Posts Tagged ‘John Noel’

Big Brother 17.6.07

July 18, 2007


John Noel rears his corrupted head once again. It’s to be expected that Big Brother is a mockery of a sham. The Sun reports that Charley is already signed up by Mr Noel’s PR agency, meaning one of three things:

a.) She was signed up before going in. That would mean producers have a vested interest in keeping Charley in as she’s represented from the outset by the same charlatan as Davina and Dermot. And Russell Brand and Jade Goody.

b.) She was signed up at some point during filming – possibly during her fake evicition.

It’s pretty bloody clear that she was coached before she went on the cameras for the phoney kick-out last Friday. She wasn’t in the slightest bit shocked when told she’d be returning to the house. She also (apparently – according to someone who’s more addicted than me) mentioned that she’d give other contestants hell when she got back in, despite the fact she shouldn’t have known she’d be going back in.

The nomination nonsense has been irritating too. In the week Billi left, BB twisted events so that Charley wouldn’t be up for evicition by taking away Billi and Charley’s nomination. The decision was made post nominations meaning the producers had enough time to figure out that this would leave Charley free for another week. Hindsight, as they say, is a wonderful thing. This week, miraculously she’s not up again and it stinks of fish.

The worst thing about this farrago is we’ve got another week of the Charley parade to stomach. At first it was amusing watching the car crash, but once the dust’s settled and the scene starts going rancid, it starts to make your guts turn. The only thing worth watching last night was Brian’s kamikaze haircut. He should win on the strength of that alone.

The naysayers are right, this series, even for those of us who doggedly pursue this dinosaur of a show, has jumped the proverbial shark and landed in a cloud of irrelevance.

I’ll keep watching though, it’s the television equivalent of biting your nails or chewing yourself a fresh mouth ulcer.

Big Bloody Brother

January 29, 2007

Blimey – well there was a lot of controversy over this year’s Celebrity Big Brother, specifically the hullabaloo centring around evil, secret celebrity agent John Noel. It was as if, for once, us mere human beings were able to grab a glimpse of the machinery turning and churning between Endemol’s net curtains.
For those who saw none of it, (and I confess I didn’t watch the whole lot – I found Jade and Jackiey Goody gave me ample reason to change channels) Jade called Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty ‘Shilpa Poppadom’ and Channel 4 spent the next couple of weeks finding every method possible to defend Jade whilst ensuring they weren’t being seen to defend her. Very strange indeed. To my mind, talking about a person with different colour skin to you in a negative way is not racism, especially if they’re annoying you and you have to share a room with them. But the minute you start using that person’s background, race and ethnic identity as a means of insulting them you have been racist. So everyone who’s trying to defend Ms Goody can fuck off.And I’m sick of her blubbering, snotty face on my TV and on the tabloid covers, hawking around a highly orchestrated apology because agent John Noel demands she do it. She’s an idiot, she proved it. Here’s where the story ends. I hope.In the meantime, to see how complicit TV presenters and fellow housemates were in this farrago, lets take a look at how they reacted…Cleo Roccos, Housemate:
Client of John Noel’s PR agency. Stood by doing absolutely diddly squat whilst Danielle, Jo and Jade made offensive and xenophobic remarks about Shetty. Clearly didn’t want to rock her agent’s boat.

Dermot O’Leary, BB Presenter:
A client of Jade’s agent, John Noel. Cleverly defended Jade in a manner which suggested he may have been playing devil’s advocate, or presenting the opposite side of the argument. Can’t be faulted for that, even if his main focus was to not involve himself. He was Pontius O’Leary.

Russel Brand, BB’s Big Mouth Presenter:
Client of John Noel, who I believe is Jade’s agent too. Advocated peace, love and understanding throughout, rather than tell it like it is. That Jade, her high-density boyfriend and her pals should’ve been plucked from the house in order to stem the bullying and lower their profile to the largest possible degree. That’s not his responsibility but, still, slightly disappointing.

Davina McCall, BB Presenter:
Clearly rehearsed her questions a bajillion times in order to seem concerned but non-condemnatory, still somehow managed to let all four antagonists off the hook. It’s her show, she’s the head of it. If I’d done something similar at school, the Head would always tell me I’d let the school down. Like the time I was forced by peer-pressure to vandalise a church’s visitor’s book with pictures of phalluses whilst playing truant. McCall should have made it completely clear that they’d brought the show into disrepute. The excitable goon. She’s a client of John Noel’s, by the way. Quelle surprise.

It’s over now, and good bloody riddance.