NewsGush: BAFTA for Brown?


June Brown Dot Cotton Eastenders BAFTA

So, Dot Cotton (or June Brown, if you’re one of those fools who thinks Eastenders is real) has been nominated for a BAFTA. Which is exciting.

Isn’t it?

Well – it’s nice Dot’s got some recognition, but generally I think we’ve decided that awards ceremonies are overlong, boring slag sessions in which those with no talent heap more praise on egos already tottering with adulation-overload.

Here are the main categories, and the nominees.

Best actor
Stephen Dillane – The Shooting of Thomas Hurndall (Channel 4)
Jason Isaacs – The Curse of Steptoe (BBC Four)
Ken Stott – Hancock and Joan (BBC Four)
Ben Whishaw – Criminal Justice (BBC One)

Best actress
June Brown – EastEnders (BBC One)
Anna Maxwell Martin – Poppy Shakespeare (Channel 4)
Maxine Peake – Hancock and Joan (BBC Four)
Andrea Riseborough – Margaret Thatcher: The Long Walk to Finchley (BBC Four)

Best entertainment performance
Stephen Fry – QI (BBC Two)
Harry Hill – Harry Hill’s TV Burp (ITV1)
Anthony McPartlin & Declan Donnelly – I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! (ITV1)
Jonathan Ross – Friday Night with Jonathan Ross (BBC One)

Best comedy performance
Rob Brydon – Gavin and Stacey (BBC Three)
Sharon Horgan – Pulling (BBC Three)
David Mitchell – Peep Show (Channel 4)
Claire Skinner – Outnumbered (BBC One)

Best single drama
Einstein and Eddington (BBC Two)
Hancock and Joan (BBC Four)
The Shooting of Thomas Hurndall (Channel 4)
White Girl (BBC Two)

Best drama serial
Criminal Justice (BBC One)
Dead Set (Channel 4)
The Devil’s Whore (Channel 4)
House of Saddam (BBC Two)

Best drama series
Doctor Who (BBC One)
Shameless (Channel 4)
Spooks (BBC One)
Wallander (BBC One)

Best continuing drama
The Bill (ITV1)
Casualty (BBC One)
EastEnders (BBC One)
Emmerdale (ITV1)

Best factual series
Amazon with Bruce Parry (BBC Two)
Blood Sweat and T-Shirts (BBC Three)
The Family (Channel 4)
Ross Kemp in Afghanistan (Sky One)

Best entertainment programme
The Friday/Sunday Night Project (Channel 4)
Harry Hill’s TV Burp (ITV1)
QI (BBC One)
The X Factor (ITV1)

Best situation comedy
The Inbetweeners (Channel 4)
The IT Crowd (Channel 4)
Outnumbered (BBC One)
Peep Show (Channel 4)

Best comedy programme
Harry and Paul (BBC One)
The Peter Serafinowicz Show (BBC Two)
Star Stories (Channel 4)
That Mitchell and Webb Look (BBC Two)

Best single documentary
A Boy Called Alex (Channel 4)
Chosen (Channel 4)
The Fallen (BBC Two)
Thriller in Manila (More 4)

Best feature
The Apprentice (BBC One)
Celebrity MasterChef (BBC One)
The Choir: Boys Don’t Sing (BBC Two)
Top Gear (BBC Two)

Best international show
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart (More 4)
Dexter (ITV1)
Mad Men (BBC Four)
The Wire (FX)

Best specialist factual
Blood and Guts: A History of Surgery (BBC Four)
Life in Cold Blood (BBC One)
Lost Land of the Jaguar (BBC One)
Stephen Fry and the Gutenberg Press: The Machine That Made Us (BBC Four)

Best current affairs
Saving Africa’s Witch Children – Dispatches (Channel 4)
Mum Loves Drugs, Not Me – Dispatches (Channel 4)
Omagh: What the Police Were Never Told – Panorama (BBC One)
Ross Kemp: A Kenya Special (Sky One)

