Posts Tagged ‘Sport’

Just A Thought : Balding’s Balls-Up

April 8, 2009

I see the BBC has received over 1,500 complaints about Claire Balding’s mocking of National winner Liam Treadwell’s gnashers last Saturday.

As the owner of a set of teeth one could generously describe as an ‘abomination against God’, I’d like to add my support for Claire at this difficult time. My sort (the orthodontically despicable) shouldn’t be allowed on the television, and it’s high time somebody had the balls to point it out.

Indeed, I reckon we should go further and get rid of all visually repulsive people off our screens once and for all. As well as hell-mawed ape-men such as m’self, may I suggest we give horse-faced, pug-nosed, bullock-built unterfrauleins the boot to boot? Nobody springs to mind at the moment, but I’m sure we could truffle out someone of that description if we sniffed about the BBC sports department for long enough …

NewsGush: Pardon, Pardew?

March 17, 2009

I must’ve missed this.

The BBC, skilful self-flaggellators of the moment, have issued an apology. On Match of the Day 2 – presumably in the company of new man, Adrian Chiles – old-school football manager Alan Pardew made a bit of a boo boo. When discussing the Chelsea match, ‘Pards’ used an ill-advised verb to describe a Michael Essien challenge:

The 47-year-old said “He’s timed it perfectly. He’s a strong boy. He knocks him off – he absolutely rapes him.”

According to the BBC, there would have been an instant apology, except everyone in the studio thought Pardew had said ‘raked’. Which, to be honest, would have made a lot more sense.

Of course, all this is small-fry compared to some howlers from the ages. Let’s have a look back over past bloopers from the mouths of pundits.

‘Robbie Savage has cut inside, tugged his shirt, bent him over and come forcefully into his eye-socket there – it’s as if he’s skull-fucked Craig Bellamy off the park’.
Lee Dixon on Football Focus, 2004


‘Mark Overmars is a slutty lad who is basically begging to be molested. The way he dribbles the ball – it’s as if he’s wearing a miniskirt and tarty war-paint. Roy Keane slides in and thieves the ball like a hand into a brassiere, passing to Andy Cole who takes an opportunistic upskirt shot with the loose ball. I think we can honestly say that they’ve actively sexually assaulted the nimble Dutchman with that one-two’.
Mark Lawrenson on Match of the Day, 1998


‘You’ll never win anything with kids’
Alan Hansen on Match of the Day, 1995


The Friday Question: Sport on TV

August 7, 2008

You may have seen the hideous billboards carrying grossly magnified images of Wayne Rooney’s head, proclaiming that the season starts here. You may see the sports pages suddenly expanding in size to cover even more pointless speculation regarding whether some Villa player or other player – who probably earns more in a year than some of us will in our lifetime – might move to the north of England. And you might hate it.

On the other hand you might be shuddering with excitement at the prospect of football on TV again after a pretty barren Summer, what with the Englandless Euro 2008.

Did you love Wimbledon? Do you hate the screaming boy racers in F1? Can you spend hours, using up valuable holiday pay, watching men in white jumpers hitting a gigantic testicle with a stick?

Do you like Sport on the TV?

Nostalgia / laziness

April 29, 2008

Sven

While I wait for someone other than me to write an article, here’s a link to where it all began, before we were even Mothers.

Curled Wup was a football blog about the World Cup of 2006, written by some people who like football, some people who barely know football exists and some people who hate the game.

Some of it’s actually not weathered too badly with the passing of time.