Posts Tagged ‘The Cottage’

One Minute Review: The Cottage

April 9, 2008

The Cottage

The Cottage stars him off League of Gentleman, him off of those dreadful Lord Up Them Rings movies and her wot’s off of Brookside with the whopping great melons. The first two kidnap the other one and dump her in a cottage. Spudgun off of Bottom turns up, and then everyone gets murdered by a big fella with really rubbish makeup.

This is how they meet their sticky ends:

  • Bird off of Brookside with the big tits: Spade straight through the face. It’s a good death is this – shame she doesn’t spill her knockers and give us men a shot at them puppies.
  • He off of them crappy Lord! Oh My Rings! movies: Pickaxe through the chest. Bit rubbish after her with the tits gets ‘erself a faceful of spade.
  • Spudgun: Ploughing thing up the unmentionables, then gutted. Spudders doesn’t like it! He don’t like it one fucking bit, sorr! Bejaysus, to be sure, to be sure!
  • Him off of The League Of Gentlemen: Attacked by a family in the cellar. This is the last bit of the film, and therefore:

THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS.

My verdict? RUBBISH! Five stars.

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