the ‘footie’…

Just to take you through this cradle of filth, the advert commences with Dad and his lanky twat of a son who was the ‘craaazzzy’ one in My Family (I’ve seen him being ‘craaazzzy’ on it prior to turning the TV off/over with my forehead) watching a football match on the telly.

But let’s not run away with ourselves, let’s take a step back. Sadly this series of BT adverts has been running like a soap opera for months, the premise is that the ‘craaazzzy’ one in My Family has wound up shacked up with a bird who has two teenage kids. FROM A PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIP. ITZ SEW MODERNED.

So, there they are watching telly, Dad, son (the ‘craaazzzy’ one in My Family) AND, we notice, the teenage son of the bird that the ‘craaazzzy’ one in My Family is currently being ‘craaazzzy’ with. (We know he’s ‘craaazzzy’ because he turns his shirt collar up and his hair is a little ruffled. WILD).

During the match on the telly the ‘craaazzzy’ one in My Family looks over at his dad in a manner that I presume the BT Producers intended to be portrayed as affectionate, though in reality it looks more like his sizing him up for a raping. We are then treated to a flashback, Dad and son (a younger version of the ‘craaazzzy’ one in My Family) on the terraces watching a match.

Dad too has been made up to look younger by plastering a huge black wig over his beach ball sized head and having his glasses changed for a pair of jam jar bottoms. He resembles a cross between a henchmen of The Krays and the bloke who is referred to as a ‘twisted old prune’ in Spinal Tap.

During the nostalgia scene the ‘craaazzzy’ one in My Family reminisces about the footie with Dad, dodgy meat pie at half time (I notice he doesn’t then go on to reminisce about being sick on his lap on the journey home, a temperature of 103° and vicious diarrhoea for the following week which loses him a week of school and over a stone in weight) and Dad’s embarrassing goal celebrations, or in my opinion, paydirt.

Said ‘celebration’ consists of grabbing one’s child by the head and, bafflingly, pouting ones lips prior to thrusting ones face into the victims hair and vigorously shaking ones head from side-to-side. Two things here, firstly its clear that this was the best the ad agency could muster when given the brief for an ‘embarrassing goal celebration’, it’s a fucking shit one, unbelievable actually, secondly, if it was remotely believable the ‘craaazzzy’ one in My Family should’ve been taken into care.

We then cut back to the present day just as ‘United’ have scored. Christ bled, dad jumps up and performs his embarrassing goal celebration on the ‘craaazzzy’ one in My Family, and attempts to perform the same manoeuvre on the teenage son of the bird that the ‘craaazzzy’ one in My Family is currently being ‘craaazzzy’ with.

The thing about these fucking BT adverts is that I’ve no idea what the fuck they’re trying to actually sell me. I think its phones, and I only think that because they’re BT adverts. Why on earth then is the catalyst for the selling of phones process a turdy little soap seen predominantly through the eyes of some cunt getting used to his ready-made family?

Oh, great idea for the Honda Civic, a pixie dressed as a Beefeater throwing bathroom taps at a copy of Ian McEwan’s Atonement. I don’t know about you but that screams Four-cylinder 1590cc engine, with 108bhp @ 5600rpm and 111 lb ft @ 4300rpm Torque, five-speed manual, front-wheel drive with (front) MacPherson struts (rear) multilink suspension to me.