Posts Tagged ‘TV Burp’

Just A Thought – The Future Of ITV

March 17, 2009

There’s been a lot of hoo-ha in the meejia over the continuing decline of ITV. Britain’s third channel has recently shelved family favourites such as Heartbeat and The Royal, there are rumblings that local news will eventually disappear from our screens and many of the lavish dramas the channel is justly celebrated for have either already been canned or cancelled before a shot’s been filmed. Indeed, if advertising revenue continues to plummet, there’s a real worry that ITV could cease to exist entirely.

If this happened, we’d lose quite a lot of very popular and, in some cases, important television: Coronation Street, The Bill, Emmerdale, The X Factor, Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?, Taggart, A Touch Of Frost, Harry Hill’s TV Burp, I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!, You’ve Been Framed, Midsomer Murders … love ‘em or hate ‘em, there’s no denying ITV still pumps out some big ass shows. The loss of Coronation Street, for example, would be a hammer-blow to the very heart of what makes British television unique, and a personal tragedy for millions of viewers.

But would this really happen? If ITV dies the death many pundits fear, would a show as culturally significant as Coronation Street be allowed to go down in flames with the rest of the channel? Surely another broadcaster would come to its rescue? I don’t believe for one minute that a show that regularly brings in an audience of 14 million viewers would be consigned to the history books because the place it’s called home for the last forty nine years disappears from under it. If the worst happened, I strongly suspect Coronation Street would be snapped up by the likes of Sky One. Hell, I could even see it on the BBC.

If something as identifiably ‘ITV’ as Coronation Street appearing elsewhere seems hard to contemplate, just remember it wouldn’t be the first time. ITV originally broadcast Men Behaving Badly, yet it was the BBC that turned it into the comedy juggernaut it later became. Auf Wiedersehen, Pet had two series on channel three before being successfully revived, once again, by the good old BBC. And let’s not forget both Channel 5 and Sky have gone resurrection crazy with rubbish such as Gladiators, Minder, Going For Gold and Superstars shitting blood all over the schedules.

If we were to lose ITV, I suspect, sadly, that we’d never see the likes of Frost, Midsomer Murders or Taggart again, but I reckon the loss of the channel wouldn’t necessarily mean the loss of Coronation Street, The Bill, Emmerdale or Millionaire. I’d be willing to bet the truly inspired TV Burp would resurface on Channel 4, and you can bet your arse the monumentally greedy Simon Cowell would be banging on Rupert Murdoch’s door to make sure both The X Factor and Britain’s Got Talent didn’t go the way of the dodo. Similarly, I’m A Celebrity would be so at home on Sky, I’m surprised it’s not there already.

Losing ITV would be, for many of us, like losing a beloved family member. However, like the old family photos you come across every now and again, the bits and bobs of theirs you find in a drawer, there would be enough mementos of it about to keep its memory alive.

Indeed, the death of ITV could be the best thing that ever happened to the channel. We’d still have all its best bits spread about the schedules, and none of the shit that has brought the channel’s reputation to its knees. That, bizarrely, could be ITV’s saving grace.

NewsGush: Harry Bored of TV

October 15, 2008

TV Burp marvel, Harry Hill has revealed that he no longer watches the box for fun, according to information nicked off DigitalSpy who nicked it off the Radio Times…

It’s easy to see why.

“It’s quite a painful process because there’s no limit to the amount you can watch. If you’ve got workaholic tendencies, you can always say, ‘Yeah, I’ve got an hour to spare. I’ll watch another Wife Swap.’ It’s very boring for my wife.”

…he says.

TV Burp deals with the absolute minutiae of the most humdrum scenes- a kettle in the background of a drama that resembles a dog’s face, a throwaway comment about shoes or, more notably, a soap stars face that appears to deflate on demand. The pause button on his Sky+ must be absolutely knackered.

The good news is that a new series of Burp – the only quality output on ITV – is coming soon. They clearly know they’ve a winner on their hands judging from all the bill posters across London and the number of promotional billboards on the street. It’s a good, old-fashioned Saturday tea-time treat.

Not sure the ‘fiiiiiiiiight!’ catchphrase can last another series, mind you.

Bafta Television Awards, 2008

April 21, 2008

Harry Hill

Sunday evening and time for some glitz and glamour. I stuck on my dinner jacket and dicky bow, turned out the lights, put out a few nibbles and took some notes on the proceedings, so we can all remember the highs of last night’s wonderful Bafta awards. What a night! What a show! What a collection of humorous acceptance speeches!

If I’m honest, I half-watched it whilst sitting in my pants and reading the paper.

Best actor
Andrew Garfield – Boy A
(Channel 4)

I didn’t watch Boy A when it went out. The only one I did watch of those nominated was Secret Life (the one about the paedophile with the elastic band). That was good and should’ve won, in the expert opinion of someone like me who couldn’t be arsed to watch all the others. The acceptance speech was a bumbling, heart-warming mess, and I wish the young bastard well.

Best actress
Eileen Atkins – Cranford
(BBC One)

Won by that woman out of Gosford Park. Again, I didn’t see Cranford. Was it any good? Was Atkins in Tenko? I think she was in Tenko.
Dame Dench was in the same thing, was nominated, but didn’t win it. Good. Give it to someone else for a change, Dench. Gina McKee should’ve won it, as she was the only one nominated who was in a programme I might actually have watched but can’t remember due to drunkenness (The Street). Plus, she was good in Brass Eye and Naked.

