Posts Tagged ‘Mikey’

Big Brother

August 18, 2008

A quick look at BB then, if only to get the blog stats back up after I neglected WWM for a week, sitting about at home watching The Wire in my pants.

As usual, Big Brother is utter rubbish. At this stage of the game, as is usual, those who are tuning in are only doing so to vent at the Alpha Nob. 2008’s winner of that prize this time round is an unpalatable little cock called Rex.

This weird little Popeye-like grunt was apparently born to a nouveau-riche father who owns a restaurant or two. As a result, Rex has found himself in a position to lead one of Pappy’s ventures – and has been very vocal about the fact that his only reason for being in the imbecile-bungalow complex is to promote the eatery he’ll be running when he’s freed.

The problem there is that promotion usually involves charming folk to get them to turn up, rather than having people turn away in droves because the head honcho’s a grade ‘A’ arsehole.

A quick look at Rex’s embarassments:

A campaign of bragging about anything that comes to mind:
‘We own three restaurants’. ‘I’ve cooked for a million people’. ‘These stupid silver shoes cost this much’. ‘That manky white hoodie that looks like I found it in the bins outside New Look cost that much’. The twat never stops bragging. Which is weird, because looking at him, you don’t feel anything close to jealousy. You just burst out laughing at his face, clothes and haircut.

Picking on a blind bloke:
If you want a couple of million people (that’s probably what viewing figures have dwindled to) to think you’re a complete tool, pick on the blind bloke. And do it despite the fact the blind bloke’s proved he’s got the measure of you and beats you in every argument. Furthermore, why not stick your tongue out at him while losing an argument? He can’t see after all! You nob.

Having hair that’s more ridiculous than Donald Trump’s:
Is his barber having a laugh? Look at the fucking shape of it! Rex himself said that this cut is a mohican ‘but it’s just brushed to the side’. It doesn’t look like that to me. It’s more like an orange whelk-shell precariously balanced on top of his pointy skull. It makes him look like his brow is continually sliding down towards his mouth. The fucking cock. Even his girlfriend calls him a ‘conehead’. Speaking of which…

His girlfriend:
Rex’s girlfriend entered the BB house a couple of weeks ago. Before she turned up, Rex referred to her as his ‘princess’ and whined about how he was missing her. The night she arrived, you could see in his beady eyes that all his nightmares had come true. Not only was he going to get found out (that their relationship was a mess of childish bickering), but also the world would see that she wasn’t quite the beauty he was making out, and more a sort of budget Paris Hilton with pebbles for teeth. And a voice that could strip paint.

Possibly her greatest moment was refusing to help (blind) Mikey sort out some burning sausages because she was having her hair done. It ought to be noted that her hair is a mess of singed extensions and the only way to get it ‘done’ would be to grade zero the entire bloody bush. Other finest moments occur every time Rex wants her attention. Instead of calling her name, he shouts ‘OI’. What a gent.

Never-ending witless jabbering:
Every claim that’s made, any anecdote that’s told, Rex has done it, done it better, done it more obnoxiously, done it for free. Which is all very lovely for him, but doesn’t stop the fact that he’s a completely noxious bell-end.

If you’re one of the strange breed that turns up for the evictions, don’t boo the smug little twat. Just boot him. Seriously – kick him up the arse. It’d make bloody great TV.

Big Brother 9 – Alexandra booted out

June 19, 2008

Alex's stupid face

From The Press Association:

Alexandra allegedly made the comment about gangsters while speaking to albino contestant Darnell, while a number of other housemates were in proximity.

According to Channel 4’s transcript, while discussing the fact that she had been nominated, Alexandra told Darnell: “I’m not throwing water at anyone. It’s bigger than that…personal offence is never forgotten, do you know what I mean?

“We are just inside the house. I’ve got a very, very, very, very, very strong team outside the house”.

She added: “I just can’t wait to see my mans and them and see what their plans are, who they got…I’m not talking about those mans, I’m talking about my gangster friends. They got some instructions to follow out.”

She added later: “I get to go out, see everyone’s friends, I get to see their family. I get to do the s*** that I wanna do. Pow, pow, pow.”

Angela Jain, Head of E4 and Big Brother at Channel 4, said: “Alex’s comments will be widely interpreted as having been intended to intimidate. Other housemates have said they found her comments to be threatening and we believe that is the reasonable conclusion for them to have reached given the way Alex has behaved previously.”

Making threats alluding to gun-crime… very smart work, that – given the current climate. Pow, pow, pow indeed.

For those of us still half-watching (I find myself tuning in on catch-up, then tuning out after half an hour) – this is good news in that the tedium of Alex’s self-important screech has been ripped from the screen. When muslim Mohamed pulled on a frock for a laugh, she told him ‘you’ve disgraced me and you’ve disgraced your religion’, which is not only harsh on the ear in terms of mangled grammar, it also has a vague waft of persecution about it. She’s not a Muslim after all (no matter what she may have said). She was purely using his faith (waning or otherwise) against him.

Having said that, BB without incident and controversy is literally a bunch of idiots being nice to each other in Ikea. I only really catch it to see what monstrous individuals our publishing and broadcasting industries have created. So now my fingers are crossed that maybe Darnell is secretly a trained killer, or Mikey’s a psychopathic robot and real violence is going to kick off.

In other news, last night I genuinely had a nightmare involving me attending Mario and Lisas’ wedding. It was in a car-wrecking yard and featured Brad Pitt who, despite being called Brad Pitt, resembled a young Jason Donovan. It was awful.

I watch too much TV. Remember I told you.

The row that kicked it all off: