The Friday Question on Thursday: CSI WWM

It’s taken a mere eight years for the BBC to cotton on to the idea of broadcasting The Greatest Television Show Ever Made©. Somebody over at Auntie got round to noticing the loud noises being made by fans and critics alike, and the result is The Wire is finally being shown on BBC2. Still, to make sure it’s not going to get too big for its boots now it’s rubbing shoulders with the big guns of British entertainment, it’s being shown after Newsnight at 11:20 – the TV equivalent of the naughty step. “You may be the Big I Am over on satellite,” the BBC seems to be saying, “but over here, you’ll wait your turn until after Paxman’s had his say.”

Let’s hope this idiotic scheduling decision won’t last past series one. After all, there’s a nice, juicy slot at 9:00 p.m. on Wednesdays that’s currently occupied by the thoroughly rancid Heroes.

Come on, BBC! PULL YOUR DAMNED FINGERS OUT OF YOUR ARSEHOLES!

Anyway. To celebrate the coming to terrestrial TV of that black fella, that other, drug-dealing black fella, that mixed race oriental lesbian one, that one in charge who looks like a corpse and him off of 300, WWM turns its beady stare on the seedier side of life.

We want to know if you, the thieving, murdering, looting, pillaging, car tax-evading, benefit frauding readers of this ‘ere Watch With Mothers, have ever committed a crime.

Did you bludgeon granny to death for her pension money? Is dad buried under the patio? Are you and your sister indulging in the love that dare not speak its name, Dave?

Or did you simply give a copper some lip and end up hammering drunkenly on the door of a police cell after being arrested on a public order charge? And then have to stump up an £80 fucking fine at Sheffield police station in order to avoid the matter ending up in court? The rat bastards. All I said was the fucker looked like he should be picking shit out of his anus behind a perspex screen in Twycross Zoo. This country’s being run by Nazis, it really is.

Anyway …

‘Ello, ‘ello, ‘ello, what’s all this then?

WWMers, it’s over to YOU …

The Monday Question: Favourite Detectives

The world is a dark and dangerous place. We all know this, and while vigilantism shouldn’t be encouraged in real life, there seems to be a host of amateur sleuths in our televisual history who have brought justice to the most sophisticated of murdering parties.

So I put this to you; you’re having a social occasion with a small illuminati of friends when suddenly the lights flicker off. A moment later and they come back on, but in the middle of the room lays the noted psychologist Baron Wilderness – a knife in his back. Screams are heard, suspicion is pointed and chaos chokes the room when suddenly an unexpected guest enters the fray…

So who would want to be your amateur sleuth de la maison? Dr Mark Sloan, perhaps, or maybe Jessica Fletcher or Father Dowling. Was Ironside your preferred choice or do you have leftfield peculiarities for Rosemary and Thyme? Maybe Baywatch was more your style, or at the other end of the spectrum Hetty Wainthrope?

Pick your best, but remember they have to be amateur – anyone whose job is classified as police officer or detective isn’t allowed. I’m also disallowing myself so as keep this question fair.