Best news coverage
Channel 4 News (Channel 4)
News at Ten – Chinese Earthquake (ITV1)
Sky News – Canoe Man (Sky News)
Sky News – Mumbai (Sky News)

Best sport
Cheltenham Gold Cup – Denman v Kauto Star (Channel 4)
ITV1 F1: Brazilian Grand Prix (ITV1)
Olympics 2008 (BBC One)
Wimbledon – The Men’s Final (BBC One)

Best interactivity
Bryony Makes a Zombie Movie (BBC Three)
Embarrassing Bodies Online (Channel 4)
Merlin (BBC One)
Olympics 2008 (BBC One)

Are there any of those who you think, rather than being praised, should be pulled from the airwaves? Are there any on the list who drive you to exhibit psychopathic fury?

Shall we have our own awards ceremony?

One’s already started on Twitter, called The #Twaftas. How about The WWMAFTAs, 2009?

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

69 Responses to “NewsGush: BAFTA for Brown?”

  1. Nick T Says:

    I though That Mitchel and Webb thing wasn’t a patch on Peep Show,
    The Inbetweener was the funniest thing from last year, I’m looking forward to the new series.

  2. myopiniononstuff Says:

    Haven’t we just had the BAFTAs presented by Jonathan Ross? Or is that different?

  3. Nick T Says:

    That was the “Comedy Awards”

  4. myopiniononstuff Says:

    I’ve looked it up. They have a two award shows each year or something. Greedy bastards.

  5. Napoleon Says:

    I’d be hard pushed to choose between Ken Stott and Jason Isaacs in the Best Actor category. They were both excellent in those dramases.

    They done the film and games BAFTAs not long ago, didn’t they?

  6. Napoleon Says:

    House of Saddam – I’d forgotten about that. That was fucking excellent. He was a right bastard was yer Saddam.

  7. myopiniononstuff Says:

    Yeah, that was brilliant. I watched it with a couple of Saudi Arabian chaps – it’s bigger than Titanic over there apparently.

  8. Swineshead Says:

    Best factual series was undoubtedly Blood Sweat and T-Shirts (BBC Three), as it taught me so much about how pig-fucking-ignorant the five kids involved were.

  9. Nick T Says:

    “Best continuing drama” (soap) good grief…..

  10. Napoleon Says:

    I also enjoyed Blood, Sweat and T-Shirts. I particularly admired the young man who had a tantrum in a cafe about India being a ‘shithole’ and wondering why they couldn’t just clean it up. I’d give him a special award for ‘Person Who Most Missed The Point In 1998’.

  11. Napoleon Says:

    And by ‘1998’, I of course mean ‘2008’.

    *watches marbles roll away*

  12. Excelsior! Says:

    I very much enjoyed Free Agents. Not on the list though. The IT crowd grew on me and most recent series of Peep show was better then the previous one. One of them then.

  13. Swineshead Says:

    Republicans are pulling out all the stops early….

  14. piqued Says:

    Has anyone got a light?

    I’m going to set a colleague on fire

  15. Napoleon Says:

    Here, boy, fetch!

    Oh, hello! You’ve just caught me playing fetch with next door’s dog. I’ll be with you in …

    Drop it! Good lad! Now then … FETCH!

    Right! Now, I haven’t got a box of matches, I’m afraid, so I won’t be … bear with me …

    Drop! Drop it! DROP IT! Good lad! Wait for it … wait for it … FETCH!

    He he! They love fetching stuff …

    Now, where was I?

  16. piqued Says:

    You said you were going to put the kettle on, an hour ago

  17. Thumper Plowman Says:

    I was watching the first episode of The Sweeney last week and June Brown was on it, playing the mother of some young lad who was in a spot of bother.

  18. Napoleon Says:

    Pedant’s Corner says:

    “The first episode of The Sweeney wasn’t called ‘The Sweeney’, but was in fact called ‘Regan’. Storm-troopers armed with rubber batons are on their way to Thumper’s house to drag him off to a punishment camp where he will be brutally tortured for getting telly wrong. Thank you.”

