The Big Show – Steve Wright On Radio 2

 

Steve Wright is an arsehole. Every time, and I do mean every time he plays Come Up And See Me (Make Me Smile) by Steve Harley and the Cockney Rebel he plays something in the middle of the song. At best it’ll be a sound effect – that wibble wibble wibble noise cartoon characters make when their legs are rotoring round in preparation to run off, a claxon, bells, etc.

At worst, he’ll play an entire fucking song. You’ll be sat there, listening away, and the song you’ve been enjoying will segue into ELO’s Hold On Tight or Survivor’s Eye Of The Tiger or something equally naff and inappropriate. And the thing is, by the time the shit Travelling Wilburys song he’s plastered into Steve’s has finished, you’ve completely forgotten he’d been playing a Cockney Rebel record. So it’s like this …

Bryan Adams: OOOOOOO … anything I doooooo … I do it … for yooooooou
You: Well thank fuck that’s ov …
Steve Harley: There aint no more! You’ve taken everything …
You: Whassamafuckamasonofabababaaaaaaaaaaaa …

For those of you not in the know, Morrissey’s Panic is written about Steve Wright after the insensitive ass played a Wham song after a news flash about the Chernobyl disaster. If an utter, complete, 100% arsehole like Morrissey thinks Steve Wright is so much of an arsehole he writes a song demanding he be hanged, there must be something in his arseholeness.

Hang the DJ hang the DJ hang the DJ ….

Nick Ferrari at Breakfast – LBC

 

For some reason, possibly the same reason that I put myself through the televisual shredder that is The F Word, I tune into Nick Ferrari most mornings while ironing my shirt and doing everything I can to banish the day’s hangover. If you haven’t seen him trying to snatch a little bit of limelight on current affairs shows before or if you happen to live outside of London, he’s the fat twonk above.

Nick basically pushes his point of view so far to the right that he’s skirting on the edge of Daily Mail nazism every single fucking morning.

I play a game with myself every morning (not that kind of game, pervert) wherein I think about the events of the previous day and then, before tuning in to blubbery Ferrari, try to guess what he’ll be covering and what angle he’ll take on it. This morning I emerged victorious from my front door, having correctly guessed that, without condoning racist language, Nick would go some way to defending the late Bernard Manning based on the era he came from. It’s the easiest game in the world, now I think about it.

Ferrari’s regular guests include Mark Dolan of Balls of Steel fame. Jane Moore the Sun columnist also turns up to talk shit occasionally, as well as a handful of other  Telegraph-type journos who are completely out of touch with reality and who seem content with the fact that your average phone-in listener is a racist, homophobic shyster in a white van. And me. With those kinds of pals on board, you can imagine it’s a laugh-a-minute.

Worth a listen if you fancy being sick on your bacon.