Posts Tagged ‘Secret Millionaire’

NewsGush: Secret Millionaire’s Ratings Explosion

March 30, 2009

Last night I watched a middle-aged scrap-yard worker called Gary, who sported a lovely grey mullet, as he exposed himself to a heroin addict, a young man with leukemia and two ancient war veterans.

Stop right there!

He wasn’t exposing his genitals, you dirty sod! He was exposing his emotions!

And the public appear to love it. Apparently, last night’s audience for Channel 4’s The Secret Millionaire grew by 800,000 viewers on last week’s.

You lot can’t get enough of this misplaced altruism! You love the sight of someone with a huge amount of independent wealth giving a sliver of it away in public, enjoying the positive PR and washing their hands of past sins in exchange for a week of  mindless generosity.

It’s like Noel’s Christmas Presents without the Christmas. 

The thing that gets me about this moronic show is that, now we’re a few series deep, surely when an ailing charity get a call from Channel 4 saying someone wants to look around and spend some time with them they’re going to have heard word that it’s probably one of these television millionaires. Won’t that destroy the whole point of the worst part of the programme – the cheque handover money-shot?

Can’t we just get the cheque thing out of the way early on and have an actual money-shot at the end? Imagine those two in the above picture in such a tryst! The viewing figures would properly explode. Explosions all round.

Cue: Snow Patrol and tears.

NewsGush – Secret Millionaire’s Bad Apple

October 22, 2008

When I first saw thieving arsehole James Benamor on Secret Millionaire I did find it weird that Channel 4 were championing a cunt who ‘sells loans to those with bad credit ratings’.

‘But he’ll be giving money to the kinds of people he rips off in the first place’ I cried, as my better half kicked the TV in half with disgust.

And it turns out the truth is worse – and we can thank the BBC for smelling the rat and using it as the basis for an investigation into the shyster’s ways.

His companies, which include Tenant Loans and Advantage Loans, offer to arrange loans for people with a poor credit history.

Half-a-million customers have signed up in the past year and many of them pay a £50 brokerage fee.

But when the paperwork comes through, the clients don’t get the loans they were expecting. Instead, they are simply sent the phone numbers of other banks and lenders.

I’d laugh at Mr Benamor’s misfortune in being exposed if only so many folk hadn’t been buried deeply in the shit, partially because of his exploitative business practices. It beggars belief that people sit at their desk and work out the best way of rinsing some of the most desperate people around for everything they have for their own personal gain.

What a twat.

The Secret Millionaire was ripe for the axe anyway – let’s hope they pull it as soon as possible.

WWM Podcast Number One

August 22, 2008

It’s here, after a whole world of hassle.

Problems included Napoleon having to fork out for a shabby hotel room and bus ticket, Piqued having to travel into town at the ungodly hour of 3pm and Mr Chipz having to get out of bed when he’s on his six week hibernation holiday.

This is in addition to me, your old friend Swineshead, having to stay up till the early hours of the morning editing the fucker and shitting out jingles to Ben’s questionable vocals.

That’s all quite apart from the post-recording stand off in London’s West End between an unruly chef and three of the programme-makers. I’m surprised we made it out alive.

Anyway, there are a myriad technical issues I can’t be arsed to explain or apologise for, but if you like the sound of four men in a single room shouting at each other (not in a sex way, mind you), then this is Britain’s number one podcast. Consume it immediately.

The running order is as follows:

  • Intro
  • How Clean Is Your House
  • Secret Millionaire
  • Eastenders
  • Holby City
  • Outro

Now to try and get the bastard on iTunes…

Click the player – bear in mind it takes a good while to buffer.