  19. Nick T Says:

    It may have been the first episode of The Sweeney after it changed its name….

    The Bill was originaly called “Woodentops” and used to be good.

  20. Napoleon Says:

    He should have made that clearer, Nick. I can’t call off the storm-troopers now.

  21. Nick T Says:

    I was in a local garden centre on sunday where i asked the green thumbed bod if he had a Lemon Geranium.
    “A lemon scented geranium? he pedanted.
    I had to push his head into a cimmenia, he’s still there. Twat

  22. Napoleon Says:

    Nick – So is this e-mail you’re sending me ever going to turn up? I can hardly wait to find out what it is you’re going to try to hoodwink me into doing for you for free*.

    *Better not be bumming, I’ve got colitis.

  23. piqued Says:

    I got a light off some bloke stood outside the pub round the corner.

    *stamps on burning chest*

    Has any got a fire extinguisher?

  24. Thumper Plowman Says:

    Wasn’t there a full length pilot called Regan, but when the series was made it was already changed to The Sweeney? Anyway, it had The Sweeney titles and everything, so you should send those storm-troopers round to the ITV DVD-making department.

  25. myopiniononstuff Says:

    I bought 2 kippers, and a Mattesons smoked sausage before. Two brilliant things to eat.

  26. Napoleon Says:

    Thumps – I’m sorry, but you should have specified it was the first episode of the first series of ‘The Sweeney’. You’ve fucked it, chief. Fucked it right up.

  27. piqued Says:

    There’s some smoked sausage on the floor of my office

  28. myopiniononstuff Says:

    Mattesons? If so I’d get them sniped before someone else does. Dignity’s a cheap price to pay.

  29. Thumper Plowman Says:

    He’s got me there you know.

    This blog keeps high standards.

  30. Napoleon Says:

    Dave – I’ve always found the bones in kippers put me off. I’m with you on the Matteson’s Smoked Sausage. Was it the garlic one? I like the garlic one.

  31. myopiniononstuff Says:

    NC – I just grabbed one off the isle. I suspect it’s the normal one. I also bought 4 cans of Holsten Pils and a bottle of Capella Apple and Pear juice.

  32. piqued Says:

    Nappers, can you watch the language, my old mum reads this

  33. Napoleon Says:

    What bloody language? Sausages?

  34. piqued Says:

    NC, when you come over, if you don’t find it patronising, I’ll make you a kipper and show you how eat it so you don’t get bones in your mouth.

    And then I’ll check with my cock.

  35. breeks Says:

    boring baftas, innit.

    i just got home after a full four hours outside in the SUNSHINE and The Housemate, who was in the toilet doing a no doubt hideous shit upon my return, exited said loo and, bringing festy after-arse fumes with him, had the temerity to say, ‘god, you work even less hours than i do’.

    so i lied, of course, and said i’d been working since 730am and was now going to do more (that last bit about doing more is true) and stomped upstairs.

    he’s now stinking out the kitchen with the second of his cooks-two-hot-meals-every day thing. i have decided to withdraw my Niceness Plan and be horrible.

  36. Napoleon Says:

    I know how to eat a fucking kipper, you cheeky bastard. I just can’t be arsed with fiddling about. I like to wolf my food down fast – like a dog. You can’t wolf great big lumps of kipper down, so I don’t bother.

  37. breeks Says:

    ps: piqued, is nappers REALLY coming to live in your flat?

  38. Napoleon Says:

    I had a housemate once who made this weird vegetable and tomato concoction that STANK. The dog’s farts could be considered an air-freshener compared to whatever the hell that was he used to fry up. Smelt like the dead, it did.

  39. Nick T Says:

    sings “Mathesons put the Mmmm in cold meat, Mathesons”

    Remember that?