Best entertainment performance
Harry Hill – Harry Hill’s TV Burp
(ITV1)

Hooray! I like TV Burp. Even though – in my paranoid mind – he reads WWM and nicks some of our ideas, like Charlie Brooker and Sam Woolaston from the newspaper. Except they probably don’t.

In fact, I’d put money on the fact that they don’t.

Thank God JLC and Alan Carr didn’t win it. Amstell just missed out, which will at least give him material for his egocentric (but admittedly very amusing) gags on Never Mind The Buzzcocks.

Best comedy performance
James Corden – Gavin and Stacey
(BBC Three)

This was very strange. The bumbling chubbyman came onstage, all sweetness and light and made a lovely speech about his co-writer (her from Saxondale). He wrapped it up with ‘not funny, but true’. Emotive and nice, setting the scene perfectly for his fuck up later. I’ll get to that in a bit.

How he beat Merchant, Mitchell and Capaldi I’ll never know. I don’t watch Gavin & Stacey and from the nomination clips, I’m glad. Where the other three nominations all had clips demonstrating the quality of the comedy up for an award, Gavin & Stacey’s featured a fat man in some girls’ pants. Hmmm.

Best single drama
The Mark Of Cain
(Channel 4)

Didn’t see it. It was about war, wasn’t it? Good, good.

Also nominated were three other dramas I’ve not seen. Again – sorry.

Best drama serial
Britz
(Channel 4)

Didn’t see it. However, I now know that the main lady in it looks bloody lovely in a halter-neck frock. Apparently it was about suicide bombers and stuff.

I didn’t see any of the others and don’t know what they were about.

Best drama series
The Street
(BBC One)

I saw one of these. I definitely saw one of these. The one with David Thewlis acting as though he was a twin that had died, when he was really the twin that hadn’t died. I even reviewed it somewhere. It was good.

I didn’t see any of the Life on Mars business as John Simm makes me shudder, and I didn’t see the others, so clearly the right one won.

Best continuing drama
Holby City
(BBC One)

Napoleon’ll be happy, I thought to myself. Obviously Eastenders was robbed.

Best factual series
The Tower: A Tale of Two Cities
(BBC One)

Guess what? I didn’t see it. It looked very worthy and, if I’m honest, boring. Who wants to be bored? Not me. Should’ve featured zombies.

I’m just glad Merton being a berk in China didn’t win. And I’m even gladder that Meet The Natives didn’t win. The former because is was more about Merton than China, the latter because it was a wholesale rip off of something Donal MacIntyre did much better a few months before to little acclaim. Tribe should’ve won, because Bruce Parry is a real man. He drinks the blood of beasts and takes hallucinogens with mean men.

Best entertainment programme
Harry Hill’s TV Burp
(ITV1)

Hooray! A good choice, and Hill had the presence of mind to give us a few catchphrases rather than the faux-modesty and badly prepared gags everyone else attempted. He also beat Britain’s Got Talent and Strictly Come Dancing, the evil reality shows that give pieces of art like Britain’s Worst Teeth a bad name.

Have I Got News For You missed out but it won’t exactly hurt them given that it’ll run on and on until they’re all dead. And probably beyond, with David Mitchell and Russell Brand doing, respectively, Oxbridge intelligensia versus working class humorist.

Best situation comedy
Peep Show
(Channel 4)

Glad this won. The IT Crowd isn’t really my cup of milky tea and The Thick of It, despite excellent scipting/improvisation is an incredibly sneery piece of work. Benidorm remains unwatched, for me. I made the unqualified decision that it’d be rubbish before it started. Was I right? Anyone?

Best comedy programme
Fonejacker
(Channel 4)

Oh for Christ’s sake. Fonejacker is a tired concept. The Jerky Boys were doing this ten years ago.

Armstrong & Miller, Ponderland and Star Stories were all better.

Audience award
Gavin & Stacey
(BBC Three)

As mentioned before, I’m not bothered by Gavin & Stacey. Tucked away on BBC3, it’s off my radar like the Lily Allen show and Alexa Chung’s new vehicle ‘The Wall’. I know Corden and his skinny mate from their rubbish turn on Big Brother’s Big Mouth. Corden, arriving on stage, blurted ‘How can we win Best Comedy Performance and this, but not be eligible for Best Sitcom??’

Tumbleweed breezed through the studio. His co-writer (her out of Saxondale) told him off. Everyone went red. Even better – what was the next category? Best sitcom! ‘That’s unfortunate’, said Norton, helping to diffuse the tension.

The only point of interest all evening.

Best single documentary
Lie of the Land
(Channel 4)

Didn’t see it. It was about farmers or something.

Best feature
Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares
(Channel 4)

Oh for god’s sake. Don’t encourage the forehead-trenched, pigeon chested buffoon. We want him off our TVs, not on.

Best international show
Heroes
(BBC Two)

Not seen it. Looks rubbish. Was doing the crossword by now.

However, was amused by Alan ‘Jim Robinson’ Dale remarking that international seemed only to mean ‘American’. Good man.

Best specialist factual
Andrew Marr’s History of Modern Britain
(BBC Two)

Attempting 3 down.

Best current affairs
China’s Stolen Children – A Dispatches Special
(Channel 4)

7 across.

Best news coverage
Sky News – Glasgow Airport Attack
(Sky News)

Having a look at the Sudoku.

Best sport
ITV F1: Canadian Grand Prix Live
(ITV1)

Deciding Sudoku is too hard.

Best interactivity
Spooks Interactive
(BBC One)

Eh?

Long Service
Bruce Forsyth

Oh Christ… Bored and turning off.

*Click*