Posts Tagged ‘Nazi’

American Idol

March 30, 2007

After watching a single episode of American Idol on T4 I have discovered a previously unrealised sympathy for Islamic Fundamentalists and those merchants of doom who wish to see the fall of Western society. Seriously, I get it now. If tried to live a life of devotion to God and abide by the laws of a higher power then the gurning, squirming, trivial, capitalistic, moronic fucktards that populate this bastion of distraction culture would be my first target. Forget financial institutions and government buildings as these no longer carry any sway, instead wander into a blindingly lit TV studio that contains the apex of the countries karaoke singers and you could guarantee the further wrath of the illiterate 30million people who vote weekly in this sham of a competition.

Of course this isn’t American Idol like the Americans get to see it – with voting and all the excitement of a live broadcast – no, this is the UK highlight version, chopped of all interactivity and completed by the flickering lo-res quality of an untreated NTSC signal. In place of the legally obliged advert break every two minutes, we get the budget constraints of Cat Deeley doing filler links. Poor Cat Deeley – when we was told she’d be doing the US version of Pop Idol she must have been so excited, only to discover that she was being hidden away in a tiny studio with only a camera and a weight loss issue to keep her company.

“The main studio is just behind me” she gushes enthusiastically “you could not be any closer to the action if you tried.” Well actually Cat, you could. You could be in the main studio and involved in the actual production instead of trying to pretend that they even know you’re here as you try to create the illusion that anything you’re doing is in any way live. You could be co-hosting with US megastar Ryan Seacrest – destined to be the face of Just For Men the moment he hits 40 – instead of being a contractual obligation that Simon Cowell tacked on to ensure his resale rights were protected.

Like Tony Blair before her, Cat Deeley has hit the American shores in search of adulation and employment; primped and preened to within an inch of recognition she has instead found herself to be nothing more than a surgically placed arsehole waiting to be screwed again. That’s why her eyes are so dead while she struggles to enthuse about a culture that has rejected her. It’s sad, really.

The patronisation of the British edition continues with hastily shot UK-centric questions to the Ritalin restricted contestants – “The Beatles / Rolling Stones / Coldplay are the best British band of all time” they chirrup with scary uniformity, reaching out to their fans in the UK. “I looooove Lulu” one identikit teen coos, seemingly unaware that claiming long-term adulation of the mentor you first met last week hardly makes you a big fan.

The contestants are the same shambolic collection of high-school enthusiasts, morally and culturally retarded to the point where an excited “woo hoo” is their only form of communication. They represent each cliche from each section of youth society – look there’s the sweet geek, there’s the handsome surfer, there’s the fat black girl with a voice of gold, there’s the ditzy prom queen, there’s the retarded monkey boy who face-fucks the judges, there’s the juggling nazi sympathiser who just wants to entertain… they are identical in their slavish devotion to the idea of fame, in their willingness to do whatever they are told to do to achieve a fleeting sense of purpose before being casually discarded to the land of the alcholism and the sudden realisation that they are worth nothing in this world.

To give Cowell and his gaggle of opinion-goons their credit, the show is a perfect success. They are vain, money-driven people looking for easy-led, mid-talent lackeys who they can sculpt into carbon copies of a successful format and run into the ground in their endless pursuit of more profits. The format of the show is representative of the shallow contestants, the shallow contestants are pitiful incarnations of the creators and in the end the whole thing will eat itself in one big orgy of pointless self-indulgence.

Unless the terrorists get to it first.

Advertisements

Sky Movies

March 3, 2007

I’ve got Sky Movies, which means I actually have options when it comes to watching television (unlike you rabble of feckless scum with the Freeview boxes you managed to get with your dole money from Cash Converters … get a job you dogs). So far this fuckin’ week I’ve watched these fuckin’ movies on my fuckin’ movie channels (all thirteen of ’em – fuck you!) …

Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith – Utter shit, the shittest of the shit. SHIT. George Lucas should be boiled.

The Wedding Crashers – Isla Fisher’s hot hot tits, ass, tits ‘n’ ass, ass ‘n’ tits. Hot tits. TITS. A good film if you like women’s tits (and who doesn’t eh?).

War of the Worlds – Not bad but Tom Cruise still wants booting in the nuts … and the boy looks like a Paul McCartney impersonator with mumps.

Walk The Line – Oh so that’s why everyone’s pretending to like Johnny Cash and country fucking music recently is it? Bit boring I thought and that woman’s chin is offensive.

Flightplan – Jodie Foster looks like she’s got cancer. Sean Bean puts on that crap upper-class accent he’s been strugglin’ with since Goldeneye. They find the kid in the plane’s nose-cone … warning this review contains plot spoilers etc.

So there you are. FUCK YOU!!

The Believer

January 31, 2007

 

It’s not bad I suppose, its heart is in the right place but, obviously, it’s not easy going.

For a kick off Billy Zane is wearing a wig, because we know in real life he’s as bald as a cootcunt. That was distracting.

The story revolves around a bright young nazi skinhead who is also a fully snipped-up Jew, though he’s a vehement anti Semite??!!! CRAZY. He blames God for, basically, being a control freak after the bit in the Bible/Torah where Abraham is commanded to knack his young son to show his allegiance to the Lord… This theme recurs in visions the young-skin has of being a Nazi impaling a child on a bayonet. It’s well clevah…

But here is the rub, it’s not half as clever as it thinks it is, moreover, it’s quite unbelievable. Not in terms of a Jew being an anti-Semite – Hitler’s mum was a Jew for example, which means he was too by Jewish law – but in terms of the logic and the subsequent practical manifestation of the young-skin who cannot resolve his Jewishness with his Skinheadness. Also, the police are notably absent throughout the film, in one scene he pulls a gun in full view of a café and pokes it into the mouth of a New York Times reporter without any consequence whatsoever. When he does get arrested for a racist fight in a Jewish eatery (you don’t see the fight or the arrest) he and his friends are let off without charge as the incident, according to the beak, was exacerbated by the two Jewish owners asking six enormous and verbally offensive skins to leave.

However, there were some interesting points made, in particular one about Holocaust denial from the point of white supremacists. The latter argue that Hitler killed no more than 200,000 Jews at best, but in doing so they are undermining Hitler’s ‘achievement’, indeed, his failure to make a dent on the Jewish population. It was argued by the young skin that this negates Hitler’s greatness.

I was also annoyed by the fact we see this cracking birds tits and not her bottom which I suspected was enormous – I simply wanted to resolve my suspicions. Is that wrong? No.

Anyway, I was only half watching it. If you go to the links on this page and pop off to Piqued *ahem* you’ll know why.