    Check you inbox Naps

  40. piqued Says:

    Oh but you can NC! You fucking can! I know how you see

    (can I check with my cock anyway, its not clean though…)


    Yes Bree, he’s moving in

  41. breeks Says:

    so how will you refer to him in your blog, seeing as you’ve already used up ‘cunt’?

    no offense naps, obv.

  42. Napoleon Says:

    Piqued – Balls! This is bloody nonsense, and you know it. You can’t fork off a third of kipper, shove it in your gob and wolf it down bone-free. Kippers ain’t the wolfer’s food, and you’re a fucking liar.

  43. Napoleon Says:

    None taken, Breeks.

  44. piqued Says:

    You so can

    After removing the spine cut along the middle of one of the two split fillets and gently twist the knife and a long fat lump of flesh without bones with fall from the skin. On the other side run your knife along the underside of the ribs and lift them off in one fell swoop, look! No Bones on the flesh underneath.


  45. breeks Says:

    what happens if you have two hamsters in the same cage?

  46. piqued Says:

    Bree, I can call him NC or Nappers

    *fails to see jibe*

  47. piqued Says:

    Sorry, missed the ‘Ks’ off Breeks again

  48. breeks Says:

    i learnt how to cook kippers on MC, as it happens. they’re ready when the bones lift easily, like most men.

  49. piqued Says:

    That’s true that is NC, quite true

  50. Napoleon Says:

    Piqued – And you reckon a food-wolfer’s got time for that, do you? Jesus. If I had to put that much effort in before I ate my dinner, I’d have starved by now. Fuck that. I want food I can eat as quickly as possible so I can get on with the much more important business of smoking.

    I’m a slave to indigestion.

  51. piqued Says:

    Jesus, don’t have 2 Hamsters in the same cage. My mate did that when he were a lad and the little one ate the big ones face off. True!

  52. breeks Says:

    well, i want some kind of entertainment factor, else what’s the point? it’s been two full days and she still isn’t letting me buy her love with peanut butter, a functioning water thingy and dried corn. fuck’s sake.

  53. piqued Says:

    How about if I de-bone it cut it all up and blend it

    You have to promise to poo in the potty though

  54. Nick T Says:

    What if you fed one chocolate?

    Night night…..

  55. breeks Says:

    i can’t, it’s already been done by piqued’s sister. no prizes, etc.

  56. Napoleon Says:

    Piqued – Nah. I’ll just have something else. Something I can eat quickly like a pig.

  57. Do I Not Like That! Says:

    Breeks they liked Greens, anything like the leaves from a cauliflower or cabbage.

  58. breeks Says:

    she doesn’t. and lettuce makes ’em shittified, no?

    bloody hamster…best thing about it is me twittering her imaginary life.

  59. Napoleon Says:

    I thought Breeks said this rodent wasn’t partial to greens? I’d tread on it. Or trap its head in a door.

  60. breeks Says:

    i paid £9 for it, naps, and £80 for rest of its stuff. so far, if she dies today, that’s £30/day it cost.

  61. Napoleon Says:

    £89? Jesus Christ Almighty! What the hell’s it living it in? A gold bloody cage?

    £89 for a bloody rat that only comes out in the dark, I ask you … money to bloody burn … mutter … mutter … grumble … etc.

  62. Swineshead Says:

    Hamsters are weird little things.

  63. breeks Says:

    *small voice*

    i wanted a puppy…

  64. Napoleon Says:

    Puppies are better than hamsters. Except for pissing and shitting everywhere and chewing everything you own, obviously. I still miss that wallet my dog made short work of back in 1993 …

  65. Napoleon Says:

    I wonder if he painted that on to see if it would appear on Google Maps?

  66. Swineshead Says:

    Must’ve done. The whippersnapper.

    What kind of pup would you have got, breeks?

  67. breeks Says:

    sh – unsure. mid-range i guess. short hair.

    or a poodle.


  68. Comedy Says:

    about comedy… you can find it on my comedy films site

  69. Lex Says:

    Hey guys check out this new website In memory all the celebrities that died it’s got videos and stuff really nice!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: